Squeamish husband at birth?

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

This gist of this is also sitting in my due date club.

I discovered this week that my husband is a tad squeamish at the sight of my blood. I wound up in the ER to get IV fluids due to a bout of hyperemesis (FUN!), and my IV leaked a bit. A small amount of blood sat on my arm, so small it was clearly not an issue, but for some reason my hubby became rather faint because of it.

Now, I'm planning a homebirth (he was homebirthed himself and a very big supporter of it), and ideally I'd have him catch. I'm guessing it's not likely he'll be able to do that, and that's fine. But my concern is if he'll be able to handle the normal, well, excretions of birth, even if he's "by the head."

Has anyone had a squeamish dad at their homebirth? Is it different if it's at home? How did he deal? Is there anything I can do to make this more tolerable?

For the record, he's not squeamish in general. He's a blood donor (as am I) and has thus dealt with large quantities of his own blood. His problem was seeing a bit of my blood, and it was a reaction he was really not expecting. So this is very new to both of us, and he's still not really wanting to talk about it. Thankfully, we have time.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

[emmaegbert]

My husband fainted watching me get stitches on my thumb. 2 years later he was really present and engaged at our birth center birth. He was "by my head" but he was holding me the whole time and ended up with some big gush of something all over his leg and it didn't phase him. However, he was not interested in catching or cutting the cord, which was okay by me. (actually, worked out b/c our baby got stuck (mild SD), and then needed some immediate stimulation to begin breathing, so he wouldn't have been able to do much anyway)

Talk to your midwife- she may be able to alleviate his worries. The main advice our MW gave to my husband was that he be sitting down just in case. Make sure there is plenty of support for you (but there should be anyway) just in case.

This time we're planning a HB. The midwives seem pretty unconcerned, they emphasize he should do whatever he is comfortable with- some partners know that ahead of time, and some really don't know until its time. I don't think he'll be planning to "catch" but its okay if he decides he's up for it too!

[dogmom327]

Have another support person on hand (a friend, doula, etc.). Hopefully you DH will be big enough to admit that he might not be able to provide optimal support (if he feels queasy or something) even if he doesn't want to discuss the issue directly.

[LilacMama]

Make sure he eats regularly during your labor! Nothing like low blood sugar to make you pass out easily.

[DahliaRW]

If you're in water, there is less visible gunk to deal with. Just a thought.

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Lilac; part of his problem was he had had low blood sugar. He was trying to get food when he almost passed out.

Dahlia: I do plan on laboring in water. No idea where I'll want to birth, but the tub will be there.

[Graceoc]

I have a very squemish DH....as it turns out our midwife missed the birth by 5 mintues and DH was the one to 'catch' our baby. Wasn't the plan for sure, but he pulled through calm and as cool as could be.

[JamieCatheryn]

Keep in mind that unless you tear there won't be much or any blood until the baby is already out and placenta detaches, only amniotic fluid. That fact alone should help a lot. If you are in the water, get out after birth to deliver the placenta so the water doesn't go red. At birth he'll be prepared for it and know that your body makes extra blood and it's okay and normal to lose some after the birth, not just suddenly be shocked by the random sight of blood. Have a doula if possible to give him breaks in supporting you so he can be fed and recharged regularly and in top condition. Have disposable absorbent pads under you for that first heavy bleeding and opaque black trash bags to whisk them into after birth.

[kerikadi]

Here's an anecdotal story for you

My Dad is SUPER squemish!
Years ago when couples had to get blood tests to get married he past out when they had to take my Mom's from her hand.

Dr. Bradley was my Mom's OB in the 60's and as you know he is all about husband participation. My Dad was right there when my sister and brother were both born. Before they had me they moved to AZ where it was illegal : for a DH to be in the delivery room. My Dad wanted to be there so bad he punched an orderly trying to remove him

Fast forward many years - I was attacked by a dog and when my Dad saw the wound in the hospital he passed out immediately.

However, when he watched the video of my first birth he was smiling ear to ear and kept commenting on how it was the coolest thing!

Your DH is not my Dad but I think the situation has a lot to do with it. Although it is important for you to take care of yourself during labor you may want to make it easy on him and have food he likes to eat at the ready - a candy bar, soda, juice, fruit etc. Maybe even set up cues - when you call the MW, make sure you eat something, when we fill up the tub, eat something.

I'd be willing to bet he will do just fine I wouldn't worry too much about who catches though because sometimes you think DH will catch and it just comes naturally to you and vice versa

[rockportmidwife]

2 stories for you.
My SO was asked by the midwife if he wanted to catch. Every time either she or I would bring it up, he kind of acted funny. Even to the point of making jokes about not being here for it. So, we just decided that he would stay up by my head and only cut cord if he feels up to it at that moment. He was totally ok with that. We finally figured out what the problem was. He is a volunteer firefighter and has seen some really horrible things. He equates blood and such with trauma and didn't think that he could deal with it when it came to me and his baby. So we are just going to try and keep him from seeing placenta and such and let him leave the room when necessary.
We had a client one time, whose husband was even worse. Did not want to see any blood at all. He ended up catching the baby because we didn't make it in time. Once he realized that it was up to him, he manned up and took care of things. I think it made him feel better about himself for it.

[L&K'smommie]

My dh stood up by my head for dd and behind my head for ds...he does NOT want to catch the baby at our HB. He is actually wondering how he can avoid seeing it this time too. He deals with enough blood and junk at work he just isn't really into birth. I don't mind...at least he'll be in the room and such

[ScrappinMom]

My DH has a lot of trouble with blood. He took a first aid course and got dizzy just from his text book! At the birth of our DD he just stayed by my head. He didn't look down, he didn't cut the cord and that was okay! He was totally there for me when I needed him! He could look at our DD before she was cleaned up though!

We are planning a home birth this time and it is going to be the same. He just doesn't handle blood well!

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by sunflwrmoonbeam

Lilac; part of his problem was he had had low blood sugar. He was trying to get food when he almost passed out.

In light of this, I wouldn't worry too much - have snacks around, have a support person for him, but don't stress.

I have to say, also - the ER can, all by itself, be an additional stressor that makes it hard for people to deal. Your DH's reactions may be very different when the two of you are at home, assisted by someone you trust, going through a process you basically understand.

[Peony]

My DH is squeamish and he is also a very anxious person in general, birth is great fun for us. For DD1's birth, he was up by my head so he didn't have to see anything. DD2's birth was at home, DH actually almost missed it because he was so nervous, his stomach was upset and he couldn't get out of the bathroom. He came in right when I was pushing her out, it was a water birth so there was very minimal mess. He actually drained the water and was fine with that.

[AmieV]

I would be tempted to be not worried about this hardly at all and this is why:

You mentioned the low blood sugar. I am a doula, and had been to at least a good handful of births before I got pregnant as well as having been through it myself twice! I'm not at ALL grossed out or squeamish by things medical/bloody/birthy. But at about 13 weeks I was at a birth for 20 hours straight, was about to go have lunch when my client got an epi. I had seen a couple epidurals inserted before and it was no big deal. Well, I seriously almost passed out. Then a week or so later, I was at a birth with a lot of meconium and the smell totally got to me when labor/birth smells have never bothered me.

Anyway, I know it's different, but my point is that under normal circumstances, where he stays fed/hydrated/as rested as possible, if he's not squeamish overall, I bet he'll do just fine. I know now that my reactions were more pg related than my own weak stomach, especially since I have since heard of a 16 week pregnant OB who actually threw up (discreetly, away from mama of course) during a csection, an operation that she'd obviously performed lots of times before.

[Peony]

I forgot to mention that I have passed out at the first birth I ever watched years ago. It had nothing to do with the birth at all, but the fact I hadn't been able to eat in hours and the heat was cranked way up, between the low blood sugar and the heat, I was a goner. It's never happened since, and I make sure that I eat even if it's a couple crackers in my pocket.