Yup, this is SUCH a problem! We just waded past the crappy language in most of them, but it sucks. And unfortunately, lots of the "natural living" stuff is the worst in terms of queer stuff.
For pregnancy/birthing, I really liked "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simpkin. This is the only non-gay-specific book I found that wasn't full of "husband," "dad," "husband." The book is great, and geared toward natural childbirth.
For afterwards (ie. parenting) I have yet to find anything really great. We have the Dr. Sears Baby Book which will meet your AP/crunchy needs, but will continually make you want to scream with its heteronormative crap.
I also recommend, if you don't have it, Stephanie Brill's "Complete Lesbian Guide to Pregnancy, Conception, etc." Though she covers too many topics to be a sole resource, we found it really, really, really reassuring to read a book that spoke to us as a queer/trans couple. It's really important, especially right after you have the baby and everything feels so emotional and crazy, to find SOME resource that speaks to you as you are, and recognizes your family. She also has a good section on the particular challenges that queer couples face as they become parents. It was very helpful for us.