The new baby

[brooklynbabymama]

Hoping to brainstorm about our cosleeping, nursing toddlers. How do we gently help them transition to their new role as the older sibling without rushing them out of babyhood?

I'm trying to cut down the nursing via don't ask don't refuse, but it just seems to make her want it more. And we need to start getting her comfortable with some kind of sidecar sleeping arrangement very soon.

I do feel harsh when I stop to think about DD's level of development right now. She is very attached and needs me very much. I'm her rock. I've been having unsettling dreams all week, ever since I found out, which I guess is a nagging guilt that I rushed this second baby. I just really want them to be close in age so they can be there for each other...all of my siblings are 4+ years apart and none of them have close relationships (I'm the eldest by over a decade). Coming from a beyond-broken home myself, the pragmatic pessimist in me figures if somehow god forbid things don't work out between me and my eternally affianced baby daddy, the kids will always have each other.

[peanutmama]

i've been thinking that myself. my daughter is very attached to us, and always wants to be with us. she still sleeps in our bedroom and i honestly feel like i can't let her sleep alone when the baby comes. i frequently think about it. hubby and i would have to devise a plan for it, so she wouldn't wake up if the new baby cries in the middle of the night. i totally do not want her to be alone - she cries so much. very hard for me to hear that. and she is only 10 months old right now.

i do hope she would be close to her sibling. we are planning to have 2 or 3 more kids after this new one, and we don't want them all to have an age gap.

[wanderinggypsy]

Well I have no intention of getting dd (19 months) out of our bed/bedroom anytime soon. We have a king sized bed and I think she can continue to sleep between me and dh, and the baby (when that time comes) can sleep on the other side of me. DD is VERY attached. She beat a scary, life threatening illness as a baby - I hardly put her down at all her first year. So, yeah, I'm going to have to find ways to sustain her attachment, not minimize it.

It's daunting, but I think I'm up for the challenge!

[Evergreen]

I am wondering that too.

My oldest daughter had stopped nursing right before I got pregnant with her sister. She was 3 years and nine months old when I had Ava and very independent. She was sleeping in her own room, by her own choice and the picture of a great big sister.

Ava turned two in October. She is nonverbal, she nurses like a newborn, won't sleep anywhere but with me (and only me).

If I am pregnant she will be almost three when the baby is born, but I am sure she will still be nursing, and not want the other baby to nurse too.

I am worried that I will wean her prematurely if my nipples start hurting the way they did wher I was pg with her.

I have already decided this baby will sleep in a crib, I was against it with the other two, but I am pulled very thin right now, and I think I will start with a sidecar arrangment and as the baby sleeps more eventually move it to a corner of my room then to his or her own room.

[ohiomommy1122]

This helped me last year when my 2 yr old was then 1 and I was pregnabt with my now 1 yr old I plan on starting this with my almost 1 yr old very soon, but he is more cligy and cuddly so we will see

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

[brooklynbabymama]

Originally Posted by ohiomommy1122

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Maybe you posted this before? I had this page bookmarked. Just read it again and it's very sound and helpful. I also like this technique.

My challenge is how to begin the transition very very gently...Nicky is stubborn, opinionated, and extremely observant. If she thinks something's afoot then she'll fight it tooth and nail. Already. : We were talking this morning about adding a little custom sidecar arrangement halfway between our platform bed and the floor so she can start learning how to crawl up and down by herself...and maybe spend some time playing/sleeping there.

[ohiomommy1122]

Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama

Maybe you posted this before? I had this page bookmarked. Just read it again and it's very sound and helpful. I also like this technique.

My challenge is how to begin the transition very very gently...Nicky is stubborn, opinionated, and extremely observant. If she thinks something's afoot then she'll fight it tooth and nail. Already. : We were talking this morning about adding a little custom sidecar arrangement halfway between our platform bed and the floor so she can start learning how to crawl up and down by herself...and maybe spend some time playing/sleeping there.

I actually I got the link from our last DDC thats probly why you had it bookmarked!

I'm gonna have to check out that other link as well!

[amrijane128]

I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat. My dd sounds like alot of yours, still nursing, cosleeping, and generally a mommies girl. Luckily, she is starting to nurse a little less, (I have a hard time gaining weight as it is!) and oddly enough, I was babysitting a baby boy and brought out our old playpen for him to nap in, and my DD fell absolutely in love with it. I haven't been able to put it away since. Almost every night she wants her blanket and a sippy cup or bottle of water and tries to fall asleep in it. It's pretty cool yet sad seeing her being so independent. I can't imagine her not in bed, though it will definitely be nice having a bit more room while she's still so close. Luckily, we have a king size bed so I don't think we'll be too strapped on space.

My biggest concern is just her attention level. She isn't the most patient little one (she's not quite two though, can't blame her!) and I do worry how she will react when Mama's always saying "just a second honey, I can't get that for you right now..."

[mamatoady]

I'm not too concerned about anything except nightweaning my currently 2.5 year old. It was the biggest piece of advice I got from my midwife when my dd was small and ds was born and I was sooooooo glad I nightweaned her--having to wake to nurse to babies to me is impossible. I did choose to keep her nursing and am also so glad I did that--it helped the transition in a huge way.

My 6 year old still sometimes sleeps with us and I don't see that the 2.5 year old will move out anytime soon. He's just going to have to learn to curl up to my back.

sarah