I'm not making fun of your situation but when you mentioned that your folks live in a village in Scotland I had to think of the skit in Little Britain where Matt Lucas plays Daffyd, a flaming gay who lives in a small village in Wales that has a lot of double-Ls in its name.Beccalina
, do you suppose he wasn't out at work and didn't know how to deal with it all being done totally spontaneously? (But it's probably easier for him in the long run, little did he know that in advance...)
I have had a horrible time personally with my MIL. She is very closeted about having a lesbian daughter and expected my DP to stay closeted about herself to my MIL's family (brother and mother, my DP's uncle and grandma). MIL even went so far as to ask Jo not to attend her grandpa's funeral because Jo had just had all of her hair cut off (she wore her hair long-ish in HS and cut it off her sophomore year of college - got her right ear pierced, too). This really hurt Jo. When we got married her mom attended along with her mom's best friend (Connie, whom Jo refers to as her aunt and whom I have adopted as my MIL since she's better at it than Jo's mom
), but MIL didn't tell anyone back at home in Texas (she introduced us once as "friends" to someone, this over a year after our ceremony) and Jo was not allowed to tell her uncle or grandmother. Similarly, when our first son was born, MIL was all joy and light for us and came up and stayed for 10 (VERY LONG, ARDUOUS) days to "help" - read: sit on couch and come to table when *I* prepared meals - but told her friends at work that her daughter "adopted a son". Which isn't a lie but isn't the whole truth. Um, hello? What about me? I carried him for 42+ weeks? Worst of all she never told Jo's uncle or grandma who, of course, still had no idea that I existed. Supposedly Jo's uncle would get all weird about it - he does have some very conservative tendencies - and cut us out of grandma's will from which we stood to gain a large sum of money. I kept saying that money doesn't matter and that Jo's grandma at least deserved the joy of knowing she had a great-grandson, but my voice wasn't heard. Plus the idea of not having to worry about where the Waldorf school tuition for our kids was coming from was a very enticing notion.
The saddest part was when we got a phone call in fall of 2007 from MIL saying that grandma was dying - she had a stroke in 2003 and had been cared for by MIL's brother since then - and we essentially raced death to Spokane to introduce her to her great-grandson since Jo finally saw the light. And we lost the race. And it still makes me very, very sad.
But of course, going there, Jo's uncle had a triple surprise: one, he found out Jo's a dyke. 2, he found out she had a partner and 3, he found out he was a great-uncle. How did he react? He shook my hand and fell in love with T.
And all that money from the will? Have we seen a cent of it? No... he and MIL settled grandma's finances amongst themselves and I fear that he is "managing" it (hopefully not via another pyramid scheme as he has lost himself and the family millions in the past).
I love Connie to pieces mostly because she kicks my MIL's a** and is 100% supportive of Jo and us as a family. She's coming up for E's 2nd parent adoption hearing. So I try to be polite on the phone to my MIL but she has put Jo through hell this last year with health problems and other issues and I honestly wouldn't mind if I never talked to her again.