Queer TTC/pregnant after loss - Page 5

[lemurmommies]

Originally Posted by ktcl

Not that anyone doesn't "deserve" it, but really... you DESERVE it!

Thanks Katie! Less than a week until KD arrives. It's a little unreal.

Sending lots of positive vibes your way for the ultrasound today! :

[ktcl]

Hi folks,

I think I'm a little numb right now. The ultrasound was bad today. No heartbeat, so we're out... again. I don't understand how this can happen again. I really don't. And I don't understand how my body can keep thinking it's pregnant, when there is nothing viable there. Today I decided that it's because I've been doing so much visualizing, and "intending" that I can make a whole lot happen with my mind, but it's not enough to actually cause there to be life when there is none there.

We decided to go with a D&C this time. Last time's waiting was so painful (and we waited for like 3 weeks) I can't do that again. Also, my understanding is that they can do some sort of testing with the fetal tissue that might lead to some greater understanding of what my problem with miscarriages is. And I have NO interest in trying to save that fetal tissue myself.

I want to go to a miscarriage specialist. Does anyone know about such a thing? Is it just a reproductive endocrinologist that specializes in miscarriage?

I'm sure the tears will come throughout the weekend, but right now I just feel oddly numb. It probably doesn't help that physically I feel no different now than I did 5 hours ago before the ultrasound!

Ugh!!!

[jodybird511]

Oh Katie,

So sorry about your loss. I think you're wise to go with the d & c. Don't know how early your other losses were, but when I miscarried at 10 weeks (baby stopped growing at 8.5), I really wished I would have done the d & c--it was incredibly painful and there was quite a bit of tissue--sorry, tmi. Also, if the doc can learn something from the tissue, it's probably good to do so at this point. You're in my thoughts.

[FtMPapa]

I'm so, so, sorry for your loss, Katie and Megin.

There is such a thing as recurring miscarriage that some REs specialize in. My understanding is that they can do chromosome/genetic testing on the fetus, and test your blood for clotting disorders and antibodies.

I hope you get some answers soon.

[indigoscot]

katie,

again, let me say how sorry i am for your loss. i really can't even imagine.

my sil had recurring m/c and ended up seeing a specialist. she had 3 m/c and an ectopic, the ectopic resulted in her losing a tube. she and my brother had all the testing done, genetic and otherwise and they could not find a reason why she kept miscarrying. they even started thinking about ivf and got on the nhs waiting list. however, right after our son was born they got pregnant again and this baby stuck! she is now 10 months old. during her pregnancy the nhs had her attend the "miscarriage clinic" and she was monitored closely throughout.

i think from your d&c they can do a karotype and try to figure out what went wrong, if anything. my brother and sil did wonder if she was only able to carry girl babies but like i said the genetic testing didn't reveal any issues at all.

take care,
g

[AngelaM]

Megin and Katie, I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, but please know that you are all in my thoughts. I hope that you can find some peace in each other, and some answers soon.

[carmen358]

I'm very sorry, Katie I hope you get some answers and that you both heal well.

[kjm]

Katie & Megin---My heart is extended to you and yours in this moment of sadness, grief, and numbness. I wish you all the tenderness in the universe as you go through this process. Seeking answers is often all we can do, though the medical industry often falls short in this department. Life is a miraculous and tragic thing, and it really really sucks sometimes for NO good reason at all!! Be well and hug each other lots.

[wishin'&hopin']

:candle

kt and mgcl, so sorry to hear the news.

[pleasantlyfurious]

Katie and Megin. There are no words. My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry.

[lemurmommies]

I am so so sorry for your loss Megin and Katie. I don't know what else to say. Sending big virtual hugs your way.

[lemurmommies]

I know that no one has posted to this thread for a while, but I thought I'd give it a little bump. I know that there have been some developments with a few of us, so I thought maybe we'd want to share here.

Yesterday was Noelle's intended due date. It was a pretty hard day, all in all. Not as hard as I thought it was going to be, but hard none the less. DP was at work, and I was at home with E, and I was just wishing we were getting ready for a squishy babe instead of trying to figure out when we might be able to TTC again. If anyone is interested, I posted a special blog post for Noelle yesterday.

As some of you may know from the Queer TTC thread, or KD won't be able to come back to visit us for another attempt at #3 until August or possibly September. Which seems like an eternity and a half away. We have asked two people we know who are local to us if they would donate, but neither has panned out. We have one more person that we coud possibly ask, but after that, we're just stuck waiting. I can hear my biological clock tickly more and more loudly. It's kind of deafening, but what can we do? Oh well.

I hope everything is going well for you all. Any updates you want to share?

[pleasantlyfurious]

lemurmommies - thank you for sharing your blog post with us. I know exactly what you mean about wishing the world would stop for just a moment. I hope you are able to work something out with the kd you have yet to ask.

As I'm sure you recall - we were in the same due date club - so I'm coming up on my would-be due date and have been thinking a lot about where I thought I'd be now and where reality has put me.

I was really hoping to be pregnant again before my due date - so the last cycle was hard for me knowing it was my last shot before said date. But here we are trying again. I'm tired. But the thought of taking a break is just too heart-breaking. So on we go.

[lemurmommies]

Originally Posted by pleasantlyfurious

I was really hoping to be pregnant again before my due date - so the last cycle was hard for me knowing it was my last shot before said date. But here we are trying again. I'm tired. But the thought of taking a break is just too heart-breaking. So on we go.

Yep, I'm right there with you pf. It would have been awesome to be pregnant again by my due date. Like you, the BFN last cycle somehow seemed worse because I too knew that it was my last shot before Noelle's due date.

I am so glad that you're trying again. I wish I was in it for this cycle too, but it's obviously not meant to be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[ktcl]

Yeah, I think the due date thing is hard. I actually did get pregnant again before my due date, but lost another. Not sure that was any easier, but there is definitely something tough about coming up on when I thought that first little one was going to join us. I would have had a nice big belly by now.

We're on to IVF, I think. I'm glad to know I am in the hands of a specialist now. Somehow it has allowed me to get out of my head a little bit.

I still keep thinking-- big hugs to all of us because we shouldn't have to go through this.

[carmen358]

After 2 m/c and a chemical last year I am slightly terrified that I'm pregnant again now. My due date for the pregnancy that went the furthest (just shy of 10 wks) was March 4. Hard to believe we would have a 2 month old right now!! I'm just trying to focus on being happy today. Being pregnant today. I don't know if that will make things any easier if I do have another m/c (likely, it won't) but at least I can find some comfort and happiness now. I know it's easy to say that on the surface but I feel like I am deeply happy right now so I'm just going with that and will see what happens.

Thanks for sharing, everyone

[kjm]

hey everybody,

Hugs to you Lemur and Pf! I am so sorry those last bfn stung so much!!

Mother's day will mark the 2nd anniversary of when I started inseminating--jeeezz loouuuiiiissseee!!

just wanted to check in and say I'm scared as all hell but trying to remain optimistic and encouraged. My symptoms seem to have subsided some which makes me panic a bit.
I am planning on resuming with my HBMW that I saw during my last pregnancy but I did have the hcg's done at my OBGYN's office. during that visit he suggested that I come back for a 6 week ultrasound. I'm wondering if I should maybe do that? and actually I'll be out of town most of my 6 week so it would probably be week 7ish?

Any advice or feedback? I never thought I'd do any u/s but now I think that if this sprout doesn't stick I'll be left wishing I had known any and all info. Of course the early u/s does open me up to inconclusive info OR the possibility that my OBGYN (whom I don' like very much) will be the one to say "I'm sorry but it appears..."??

My friend who is a doula says that the health risk of my body being full of doubt and worry is worse for my sprout then 1 u/s and I agree with her, I'm just torn about how it may feel to learn about complications in that way? Last time I was greatful I went through it all at home with friends?

I should also remember that I did hear a heart beat (doppler--not u/s) at 8 weeks, but still lost my last at 10.5

I generally feel pretty positive, but still the fear lingers...

[ktcl]

Thought I'd check in with everyone. I know where some of you guys are at, and others, I haven't heard from lately (though I tend to let Megin do all of the posting on the Queer TTC thread).

AFM: We did end up doing IVF, and am now pregnant. Three betas later, I think I really believe it now. Ultrasound in a few weeks.

What's going on with people here? New people to join the thread?

[kjm]

hey katie,

well you know where I am--on the list where we are all waiting with bated breath for you to join!!

This was the first IVF cycle for y'all right?? I'm excited to hear about your u/s, when do you go??

Things are going well for me and my belly is ridiculous, but I have to admit that as the 1 year anniversary of my loss nears I'm feeling really sad. As happy as I am for this lil' one I am still sad about the lost of the last.

I'm taking a child birth ed class now with 2 "oops" couples and 2 (1 het/1 lesbian) that have been at this for awhile with many losses before these pregnancies. Yesterday we had a chance to talk about our loss as a group. The instructor (who lost a lil one at the end of her 1st trimester) encouraged us to explore the joy and the loss. These lil ones aren't inter-changable, they aren't all the same. I feel eternally grateful to the lil one that had the courage to be the first to try to switch from embryo to fetus. I learned a lot from that pregnancy and I will never forget that babe.

My greatest challenge right now is trying to decide if I can return to DP's family this holiday season. I was visiting them when I lost my lil one. We were staying with them for a few days before T-Day with plans of attending the Day of Mourning in Plymouth MA on the actual day. My loss came the day before and I was WAY too deep in my mourning to attend a public event.

There is a certain poetic justice of ACTUALLY attending this year on the exact calendar day of my loss, carrying my new lil one, taking the time and intention to feel all the sadness--from the Macro-the genocide of the native people of this continent to the Micro-my own personal grief.

I'm thinking I will attend the event in Plymouth and then maybe go see family afterwards? It doesn't feel right not see them, but I don't want a play by play reenactment of last year's itinerary.

[pleasantlyfurious]

kjm - we just had our one year anniversary of our loss last month and we were at virtually the same point in our pregnancy this time around (got pregnant in August both times!). It was certainly hard. Getting past it was good, though, since we were on "new ground" and having pregnancy firsts again without the shadow of last time as comparison.

We just hit 12 weeks this past weekend and we've begun telling people outside our immediate-immediate circle - which is great and scary. Our neighbors/customers have bee SOOOO happy for us. It makes it seems real.