Queer TTC/pregnant after loss - Page 6

[astropeep]

ktcl -- thanks for checking in, and checking up on us!

I'm in the same boat as ktcl. Did IVF again, got two good betas. Now nervously waiting for next Monday, when we'll do the 6.5 week ultrasound. I'm scared, because last time we saw only an empty sac, and it's hard for me to believe that the result this time might be better. This week seems endless.

What else to report? Got through our old due date in September, when a slew of friends delivered. Not easy at all. Did get pregnant a week before my old due date, but it was a chemical pregnancy, suspected from the first (low) beta, and flat on the 2nd.


Pleasantlyfurious, I am SO GLAD you made it to week 12. That's fantastic.

KJM, I know what you mean about the holidays. We got our first BFP on Xmas Eve 2008 -- we were SO much younger then.

[Deker]

Hey everyone I'm very new to this thread. I'm trying for my first child with anonymous donor sperm. I tried 4 cycles of IUI with clomid and injectibles and now I'm waiting for donor embryos. However, the clinic I'm wait at is experiencing a backlog of families interested in embryo donation so the wait is currently about 18 months! I'm probably going to do IVF in the late winter or spring in a different country because its much cheaper.

[ktcl]

astropeep-- I can't believe how close we are to each other in this whole IVF cycle. Good luck on Monday! I have my u/s next friday. Trying to stay calm until then, but feel like I am overanalyzing every sensation in my body. Is that nausea? Is that cramping? Did I walk too fast? A bit maddening...

[astropeep]

KTCL -- yes, it's amazing to have an IVF cycle buddy! Who knew? I am crossing my fingers that you guys have a lovely u/s on Friday.

Our u/s went great. It is just now beginning to penetrate my thick skull that what I saw this morning was a little heartbeat.

I am still *terrified* of another m/c. But still, we are further along than we've ever been before, and even if the odds are 5-15% for a m/c at this point -- that's still the best odds we've yet had!

[pleasantlyfurious]

ktcl and astropeep - Sending such good energy your way!

[astropeep]

Thanks, PF!

If I may ask those of you who've gotten pregnant again after a loss: how long did it take before you weren't angry anymore? Here I am, (not visibly) pregnant, and it still really bothers me to walk past froufrou baby boutiques, to see braindead articles on how breastfeeding will make you skinny, and, let's just admit it, to be around pregnant women.

My "pregnancy after loss" book assures me this is normal, and that becoming pregnant doesn't magically turn off the long-term grieving process. But at some point I'm going to have to get more comfortable around folks who are preggers. Maybe that will be easier if/when I know this one's for keeps.

[carmen358]

I'm 33 weeks now and while I'm not angry anymore, I'm still sad at times. However, I do believe that in some way the 2 little ones I lost were selflessly letting my current one manifest. I know that sounds cheesy but I do feel that quite often.

[pleasantlyfurious]

Yes. Like carmen, not really angry anymore, but still sad sometimes. While certainly not an on/off switch, I did start to feel different once we were on "new territory". With our loss at almost ten weeks last time I was pretty distant for the first 11 weeks - but once I felt past that point of (personal) loss, it started to feel like a first time again.

[kelly]

We lost our first after IVF very early on, what a crushing blow for us. Then we had a second IVF cycle that was unsuccessful. We finally had to use an egg donor to concieve our girls, started out as triplets - then we found out later that one of the girls had died around 10 weeks. It was really hard to see that ultrasound with our two healthy babies and that empty sac betwen them - that was their sister. I am still bitter about the losses, and it still makes me very sad sometimes. Those babies we lost were my children, and you can't help but be disappointed and sad about it. But the real anger left me when our girls were born and I no longer had to avoid pregnant women and everything associated with them. I just a few months ago had my four babies tattooed on my arm in remembrance, for those we lost and those we are blessed to have with us. Healing can take a long time, though. I am sorry for those of you who are dealing with recent losses, just know that there are lots of us out here that you can lean on.

[pleasantlyfurious]

Hi Kelly - welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It looks like we are in the same DDC this time around.

AFM - I went public with extended family and then facebook this weekend (at 16 weeks) and as soon as I did, I worried it was "too soon" or that I should have waited until the sonogram in two weeks. But it has been so nice to get so many congratulations and joyful wishes.

[ktcl]

Wow PF-- you waited until 16 weeks! That's willpower. I"m sitting here at 9 weeks, and getting very ready to tell. We have another ultrasound on Friday, and I think that if it looks good, i'm ready to share the news. Of course that could be because I'm sick of trying to hide the belly that started showing up VERY early on. The only time I get really sad and pissed about the losses is when I think about/perseverate about the age difference between this one and DS. We started TTC when he was 3. Now he's 6. Somehow that doesn't seem fair. I have kind of forgotten about my other due dates come and gone, though. Maybe that's because I lost mine pretty early, and didn't get sooo attached to the dates.

I'm thinking positive thoughts for all of us as we make our way through this simultaneously difficult and amazing time.