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Do you get an overnight bag? - Page 2

post #21 of 22
We provide all of my step-daughter's clothes during my husband's custodial time (which is about 1/3 of the time, and we do pay child support). When she is here, we set aside the clothes she came in (so we remember what they were) and that is what she wears when she travels to mom's. When my husband goes there to visit (for those who aren't familiar, we live 3000 miles away from her mom, but my husband sees her every month in the state where her mom lives and she is with us here for all her school breaks), he packs a bag of her clothes and brings them. If she has outgrown things, he shops while he has her with him. We buy things a little on the bigger side so they will last longer (honestly, we do it for all the kids), and we are generally very thoughtful about what and how much we are buying to maximize the use we get out of it. We are well-stocked with summer clothes because she is here for the whole summer.

We have plenty of younger siblings for her hand-me-downs to go to, so we don't mind that things don't get worn out before they are outgrown!

Even when we had 50/50 custody while we were living in the same city, we quickly established the routine of setting asside the clothes from mom's and sending her to mom's in those clothes. It saved a lot of headache and arguing because it mattered to mom that the clothes from her house came back, but she wasn't particularly good at first about getting things back to us.

When we first switched to this current arrangement, she did ask if my husband wanted her to pack an overnight bag for the weekend, but we preferred to provide it all ourselves. It's kind of fun for my step-daughter to have "special" clothes that she only gets every once in a while, and since she is growing fast there is often something new in his bag for her, which she enjoys.

There are some things we have to provide because we live in a much different climate than her mother... her mom lives in southern CA and there is no reason for her to buy wool sweaters and snow boots.

I imagine that when she gets older there might be a favorite tshirt or a pair of shoes she just got that she wants to bring here or take there. At that point I can't imagine acting possessive over clothes-- it's not really who I am and not the message I want to send to any of my kids.
post #22 of 22
It's funny that you ask. A lot of times when my two stepsons come over, they have only the clothes on their backs. I stopped buying clothes for them at our house a long time ago, because quite frankly, everything migrated to their mother's house and never came back. I really don't know how this always happened!

When they got old enough, we made it clear to them, that if they wanted clothes to wear over the weekend, then they had better bring them over from their mom's house. That being said, we do take them shopping for shoes sometimes or other items that they say that they need. It's kind of cool for dad to take them shopping for that special item sometimes. We've also kicked down money to help out with school shopping and such, kind of on a touch and go basis. Of course, if I am out "bargain shopping" and I see something really neat for either one of them, then I pick it up.

The funniest thing is that now that my stepson is 16 and does his own laundry, sometimes on the weekends that he comes over, he brings his dirty clothes hamper, so that he can do laundry at our house!!! I was really tickled when I got to show him how our washer & dryer work!

Times are a changin.
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