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Thoughts on Gift Giving - Page 4

post #61 of 107
Thread Starter 
annalisa, i just saw your edit now
thanks anyway.

Just to update: I bought dd some Bratz for xmas on eBay. they were pretty cheap - I got a bag of 10 assorted bratz dolls for $30 australian. (which is like, 23us or something). I took out the 4 nicest ones (one of each bratz) and i'll sell the other 6 as a bundle on ebay again, possibly even making my money, or most of it, back

the plan is to wrap the dolls in shiny paper and leave them under the tree while she's asleep on xmas eve, so she can find them in the morning. i can't wait to see the look on her face, which will of course be recorded on my blog

actually, i played with the dolls a bit when i sorted out which ones to keep and which ones to sell back, choosing the nicest outfits to keep... the feet coming of is really freaky, but i couldn't really see all that much wrong with these dolls. they don't look all that human to start with - the heads are grossly oversized. they wear a LOT of make-up, but i don't see that as a problem. we anyway live in an area where it's really unusual to see people wearing make-up at all. and most of the clothes on the dolls were stuff similar to what I would wear (low-rise trousers, singlet tops).

anyway, now i have the impossible task of waiting till xmas to give her the dolls!
post #62 of 107
I've never gotten involed in my children's play needs. (Well, I did once with my oldest, and it was wrong). As an adult, that is not my realm.

I trust my children to know their play needs. I might not understand them, but I respect them.
post #63 of 107
Good for you.

Bratz will be a blip in your child's life, but your respect will be forever.

Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
annalisa, i just saw your edit now
thanks anyway.

Just to update: I bought dd some Bratz for xmas on eBay. they were pretty cheap - I got a bag of 10 assorted bratz dolls for $30 australian. (which is like, 23us or something). I took out the 4 nicest ones (one of each bratz) and i'll sell the other 6 as a bundle on ebay again, possibly even making my money, or most of it, back

the plan is to wrap the dolls in shiny paper and leave them under the tree while she's asleep on xmas eve, so she can find them in the morning. i can't wait to see the look on her face, which will of course be recorded on my blog

actually, i played with the dolls a bit when i sorted out which ones to keep and which ones to sell back, choosing the nicest outfits to keep... the feet coming of is really freaky, but i couldn't really see all that much wrong with these dolls. they don't look all that human to start with - the heads are grossly oversized. they wear a LOT of make-up, but i don't see that as a problem. we anyway live in an area where it's really unusual to see people wearing make-up at all. and most of the clothes on the dolls were stuff similar to what I would wear (low-rise trousers, singlet tops).

anyway, now i have the impossible task of waiting till xmas to give her the dolls!
post #64 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
well first of all, think up some better examples coz those two things are against the law

and me personally not really liking something is hardly grounds for not letting my kid have it. I also don't really like christmas trees, but we got one of them.
well the reason i picked those examples is to over emphasize the fact that you don't just give things to children just because they want them, especially if it is something that represents an image that may be inappropriate for a child. And I agree with you, that just because you dont like something is not reason enough to not let a child have it, I suppose it boils down to WHY you don't like it. Personally, I don't like the Bratz dolls because they set a bad example. they dress like little tarts and make the whole idea of acting like a brat cool. IMO anyway.
post #65 of 107
Obviously , the last thing one wants is a little tart.
post #66 of 107
I'm glad you worked it out for yourself. It's not an easy road to navigate. I slid on the slippery slope of giving them what THEY want a while back, dd was probably 8? Now we're all about fitting their needs into our budget. It's important to make sure they don't cross certain lines, moral ones more than anything else, but EVERYTHING comes with a cost hidden behind the price tag. Electronics that rely on minerals mined in places where people (and the environment) are mal-treated, inequitous pay for factory labor, family separation for factory workers, exposure to toxins in toy production, repetitive motion injuries to child workers, you name it, it's out there. The only stuff that I've found that isn't are local/US/European/Australian made items made from totally sustainable materials. Even glue comes with a cost! ETA: here in the US we have 10,000 villages, a store that specializes in stuff from fair trade/cooperative made items, including toys. Pretty safe bet!

As far as the problem of not getting what she really really wants, that's pretty minimal if her other 'love based' needs are being met. I think it's ok to make/take a stand, and I also think it's ok to let kids have a say in their gifts. I think your idea of the clock was cute, but as a surprise on move in day more than a gift from you to her to celebrate christ's birth, or the beginning of winter or the winter solstice, or whatever. It is a bit too utilitarian. However, I've made lots of gifts of clothes/socks/undies/long johns, books, food for dh (specialty items), even basics for myself like a new bra or whatever.

It's important to me to make everyone's needs part of your plan, not to work your plan around their needs. Does that make sense?
post #67 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspineau View Post
well the reason i picked those examples is to over emphasize the fact that you don't just give things to children just because they want them, especially if it is something that represents an image that may be inappropriate for a child. And I agree with you, that just because you dont like something is not reason enough to not let a child have it, I suppose it boils down to WHY you don't like it. Personally, I don't like the Bratz dolls because they set a bad example. they dress like little tarts and make the whole idea of acting like a brat cool. IMO anyway.
so why don't i like brats? because my first viewing of the tv series seemed waaay over the top.
i've since watched more of them, and watched the bratz movies. the movies really aren't all that bad at all.
lovely that you say they dress like tarts, just 2 posts after I said that most of the clothes the dolls were wearing is similar to clothes I would wear. (well, not the shoes, i'm perpetually barefoot. the shoes are freaky imo)

when i really had a look at them, they're really not all that bad. they DONT perpetuate "acting like brats". they don't act like brats. not even in the show. the reason they are called bratz, is because the "villain" in the show, who owns a competing magazine, called them brats. they took the name as a kind of mockery of that; a way to show they weren't upset by the villain calling them brats. sounds quite healthy to me.

the show actually espouses qualities like friendship, honesty, trust, etc. its about 4 girls who are "best friends forever" and look out for each other. they're just regular high school girls, who are a little obsessed with fashion. if i can find any criticism of them, its too much make-up and weird shoes.

(yes, i've really been looking into this).
post #68 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom View Post
Good for you.

Bratz will be a blip in your child's life, but your respect will be forever.
thankyou. I agree.
post #69 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
(yes, i've really been looking into this).
I think it's wonderful that you went to the trouble to research this.
post #70 of 107
I think you did the right thing.

I get the kids to write lists of suggestions of what they'd like. That way, I can choose some things that are on their lists, but that I consider decent purchases. That said, there was one toy that dd#2 really, really wants, that was not first on my list, but I know it is important to her, so I bought it. It's not offensive, just not what I consider a great toy. But is is great to her - or at least, she thinks it will be.

I recall vividly one year that my mother decided that she was calling the shots over gifts, with no more 'horsey rubbish' (we were all horse-crazy). It was the most miserable Christmas in my life. I still resent it dreadfully - years later.

She bought us all kinds of stuff that she thought we'd like - or at any rate that she thought we should like. I threw it all in the back of the cupboard and fumed inwardly about it for months. And years later, I still remember. It made me determined to never, ever do that to my kids. Even if they choose things that don't rock my world, that's OK. I cannot control their minds or their preferences, just as my mother could not end my passion for horses by refusing to acknowledge it! I am still crazy about horses now, and so are my own kids, so it most certainly did not work.
post #71 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
the show actually espouses qualities like friendship, honesty, trust, etc. its about 4 girls who are "best friends forever" and look out for each other. they're just regular high school girls, who are a little obsessed with fashion. if i can find any criticism of them, its too much make-up and weird shoes.
I actually watched one of the movies on TV. It wasn't bad at all and I kind of liked it.
post #72 of 107
[QUOTE=majikfaerie;12828087
the show actually espouses qualities like friendship, honesty, trust, etc. its about 4 girls who are "best friends forever" and look out for each other. they're just regular high school girls, who are a little obsessed with fashion. if i can find any criticism of them, its too much make-up and weird shoes.

(yes, i've really been looking into this).[/QUOTE]

The shoe thing is weird. But it looks to me that it's pretty cool. The Barbie shoes always fall off, kwim? Those babies have the advantage. Once you plug 'em in, you're good to go.
post #73 of 107
Barbie shoes fall off and then are almost impossible to find. It's the difficulty finding them again that bugs me.

When my dd was really young, this is one of the things I said - I'd NEVER get her a Bratz doll. And I'm not a fan and I haven't gotten her one but really only because it isn't her thing. But I have had a change of heart since that time. I've decided it isn't my job to mold my daughter into what I want her to be - it's my pleasure to be able to watch her become who she's meant to be. So now I sit back and relax and let her choose her own interests.
post #74 of 107
[QUOTE=majikfaerie;12828087]so why don't i like brats? because my first viewing of the tv series seemed waaay over the top.
i've since watched more of them, and watched the bratz movies. the movies really aren't all that bad at all.
lovely that you say they dress like tarts, just 2 posts after I said that most of the clothes the dolls were wearing is similar to clothes I would wear. (well, not the shoes, i'm perpetually barefoot. the shoes are freaky imo)QUOTE]

Well, I am sorry if that is offensive, but in my opinion they DO dress like little tarts, and I think that image in general is a poor one to be any type of a role model to children.
post #75 of 107
Thread Starter 
go gently mrspineu. I am not a tart, nor am I a bad role model to my child.
post #76 of 107
I am entitled to my opinion, and I have stated what that is. It is only an opinion. You are entitled to yours as well. I do think that when you choose to dress that way that not everyone is going to be receptive. How you dress is a reflection of who you are, and if you dress like a tart, then people are going to think that you are one. That doesn't mean that you are one, by any means. But that does mean that that is the impression that you are going to give off. That is why I think it is inappropriate for a child to think that it is okay to dress that way. Like it or not, people judge you upon how you present yourself to the world. I think that a good lesson for children is to teach them that whatever way they choose to look should be a form of self expression. Hopefully, they do not want to express themselves in such a sexual manner.
post #77 of 107
I think prohibiting them would make them more attractive anyway. Let it run it's course and it may well not stick if they're out of sync with the family's values.
post #78 of 107
majikfaerie, I agree that you made a wonderful choice. Knowing the little I know about you and your family, I don't think that any doll would weaken your dd's sense of herself.

By the way, I've seen pictures of majikfaerie, and she is beautiful. Her clothes reflect that. She's more of a goddess than a tart, imo.
post #79 of 107
Thread Starter 
what makes a woman seem to be "a tart" has very little to do with the way she dresses; it's the way she expresses herself. The qualities generally noted as "tarty" can be exuded equally while wearing the most prim and proper, modest clothing available or more revealing clothing. Attitude is everything. and dolls do not have attitude. they are inanimate objects.

Further, I do not believe that occasional exposure to dolls or even the bratz cartoon (in which they don't act like tarts at all, if you've ever really watched it - a bit ditzy, yes, but not tarty), would be enough to break down the self confidence and realistic body images instilled in my child by my respect and trust, and constant exposure to real women.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TEAK's Mom View Post
majikfaerie, I agree that you made a wonderful choice. Knowing the little I know about you and your family, I don't think that any doll would weaken your dd's sense of herself.

By the way, I've seen pictures of majikfaerie, and she is beautiful. Her clothes reflect that. She's more of a goddess than a tart, imo.
there exists no emoticon to express the depths of my blushing.
post #80 of 107
As a reader of majikfaerie's blog, I can kind of guess that Littletree will most likely NOT be acting out "tarty" or "bratty" scenes with her dolls. I picture something along the lines of their hair being dyed and dreadlocked, figuring out if they would enjoy being hung on the clothes line, with clothes pins. I picture mud baths and clean up in the closest puddle. I see them sporting some hand-drawn tattoos and maybe a piercing. I imagine that the removable feet will be an endless source of musings from that little girl...feet transplants, anyone?
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