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I suck again...why!?!??!

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Ok, so I'm at like 80K words, piping along, feeling good about myself and my writing...and then, all of a sudden, I think "I suck!!" again and I can't write the ending!!! What happened?!?!

Now, today, two days of no writing, and a bit of self loathing on top, I have NO motivation to do anything! I can think of little else than writing, but I'm afraid to do it...I just suck!

is it the holidays? the 'end'? fear that I won't write the 'right' ending?...anyone out there? help

I feel like the first 100 word hurdle was easier than this last hurdle...why is that?!

post #2 of 6
First of all, you DO NOT suck. 80K? Are you kidding? That's phenomenal!

Second of all, even if you feel like your writing is sucking right now, WHO CARES? That's what editing is all about! No one needs to see this draft...you just need to get it down onto paper. Now. Go sit down and write something -no matter how crappy you think it might be. If it's "the wrong ending" you can always change it later...but you won't know for sure until you've put it on the page.

Third, for your reading pleasure (and because he is my absolute favourite author) I give you the words of Neil Gaiman (from last year's NaNoWroMo pep talk....find more here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/peptalks2008)

The last novel I wrote (it was ANANSI BOYS, in case you were wondering) when I got three-quarters of the way through I called my agent. I told her how stupid I felt writing something no-one would ever want to read, how thin the characters were, how pointless the plot. I strongly suggested that I was ready to abandon this book and write something else instead, or perhaps I could abandon the book and take up a new life as a landscape gardener, bank-robber, short-order cook or marine biologist. And instead of sympathising or agreeing with me, or blasting me forward with a wave of enthusiasm---or even arguing with me---she simply said, suspiciously cheerfully, "Oh, you're at that part of the book, are you?"

I was shocked. "You mean I've done this before?"

"You don't remember?"

"Not really."

"Oh yes," she said. "You do this every time you write a novel. But so do all my other clients."

I didn't even get to feel unique in my despair.

So I put down the phone and drove down to the coffee house in which I was writing the book, filled my pen and carried on writing.

One word after another.

That's the only way that novels get written and, short of elves coming in the night and turning your jumbled notes into Chapter Nine, it's the only way to do it.

So keep on keeping on. Write another word and then another.

You can get through this.
post #3 of 6
Wow what a huge accomplishment! I don't believe I could write 80k words even if I were copying the phone book, my attention span is that short! You should be proud of yourself!! -- The pp is right, you can always go back and edit later.
post #4 of 6
Thread Starter 
I wrote last night, added one tweak, and BAM! It makes more sense. And wrote another 20 pages...I just need to keep going. I'm at that 'climax' part and it's a personal story too, so I have those added demons working against me. BUT, I will get it done...by the end of the year! The first draft that is...editing is next year which, oddly enough, is my favorite part of writing. Don't ask me why.

I didn't even get to feel unique in my despair....

LOVE IT!! sooo true
post #5 of 6
post #6 of 6
You've come so far! You may do many things, but suck is not one of them!

I was almost in panic attack territory coming to the end of my first draft. I procrastinated in every possible way. I loved the characters and knew that some of what I had to write would break my heart. I knew it meant going back and looking at what I'd done with a critical eye and that terrified me. And I was afraid I'd never be so driven to write anything again and didn't want to give it up.

It's a journey. You're chugging into a station. It's not a place you've been before, and it's a little dark and spooky. But hey, you got yourself there! Figure out what you can do to celebrate when you reach the end (I cried and took a shower - try for something a little more celebratory than that) and be proud.
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