Any advice about being scared?

[kavitha]

We are planning our first homebirth....

We had my daughter (2.5 years) at the hospital (planned birth center, was GBS+, water broke 30 hours no labor, went to hospital, pitocin, episiotomy, antibiotics)

the thing i am scared about is what if i have to transfer and go to a hospital and am attended by a doctor i don't know/may be very anti-natural birth...

i am also scared that i will be so influenced by my mother and other's fears/outright horror about homebirth that I will worry myself into having to go to the hospital. I feel like this happened last time, I was very comfortable and feeling good about labor until I started hearing my mother's daily comments, "you know, it probably won't go how you expect", etc.....she was very uncomfortable with midwife, said she wasn't a real doctor, etc....

i have to tell my family about the homebirth plan, and i plan to at x-mas.

what are some ways to keep myself having faith, being positive, believing in my body's ability to give birth, etc.....not being swayed by others' opinions.

i know that last time, i didn't actually push the baby out, they did an episitomy and the baby fell out--can i actually push the baby out?--the docs were all looking at me the whole time i was pushing (in the operating room, 1hour and 45 min) like nothing was happening---also will i be able to handle the pain (last time i did not feel pain during contractions, just intensity, but when the baby came out they gave me a local anesthetic for the episotomy, so it did not feel like pain--what about this time? Just some fears i have that i would like some help to reassure myself on so that i am preparing myself to have a great homebirth...

any ideas or tips would be very much appreciated,

thanks!

[Emmeline II]

I'm not sure why you have to have to have a family conference about this but I would hand out the list below and tell them that you will not listen to anything negative about homebirth until they have read every one, and then you will only take questions by e-mail (so you have time to research it and not stew in their fear mongering until you can do so); and PLEASE do not do this AT Christmas; what kind of day will anyone have if they are freaked out and you feel attacked?

As for your mom, don't listen. Say "I appreciate your concern, but such comments interfere with my ability to gestate in peace." "I will not discuss pregnancy/labor/birth with you mom." If she won't respect that then cut contact down to e-mail and ask your dh to screen your mail for things that would upset you.

You can also invite your mom to meet your mw and have her answer your questions. You have time to research at home pain relief (warm water being amongst the best); chances are you will be able to deal with it. If you transfer and you mw does not have privileges she can come along as your doula. Perhaps she can recommend hospitals that are more natural birth friendly.

Also, pit, episiotomy and pushing on your butt are not conducive to easy birthing. It took me nearly three hours to push out my crooked babe in a hospital bed. My second, born at home pushed herself out in two contractions. The labor hurt, by transition I was thinking "now I know why people want epidurals", but after the babe is out you shouldn't have any labor type pain, though the afterpains (uterus contracting) can feel like some serious menstrual cramps; I just took some ibuprofen (I think) and "afterease" for that.

The following are resources MDC members found helpful for convincing family members of the safety of homebirth:

Articles & Links:
British Medical Journal study
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articl...ogyinbirth.asp
http://gentlebirth.org/archives/prntshar.html
http://www.homebirthdallas.org/HANDWebResources
http://www.texas-midwife.com/safe.htm
http://gentlebirth.org/archives/prntshar.html
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/5510/studies.html
http://home.earthlink.net/~eaglefalc...irthoprah.html
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirthindex.htm
http://www.healthychild.com/database..._like_home.htm
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articl...irthchoice.asp
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/gracious.asp
http://www.birthpsychology.com/violence/odent1.html
http://www.acegraphics.com.au/articles/wagner01.html
http://www.birthpsychology.com/birthscene/otoday4.html
http://www.changesurfer.com/Hlth/homebirth.html
http://www.nashvillemidwife.com/safety.html

Books:

Immaculate Deception by Suzanne Arms
Special Delivery by Rahima Baldwin Dancy
Birth at Home by Sheila Kitzinger
The Cultural Warping of Childbirth by Doris Haire
The Home Birth Book by Charlotte and Fred Ward
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon-Rosegg
Active Birth by Janet Balaskas
Birth Without Violence by Frederick Leboyer
Birth Reborn by Michael Odent
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities by Henci Goer
Pushed by Jennifer Block

[mammamo]

Just wanted to add to that list Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth I *heart* that book

[DahliaRW]

I agree that pushing has a lot to do with the position you are in. And pushing for an hour and 45 minutes really isn't that long for a first time mom. I think the doctor jumped the gun on episiotome unless there was a sign of infection. Also, being somewhere where you are not comfortable can inhibit your body.

My first birth was PROM, pitocin, epidural, etc. It was awful. And I was scared about the second. So I went over all the "worst case" scenarios with my mw (planned homebirth) and it really helped. It also helped to know that she had a game plan in case the same thing happened again. I read Ina May's book and a bunch of others and ended up having a wonderful waterbirth at home, no issues at all (to a baby that was nearly 3 lbs heavier than my first). It took me nearly 3 hours to get my first out pushing on my back. It took me 5 minutes squatting to get my 2nd out. Also, ask your midwife about transfer. A lot of times if it is non-emergent they know the best hospital to send you to and who to ask for if the OB is on call. That might help as well.

Your body CAN do this. You really just have to trust. And I know it's really hard, but trying to be positive really helps.