Update on us

[Swandira]

Hi, all! First, congratulations to all those already holding their babies, and good luck and patience vibes to those still waiting.

I'm still hanging in there at about 38 weeks 3 days, and I've had a really exciting time since Friday when they told me I had mild preeclampsia. I went in Saturday for more testing and went on bedrest after refusing the c-section. I repeated all the testing, and everything is normal -- turns out I don't have even mild preeclampsia, just mild gestational hypertension. I also repeated my ultrasound, and predictably enough, it said I have a pretty big baby. I actually agree with it this time, and honestly, I've been a bit worried since a few days before this all started happening. He keeps flailing back and forth as if he's trying to get down into my pelvis, and it's not working for him. When the midwife palpated me yesterday she said he was sitting sideways with his head up on top of my pelvis. I think he's having trouble getting in there to put pressure on my cervix, for whatever reason (short cord? big head? who can say?) Even though I've had lots of strong contractions, they don't form a labor pattern and I'm not progressing. Then I had a consult with the (wonderful, very respectful) OB today and she showed me all my test results, including my latest ultrasound. It showed that the baby's body is about 15 percentile points bigger than his head (which I'm pretty sure is a big head to begin with, since it's hanging out there in my abdomen). If that were true, it would put me at considerable risk for shoulder dystocia. I thought about it, and actually for the first time in a week felt at peace about my birth when I realized I want a c/s this time instead of another VBAC. Weird, huh? Even though I know from experience how much better a VBAC recovery can be, something in my mind is telling me to go the other direction this time. As a third-time mama, I've learned not to go against my better judgment where medical care is involved -- even when I'm not entirely sure what's bothering me.

So apparently the scheduler will call me tomorrow to set the date and I can get this done. I won't get that wonderful birthing high this time, but I'm pretty sure I'll feel, just like last time with my VBAC, that I made the right choice.

I'll let you guys know when I know more.

[hollyvangogh]

Thanks for the update! Can't wait to hear about your little one!

(And amen to following your intuition.)

[applecider]

I'm so glad you are feeling at peace with your decision. That will make everything so much more wonderful!

[odenata]

I think it's important to trust your gut on these things, and am glad you are feeling good about your decision.

[avivaelona]

Good luck Nealy! (and yeah I agree on following your gut even if it goes against what you think is "perfect")

[jenniferadurham]

There IS something to that "Momma intuition"...go with it. Praying that ALL goes well and you are holding your precious LO soon!

[Shelbyscout]

I think it's wonderful that you're listening to your mommy's intuition and doing what you feel is best for both you and your LO. Good luck with your birth--can't wait to see your announcement!

[phatchristy]

Keep in mind it's actually fairly normal for the head not to drop down after you've already had one kiddo until right before labor. Definitely with my last few (including this one) the head hasn't gone down until right before I went into labor. Ultrasound size measurements late in pregnancy also are not very accurate.

Either way, as there is nothing emergent going on you have plenty of time to decide what you want to do, good luck with whatever you decide!

[Swandira]

Yeah, I know. My VBAC baby didn't drop until late in the game either, and she got out just fine. But this one seems... I don't know. I can tell something is a little off. Maybe it would work, and I'm worrying for nothing, but I never had these feelings with my first VBAC baby.

And I know all about inaccurate ultrasound size measurements. My little girl was actually two pounds less than they said. (Not that it necessarily matters what size your baby is -- I don't doubt that I actually could birth a 9-pound baby if all was as it should be. I don't believe that our bodies will normally make babies too big for us.) What's worrying me is the disconnect between his head size and his chest size. It was visible in the ultrasound pictures. My husband is shaped that way -- he's a swimmer, with big, broad shoulders -- and I wouldn't be surprised if I finally had a baby shaped like him, instead of one like me, with a big head on a tiny little body. And I know that shoulder dystocia isn't always a serious problem, but it has the potential to do long-term harm, and even though I've always been pretty gung-ho in pursuit of the VBAC (since about the time they stitched me up from my original cesarean), something is telling me, for whatever reason, that it's not going to work out for me as well this time. If I had ever had such a thought before the last month, I would probably discount it as just pre-birth jitters, but I don't think that's what it is. I sure hope not -- that would be a tragedy from my point of view! And, since I can't do it both ways, I'll never really know, but something feels right about having an ERCS this time. I'm not looking forward to it, but something tells me I'd have regrets if I went for the VBAC again. It's such a weird mental adjustment, since for the last nine months it's hardly entered my mind that I might have another surgical birth. Even now, the statistics are in my favor, but suddenly and uncharacteristically I'm uncomfortable even trying it, despite my wonderful experience last time. It just feels wrong for this baby. I hope I'm right and nothing goes wrong with the surgery instead! But probably it won't. Most births of all types go fine.

[mom2annika]

There is a time and place for everything. Trust your intuition.

[brandyk]

i think the most important thing in this situation is to be at peace with your decision - and you are!!

[gretae]

Best of luck to you and wishing you a safe birth, a healthy baby and a quick recovery! Go with your gut!

[Starfish11]

Good for you for hanging in there and really ensuring that you have the birth experience you hope for.

[Lemon Juice]

Mama I hope your birth goes well and that you and babe are both safe in one another's arms after it is all over.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by Swandira

If I had ever had such a thought before the last month, I would probably discount it as just pre-birth jitters, but I don't think that's what it is. I sure hope not -- that would be a tragedy from my point of view! And, since I can't do it both ways, I'll never really know

Definitely you have to be at peace with your decision! I'm sorry if I made you feel defensive. I agree with all the other ladies. I actually remembered the threads you posted here in the past...about the mws not being supportive, how they seemed to be pushing you into an ERC, and you were seriously thinking about changing caregivers etc. You talked about how wonderful your OB was at your last vbac--no pressure, not feeling like you were on the clock. You were so passionately pro-vbac, but sounding like you had little/no support this time from your CNMs who seemed to be putting road blocks up for you. I've had so many friends whove had vbacs who have had such uphill battles with their vbacs and the end often was filled with so much worry, fear...so my initial worry was that you were feeling like them...

As another option, some women do opt to go into labor before consenting to a cesarean for the benefits to the baby. So, theoretically it is posible to have it both ways, you could go into a vbac 'trial of labor' being fully at peace with having to have a repeat cesarean.

Either way, wishing you a happy, healthy baby and a good birth!

[Swandira]

Christy,

Don't worry that you put me on the defensive! (Actually, I'm glad you asked about it, because it gives me a chance to talk through my thought process with sympathetic listeners.) I reread my original post and don't think it was very clear about my thinking. It really sounded like I made this decision because of the "big baby" card being played. The doctor didn't try to claim that she really knew what size he was, and I have no such delusions, either. She was very up-front with me -- unlike most medical providers, this one actually seems to know how to talk to smart people.

I did think about just waiting for labor and then going in, but I decided that, since I'm so sad about missing out on that experience -- I do know what I'm missing this time, after all -- I think it will be better for me to just go on and get it done so that I can start healing, physically and emotionally. I've asked them to put me in a room as far as possible from anyone who might be laboring so that I don't have to hear it and cry about what I'm missing. Also, I'm bringing my iPod and some headphones in case I need to block out said sounds.

So I'm going in tomorrow morning, at 5 am, and the doctor I talked to will be doing the surgery at 7 am. I'm enormously sad now, but I'm pretty confident this is the right decision for this baby. Probably I won't be so sad when I get to meet my little guy. I should be in the hospital until some time on Sunday, and I'll post all about it when we get home.

[i0lanthe]

I'll be thinking of you! I think trusting your intuition is a good idea.