Worried about how to protect my intact son at daycare

[apple_juice]

I am a SAHM but I have he opportunity to use a casual day care. I am going to start using it once a week starting next week so I can work on my jewelery making.

Anyway I am wondering how other parents make sure their intact sons are protected from retraction at day care. There are three places on the forms to put information. One for special needs, one for medical info and one for general info. I was thinking about writing "my son has an intact penis under no circumstances is anyone to retract his foreskin" in all the sections. I was also planning on personally talking to all the day care providers.

Am I being too vigilant. Should I relax a bit? I am stopping myself short of pinning a note to his diaper.

[Papai]

I have no idea where you live, but I'd say relax.

If you're worried about it, ask if the daycare providers have experience with intact boys. If they say yes, say good, then I just want to confirm that everyone is aware to not retract?

If they say yes, move on. If they say no, run like hell. LOL.

I'm intact and I went to tons of babysitters and it wasn't an issue.

[yarngoddess]

I don't think you are being too vigilant. I think you should re-word it a little. Many, MANY people don't know that ANY pulling back is considered retraction. Most people think it's pulling to see the head. NOT!

I do think you should write it, and in the medical write "clean like a finger- wipe down." and talk to all the workers- ask them to change him in front of you. Explain what you expect. I think that often too many parents assume that because its daycare it's good- they know children. We are a new breed of parents- and we need to be an advocate for our children.

[robertandenith]

you can print out a flyer for them

http://nocirc.org/publish/4pam.pdf

[Twinklefae]

I would speak to anyone who may change your child's diaper. I live in an area where the circ rate is 1% and used to work in daycare. I did have a mom tell me not to retract her son anyway. I wouldn't have, but it never hurts to be very clear. I wouldn't put it on the form, often those forms aren't looked at by everyone. (It can't hurt to, but I would really make sure to talk to people,)

[emamum]

wow! in the uk retracting a boys foreskin would be seen as abuse!!

i have worked with both circed and un circed babies and i have never ever needed to retract a foreskin... why on earth would you??

[bscal]

Please do talk to the caregivers who will be responsible for your child. I taught toddlers in a daycare center through college and then taught 2 yr olds in a private preschool for 10 years before having my first child. I had never seen an intact penis... until changing the diaper of a boy in my first class at the private preschool. Luckily he was just wet. I did call his mother that evening and told her that this was my first experience with an intact little boy and asked her how to clean him properly. She told me how to clean him and was surprised that I hadn't seen an intact boy before. I didn't have another intact boy in my class until I taught his little brother 2 years later.

So please have a discussion with the caregivers. I am SO glad in retrospect that I called her and asked how to care for her son. I made sure that my assistant and any subs we had in the classroom also knew how to clean him up if he was poopy.

My 2 cents,
Beth

[mtchen79]

It doesn't hurt to speak with the providers who will change the diapers just to be sure - overassuming that they know may reveal in the end that some didn't know or have limited experience. Plus, the face-to-face interaction will emphasize that this is important for your child.

I have a slightly similar situation - I am expecting in 03/09, don't know the gender, but if it's a boy, DH and I are going to have to be very cautious about preventing foreskin retraction since I will be giving birth in a hospital (birthing center or HB not an option this time) and our area (Kentucky) has a higher circ rate than other parts of the country. My OB said it shouldn't be an issue but I have warned DH that we better not let DS (if it's a boy) out of our sight just in case since I'm not even sure I would know if someone had tried to retract the foreskin after the fact if I weren't present to witness it (I don't have any firsthand experience with this).

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by emamum

wow! in the uk retracting a boys foreskin would be seen as abuse!!

i have worked with both circed and un circed babies and i have never ever needed to retract a foreskin... why on earth would you??

Because here in the US we, lamentably, have a very high rate of routing circumcision. It has been going down but has been so high for so long that most people don't know the proper care, in some places they may have never seen an intact boy before. They act on the myths they heard about having to spend extra time and attention cleaning intact boys. That's why.

[emamum]

my ds is 7 and intact and i have never retracted his foreskin... we are told not to even try.

[latinalonestar]

No, you need to be very careful. I have heard several stories of boys being retracted at daycare centers. Sometimes there is a change in staff so you need to be sure everyone knows not to retract, even sitters from other rooms that might fill-in from time to time. Bring no-circ pamphlets to the daycare. Let me know if you need the links. They have one about the intact boy and one about forcible retraction. I would also make label stickers that say, "Intact DON'T Retract" and put one on each diaper you bring. You can NEVER be too careful with this.

[latinalonestar]

Originally Posted by emamum

my ds is 7 and intact and i have never retracted his foreskin... we are told not to even try.

You are right you should never try. Some daycare workers and medical professionals don't know this so you have to be careful when leaving your infant in the care of others.

[Dev]

Considering our country's high circ. rate over the past 3 generations and our health care professions failure to educate about the normal development and care of the intact penis.... I would definitely provide written AND verbal instruction to the daycare provider staff. Not only are you going to lessen the probability of a forced retraction on your son, but you will be educating the daycare staff on the ease of caring for an intact infant / toddler plus the harm a retraction can cause to a young child's developing prepuce. Only by spreading the word and educating members of your community will harmful forced retraction and amputation of little boys' prepuces end. Take the opportunity to educate whenever you can. In the end, you will not only prevent your son and other intact boys from unnecessary harm, but you will inform child care workers that leaving their son(s) intact is not troublesome and the irrational belief of having to "clean" is a perpetuated myth. (plus, being a typical mom, it will be one less thing you will have to worry about.. you need your sleep too!).
Best Regards & Many Blessings, Devin

[mysticmomma]

I would physically show them. Each and every person. If you feel uneasy about being so... preachy, you could tell a little white lie and say, we had a babysitter clean him improperly because she misunderstood "retraction" and my instructions for cleaning him and he has had major complications from the manipulation of his foreskin; infection, pain, adhesions, etc. I need to show you and anyone else that may change him so that I know there are no misconceptions and he won't have to endure that again. Only the people I show may change him, and I will always come back if one of them aren't here.

Also ask for a sign to be posted about intact cleaning and the people's names you have approved.

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma

I would physically show them. Each and every person. If you feel uneasy about being so... preachy, you could tell a little white lie and say, we had a babysitter clean him improperly because she misunderstood "retraction" and my instructions for cleaning him and he has had major complications from the manipulation of his foreskin; infection, pain, adhesions, etc. I need to show you and anyone else that may change him so that I know there are no misconceptions and he won't have to endure that again.

I wouldn't say this, myself...only because to anyone who may have never seen an intact penis or have already formed an opinion about it, it may solidify in their mind that "Yeah, that's why circ is necessary and if you'd circ'd him then he wouldn't have had to go through all that stuff." In other words, you'd just be telling them how fragile the foreskin is and the damage that can be done when one has one, without them ever knowing how damaging circ itself is. Does that make any sense? I'm tired; I hope it makes sense.

I would just briefly tell them that the foreskin is fused to the penis in intact children, and pushing it back can cause pain or bleeding. It's Nature's way of protecting the penis, and it begins to loosen and retract itself over time, but forcing it to happen is a no-no.