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Am I being selfish?

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
About two months ago, DS weaned due to pregnancy and all the issues that come with it (salty milk followed by no milk, my agitation making it unbearable, etc). He will be two next week. He's handling the weaning very well. He rarely asks to nurse any more, and when he does we talk about how the milk will come back when the baby is born and he can nurse then and will need to teach the baby how and they can nurse together. It is really important to me that he goes back to the boob to tandem nurse with his sister and wean naturally when he's ready without being forced by changes in my pregnant body, and if he refuses I know it will be very difficult for me to deal with emotionally.

My question is whether it is selfish of me to push for him to go back to nursing when he's doing so well being weaned. Am I doing this for his needs or mine? I'd like to think it's for both, but he's so content and happy and sleeping well (finally) and doesn't seem like he's missing out on anything, can I really justify putting that dependency on me back into his life?
post #2 of 6
I don't think your being selfish.
I would leave it up to him if he wants to or not and your comfort level.
My ds just weaned a couple of months ago because my milk dried up, but he has said that his plan is to drink breast milk if I were to have another baby because according to him it is the most delicious,yummy tasting.... He said he wants it in a cup though and I told him he can have as much as he likes. (wishful thinking on my part)
post #3 of 6
You really can't force a child to nurse. If you offer after the baby is born and he wants to nurse, then he still needs it. Just because he's accepting this temporary weaning doesn't mean he's really ready. There are so many physical and emotional benefits for him if he does choose to go back to nurse for longer. Just because you get benefits from the nursing relationship too doesn't mean it's selfish to want it.
post #4 of 6
I agree that you can't force a child to nurse. It just won't work. But I do think that, given what you wrote, you might want to think a little bit more about why exactly you're so invested in the notion of tandem nursing when the new LO arrives. If your DS is happy and thriving without nursing, it does make me wonder why it's so important for YOU that your DS nurses again.

My oldest child weaned at about the same age for the same reason. For awhile, I did feel guilty that he weaned at such a young age (he was 1.5yo) and I second guessed my actions. I was open to the idea of him tandem nursing when the baby arrived, but my DS had absolutely no interest in nursing again. I asked him if he wanted to try a few times, but he had forgotten how to nurse and the attempts were unsuccessful. DS is 9 now, and is happy and thriving and shows absolutely no ill effects from weaning at the young age of 1.5.

I also think that if a child is attached to nursing and needs to nurse for a longer period of time, they will continue nursing despite a lack of milk. Both of my girls nursed through my pregnancies and continued until they were 5+ because they needed it and they were attached to nursing. My DS didn't need to nurse in the same way, and so weaned at an earlier age.
post #5 of 6
Just see how it goes. If he's still asking then he obviously still has interest.
post #6 of 6
I have similar feelings. I tandem-nursed my first two for over 18 months, and now with me 9 months along my second doesn't seem to want to nurse. She does like to look at the boob and tweak the nipple a little, and it still gives her "attitude reset" to interact with it, but she won't really nurse anymore and hasn't in weeks. I sort of hope that she'll want to nurse with her little brother, but I know I can't persuade her to nurse if she's not interested. In my case, I feel guilty because this was an accidental pregnancy, and I'm sure she'd still be nursing all the time if it hadn't happened. I miss her nursing and loving to nurse. I'm worried that she won't love me as much as if she nurses five-ish years like her big brother did.
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