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My 13 year old son caught doing marijuana - Page 2

post #21 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
I don't know any teens that have ONLY used pot during their teen years.
Actually, that would be me. I knew all the other drugs weren't "natural" & didn't want to try them. But pot didn't worry me. I didn't like it though... I never liked anything that altered my state of mind. I think I'm weird.

But honestly, I think you have some really good points though in your original post, and I don't see one reason in the world that smoking pot at 13 should be considered okay. Its NOT okay. Regardless of whether or not it SHOULD be, it currently is NOT legal to smoke pot. That should be a big enough reason for the OP to encourage her son not to smoke. A police record is a serious thing that can follow a person throughout their life.

I also believe that drugs in general aren't good for developing brains - ANY drugs or chemicals, doesn't matter the kind or how "dangerous" they are.

Kids, really anyone, shouldn't be inhaling smoke. Bad for the lungs, mouth, esophagus, etc.

You can't be sure where the child is getting the pot & whether or not it's pure.

I think that drugs, any drugs (including alcohol), typically are experimented with when kids don't have adequate supervision or specific activities or guidance. Let me clarify this point, so I'm not misunderstood: I am NOT saying that all kids won't experiment at some point in their lives, regardless of how "good" their parents are at supervising them. Most kids will try drugs of some kind (alcohol, cigs, pot, other drugs). But I believe the VAST MAJORITY of kids who try drugs, do it when their parents aren't with them.

So it seems to me that the more you KNOW what your kids are doing, WHO they hang out with, WHEN they are coming back, WHERE they are going, etc. etc., the less likely they are to get involved in things that are over their heads.
post #22 of 79
Way to go Momma for not freaking out and making it a HUGE deal. I think that approach would only push your child away.

I have no problem with pot, and I do not think it should be illegal. But it is. I would want to have a discussion with my child about what could happen if he was caught by the police with pot or smoking pot. Getting involved with the law at 13 is way worse than any experimenting he is doing.

I would also encourage my child to wait a few more years before experimenting. At 13 there is still so much growth going on. I do not think getting high a few times is going to interfere with that but smoking regularly might.


I also wanted to point out that he was home and caught being high by 4pm (ish). That does not sound a kid that was inappropriately unsupervised for large blocks of time. I think he sounds like a normal, curious kid. At 13 I was able to find the time and space to experiment with boys despite having parents that watched me like a hawk. When a kid, or should I say young adult, is ready to do something they are gonna do it. Unless they are living in lock down, there is always an opportunity. As parents we need to be sure we are open and honest with our kids and give them all of the facts. In this case why experimenting at 13 is a bad idea. Lying or exaggerating about the facts will only lead to mistrust and possibly your kid doing something really stupid or dangerous (because if you lied about one thing you might have lied about a lot more.)
post #23 of 79
It sounds to me that you (OP) are more concerned that it not affect him negatively and that he be responsible if he's going to use it. So, in line with what seems to be your parenting style, I'd suggest a heart to heart talk with him and be honest about your feelings and beliefs. If you don't think it's that big of a deal, and you aren't concerned about it becoming habit forming, than talk to him about what you believe is a responsible way for your 13yo to smoke it. Hmmmm....maybe spring for a vaporizer for cmas? (don't kill me here, I was just kidding lololol)

Personally, I'd be more concerned with the lung problems related to smoking it than anything else. I, too, know tons of adults who use pot regularly, from SAHMoms to military officers to computer IT geeks to business owners and the whole gamut in between. None are addicted and none use 'harder' drugs. So, to each his own on this one.

Anyways, if you have a good relationship. and he isn't doing this to escape from troubling areas of his life (aka this is just recreational), than just be straight with him about how you want to see this handled maturely and responsibly.

Incidentally, I would recommend that you remind him it's officially illegal, and that if he gets arrested it is out of your hands and the consequences are pretty serious.

Interesting thread...I think I'll sub this one

Good luck mama, keep us posted!
BellevueMama
post #24 of 79
Awaiting edits by member.
post #25 of 79
I don't have time to read the other replies, but I think you might want to give him reasons to not do it other than "I don't like you doing things like that"...give him reasons that will matter to him. Clearly he know you don't like him smoking pot, but unless there's a good reason not to, he's likely just to hide it. I would give him credit for telling you the truth though. That speaks volumes for your relationship.

Sarah
post #26 of 79
[QUOTE=BellinghamCrunchie;12745893]Yes, marijuana dilates the pupils.

Anyway.

Smoking pot alone at home is different and more concerning than smoking it when out with friends on an experimental/social basis. That would imply its not just "normal" peer pressure stuff but an attempt to use a substance to deal with uncomfortable feelings. If he's having trouble negotiating feelings at age 13 and is trying to dampen those feelings, it could point to trouble ahead because the intensity and frequency of those feelings is going to get worse for the next six years or so. If he starts a pattern of trying to avoid those feelings so young, that could become very problematic.

If it was just a one-time experimental thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much, and just provide information and talk about your concerns. But if you suspect on-going use, I would really be concerned. He's at a critical juncture in his development, at 13, that makes substance use more concerning than if, say, he was using for the first time at age 40.

I don't think you can punish this sort of thing into stopping. Whatever he gets from smoking pot, it might be worth it to him to do the dishes a few more times or whatever.

I think at that age, you can set some ground rules: Its illegal, therefore you don't want it in the house. You can't control his behavior out of the house but you won't allow him to put the household at risk. [Quote from BC]



I find some truth in these words, uncomfortable feelings were my main reasons for escaping through pot and other stuff not just recreational.
post #27 of 79
[QUOTE=Porcelain Interior;12745951]You've never heard of negative side effects of marijuana use?

I'll give you some.

1. You're lighting something on fire and inhaling it- it is now a carcinogen (cancer causing substance). *Unless he's eating it "raw". You could light basil on fire and it would become a toxic substance.

2. Marijuana causes psychological disturbances in certain people. I'm one of them. I get really really bad effects that cause me to be mentally unstable.

3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.

4. Being loaded causes you to make stupid and risky decisions, coupled with teenagers sense of immortality and lower impulse control this is really dangerous.

5. Some people have addictive personalities, so pot might not be so benign. [Unquote from PI]


I agree these issues Porcelain has outlined hold some weight for some people, not all by a long shot, but should be taken into consideration.No1,2,4&5 has been some of my experience with pot, it took me some time to get these effects under control,imo pot for some people, not all, could actually be detrimental just like any substance could be. I didn't use recreationally after a while, I sought refuge in my consumption, food too, I've comfort eaten all my life. I had a lot of problems before I ever started pot. Upon starting pot I persevered with mental instability, whiteys, extreme paranoia,anxiety attacks, not being on the ball for decision-making etc, my foster-mother kicked me out at that point after threatening me for years, a reason I was so miserable in first place, I knew she was going to abandon me after 10 yrs when I needed security most. The irony being that woman was addicted to sleeping pills BEFORE she fostered me age 6, I never touched her copious amounts of zombie drugs ever! she blamed me for her addiction and I overheard her telling her husband she thought I needed to be on the same drugs she was, fost.dad shouted at her like I'd never heard him shouting before! They booted me out at 15 for smoking dope and for being a failure at school and therefore life. I agree I was a mess and had iron deficiency, I'd gone vegi but wasn't eating right, which she had no interest in plus my blood sugar levels were messy and my eyes had very dark shadows underneath, to her I was a drug addict and therefore unsaveable.I sought refuge in numbing the pain, it helped, alcohol came next at 16 I was homeless and skint and would wake up covered in my urine and vomit regularly,the pain was so intense by that point and a huge sense of loss and no security, men twice and more my age would take me home, I had noplace to go, I'd have sex with them for comfort, a bed etc why does no-one worry about alcohol? It's one of the worst imo. Should be class A tho I don't agree with criminalizing drug use.I disagree with No.3, though it would seem to be a natural progression to trying other stuff. I have found pot has kept me OFF other drugs. All the while the whole speed,e's thing was going on over here I tried stuff, maybe even enjoyed it some I found the chemical overload too much tho and could not sustain using this stuff, I would get quite ill after taking those drugs, my mates and folk I know were doing these drugs on a regular basis and dope-smoking was for 'light-weights' and coming down. I found a lot of the time these drugs had no effect on me whatsoever, probably talc and stuff, but everyone else got their desired effect. So I guess drug use and experimentation is going to have different effects on different people and their background and personal life holds some sway over how they deal with this. I still consider pot to be a friend of sorts tho I need to stand on my own two feet but alcohol is a very rare 'treat' for me and I have to be very strict with my intake. And I can do that'd like to have not started drugs n booze as a teen but nearly everyone was at it.
post #28 of 79
I've smoked pot, never been addicted to it, never had psychological problems, never got into harder stuff... I also live in an area where pot doesn't have the same stigma attached to it.

Probably the first thing I would discuss with him is that unless you'd trust the person your getting from with your life, then you can't trust they aren't giving you something that's been laced.
post #29 of 79

I think this is going to have to be you deciding whats best for your child.

It wouldn't be the pot that got me upset, it would be the irresponsibility that surrounded the pot use. Where did he get it? Was clean pot? Did you do it and act stupid? My DH and I smoke and the most trouble we ever get into is eating too many chips. IMO pot isn't dangerous. Marijuana abuse, however, is. Just like sex addictions, caffeine addictions, food addictions KWIM?

Plus 13 is too young, he's getting it from older people. Just like beers, kids get them from some irresponsible adult.
post #30 of 79
"bearer of truth" I'm not going to address your sarcastic and rudely toned post play by play, but rest assured, I am a person and I am using my head.

There's something to be said for differences of opinion, some can handle it and some can't. Those that can't I don't waste my time arguing with.

I totally 100% respect each individual parent's intuition and decision making regarding their child within reason. I don't think OP is doing anything wrong at all, and handled it pretty well.

I was just stating my opinions. I never said the word gateway btw, and you can go and ask any teenager over the age of 16 if they've only tried pot. Have they drank? Tried cigarettes? Took some cough medicine without having a cold? Ate a mushroom? Most kids when I was a teenager didn't just try pot.

I wasn't infering that the OP's son was headed for certain narcotic addiction. It's just sometimes we can't tell who will become addictive and need bigger and better things. I think it's all playing with fire. Altering your mind that is with anything including alcohol.

And the law is meaningful in our home. I may not agree with all laws, but unless they threaten our health or safety- yes I'm going to teach my kids to follow the laws of this country.
post #31 of 79
I would not be ok with it. However there is a long history of addiction in my DH family so I think my children might be higher risk.

Wether its a gateway drug or not. Wether I think it should be legal or not. And regardless of what smoking pot was like in my day IT IS A BAD IDEA for a teen to be smoking pot.

It opens him up for a world of unintended consequences. Suspension from school, criminal charges, expulsion from extracurricular activies. It jeapordizes his college funding and even his acceptance into college. He could do something stupid that gets him caught with it. He could have a fight with a friend who turns him in. Some nosy neighbor might catch a whiff and call CPS because they figure that kooky tree hugging mom is probably supplying him with it. Not to mention where is he getting it?... somewhere up the distribution chain are some nasty people. People I dont want having any kind of connection to my family.

I just dont get the tolerant attitude here.
post #32 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
If a kid likes getting high from pot there are high odds that he'll try other highs.

That is what I meant. I don't know any teens that have ONLY used pot during their teen years.
I agree that people who like getting high from one drug are more likely than average to try another drug. That said, telling someone not to smoke pot isn't going to stop them from trying another drug if they want to.

I'll also add that I smoked pot as a teenager. Most of my friends also smoked it. Most of us also drank. In almost every case, we started with alcohol and moved on to pot later. For many of my friends, that was as far as it went. A few went on to try other drugs (LSD & cocaine, mostly). Two, that I know of, ended up with major drug problems. Most of us didn't...and several of us don't use any drugs at all now, except a bit of social drinking.

I wouldn't be thrilled if ds1 came home after smoking pot. I would have been even less happy two years ago, when he was 13. However, I don't think the "end up getting into other things" argument holds much water as a reason not to smoke it.
post #33 of 79
[QUOTE=forthebest;12747401]
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie View Post
Yes, marijuana dilates the pupils.

Anyway.

Smoking pot alone at home is different and more concerning than smoking it when out with friends on an experimental/social basis. That would imply its not just "normal" peer pressure stuff but an attempt to use a substance to deal with uncomfortable feelings. If he's having trouble negotiating feelings at age 13 and is trying to dampen those feelings, it could point to trouble ahead because the intensity and frequency of those feelings is going to get worse for the next six years or so. If he starts a pattern of trying to avoid those feelings so young, that could become very problematic.

If it was just a one-time experimental thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much, and just provide information and talk about your concerns. But if you suspect on-going use, I would really be concerned. He's at a critical juncture in his development, at 13, that makes substance use more concerning than if, say, he was using for the first time at age 40.

I don't think you can punish this sort of thing into stopping. Whatever he gets from smoking pot, it might be worth it to him to do the dishes a few more times or whatever.

I think at that age, you can set some ground rules: Its illegal, therefore you don't want it in the house. You can't control his behavior out of the house but you won't allow him to put the household at risk. [Quote from BC]



I find some truth in these words, uncomfortable feelings were my main reasons for escaping through pot and other stuff not just recreational.
Yeah, that sounds about right for me too. As a teenager, I was depressed, felt misunderstood, and didn't know how to deal with those feelings. So I started experimenting, and it certainly didn't stop with pot.

Thank goodness those days are over.
post #34 of 79
I think you handled it well. You have made sure he knows where yuou stand. the concesequence was mild. I would have probably inposed something a little more meaningful but if that works for you and your fam whatever then. The most important thing to keep in mind at this point is that no matter what you or anyone else feels about pot it is still illegal. and that is reason enough that I don't want my kids messing with it. There are also a multitude of other reasons (you never really know what you are getting is one).

Honsetly if i couldn't trust my kid to make good choices while he wasn't aropund me a jkob would be the last privledge I would give him. Around here kids can work as soon as they turn 14 and I am telling you the kids I work with get into more trouble while at work that they ever would with mom and dad watching them. for some kids it is really good and helps them learn responsibility. for others it is too much freedom and money too soon.
post #35 of 79
if he was ever arrested/convicted by police then he loses all government funded financial aid/gov backed student loans for college


Not true - or at least not permanently. Convicted students lose federal financial aid for 1-2 years or must complete a qualified drug rehabilitation program. Once they've met the requirements - time off or a rehab pgm - they regain eligibility to receive financial aid.
post #36 of 79
I feel the need to say something about all of the posts referring to being worried about pot being laced or clean.

Nobody is going to sell you pot with extra goodies in it and not a) tell you about it and then b) charge you for it.

I think that is one of those myths perpetuated by drug education programs. In other words it's a scare tactic.

It's more likely that someone would buy a bag of leaves and stems than extra drugs.

Powders, pills, and liquids are more of a concern. They might be cut with something not so good.
post #37 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
I feel the need to say something about all of the posts referring to being worried about pot being laced or clean.

Nobody is going to sell you pot with extra goodies in it and not a) tell you about it and then b) charge you for it.

I think that is one of those myths perpetuated by drug education programs. In other words it's a scare tactic.

...
Not true. This is exactly how pot was used as a gateway drug when I was growing up. Once you're buying one drug, they add another (dusting pot is perfect for this). You notice a difference in the high, ask for "that stuff" again, and they tell you that if you liked it with the pot, try it w/o and here's some for you to try....

I didn't know anyone in HS who ONLY smoked pot. Everyone who did got into much heavier stuff, and several of them didn't live to graduate from college b/c of it. So I'd treat this situation pretty dang seriously. It's NOT always harmless fun.
post #38 of 79
I agree with those who said that "I don't like it when you do these things" is not enough motivation and that washing dishes has nothing to do with it. I'd talk with him about how his brain is developing rapidly and may be permanently harmed by drugs (including alcohol, not just illegal drugs) so it's best to wait until he's an adult. I'd also talk about the legal risks. I'd share my personal experience and what I have observed about people who started using marijuana at a young age vs. those who started later.

But before any of that, my first response would be to ask why he did it and what he thought of the experience. (I might even start this while he was still high, if it seemed feasible, although I think that having him lie down is a fine approach if he seems overwhelmed or tired.) This information is very important in figuring out how to help him meet his needs in other ways. I'll get it more clearly by listening to him first than if I start by telling him what I think of it.

K's Mama wrote:
Quote:
He should be doing dishes every night anyway... he lives in your home, participates in meal times, right?
There's at least one other person in the home, right? Many households have people take turns with the daily chores. What's the problem?

Porcelain Interior wrote:
Quote:
3. Most kids that smoke pot end up getting into other things, experimenting with popping pills, getting drunk, inhaling dust off- glue etc and so forth.
In fact, this works the other way around: Most people who try other drugs have already tried marijuana. Alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine also belong in that category: Drugs that are easy to get tend to be the first ones people try. The minority of people who are not satisfied with those drugs will try others.

Quote:
If a kid likes getting high from pot there are high odds that he'll try other highs.
If a kid likes getting high from pot ENOUGH, he has no reason to try other highs. Just like alcohol: If a kid likes getting drunk, that doesn't motivate him to try every drug in existence; many drinkers never touch an illegal drug.

Personally, I kind of enjoyed drinking but wasn't happy with all aspects of it (like the clumsiness and stupid feeling) and had some bad experiences. Once I tried marijuana, I began losing interest in alcohol except as a medication for severe muscle spasm. Never have lost interest in caffeine, though. I've never tried any other illegal drug. I know lots of people like me and one who lost interest in all other recreational substances once he found LSD. It does happen.

The phenomenon to beware is a "party" mentality in which the goal is to get as messed up as possible using whatever substances or techniques are available. This is what causes people to do things like swallowing a handful of unidentified pills or choking themselves for fun. It's not an effect of a drug, it's an approach to recreation. The way to avoid it, IMO and based on what I've seen in research, is to teach kids to regard mind-altering activities with great respect and caution, to demonstrate and talk about responsible use of whatever substances you find worthwhile, and to encourage them to use their minds for other things that will keep them amused.
post #39 of 79
OP, I can see your concerned and maybe just not sure of the best approach for your family/child.

Would you consider taking him on a field trip to the local police department? Arrange it in advance, and they will be happy to provide you with literature and even a video on the actual legal ramifications of possession and consumption of illegal substances in your state. I too used at a young age, and had I known how it would have effected my life (getting caught in a car with friends at age 18) I might have played it safer.

If the consumption itself isn't the issue for you and it's the legal piece, focus on that. Let him know that. "I can't stop you from trying things out or control who you associate with, but I would like to make sure you're smart about your actions." Help him get educated.
post #40 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadontcry View Post
He is also getting a job at Tim Hortons soon. :
A 13 yr old can work at a job? How is that?

I would have problems with it if my 13 y o child came home high off pot. I dated someone who was a pothead as a teenager and is still a pothead now at the age of 44. It's not funny.
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