We did do a bris last time and aren't this time. It was an agonizing decision both times despite not being religious or observant so I really resent the "kneejerk" assumption. Personally I would even understand someone wanting to avoid having to make an agonizing choice and thus just going along with what is accepted, its very judgemental to make assumptions about what someone is thinking in their head when all you see is the result.
In any case, I told my mom, who told my dad and I have not gotten much flak from them, they were surprised and a little nervous I think but seemed ok with it. Sometimes with my parents you don't know for a while, but so far it hasn't come up. I don't think anyone else in my family knows and I don't think they need to.
Surprisingly I got more flak from my non-Jewish husband's family. My MIL was surprised and tried to talk me into having one on the theory that the two kids will notice their difference and feel weird about it. I do worry that they will. (I'm convinced BOTH kids will be angry, one that he is circumcised and the other that he's not) I finally had to tell her it just wasn't open for discussion. I think she kind of liked being involved in Jewish conventions? I'm not sure what it was about for her.
In any case I'm fairly strong willed with my family and they all know there isn't a whole lot that trying to push me is going to change so they mostly don't bother.
What's been complicated to me is trying to figure out what to do instead. Probably we will do a naming of some kind but I am mourning the loss of the bris a bit.
In any case, I told my mom, who told my dad and I have not gotten much flak from them, they were surprised and a little nervous I think but seemed ok with it. Sometimes with my parents you don't know for a while, but so far it hasn't come up. I don't think anyone else in my family knows and I don't think they need to.
Surprisingly I got more flak from my non-Jewish husband's family. My MIL was surprised and tried to talk me into having one on the theory that the two kids will notice their difference and feel weird about it. I do worry that they will. (I'm convinced BOTH kids will be angry, one that he is circumcised and the other that he's not) I finally had to tell her it just wasn't open for discussion. I think she kind of liked being involved in Jewish conventions? I'm not sure what it was about for her.
In any case I'm fairly strong willed with my family and they all know there isn't a whole lot that trying to push me is going to change so they mostly don't bother.
What's been complicated to me is trying to figure out what to do instead. Probably we will do a naming of some kind but I am mourning the loss of the bris a bit.
Follow Mothering