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Thoughts on Gift Giving

post #1 of 107
Thread Starter 
What do you think about giving presents?
Do you try to give your kids what you think they will really want, even if it's something you don't really want to get, or do you get them what you want them to have (of course, said item would be something you know they will like, just not the thing they're lusting after in the toy store)?

I want to get DD a present for christmas (she's never gotten one before), I saw something that I'd really like her to have, and I know she'll love it, and it's practical to boot. But I know there's something else she really really really wants.
post #2 of 107
The whole point of giving gifts is to make the person happy, so I would tend to say get her what she wants. However, as parents it is our jobs to sometimes use our judgement and say no to things.

It would completely deppend on how much you didn't want her to have the gift she wants, and how much she will like the gift you want to give her. If you feel that there is a safety issue, then the answer is easy; but if it is a less serious matter like worrying that she will out grow the item quickly, then it becomes a more difficult issue to decide. If in doubt I would lean towards giving her the gift she really wants.

If the real issue is that you really want to get the other gift, it certainly isn't unheard of to get more than one christmas present.
post #3 of 107
Thread Starter 
Okay, while I would like answers in general, I will say what this specific case is:
I thought of getting DD a Dora the Explorer Wall Clock that I saw pretty cheap. I thought, she'd probably really like that, and she's about of an age to start learning to tell time (she's shown interest already), and since we're buying a house and she'll get her own room, it made sense.
but
while I know she'll like that present,(she's into Dora), and it's what *I* want her to have, I know that what she really wants is a Bratz doll. okay, that wasn't entirely accurate. she really really REALLY wants a Bratz doll I personally don't like Bratz, but I'm respecting DD in her right to like them.
post #4 of 107
Bratz. Ouch.
I'd try to get her to "fall in love" with some other cooler doll thingie.

Has she explained why she wants the Bratz?
post #5 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post
Bratz. Ouch.
I'd try to get her to "fall in love" with some other cooler doll thingie.

Has she explained why she wants the Bratz?
she wants bratz coz she thinks they're beautiful.
and imo, getting her to like some "cooler" doll thingie would be cooler in my opinion. I don't really want to convince her that her opinion is wrong and bratz aren't cool. she knows how I feel about them, I know how she feels about them. we respect each other's opinions.

the point isn't the gifts themselves, but if you would try to get someone something that you want for them, or that they want to get.
post #6 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
the point isn't the gifts themselves, but if you would try to get someone something that you want for them, or that they want to get.
If it's really not about the Bratz doll, but about why we give a gift, then I think you already know the answer.
post #7 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
If it's really not about the Bratz doll, but about why we give a gift, then I think you already know the answer.
no, i don't that's the point of the thread. I believe the answer to this is a personal thing.
*is your focus on gift giving to give someone something that you want them to have, or giving them what you know they really want* (assuming it's not the same thing)
post #8 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
I believe the answer to this is a personal thing.
Which is why you know your answer.

If you would like to know my answer, then it is to give the gift the person wants. However, I do draw lines, like I am not buying clothing for my 150 lbs sister in her 40s from the childrens department no matter how many times she claims they really do fit her.
post #9 of 107
Thread Starter 
thanks eepster I did just want to know how other people feel about it.
and at your sister. those must be some pretty big children
post #10 of 107
Can you do both?

The doll for the festive gift and the clock as a house-warming gift when you move into the house?

If not, as it is the first time she has been aware of Christmassy things happening I would go for the doll. I can imagine her screaming in delight at the Bratz doll as she unwraps it and that will be a great memory for her when she thinks about her first Christmas gift.
post #11 of 107
I personally see gifts in general as being mostly for the recipient, but also about the relationship between the people. So for an adult in particular, I try to get them something they will want but which also fits within my value system - so I wouldn't necessarily buy them say, a really really violent video game.

With kids it is touchier both ways. For a child, a gift is a much bigger deal than it is for a grownup - both emotionally but also because young kids, anyway, don't often have the power to get whatever they want at the store (I guess unless they have a big allowance and a lot of freedom ). For that reason I try to be more careful. At the same time I wouldn't buy a gift that I was totally unhappy to have in my home. (I have relatives that take care of that )

For this particular one, boy, I don't like the Bratz dolls, don't want to support the company, etc. But I'm also not entirely convinced that they're so awful because they are after all dolls - imaginary play and all that. So I guess for me personally I might go ahead and get it. Another way to handle it would be to see if another family member would be willing to get it.
post #12 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
Can you do both?

The doll for the festive gift and the clock as a house-warming gift when you move into the house?

If not, as it is the first time she has been aware of Christmassy things happening I would go for the doll. I can imagine her screaming in delight at the Bratz doll as she unwraps it and that will be a great memory for her when she thinks about her first Christmas gift.
I like the idea of giving her something she would be madly in love with as a complete surprise gift at Christmas. I love that you have separated out your opinion of the dolls and hers. In this case, I think that if safety and cost aren't prohibitive, then you should go for the the Bratz doll. It is a great way to say, "hey, I know that you think these dolls are really cool and I respect that"...maybe you could make some clothing that is less revealing together - a nice green dress perhaps?

oh yeah - great thought on the Dora clock to celebrate the house-warming and getting her own room
post #13 of 107
Just an FYI. Bratz have to take all their product off the shelves after xmas because they are going out of business. Mattel sued them because the guy who designed Bratz was working for Mattel (Barbie) and had signed a contract. Not sure if this would affect your decision, but could be relevant to you??

Personally, I don't think I'd get my daughter a Bratz doll, but I have a son so its easy for me to say.

My son says he wants a new motorcycle. He has like 6 already, I'm not getting him another one. Sometimes I do know that he would like something else more, but he just doesn't know it yet.
post #14 of 107
majikfaerie - I agree with others that have said they would get the gift she wants. I understand not wanting to, I also object to Bratz dolls, and have already been through this with them. My dd wanted them a few years ago (she is now 14, so over them). We got them for her, then I sat down with her and we talked about how they look. It was a delicate conversation and I let her talk first - she said they had way too much makeup on and their clothes were too short and tight. She just liked the pretend play with them and the shoe thing (the feet come off). After that we were ok. My sil has a dd that got her first bratz doll when she was 3. I refuse to get any bratz stuff for her, no matter how badly she wants it. I think she is just too young for it. We just find something else to get her.

Back on subject, I liked the idea of the clock then as a house warming gift for her. That will make the move and her own room even more special.
post #15 of 107
As I see it, the point of giving a gift is to bring happiness to the other person, and you're generally going to bring the most happiness by giving the person what they want. (Though sometimes, as a PP says, you might be pretty sure your kid will actually enjoy something else even more, and then I think it's perfectly reasonable to go with your own idea as long as you don't think it will lead to lasting disappointment. I doubt that's the case here, though. Face it - a clock is a pretty boring present.)

Any time there's something one of my kids really, really, really wants, I'm likely to get it (whether it's Christmas time or not), as long I can afford it, it's not harmful, and it isn't going to cause any problems (like taking up too much space in the house.)
post #16 of 107
Personally, I would get her the Bratz Doll, or another doll you don't find as objectionable, over the clock. What about a Dora doll, since she likes that? The difference between a clock (which after all cannot be played with and is not a toy) and a doll for Christmas is huge to a child. JMO

To answer your larger question, I try whenever possible to get them what they want and sometimes to get things I think they would like as well, so a combination. But I wouldn't choose something I like for them over something they want if that were the only choice. My kids do know there are some things we won't flex on. We have a no video games policy in this house, for example, so they don't bother asking.

I think this is a good example of the difference between your two options: last year, my middle son (then almost four) really really wanted the Light Sketcher. I looked at it, thought the idea of an art toy that disappears the artwork in seconds was dumb and bought him something similar (Light Writer) that doesn't disappear. Well he never ever played with the Light Writer (to be fair it was hard to figure out), but still wants the light sketcher a year later. Guess what he's getting for Christmas this year?
post #17 of 107
I give gifts that I want the other person to have, not always what they want to have. DP's family used to give gift suggestions and we almost never bought anything they asked for and would get them other stuff. They were always (usually) surprised and delighted at our thoughtfulness (in that we came up with it on our own) and the orignality (that they didn't think of it themselves).

But I hate gift registries, and will not buy something off of one for someone, sorry if I'm giving you a gift its because I want to not because you asked for it. However, I am very attentive to details, so if its March and some mentions that they want/like X I'll remember it for the next holiday and get if for them (if I can).
post #18 of 107
my son is only 13 months old so i have yet to face him wanting presents that i don't like but what i plan to do for xmas time is to give him 4 presents something he wants something he needs something to wear and something to read (i got this idea from another mom who may be on mdc) and for the gifts he may want that i really don't like i may tell family members because i personally don't want to spend money on some things or i may give him money to get whatever he wants or in some cases maybe i would get him what he really wants. i kinda like this idea of giving him a bit of money so he can choose for himself.
post #19 of 107
Well um... I am one who likes giving as many gifts to dd as I can . I try to give her things that i know will make her :, as well as more 'practical' or educational things. Is it in your budget to get her both things? If so, why not do that?
post #20 of 107
Get her what she really, really, really wants! You and your daughter are good together and there is "plenty of room" for you to allow the Bratz doll. I read your blog so I know the Barbie deal makes the Bratz ok. Your daughter is wickedly cool. You are wickedly cool. It works out!
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