This might be long... I apologize
Let me first just say that we met, I was so nervous. I wanted to turn around and go home, but i'm SOOOOO glad I met her. She is absolutely wonderful
: I truly believe that ex doesn't deserve to be engaged to such a great girl. We talked and talked for hours. What was supposed to be an hour lunch turned into 3 hours.
Here's my catch 22. I love her. I really do. I think she'll be an awesome step mama, but i'm so flipping mad at my ex. He. lied. about. everything!!!!
We started off with the introductions and we really eased in with her going to school and whatnot. Then I just had to apologize and say that i'm so sorry that this is just taking me such a hard time to get over, but i'm so glad she's in DDs life and DD really really loves her. I said that i'm having such a hard time becasue between ex and I, there never has really been a clear cut boundary between just DD's mom and dad. We've always had weird strings attached. And she stopped me and goes "you know that's okay, we were on a break that summer, he told me it was a one time deal and you were going to reconsile and it didn't work out- and I forgave him"
Beep Beep Beep... back up the crazy train... ONE NIGHT STAND? Excuse me?
After that i just decided I can't fricken lie to the step mom of my child and asked her to please tell me what he told her because our stories weren't making sense at all. She said she'd tell me only if i go first.
I told her what I knew, and her story was COMPLETELY different. She said that he went to his brother and said that she just had a weird feeling about me and him but she couldn't really make sense of anything because we hated each other so much. He told her that when she was pregnant LAST summer, while they were on a 'break', me and him had a one night stand. THAT is what my ex admitted to. (when i later confronted him he said that yes that's all he admitted, this was his prooblem, and I need to butt out of it)
I finally confessed and told her. I told her this just WASN"T a one night stand. This had been going on the entire time they were dating. She wanted to know when it ended, and I told her September. (i just couldn't tell her about a few weeks ago. I felt so bad
) Then she said "ok, it happened in the past, it happened before we got engaged because we got engaged in September"
UHHHH... WTF?!?!?! He told me that this "just" happened!!!! That they "just" got engaged. He told me last night that in the grand sceme of getting engaged, this "just" happened to him.
So now i'm just completely just... confused. I got my answers about DD's step mama. But now I just absolutely hate my ex. I hate him for lying to us. I hate him for using me. And the kicker is that he doesn't feel the need to apologize for ANY of this except to her. Which, BTW he hasn't done. She told me that he deflects it, says he doesn't want to talk about it, and changes the subject. He feels like he owes me no explanation and no apology. I can't force him to care.
This is just a big freaking mess. I want him to tell her. I need him to tell her. I feel so guilty and like i'm a giant whore for keeping all this fromt her. She doesn't deserve to be cheated on. She doesn't deserve to be lied to. He doesn't see this as any of my business, but he dragged me into it. I just don't even know what to do. This ISN"T going to be a functional blended family. He's keeping secrets from her and involving me in the process.
I just don't know what to do. I know it's none of my business and I know that these are their issues that they need to resolve, but at the same time I feel like totally dragged into this. I dont' know what to do. I just want to take my DD and leave this mess. She doesn't deserve this crap and she doesnt know about anything now, but it doesn't take her long to catch on. He's totally backed out of agreeing to let us move. He's done nothing but call me names and tell me how much i'm ruining his life. He just has no personal responsibility for any of this and I know I can't force him to do anything, but at the same time- SOMETHING needs to happen. I can't live like this. I feel like a giant piece of trash.
ETA: He just called me a second ago, just yelling, screaming at the top of his lungs. Told me to stop worrying about it. This is his problem. I'm making it my problem. I need to leave him alone or he's going to kill himself. This will never stop and I'm just jealous that he's not getting married to me and I have to make his life miserable and take everything away from him because I can't have him. Great. Just great.