I tried...but she did it anyway

[JamesMama]

DH's cousin was preg with a little boy. I sent her gobs of anti-circ stuff while she was pregnant. Told her how much I regretted it and how the likelyhood of him running into problems being intact were slim to nil and the risks of the surgery. Sent her a youtube video of circ.

I think she read it all, she never replied to me so I'm not 100% sure, it was marked as READ in my email.

Well she did it anyway.

This was after a fairly traumatic birth, she got Group B strep sometime between the test and delivery. The baby stopped breathing after birth, had to be resuscitated. He got stuck in the birth canal and ended up with a broken collarbone.

He was in the nursery for 12 hours, before Mama even got to hold him.

I would have gone by to see her in the hospital to reiterate it but we're down to one vehicle and with my and DH's work schedules I couldn't.

So my GMIL told me today that they we're supposed to leave Friday morning but they didn't end up getting out until Friday night because the dr was busy all day and didn't come until 4pm to circ him.

I tried...

I figured she would, they are super mainstream, can't say as I'm surprised. But I kind of hoped...

[mysticmomma]

I'm so sorry. You really did the best you could.

[latinalonestar]

That poor child. He already had such a rough start and then he was mutilated.

You did your best though, feel good about that. (((hugs)))

[JamesMama]

Originally Posted by latinalonestar

That poor child. He already had such a rough start and then he was mutilated.

That is what upsets me the most. He went through so much in his short little life, I can't imagine a broken collarbone feels good...how scary it must have been to be in the incubator for so long with no one to hold him, just nurses poking and prodding him...

And then he has cosmetic surgery for no reason. All because my GFIL supposedly had some issues and had to be circ'ed as an adult.

[Amputee]

I think I am going to cry.

[latinalonestar]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

And then he has cosmetic surgery for no reason. All because my GFIL supposedly had some issues and had to be circ'ed as an adult.

Not to mention that your GFIL was probably not circed for a real reason. He just ran into an ignorant doctor that didn't know the proper treatment.

[anony]

Originally Posted by Amputee

I think I am going to cry.

Just terrible. Breaks your heart really. The fact that babies don't remember doesn't excuse it, but sometimes I think that if babies all remembered it and it traumatized them as children, circumcision would be outlawed. The fact it can be forgotten and normalized helps keep it around. Even if I myself was circ'd, I would still be horrified if this ever happened to a child of mine. I'd feel dirty, like I was complicit in a maiming of my own son. I really feel for those who go through the guilt of realizing their error, and in this case I feel bad for the baby.

I'm not married yet, but I do look forward to raising a family one day and Ican be very caring and emotionally invested in health and safety because I love kids, I admit. I really would love to be a dad someday. Now, I don't really cry much at all, if ever. I'm not stone cold, it's just something I don't feel compelled to do especially when surrounded by others (call it manly if you like). But in a hypothetical situation, if I had a son who went through this then was cut and I found out what circ really entailed, I probably would cry my eyes out.

I'd certainly express guilt to my wife and would become a real intactivist, probably more than I am now. Then years later I'd be apologizing to my son, even if it's in vain. I don't know how it would feel psychologically to be circ'd and realize what was done to me but I know I would feel very upset and cheated, not that everyone has to in that situation. Thank God I'll never have to face that sort of feeling nor any guilt trip, but I can only imagine how horrible it would be. It's too bad this boy's parents haven't come to the realization. The inner conflict people face over circ'ing their babies is tough but inevitable because it works to atone for past mistakes and creates big anti-circ sentiment.

[robertandenith]

thanks for trying... I just hope one day these babies find comfort (as adults) when they find out the truth through all these new studies and that their parents were informed and still did it

[tammyswanson]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

That is what upsets me the most. He went through so much in his short little life, I can't imagine a broken collarbone feels good...how scary it must have been to be in the incubator for so long with no one to hold him, just nurses poking and prodding him...

And then he has cosmetic surgery for no reason. All because my GFIL supposedly had some issues and had to be circ'ed as an adult.

I know, my 'best friend' had her preemie circ'd, even after all the info I gave her (and she's a nurse!). Makes me so sick to think about it..so unnecessary!

At least you tried.

[Unconventional1]

Originally Posted by anony

Just terrible. Breaks your heart really. The fact that babies don't remember doesn't excuse it, but sometimes I think that if babies all remembered it and it traumatized them as children, circumcision would be outlawed. The fact it can be forgotten and normalized helps keep it around.

This isn't true- I have met and heard of several men/boys who remember at least parts of the procedure- including my husband. The problem is that they are rarely believed- which is insane to me since it is such a horrific act done to such a new mind- I still have major issues from having spinal fluid removed when I was a year old- I don't remember it exactly- but I have major issues with needles, being held down, and medical personelle in general- they give me major anxiety. My DH can describe some of the sensations he felt also.

[RMM1117]

Man, that stinks. Sigh. At least you did your part. Poor little guy, a broken collar bone AND fresh wound to pee and poop on

[anony]

Originally Posted by Unconventional1

This isn't true- I have met and heard of several men/boys who remember at least parts of the procedure- including my husband. The problem is that they are rarely believed- which is insane to me since it is such a horrific act done to such a new mind- I still have major issues from having spinal fluid removed when I was a year old- I don't remember it exactly- but I have major issues with needles, being held down, and medical personelle in general- they give me major anxiety. My DH can describe some of the sensations he felt also.

I said all because I know some people do. It would be believed if it were a lot more widespread is what I'm saying. Because it doesn't frequently occur, it's passed off like you said. It sucks that unless memories are vivid, people discount the pain and no one sounds the alarm.

[Nandi]

The secular circumcisions that were popularized by Dr. Kellogg and others in the 1800's were done in part BECAUSE it was so painful. The doctors wanted the penis to be associated with pain, to discourage masturbation. There is a quote from Dr. Kellogg where he is recounting circing an 8 year old boy without anesthesia. http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/
More quotes there.

[Tinijocaro]

All you can do is remember that some day soon, the fact that circumcision is barbaric will become common knowledge, and people will just stop doing it, just like slavery became something "we just don't do any more".

All those people you tried to prevent from doing will think back and say "Oh yeah, she did try to tell me back then but I just didn't see it."

I'm looking forward to the day when doctors just won't do it any more. So many people I've talked to who have gone ahead and done it anyways, acting as if I'm the one suggesting something awful. Some day, they will know.

[Attached Mama]

Originally Posted by Tinijocaro

All you can do is remember that some day soon, the fact that circumcision is barbaric will become common knowledge, and people will just stop doing it, just like slavery became something "we just don't do any more".

All those people you tried to prevent from doing will think back and say "Oh yeah, she did try to tell me back then but I just didn't see it."

I'm looking forward to the day when doctors just won't do it any more. So many people I've talked to who have gone ahead and done it anyways, acting as if I'm the one suggesting something awful. Some day, they will know.

Yes, you did your best.... I'm sorry she didn't opt out tho

Off topic: slavery is more prevelant today than ever thru the child trafficking industry. Two children are sold every minute!!

[hakunangovi]

Good for you for making the effort. Be proud of yourself for having tried. As a friend used to say "Some days chicken, some days feathers". Don't get discouraged and quit. There will be other opportunities and, for sure, some of them will be successfull.
Hugs to you !!

[quarteralien]

You did your best. I know how you feel.
I had a new nephew born last week. I sent SIL tons of info, but I haven't gotten up the guts to ask what they decided...