Queer and Newborn! - Page 3

[indigoscot]

smartycat, we don't post photos of our son but if you are on facebook and im me i can add you as a friend!

g

[tigermiep]

i could use some babywearing help. I feel like it's not really necessary to wear him right now -- we go out so rarely, and he falls asleep in the car seat (we've gone out with him a grand total of 5 times), so i leave him in it for no so he'll sleep (sleep is at a premium). we hold him a lot of the time... I would like to find a carrier soon that works for me. we have a padded sling that I find uncomfortable, and A didn't like it at all.

i love going out with dp and the baby, tho. I love being a little family.

[JenInMpls]

miep I've got one of everything. I'll call you.

[JenInMpls]

So I've got a second (but a brief one as E is starting to say "La!" and of course we have to leave for my 6-week pp midwife appt in 10 mins) to weigh in on the baby carrier thing. Miep and I had a carrier fest yesterday at her house. (btw: Anders: cuuuuuuuuuuuute!) here's what we went through:

traditional mei tei: too low to support baby head. Babyhawk probably would work better.

Ergo with infant insert was a , my kidlet thinks so too. Insert supports the head. Pros: can use til they're <insert age> (up til they just get too heavy for you!). Cons: pricey. I still love mine anyway but I got it for a song because a friend gave me one that turned out to be defective and they gave me a trade. (Good customer service.)

Moby D: I'm still working on mastering this one and it doesn't work well for us because E likes to fling his head backwards and it doesn't provide quite the head support that the Ergo with the insert does. Plus I got it tied on crooked and it wasn't the best example. And Miep didn't try it because...

The Kangaroo Korner (fleece pouch) was so cozy for Anders that she didn't want to take him out of it. I like it too because, like a Moby D, you can put it on before you go and wear it under your coat. I do this when I pick T up at preschool and don't want to schlepp that heavy bucket seat into the school. Works great except it doesn't give all of the cooing moms in the school the best opportunity to ogle the baby.

I also have to say that I really loved my cotton Hotsling for the two summers when T was about to turn 1 and about to turn 2. It's a fabulous hip sling because it's got padding under the kid's knees which makes it more comfortable. Now if I could figure out which of my neighbors I lent it to...

I had a Maya ring sling but I gave it to a woman in my DDC because I have so many carriers and she didn't have one at all. It wasn't my favorite but I got a lot of use out of it and it's very adjustable.

For those of you who are looking for a carrier for both parents and the carrier being "suitably butch" is an important point (as it was for us!), the Ergo got big points for this in our house. Nothing girly about it. My partner swears it wouldn't fit her, but it would, because they have lengthened the straps on the newer models.

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

For those of you who are looking for a carrier for both parents and the carrier being "suitably butch" is an important point (as it was for us!), the Ergo got big points for this in our house. Nothing girly about it. My partner swears it wouldn't fit her, but it would, because they have lengthened the straps on the newer models.

"suitably butch" ... That's so funny that you should mention that because THAT is the reason why we got an Ergo. We haven't tried it with the baby yet, being that the little bijou is still cooking, but DP is quite satisfied with the look of the Ergo. We got the Ergo as a gift (big sigh of relief) and then purchased a hip extender, because DP is considerable bigger than I am.

We don't have the infant insert ... do you think we can just use a blanket? It just seems so expensive for such a straightforward bit of fabric. Or is it super worth it and I'm being silly?

I'm thinking about a moby for around the house, but we'll see.

Thanks for doing the test kitchen with miep and the mieplet!

[tigermiep]

hee! I feel like we should have produced perfect chocolate cake or something...

Anders is currently snoozing in his kangaroo korner pouch. I lurve it. I am a bit steamed that they didn't have one that would comfortably fit DW, but I have posted a thread in the babywearing forum and hope someone will rec a carrier for larger parents. :

BTW anders likes to bf all the time. he goes on marathon milk binges. this is detrimental to sleep.

[smartycat]

Originally Posted by tigermiep

I am a bit steamed that they didn't have one that would comfortably fit DW, but I have posted a thread in the babywearing forum and hope someone will rec a carrier for larger parents. :

I saw your post. As a plus sized mama myself, i am very interested in the answer. I was desperately looking for a post I read in the recent past that had a poster that had a friend that hand made moby style wraps that looked awesome and could be custom fit for size. Should have marked the post at the time but didn't.

[MujerMamaMismo]

nak

You can buy extenders for the ergo and many slings are sized or adjustable.

[JenInMpls]

I was going to mention the extenders for the Ergo too. And since Anders liked that too... perhaps a wish list item?

miep we can work on the chocolate cake next time we see each other, perhaps with children in matching KK pouches. Sounds like a good promo pic.

[FtMPapa]

Mei Tais can be made with long straps, the ergo has an extender kit, but my fav is the Beco, though I haven't used it (yet!).

Beco is similar to Ergo, but it includes the infant insert, and while it's pricey ($140 or so at my local baby store) it is sometimes seen for cheap ($50? maybe $60?) on mamabargains.com

I covet the Beco. It fit me, right out of the package, no extender kit required (and I'm pretty big - just shy of 6', 240 lbs, I wear a size 46 pant, and 2XL or 3XL tall shirts).

Also, Beco gets mad points for cute but butch. Then again, I'm drawn to paisleys and floral prints lately, so maybe I'm not the best judge of such things.

Mei Tais, obviously, can come in any print/pattern/solid you want, from cloyingly sweet to camouflage to solids.

And moby-style wraps can be a DIY project with a suitable length of jersey, no sewing required. You just buy cotton jersey yardage at the fabric store (T-shirt fabric) and cut it in half or thirds depending on the width - instant carrier/wrap.

My least favourite type of carrier is the non-adjustable pouch, I'm sure some folks love them, but they look uncomfortable and awkward for bigger folks, if they even come in biggers sizes.

[Beccalina]

I don't have any comments on wraps or slings, but I do have a question....

How are your parents/families reacting in regards to you having a baby in a non-traditional family? I went to my fathers workplace yesterday on a surprise visit and he was shocked to see us (Me, DP, and Phoebe)and maybe even embarrassed. When he introduced us to his employees, several of them didn't even know he was a grandpa! I think he is ashamed of us, and it is bringing me down. Can anyone relate? If so, how are you dealing with it? I really thought my dad was over Missy and I being together, I mean, we've been together for 9 years! And he loves Missy dearly.

[indigoscot]

everyone in my family and dp's family is incredibly happy about and supportive of our non-traditional family unit....except my mum. now, i will add that my immediate family lives in scotland so we don't see them on a regular basis.

my mum acted like she accepted us, attended our commitment ceremony with my dad, we visited them in scotland for my brother's wedding and never did i get an inkling that it was all a facade. when i reached 12 weeks and announced to everyone that we were pregnant, this what she said to me on the phone "well, i hope you're happy because i'm not" and then passed the phone to my dad. dp tried to smooth things over by mailing (not emailing) her a note and my mum responded with a really nasty email.

now our son is 17 months and she has come around a little. i think she would have come around sooner if we lived there but we will take what we can get - our son only has one grannie and we'd like for him to have some interaction with her and at some point we'll go to scotland to visit. i'm not sure how that will go, nor am i sure that she will understand when dp is pregnant and we have another baby. she and my dad live in a small village in rural scotland where everyone knows your business and lesbians aren't a common topic of conversation - the whole area isn't exactly gay friendly.

our friends who have an almost 3 year old had the same issue with the bio mom's dad - when she called with the pregnancy news he said "i hope your not pregnant". he has since come around and loves his little grand daughter.

i'm sorry your dad acted that way - give it a little time and perhaps things will improve.

g

[thismama]

Oooh plus size carriers, a subject I love. I am plus size (size 22 and very busty), and I find I do very well with the following:

- Ergo with the waist extender
- wraps especially size 7/5.2m length (can use shorter ones too but 5.2 does all the carries for me)
- slings (Sleeping Baby Productions has extremely generous sizing, and Maya Wrap medium fits me great but Large is nice for the long long tail)
- Mei Tais with extra long straps. Actually I tried a Bamberoo with regular straps yesterday and it fit great with room left over, and I could even tie Tibetan which takes the most length I find

I haven't tried Becos etc, and I'm sure there are more carriers out there that fit plus size folks but those are the ones I have experience with.

[JenInMpls]

indigoscot I'm not making fun of your situation but when you mentioned that your folks live in a village in Scotland I had to think of the skit in Little Britain where Matt Lucas plays Daffyd, a flaming gay who lives in a small village in Wales that has a lot of double-Ls in its name.

Beccalina, do you suppose he wasn't out at work and didn't know how to deal with it all being done totally spontaneously? (But it's probably easier for him in the long run, little did he know that in advance...)

I have had a horrible time personally with my MIL. She is very closeted about having a lesbian daughter and expected my DP to stay closeted about herself to my MIL's family (brother and mother, my DP's uncle and grandma). MIL even went so far as to ask Jo not to attend her grandpa's funeral because Jo had just had all of her hair cut off (she wore her hair long-ish in HS and cut it off her sophomore year of college - got her right ear pierced, too). This really hurt Jo. When we got married her mom attended along with her mom's best friend (Connie, whom Jo refers to as her aunt and whom I have adopted as my MIL since she's better at it than Jo's mom ), but MIL didn't tell anyone back at home in Texas (she introduced us once as "friends" to someone, this over a year after our ceremony) and Jo was not allowed to tell her uncle or grandmother. Similarly, when our first son was born, MIL was all joy and light for us and came up and stayed for 10 (VERY LONG, ARDUOUS) days to "help" - read: sit on couch and come to table when *I* prepared meals - but told her friends at work that her daughter "adopted a son". Which isn't a lie but isn't the whole truth. Um, hello? What about me? I carried him for 42+ weeks? Worst of all she never told Jo's uncle or grandma who, of course, still had no idea that I existed. Supposedly Jo's uncle would get all weird about it - he does have some very conservative tendencies - and cut us out of grandma's will from which we stood to gain a large sum of money. I kept saying that money doesn't matter and that Jo's grandma at least deserved the joy of knowing she had a great-grandson, but my voice wasn't heard. Plus the idea of not having to worry about where the Waldorf school tuition for our kids was coming from was a very enticing notion.

The saddest part was when we got a phone call in fall of 2007 from MIL saying that grandma was dying - she had a stroke in 2003 and had been cared for by MIL's brother since then - and we essentially raced death to Spokane to introduce her to her great-grandson since Jo finally saw the light. And we lost the race. And it still makes me very, very sad.

But of course, going there, Jo's uncle had a triple surprise: one, he found out Jo's a dyke. 2, he found out she had a partner and 3, he found out he was a great-uncle. How did he react? He shook my hand and fell in love with T.

And all that money from the will? Have we seen a cent of it? No... he and MIL settled grandma's finances amongst themselves and I fear that he is "managing" it (hopefully not via another pyramid scheme as he has lost himself and the family millions in the past).

I love Connie to pieces mostly because she kicks my MIL's a** and is 100% supportive of Jo and us as a family. She's coming up for E's 2nd parent adoption hearing. So I try to be polite on the phone to my MIL but she has put Jo through hell this last year with health problems and other issues and I honestly wouldn't mind if I never talked to her again.

[Beccalina]

Originally Posted by JenInMpls

Beccalina, do you suppose he wasn't out at work and didn't know how to deal with it all being done totally spontaneously? (But it's probably easier for him in the long run, little did he know that in advance...)

You're right! I didn't even think of it that way! I guess I should have called first....I just didn't even think he would feel like that. I have talked to him since the visit and he didn't mention anything other than he was happy to see us and show off "Puddin' Head" (that's what he calls Phoebe...lol).

I'm sorry about your issues with MIL

And Indigoscot I'm sorry about your mom.

Sometimes it is really hard to understand how people can be so close-minded about these things, especially our own families. I often wonder if it is all because of religious beliefs (my dad is a devout Christian).

[JenInMpls]

Originally Posted by Beccalina

You're right! I didn't even think of it that way! I guess I should have called first....I just didn't even think he would feel like that.

It's sometimes when parents of queer folk are outed that they realize what a non-big-deal it usually is with other people. (My MIL, for instance.)

Sometimes.

Hope that's the case for your dad.

[jp79]

Originally Posted by smartycat

And Jennaba, can't wait to add you and your LO.

She's here!

A. (photo is linked in my signature) was born yesterday at 3:33 PM. She's a little wrinkly and bleary, but she's just gorgeous. Bio-mom is doing pretty good. She had a nasty problem with pubic symphysis diastisis that left her on modified bed rest for the last month. That, combined with the pre-existing hip injuries and being GB positive, led to a medicated hospital birth. We were able to avoid a Cesarean. Regardless, Bio-Mom is an amazing, beautiful, strong woman and I am so, so proud of her.

: : :

[starling&diesel]

congratulations!!!
She's beautiful!

[heart-n-bones]

COngratulations!! :

[2happymamas]

Hey, everyone. Coco will be four weeks (wow, how the hell did that happen?) tomorrow and this is my first time posting in this thread. She is such an incredible, beautiful, perfect child. I can't even start to tell you how in love with her we are. Seriously, she is more than we could have ever hoped for...it just feels so right with her. We're hers for always.

The birth was awesome. I went into labor and decided not to go to the hospital. I called the MW and she agreed to come over to catch Coco. MW agreed at 8:30pm, arrived at 6:30am, and Coco was born at 9:41 am. I wouldn't change anything....well, maybe I would ask that my butt not hurt as bad next time.

Wanna know a secret? DW and I are already plotting, dreaming, and planning for #2! We are going to meet with an RE within the next few months to discuss doing ivf with DW's eggs and my body as the host for the next Queerspawn! We'll see....not even sure if her eggs are still good after the chemo and don't know how we'd go about getting them without her using any hormones (can't take the hormones because her cancer was hormone-receptor positive). I'd love to see a little DW, though. We will wait until at least next January because I really want to makeure Coco gets at least one good year of nursing before my supply is possibly affected and I may need to take medication before the transfer of embryos.