or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › 4 month old CIO in our arms no matter what we do
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

4 month old CIO in our arms no matter what we do

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
So, I guess this isn't really CIO becuase we stay with her, but almost every bedtime our 4 month old screams, anywhere from 10 min to an hour. She seems to associate crying with sleep, but usually only in the evening (mostly goes down fine for naps). She gets into this unreachable spiral where nothing helps...not nursing, not distractions, not cuddling. We start putting her to bed as soon as she seems tired, so I don't know how to prevent it if it's overtiredness. Help! I feel awful for her, I worry about her brain development from the stress, and it makes every even stressful for us.
post #2 of 34
Sometimes a baby will cry and you can't figure out what to do to make the crying stop. That's not CIO, that's just life with a baby. I know it's hard, really! My child cried for the first five months of her life (like, all the time. I have no pics between birth and literally five months old because she never. stopped. crying) and it was awful. Big hugs.

I do think she sounds overtired. What time do you normally start getting her to sleep? Try a half hour earlier. It's so tempting when they're small to just go with the flow, and I am not not not!!! suggesting you impose a schedule, but if there's a flow to your days, especially your evenings, it does help. It's never too early for a bedtime routine. This isn't something you rush, it can be a good hour leading up to bedtime (bath, quiet time, lights low, singing, etc). If your baby is still melting down, start a little earlier or just keep on with your bedtime routine.

Our daughter has never been a good sleeper, but as I tried everything, adapted over and over, have read EVERY BOOK ON SLEEP IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, and have the benefit of hindsight, I'm hoping we can make it easier on our next one (should this one ever go to sleep and let us make a "next one" ).

Bit big hugs. It's hard when your baby cries, but you will figure it out. You're responding to her all day and night and doing everything you can. I don't think evening difficulties are going to hurt her in the long run nearly as much as they hurt your heart right now.
post #3 of 34
It isn't CIO if it's in your arms.

My daughter was colicky. I learned at some point that I couldn't always keep her from crying, but I could always keep her from having to cry alone. Do what you can - don't make her go through it alone - but understand that you won't always be able to stop the crying. It will help with your sanity.
post #4 of 34
There also are some babies that really do need to be put down when they are tired. I'm not suggesting you put her down and leave her alone completely at this age, but she really might need to just not have so much stimulation in order to relax. If you haven't tried it a bed in a dark room with you just sitting nearby but not doing anything is worth the chance.

FWIW my mom insists that no matter what she did I needed to cry for 10 minutes and then would fall asleep...same 10 minutes if she held me, rocked me, fed me, or left me in a crib. I just needed the crying release. Crying itself isn't always bad, and some kids need to let go of extra stress that way, letting her do that in a way that's safe and doesn't feel abandoning may be what she needs, in which case you ARE meeting her needs.
post #5 of 34
I would change the title from "CIO in our arms" to "crying in our arms" because it's not CIO. Sounds kinda colicky.

My DS was like this. We did everything we could. I kept trying different things, some things helped a bit, while other things did not help. Bouncing (on an exercise ball or in arms), swinging, driving down in the car seat, putting him in the car seat on the clothes dryer (for the movement), rocking. I found out when he was 12 months old that he had been having a lot of gas from foods I eat that I'm sensitive to. When I got tested for those and then stopped eating those foods, both our problems got a lot better.
post #6 of 34
My youngest was the same way at that age. He always cried at bedtime, even though we were with him.
post #7 of 34
My dd2 was like that. Have you read The Happiest Baby on the Block? He was a website too. The 5 S's seriously worked miracles in this house!

A word of advise though, it may take a few minutes for your baby to settle down enough to be calmed by the 5 S's once she is as upset as she is getting.
post #8 of 34
Ds2 was a colicky baby, and it was always the worst at bedtime. Then, when he was 4 months old I tried eliminating dairy from my diet and he was a different baby after just a couple of days.

Sometimes babies are crying for a physical reason. Sometimes they just need the in-arms time to work out an emotional issue, like birth trauma and nothing but time will help. Some do need less stimulation and to be set down for a bit. Sometimes you never know why they are crying like that, and just do the best you can.
post #9 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by avivaelona View Post
There also are some babies that really do need to be put down when they are tired.
Yes.

For some babies who are easily over-stimulated or who will eventually make it obvious that they have sensory issues, too much touch can be unpleasant or even painful.

Please don't worry that you will scar your baby if you set her down for a little bit, to see if it will help. I think it's in our nature to try to stroke baby's head and talk to baby if the crying won't stop, but in a few cases this loving touch will make baby more agitated and uncomfortable.
post #10 of 34
Happiest Baby on the Block is definately worth checking out if you haven't already.

I know it's been said before, but just keep it in your mind that a baby crying in arms is better than a baby crying alone. She needs to know you're there for her, even when it's rough.
post #11 of 34
she might just be working out the stress from the day, she's learning a lot at once. it might be over tired and not wanting to sleep at the same time.
post #12 of 34
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the helpful words...I've just read so much about cortisol and stress I worry that even crying in our arms feels like CIO. I worry about what it's doing to her brain, but there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. Anyone had a baby like this that turned into a well-adjusted child? I hope?
post #13 of 34
If its at night it is often referred to as the 'Witching Hour'. Its a very normal phase for most babies, and as long as your there with them it is not CIO, and you are doing all you can.
post #14 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawncayden View Post
If its at night it is often referred to as the 'Witching Hour'. Its a very normal phase for most babies, and as long as your there with them it is not CIO, and you are doing all you can.
: I've also heard it called "grandma's hour".

I've also read about "Crying in Arms" which helps a baby release stress. I found it very helpful when DS was going through it. If nursing, rocking, wearing, etc. weren't working than I would sit on the edge of our bed, and hold him while he cried while taking deep breathes. He almost always calmed down within 30 min max. (as opposed to crying for hours previous to this.)
post #15 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by tangledblue View Post
Thanks for all the helpful words...I've just read so much about cortisol and stress I worry that even crying in our arms feels like CIO. I worry about what it's doing to her brain, but there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it. Anyone had a baby like this that turned into a well-adjusted child? I hope?
Isn't there a study somewhere (I'm terrible at remember who did the studies, sorry!) that showed that the cortisol levels of a baby crying while being held are the same as a baby who is not crying? And those of a baby left alone to cry are through the roof.
post #16 of 34
Quote:
Isn't there a study somewhere (I'm terrible at remember who did the studies, sorry!) that showed that the cortisol levels of a baby crying while being held are the same as a baby who is not crying?
No offense but...and? Sometimes babies just cry. They just DO - I would say MOST babies have spent some time crying for no reason the parent can work out. If you've done everything there is to do, there is no reason to beat yourself up or feel guilty. Sure, you're still going to hate it and it's going to suck but being "AP" does not mean your baby will never cry. It's NORMAL.
post #17 of 34
Yes, babies do cry, including AP'd babies. Being in your arms while it happens will greatly reduce the stress. And my daughter cried LIKE CRAZY and she is very happy and well adjusted. Relax about this - it will be OK.
post #18 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
No offense but...and? Sometimes babies just cry. They just DO - I would say MOST babies have spent some time crying for no reason the parent can work out. If you've done everything there is to do, there is no reason to beat yourself up or feel guilty. Sure, you're still going to hate it and it's going to suck but being "AP" does not mean your baby will never cry. It's NORMAL.
You need to read that post again. You are saying the exact same thing.
post #19 of 34
I've always wanted to be able to respond to a question like this.

My baby cried all.the.time. There were something like 24 babies born in our hospital the night she came into the world and she was the ONLY one who cried the entire time. It didn't stop for 3 1/2-months. People made very helpful comments; I quote "she will probably always be a high-needs child." THANKS.

She will be 5 years old the end of February. She is one of the happiest, funniest, most flexible kids I know. It didn't take that long, though. It ended literally overnight at 3 1/2 months. I did not do anything different. I did not change my diet. We continued to have sleep issues for a long time, but the crying stopped. I night-nursed for 2 years and believe me, we got very little sleep (well, I didn't get sleep. She must have).

But she became the kind of kid other people commented on as "the happiest baby they knew." Go figure. I have NO IDEA why she cried the first few months (very healthy; no allergies, illnesses, nothing). She did have a very complicated labour with an induction, after a successful version at 42 weeks! So that might have given her a rough start.

But she is most definitely NOT high needs! Not that it would be terrible if she had been, but it really wasn't what I needed to hear back then and it certainly didn't prove true for us. Good luck!
post #20 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
No offense but...and? Sometimes babies just cry. They just DO - I would say MOST babies have spent some time crying for no reason the parent can work out. If you've done everything there is to do, there is no reason to beat yourself up or feel guilty. Sure, you're still going to hate it and it's going to suck but being "AP" does not mean your baby will never cry. It's NORMAL.
I think she is trying to make the OP feel better because she is worried about the baby's stress. The poster said that the cortisol level of a crying baby in your arms is the same as a baby who is not crying.

OP, I don't know if you are nursing but I was and had the same problem as you. I dreaded 8:00 because my LO would start unconsolable crying. I tried everything then, like honeybee said, I eliminated dairy. It stopped the next day and only reoccurred once when I forgot and ate a bunch of chip dip that had cream cheese in it.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › 4 month old CIO in our arms no matter what we do