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post #41 of 125
Let me just say that I am fat. I need to lose a lot of weight. However, that is me. I did this to myself. I now do my best to model better eating habits and most of the time, the kids follow. Thank goodness.

But, I know my SIL and her husband and kids very well. I know that they eat out constantly, that they eat fatty, rich foods and there is constant candy in the house. In fact, she used to send bags and bags of it to our house, until I put a stop to it. There is not a money issue, as far as I know. She is also a wonderful cook, but never cooks.

They never allow their kids to play outside and encourage them to be active. They even have a huge, fenced-in yard that I envy. I have to be outside constantly with my 9 yr old (Autism) and the 3 yr old, even when I don't want to, in order for them to get their outside time.

I am not saying that she or her DH are horrible people. They are not. But, she and he are neglectful of their children, because she doesn't do anything to help ensure their health and well-being, to the best of her ability. I never say anything, because I just don't know what to say and I would not want to start a freaking war. But, it makes me sad to see these beautiful kids, not just chunky or a little bigger than other kids, but morbidly obese. To where the poor daughter is so fat, that she huffs and puffs when walking, etc.

If I sound judgmental, well, fine. But, it is hard to see this and not think, what the heck?
post #42 of 125
None of the beautiful children posted here look remotely "obese" or even fat to me. But maybe I'm biased. People used to mention my son's weight to me ("he's so...big for his age!" ) a lot when he was a little younger, but IMO, he was (and still is) solid. He eats mostly healthy and organic foods, and is still breastfeeding.
I don't like BMI charts because I don't think they take certain things into account (like build/body frame).
post #43 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
I just wanted to add that poor people are not all staying at home raising kids. Many of them work 2, 3, or 4 jobs (with two parents), which also contributes to poor nutrition for their kids. I only work one job, plus go to school part time, and I'm sure glad my husband does the cooking.

I just can't see someone working all day cleaning houses, and then coming home to bake a loaf of healthy, whole grain bread before she dashes out the door to get to work again. Often times, people aren't just looking for cheap; they're looking for cheap and convenient.
Very true!

I know when I'm tired from being gone from 6:30 am to 6:30 pm (and still have to do homework, do laundry, get the kid ready for bed, etc), I'm more likely to grab a TV dinner out of the freezer than actually cook a meal.

eta: I think some of it is laziness and having these convenience foods available. My grandmother was a single mom and she cooked every day, with a dessert! Part of the problem is that many people truly believe that junk food/convenience foods are not that bad. Of course, we know that they aren't the best choices, but who is able to always make the best choices for their families? It's sort of like the whole "breast is best" campaign. They make it seem like only superwomen are able to breastfeed, so if you fall short of that i.e. use formula, you're still a good mom (I'm not implying that women who formula fed [I did] are not good moms!).
post #44 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
I just wanted to add that poor people are not all staying at home raising kids. Many of them work 2, 3, or 4 jobs (with two parents), which also contributes to poor nutrition for their kids. I only work one job, plus go to school part time, and I'm sure glad my husband does the cooking.

I just can't see someone working all day cleaning houses, and then coming home to bake a loaf of healthy, whole grain bread before she dashes out the door to get to work again. Often times, people aren't just looking for cheap; they're looking for cheap and convenient.
Really? I do it! I am gone, working, over ten hours a day. That has zero to do with nutrition strategy. I still have weekends to cook big batches of lentil soups, red beans & rice, etc. - and sometimes bread (we prefer rice and whole-wheat pastas though). I pack my daughter's healthful lunch for school and I make her a good breakfast and dinner - seriously, HOW long does it take to pour organic milk over whole-grain cereal? About as long as it takes a SAHM to do so. When my daughter was exclusively breastfeeding, most of her first year, I pumped milk at night to bring to daycare the next day, and when she began solids I of course used my blender to make nutritious baby food to bring in. C'mon, it's just not THAT hard to be a good AP mom and a full-time breadwinner. And I'm a solo mom.... (Daricsmami above says that her single-mom grandmother similarly put a good meal on the table every night.)

Of course people, poor and rich, working and not, may choose convenience over slow food. I've heard that even Oprah eats fast-food chicken (something that my now-elementary-aged daughter has never eaten in her whole life ). But let's call a spade a spade: if you're choosing fast food for your family, admit that you CHOOSE it. Your boss or your budget didn't make you do it!

And again, exercise and good sleep are equal parts, with nutrition, to good health. I know just as many SAHMs as WOHMs who refuse entirely to exercise. Having a career, or kids in daycare/school, does NOT give one a pass to avoid family exercise. (My daughter and I walk to school, I bike-commute to work, and she plays sports in the evenings - often while I run laps around the field.) And we emphasize a full night's sleep (no alarm clocks in our home).

As to kids not "liking" healthful foods... huh, strange, cultures all over the world, for centuries before this one, managed to bring kids to adulthood without their "requiring" to eat McDonalds... I'm all for kids having a true voice in the family, but if my daughter wanted KFC that would NOT dictate our menu.

As to judging, I wouldn't expect anyone to do or overcome what I haven't myself. I'm poor (and have been very very poor), I work FT+, I AP parent, I come from fat genes, I see the same fast-food billboard advertising everyone does. I still say there's no excuse for me or my family to be fat or eat junk. We choose health!
post #45 of 125
Quote:
I'm a happy, working, attached, solo mom.
I think the happy part is important here. I always find it easier to eat better exercise etc. when I feel happy. I know it can be a vicious circle.

Sometimes I wander about thin parents with overweight children. Wandering how that can happen.

Carma
post #46 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seasons View Post
Really? I do it! I am gone, working, over ten hours a day. That has zero to do with nutrition strategy. I still have weekends to cook big batches of lentil soups, red beans & rice, etc. - and sometimes bread (we prefer rice and whole-wheat pastas though). I pack my daughter's healthful lunch for school and I make her a good breakfast and dinner - seriously, HOW long does it take to pour organic milk over whole-grain cereal? About as long as it takes a SAHM to do so. When my daughter was exclusively breastfeeding, most of her first year, I pumped milk at night to bring to daycare the next day, and when she began solids I of course used my blender to make nutritious baby food to bring in. C'mon, it's just not THAT hard to be a good AP mom and a full-time breadwinner. And I'm a solo mom.... (Daricsmami above says that her single-mom grandmother similarly put a good meal on the table every night.)

Of course people, poor and rich, working and not, may choose convenience over slow food. I've heard that even Oprah eats fast-food chicken (something that my now-elementary-aged daughter has never eaten in her whole life ). But let's call a spade a spade: if you're choosing fast food for your family, admit that you CHOOSE it. Your boss or your budget didn't make you do it!

And again, exercise and good sleep are equal parts, with nutrition, to good health. I know just as many SAHMs as WOHMs who refuse entirely to exercise. Having a career, or kids in daycare/school, does NOT give one a pass to avoid family exercise. (My daughter and I walk to school, I bike-commute to work, and she plays sports in the evenings - often while I run laps around the field.) And we emphasize a full night's sleep (no alarm clocks in our home).

As to kids not "liking" healthful foods... huh, strange, cultures all over the world, for centuries before this one, managed to bring kids to adulthood without their "requiring" to eat McDonalds... I'm all for kids having a true voice in the family, but if my daughter wanted KFC that would NOT dictate our menu.

As to judging, I wouldn't expect anyone to do overcome what I haven't myself. I'm poor (and have been very very poor), I work FT+, I AP parent, I come from fat genes, I see the same fast-food billboard advertising everyone does. I still say there's no excuse for me or my family to be fat or eat junk. We choose health!
post #47 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutie Patootie View Post
I went back and forth on replying. I think like so many pp said, there's just so much to it. It's not black and white. I am surprised though, that no one mentioned the "clean your plate club", or the "you have to eat "x" amount of bites". Although, I suppose that falls into the emotional category. It seems more often than not that children are not allowed to self-regulate their food intake which, imho is a huge factor into obesity. I agree eating crud and high calorie foods doesn't help, but when you mess with trying to determine what intake a child should be eating, you screw up their ability to regulate what they need on their own...beginning at infancy with trying to get your newborn to finish that 2oz...or 4oz, etc. Children are also so much more sedentary than they were before tv and video games.
You are totally right. I think in my post I referred generally to a messed-up food culture here in America, but it was exactly these types of things that I was referring to. We don't teach our children to understand how to respect their bodies and know when they are hungry or full. Michael Pollan mentions in his book "In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto" a study where groups of French people and groups of Americans were both asked how they know when to stop eating. The French largely responded that they would finish eating when they were full. Well, duh, right? But what was the American response? By and large, we finish eating "When the plate is clean." That's absolutely because we are taught from an early age to "clean your plate," or to eat a certain, perhaps arbitrary amount before being excused from the table.

I am so conscious of this and really try to respect my daughter. We start with small portions so as not to waste food and if she is full, that's it, fine, she's done. Likewise, if she's still hungry, I respect that, too, and try and teach her that she should listen to her body. I didn't grow up this way, really, and I still struggle to know when I myself am full. I hope I can spare her that struggle.
post #48 of 125
I have one overweight kid and one waaaaay skinny kid. I'm always blown away by these threads where tremendous anger is expressed toward families with overweight kids. (eg child abuse statements and lots of details about the eating and exercise lives of relatives).

And yet I read them....must be a glutton (*snort*) for punishment.

::
post #49 of 125
Awww man. I saw the thread title and got so excited hoping there was a thread for us mamas of overweight children to talk about it. I am so disappointed.

Is there a support-only thread for us here?

I have a "too skinny" daughter, a 100% average son, an overweight son (I won't be posting a picture) and a baby.

My overweight son is 60 pounds at 4 years old. All of our Doctors say "it's just genes, clearly he got some bad ones that the rest of your immediate family didn't get" (dh and I are thin). Or, the classic "he is just going to be a linebacker!", etc.

I appreciate that our Doctors trust the way we feed our kids (healthier than most!), and that they don't think there is a problem, but- my 4 year old has a stretch mark on his belly (and is far off the charts for his weight). My family of origin has a few morbidly obese people and a lot of us struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

My son appears to be doomed (at 4 years old!) to a life of weight struggles, and I am so sad/worried about that.

I'd love a support thread
post #50 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
I have one overweight kid and one waaaaay skinny kid. I'm always blown away by these threads where tremendous anger is expressed toward families with overweight kids. (eg child abuse statements and lots of details about the eating and exercise lives of relatives).

And yet I read them....must be a glutton (*snort*) for punishment.

::

Just for the record, I am not angry with my SIL and BIL, in case you were directing this at my posts. If not, then ignore me.

The only reason I included what I know about their life, was to make a point that sometimes, in some cases, it IS the parenting style. Not poverty, lack of a place to exercise, or other factors. It is not always genes, either.

I am fat because I ate too much and didn't exercise. I am changing my ways and am determined that my children will not follow suit. No nagging or shaming. I am teaching by example, as best as I can.

And I am sorry, but to do as my SIL and BIL have done is a form of neglect. Not that they don't love their kids. They do. The kids are decent kids, and they have the best of everything. And AGAIN, I do not comment about it, tell them how to live or what to do. I treasure those kids and would never do anything to hurt their feelings. In fact, besides my husband, no one knows my feelings about this situation.

Some of you here would call a mother who chose to bottle-feed, negligent. Or even worse. Or at least, you would say she is wrong. Why is it different when a parent chooses NOT to serve nutritious meals and teach the children good eating habits?

No, not everyone is a thin person. People come in all shapes and sizes. But, it is sad to see a young girl who cannot run and play like other girls, because of her size, when there is no medical problem. When her problem could have been prevented, or at least remedied with a little care.
post #51 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Awww man. I saw the thread title and got so excited hoping there was a thread for us mamas of overweight children to talk about it. I am so disappointed.

Is there a support-only thread for us here?

I have a "too skinny" daughter, a 100% average son, an overweight son (I won't be posting a picture) and a baby.

My overweight son is 60 pounds at 4 years old. All of our Doctors say "it's just genes, clearly he got some bad ones that the rest of your immediate family didn't get" (dh and I are thin). Or, the classic "he is just going to be a linebacker!", etc.

I appreciate that our Doctors trust the way we feed our kids (healthier than most!), and that they don't think there is a problem, but- my 4 year old has a stretch mark on his belly (and is far off the charts for his weight). My family of origin has a few morbidly obese people and a lot of us struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

My son appears to be doomed (at 4 years old!) to a life of weight struggles, and I am so sad/worried about that.

I'd love a support thread

Believe it or not, I support you.

My son struggles, due to his medication. Your situation, IMHO, is totally different than some described here. You are doing your utmost to make sure your child is healthy and happy.

I didn't get fat until I was an adult. That sucks. I cannot imagine being my 13 yr old niece and not being able to play like my friends do.
post #52 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
Some of you here would call a mother who chose to bottle-feed, negligent. Or even worse. Or at least, you would say she is wrong. Why is it different when a parent chooses NOT to serve nutritious meals and teach the children good eating habits?
I don't think that it's different. I think it's tactless, insensitive, mean, and shortsighted, either way.

And I'd hope that anyone who would label bottlefeeding or an overweight child as a sole indication of ABUSE would never be accepted as a social worker, that's for sure.

Back on subject, it's kind of interesting but the pediatricians around here really have a burr up their butts over childhood obesity. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, but unfortunately they are ONLY basing obesity on the weight percentile at well child visits. Anything above 50 percentile is consider overweight. And you will get a lecture about it. Doesn't matter if your child is 90+ percentile for *height*, if they're over 50 percentile for weight, you will get the fat kid lecture.

My daughter has been off the charts for height and overing around the top if not off the chart for weight since she was born. Yet I still get the lecture, even though I can point out on the little computerized record display, "Look, she's been 99th percentile in height and 90-97th percentile for weight for the LAST ALMOST-7 YEARS." So honestly, I can understand why some parents might tune it out. I know I certainly do, after I say quite bluntly, "Yes, I know that *I* am fat, but that didn't happen until I was 30, and the kids don't eat compulsively like I do." I take it from the blushes that it normally gets from the doctors that perhaps they are not comfortable with this latest sole measure of obesity either. Or they feel they got caught with their pants down assuming that because I'm fat I'm stupid and/or I spoon lard on my children's Sugar Bomb Cereal washed down with milkshakes or something.

At any rate, I don't post pics of my kids for all the world to see, and I'm not going to post one of DD, but when I have casually mentioned that I was told by her pediatrician that DD falls into the obese category people do double takes and say that they think that she's skinny! Which she certainly looks skinny but the girl is all muscle so apperances are deceiving. She doesn't have any extra fat on her, and she has a nice six-pack and is a very athletic kid.

I personally don't see that many more fat kids around these days than I remember as a child, but the areas where I was raised are NOT known for low fat, low cal cooking so that might have something to do with it.

I wish there were better measures. I think it's a problem in our society in general. But there's more than just the straight weight to consider, and you'd think it wouldn't be too hard to come up with ways to sort this out better.
post #53 of 125
Quote:
As to kids not "liking" healthful foods... huh, strange, cultures all over the world, for centuries before this one, managed to bring kids to adulthood without their "requiring" to eat McDonalds... I'm all for kids having a true voice in the family, but if my daughter wanted KFC that would NOT dictate our menu.
I've always wondered why people always assume "picky eatter" implies chips soda and twinkies. I have a picky eatter because of very honest sensory issues and yes she will in fact truly starve her self to the point of passing out or getting very sick than eat what shes doesnt "want" but her list of "approved foods" is actually quite healthy she doesn't like pizza and chicken nuggets and cookies candy chips ect..

Deanna
post #54 of 125
Perhaps some of us just do need a support thread to talk this out, instead of getting upset on a vent thread. Where would we put that? Nutrition forum? Parenting?
post #55 of 125
I also do feel there is more to "unhealthy" than just say candy chips soda I have seen poor parents that are trying but there choices partly because of budget partly because of education are soo poor. Take the stupid FDA school lunch programs, for those parents who do relay on that to provide at least 1 often 2 FDA approved "nutrtious" meals what so they get?? Well looking at my DD schools list pizza hot pockets, breaded chicken patties canned fruit in syrup french toast sticks (and I wont dare read those ingredients) HFCS laced juices chips and cookies are amoung the main things served. Then there are parents buying at home really trying. I remember helping a neighbor while she unpacked her FS bought grocceries shes young single with 2 kids and0 didn't have the past "past" but she is really trying and she was proud she made "healthy choices" and stayed in budget... she bought wheat bread (in reality colored white with HFCS) fruit cups (artifcally sweetened syrups) whole grain cereals (little nutrution and HFCS) 100% fruit juice with all natural on the front (again lots of sugar and HFCS) ect... I hate how to buy a darn loaf of bread with out a TON of crap is at least $4 and more if you want both no crap and healthy I hate how people stick No tans fat on the label and then it becomes " healthy" or how now with reduced sugar ect means we added artifical junk . I really wish things such as HFCS was just not allowed. there are many places in the world where a very high fat little to no veggies fruits ect are consumed and these have been through out history. Yet obesity is an overall current epidemic yes it existed but not like today yet sooo much is soo fake and yet carefully disguised as good for us.

Deanna
post #56 of 125
Quote:
HOW long does it take to pour organic milk over whole-grain cereal?
If you're getting your food from a food pantry, or only have a small amount of money to use for food, you are not going to have organic milk to pour on that cereal.
post #57 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
I don't think that it's different. I think it's tactless, insensitive, mean, and shortsighted, either way.

And I'd hope that anyone who would label bottlefeeding or an overweight child as a sole indication of ABUSE would never be accepted as a social worker, that's for sure.

Back on subject, it's kind of interesting but the pediatricians around here really have a burr up their butts over childhood obesity. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, but unfortunately they are ONLY basing obesity on the weight percentile at well child visits. Anything above 50 percentile is consider overweight. And you will get a lecture about it. Doesn't matter if your child is 90+ percentile for *height*, if they're over 50 percentile for weight, you will get the fat kid lecture.

My daughter has been off the charts for height and overing around the top if not off the chart for weight since she was born. Yet I still get the lecture, even though I can point out on the little computerized record display, "Look, she's been 99th percentile in height and 90-97th percentile for weight for the LAST ALMOST-7 YEARS." So honestly, I can understand why some parents might tune it out. I know I certainly do, after I say quite bluntly, "Yes, I know that *I* am fat, but that didn't happen until I was 30, and the kids don't eat compulsively like I do." I take it from the blushes that it normally gets from the doctors that perhaps they are not comfortable with this latest sole measure of obesity either. Or they feel they got caught with their pants down assuming that because I'm fat I'm stupid and/or I spoon lard on my children's Sugar Bomb Cereal washed down with milkshakes or something.

At any rate, I don't post pics of my kids for all the world to see, and I'm not going to post one of DD, but when I have casually mentioned that I was told by her pediatrician that DD falls into the obese category people do double takes and say that they think that she's skinny! Which she certainly looks skinny but the girl is all muscle so apperances are deceiving. She doesn't have any extra fat on her, and she has a nice six-pack and is a very athletic kid.

I personally don't see that many more fat kids around these days than I remember as a child, but the areas where I was raised are NOT known for low fat, low cal cooking so that might have something to do with it.

I wish there were better measures. I think it's a problem in our society in general. But there's more than just the straight weight to consider, and you'd think it wouldn't be too hard to come up with ways to sort this out better.

Just to clarify, I don't feel that way about bottle feeding. However with my niece and nephew, yes, I do feel that it is a form of neglect, at least in their case.

However, I know their story. Just seeing overweight kids does not make me automatically assume that every.single.solitary. case of overweight kids is like that in my SIL's family.
post #58 of 125
Quote:
Back on subject, it's kind of interesting but the pediatricians around here really have a burr up their butts over childhood obesity. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, but unfortunately they are ONLY basing obesity on the weight percentile at well child visits. Anything above 50 percentile is consider overweight. And you will get a lecture about it. Doesn't matter if your child is 90+ percentile for *height*, if they're over 50 percentile for weight, you will get the fat kid lecture.

This hasn't been my experience. My daughter is over 90% for height, but only 70% for weight, and they classify her as "thin" because her weight percentage is lower than her height percentage.
post #59 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint View Post
Awww man. I saw the thread title and got so excited hoping there was a thread for us mamas of overweight children to talk about it. I am so disappointed.

Is there a support-only thread for us here?

I have a "too skinny" daughter, a 100% average son, an overweight son (I won't be posting a picture) and a baby.

My overweight son is 60 pounds at 4 years old. All of our Doctors say "it's just genes, clearly he got some bad ones that the rest of your immediate family didn't get" (dh and I are thin). Or, the classic "he is just going to be a linebacker!", etc.

I appreciate that our Doctors trust the way we feed our kids (healthier than most!), and that they don't think there is a problem, but- my 4 year old has a stretch mark on his belly (and is far off the charts for his weight). My family of origin has a few morbidly obese people and a lot of us struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

My son appears to be doomed (at 4 years old!) to a life of weight struggles, and I am so sad/worried about that.

I'd love a support thread


Have you thought of seeing an endocrinologist and looking for insulin sensitivity? Your DS's metabolism may need a different healthy diet than your other LOs.

V
post #60 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet2 View Post


Have you thought of seeing an endocrinologist and looking for insulin sensitivity? Your DS's metabolism may need a different healthy diet than your other LOs.

V
At this point, we haven't been referred out, as our Dr. feels that there is no major problem with DS. I agree that he needs a different healthy diet, but am not sure what that means. I should start that other thread and we can talk. I have to change a diaper first
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