more thoughts.I think the part that is the hardest to swallow is that she is such an unkind person- to him and to me. She is not thankful for all the extra ways my DH helps her, just finds a way to bitch about that too. She also does have a job, we pay alimony and child support over what we are supposed to and STILL are the ones buying everything for the kids.
She says nasty things to her kids(my stepkids) about me and how incapable I am, which is funny bc I am the one constantly taking care of the kids(which makes 4 when my stepkids are over) and I am capable enough for her when she needs something from it. She has an issue with DH and I having a baby together, so proceeds to tell her children he is their half-brother and not their "real" brother. Technically, he is their half-brother, but really, is that supposed to affect the love between them or their relationship? I believe she wants it to. I feel she is not thinking of her children when she says that, just her own feelings. She conflicts her children by the words she says, just so she can feel better.
Also, I do believe there is some insecurity on my part, which I am trying to deal with. However, that is NOT the only reason. I think that it is time for her to move on from being in the habit of relying on him so much. After sitting down with my husband and being TOTALLY honest- he understands now why I feel the way I do.
Obviously, the relationship bw me and the XW is strained for sure. It truly does suck bc I would love to have a more cooperative relationship. However, this also proves difficult since I have no respect for someone who cannot stand on their own two feet. I was a single mom with my oldest for several years and didn't go running to my ex for help any time things became hard. I have a different viewpoint than that.
Thanks to everyone for all the comments and thoughts!