Desperate. My sweet boy is crying alone in his room right now. *Update* Everything is even worse... - Page 2

[transformed]

Kim,



Have you tried a pacifier or perhaps a bottle of water or something? I dont remember if you mentioned it.

Also, definatly get the calms forte. Put it in the bottle if you decide to take it to bed with you. Maybe he is thirsty?

Love you you mama. Your sleep is way more important than the idealistic nursing relationship. It is ok to let go of those things when you are not taking care of yourself. If you dont take care of yourself, you are right, you can not be the best mom you want to be.

:

[petram]

Me Too!!

Hi PumpkinPie! I also have a baby who just doesn't sleep. He's 7 months old now, and even in the hospital the day of his birth he wouldn't sleep. Until he was about 3 months old the only way we could get him to sleep was by breastfeeding, or carrying him around in the baby sling. I now refuse to breastfeed to sleep, because it turned in to an awful affair, with him not actually being hungry and so feeding just a couple of sips every 5 minutes for hours on end. Now it takes me atleast an hour and a half of lying beside him in our bed shhhing him, while he screams and screams, and rips at his hair, and practices crawling, and then gets happy and hypo and then screams again and I swear the neighbours think I am killing him. You would have to see it to believe it, but it's awful awful. He'll only ever sleep 30 minutes, and I have to shh him and try to get him back to sleep, which hardly ever works. Then I have a grumpy boy within half an hour of being up and I can't put him down or do anything but carry him. And then it's back to bed again. I also dread the thought of sleep, of nap time, of anything associated with his sleep. It is soooo stressful it is unbelievable. And there's no break, no recovery time, because when he's awake he just wants to be with me and is grizzly grizzly grizzly. We're tried homepathic medicines, feeding more solids, foot reflexology, craniosacral therapy. We've been to doctors and midwives and "mutterberatung" (literal translation, mother advice). And no one can help. They just say let him cry it out. Besides being against it, there's no way it would ever work that I can see, if he cries for hours with me there with him, he's going to cry even more when his Ama has abandoned him! So anyway, this is just a post to say I really feel for you, but I'm also kind of relieved that there is someone else battling with me. Like you, I can't find any information about babies that just won't sleep. Good luck!

[ssh]

Have you tried a later bedtime or letting him go to bed when you do? My DD has a restless night if she notices I'm not in bed with her. It's as if she keeps waking up to make sure I'm still in bed. If I need to get up after she goes to sleep I go to her as soon as she starts to wake and get her back to sleep before she wakes completely up.
Your DS could be getting ready to give up his nap too. We had crazy nights with two hours getting to sleep and sometimes staying awake till 2am right before my DD gave hers up at 27 months. Some nights she falls asleep so fast, she needs to nurse again about an hour later, but then sleeps really sound.
I don't have any advice for night weaning (we still haven't and DD is 3). She did stop most of her night nursing, sleeping for a solid 8 hours stretch after her last teeth came in.

[justthinkn]

I'm sorry it's so hard, and you have to cope with it all on your own! For the not going to sleep, I don't know if this would apply in your situation, but I would backup for a few days and go into observer/following your LO's lead mode to see if something has shifted... Does LO need to go to bed earlier or later than before, need or not need a nap... I would probably scratch the nightweaning at least as you've been doing it, for a few days, too, in case that has your LO too stressed to sleep. Could you go into "emergency" mode at home for a few days, nap with LO, stay as peaceful as possible to conserve energy for the evenings? Take care of yourself as much as possible...

Even if you don't completely nightwean, perhaps you could think of small step toward more independent falling asleep that you could encourage your LO to take. Like just removing the nipple a little sooner when LO is nodding off can sometimes make a big difference in their ability to stay calm and self-sooth when they move towards awakeness in between sleep cycles...

[babydanielsmom]

just wanted to check in and see how things are going? Hope you guys are having some peaceful nights!

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Last night, he went to bed at around 8pm. He fell asleep nursing on my lap downstairs in the living room. I was so afraid he would wake up, that I took him upstairs and didn't even change his dipe or put his pajamas on. I just left him in his play clothes and changed him this morning. He actually slept from 8pm to 6:30am without waking up! I have no idea what was different. He had a mini nap a little late in the day, but he has had short naps before, so I am not sure what happened.

Today, he went to a preschool from 8am-1:30pm and then we ran some errands on the way home, played on the floor, had dinner, and then went outside and ran around in the snow for about an hour. He was so tired by the time he came in, he could barely stand up. He conked out at about 6:45, and is so soundly asleep, I would be surprised if he wakes up for at least a few hours. I am so hoping he is down for the entire night again. I don't know if this is the beginning of a phase of sleeping better or not, but I pray to God it is! I can't believe how rested I felt after getting about 7 hours last night.

[petram]

fantastic! i hope tonight goes just as well :

[RomanGoddess]

1. Are you sure he is really tired when at bedtime? I find that we parents often assume that because our child has always needed to go to bed at a certain time in the past, he must still be tired at that time now. Is it possible that he naps enough in the day and needs to go to bed later? Or maybe he can drop the nap (rare at his age but my mom says that I dropped all naps at the age of 12 months).

2. Is it possible that he is overtired by the time he gets into bed and he needs to go to bed earlier?

3. Do you have a systematic bedtime routine?

4. This does not work for every child, but when my daughter started resisting going to bed at about age 2, I bought her a CD player and some CDs. Now at her bedtime, she just listens to soft children's music and she is asleep within minutes. The CDs really were a miracle for us because before she would just keep getting out of bed and/or asking us to lay down with her until she fell asleep and she would be up for hours even though she was tired.

Good luck!

[Tygrrkttn]

PP,

I feel so much for you! Can you put out a call for help in your area of Finding Your Tribe? Someone to come watch your babe at your house while you nap? Someone special who can devote a few nights to heling you nightwean maybe? Just someone you can call on the phone when your feeling crazy?

I agree with the PP's. Tire him out. Get him lots of fresh air play. Move back his bedtime to when he's tired, some babes sleep at 7p, some at 11p. Sleep with him with a bra and sweatshirt on, I couldn't nightwean till my daughter couldn't smell the milk on me and couldn't just roll over and help herself. (It's like when you're in bed and a little munchy, your too lazy to get out of bed and go to the kitchen for a snack so you just go back to sleep till breakfast BUT if there was a cheescake there in bed with you you'd sure eat it, LOL

Let go of what the neighbors think or what the books say or what you think is the Right way to do it. You do whatever makes you and babe happy and gets you both some sleep! There's momma's on here who let their babes stay up with them till midnight and everybody sleeps in till 10A together. You do what works for You!

We're there with ya in spirit Momma, hang in there. I know it seems endless and horrible. But, I have a 16 yr old son who was a sleeper like this, I'd give anything to hold him like that again, even with the screaming, <smile>.

TK

[Twinklefae]

Hope things continue along this much better path!

[_betsy_]

DD went through periods when she needed LOTS of activity and stimulation during the day in order to get any kind of sleep at all.

Is he ready to drop to one nap?

[Pumpkin_Pie]

He ended waking up once last night, and I was too tired to fight nursing him, so I let him. He actually only nursed for about 10 minutes and I was able to unlatch him. If I could keep the middle of the nursings down to once or twice at about 10 minutes each time, I would be totally ok with not night weaning. I have no idea how to get that idea across to a one and a half year old though.

Tonight, he only napped about a half hour on my back at the mall. I was walking around with a friend, and he fell asleep for a little while, but that was his only nap all day. He fell asleep tonight at around 6:15, but I wouldn't say he really had a very busy day. We ran some errands this morning, but he didn't get all that much physical exercise. I am curious to see how he sleeps tonight. If he has a hard time, I think I am going to definitely start keeping track of his activity level and how he sleeps at night.

I am definitely feeling a bit better with a couple of nights of relatively good sleep (at least 6 hours each night) under my belt. I am sorry to have posted such a dreary first post, but thank-you so much mamas for your support. Hopefully we are onto something good here. I am not holding my breath, but I am crossing my fingers.

[JaySaint]

Pumpkin Pie --

I'm so glad to read that you've had a few good nights. I hope tonight continues in the same way.

My son is a bit younger than yours (14 months) but we had a similar situation a few weeks ago. He wanted to nurse non stop. He screamed if I tried to unlatch him. I always gave in. I don't have it in me to resist a baby pulling on my pajama top and whimpering "nus nus nus." But I was staggering around all day and my work was suffering. Nursing once or twice a night? No problem. Non stop? Impossible to continue forever. We're back pretty reliably to once a night now and there are two points I took away from the experience:

-- A much earlier bedtime helped. I don't know why. He gets up earlier, so isn't sleeping any longer at night. But going to bed about two hours earlier (even though he didn't seem tired at all) seems to work better with his internal clock -- at least for now. So we moved him from around 11 to around 8:30-9. And now he takes two long naps a day (1-2 hours) where he was normally sleeping much less. I don't pretend to understand it, but it did make a difference.

-- While I think it's important to keep trying different things to see what works for your family, I also think sometimes the baby has to work it out for himself. Any time my son has had sleep trouble we go into crisis mode and start trying all kinds of stuff. But it's also possible that keeps us sane and hopeful and occupied while he works through his developmental stage or whatever it is and then goes back to sleeping fine just as he would have if we'd done nothing. I say that not to make you feel like there's nothing you can do, but to say that I think a lot of extra stress comes out of us judging our ability to manage our babies. But in reality maybe all you can do is love and support him while he does his thing. You're not missing some instinct or wisdom that would fix everything faster. I feel a lot calmer when I can bring myself to say, "He'll come around. He just needs to go through this."

My hat is off to you for managing this on your own. That you're still looking for solutions is a testament to your dedication and stamina. Your baby is a lucky little guy.

I'm looking forward to reading how you're doing.

Best,

-- JaySaint

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Ok, so last night was a little harder than the night before. He woke a couple of times, and was a little harder to get to unlatch. I really hope we are not going in reverse again. He got a ton of activity today, and I also picked up some Calms Forte. I gave him some shortly after dinner, and am going to give him more in a few minutes before we go upstairs to try to nurse down for the night. He didn't really nap at all today. He did close his eyes at a friend's house this afternoon, but he was really only asleep for a three or four minutes at the absolute most.

I am really hoping he conks out easily tonight, and we get another night of good sleep. Even if we can get one or two good nights a week, that will be a huge improvement over where we were.

Here goes nothing yet again!

[green betty]

Wow, that sounds rough. You have my sympathies.

When my lo was that age and restless/overly nursey at night, I found two strategies to be particularly helpful.

1. Keep him moving all day long. Whatever he likes that is physically strenuous, do LOTS of it. I used to ask dc to run around the house while I counted laps out loud in an excited, impressed voice. One of those little trampolines does the trick, too.

2. Feed him something heavy, carbohydrate-y, and long-lasting in the tummy close to bedtime. Oatmeal works great. It would help dc feel sleepy and then help him stay asleep once he got there. While I would never do that with a young baby, I think it's a reasonable measure at your dc's age.

Good luck! I'll be thinking about you and sending sleep vibes your way.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Ok, it is now 10:15pm at night. I have been trying to get my son to sleep for over three hours now. He only slept about 6 hours last night, took a late nap that I ended up waking him up from, and WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP.

I have tried nursing, singing, patting him on the back, giving him chamomile tea, giving him CalmsForte, even a dose of infant Tylenol I have begged, pleaded, cried, put him back to bed at least 100 times (I am so not exaggerating. I wish I was), I have screamed at him :, I even threw him across the bed in absolute desperate exhausted mama rage. He landed on pillows and actually giggled, so he is fine, but I am mortified. He is right now screaming at the door of our bedroom with a baby gate across it. I am about to go back up to try one more time to nurse him down, but I honestly have no hope that it will work.

This has gone one for almost two years now. He will have a few good nights of sleep, and occasionally as many as a week, and then it is back to the world's most crappy sleeper. How on earth do I deal? I am a single mama. There is absolutely no one else I can get to help with this. I am so ready to just CIO. I don't want to, I don't believe in it. I know that it is abusive. I am so freaking desperate. I want to run away, get in my car and just keep driving for a week. I don't want to be his mama right now. :

I forgot to add, he had a super busy day, so he got a ton of exercise. We got outside for quite a while too. He had a great dinner with lots of protein, a snack before bed, and he has had a sippy of warm chamomile tea to sip on. He has a dry diaper, he has nursed until my nipples are raw, he just absolutely cannot sleep for some reason. He gets super sleepy when he nurses and then his eyes pop open and he just lays there fidgeting and can't get to sleep. When I try to leave the room, he freaks. I don't get any alone time at all. Ever. The only time I get is in the evening. This is it.

Here goes nothing. Going back up to him. Again.

[greenemami]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I came to this forum and read your post because I have been having a rough time with my dd's sleep too (she is about the same age as your ds) and was looking on some advice on nightweaning, but it sounds like this is a chronic problem for you. My first piece of advice would be to find some help, but if that is not possible...
try letting go of all expectations. Sometimes when my dd won't sleep, I will just take her out and pop in a movie to watch (she doesn't usually watch tv) and relax. Don't try to get him to sleep. Just hang out, lights dimmed, listening to music, reading, even going online. Whatever relaxes you and he will tolerate. Two nights ago dd and I watched Sesame street and had a snack at 3 a.m. b/c I was so frustrated with putting her back to sleep every 2 mintues or having her scream bloody murder everytime I sat down. A lot of the time, when I stop trying to get her to sleep and manage to relax myself, she relaxes too. Your ds might be picking up on your frustration and getting frustrated himself, kwim?
As to the throwing him across the bed-I'm not sure if you mean you really threw him, or what??? But it sounds like you really really need a break, someone to talk to, some sort of support system if it has gone this far. Take a deep breath, make YOURSELF a nice cup of tea, and remember that this too shall pass. Cry if you need to-I wish you luck and a peaceful night.

[alegna]

I totally understand that place of total frustration. Is there anyone to give you a break during the day?

I agree with the advice to try to not fight it. Find a way that you can sleep or have your time and he can be safe even if he's not sleeping. Videos can be very helpful...

wishing you peaceful sleep.

-Angela

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Thanks. He is finally asleep. I just went up and nursed him down. He fell asleep at around 10:40. I just can't believe he needs so little sleep. I don't own a tv, so I can't plop him in front of it. If I had one though, I certainly would use it on nights like this. As for throwing him across the bed. He had gotten up out of bed so many times, I was standing at the door putting him back into bed without saying a word over and over to try to get him understanding that he needed to be in bed, and I wasn't doing anything exciting (super nanny style. ) Anyway, he was starting to giggle when I was putting him back in bed, and I picked him up and sort of tossed him up toward the head of the bed and screamed at him. He was totally fine, but the rage that went through my mind at that second was very scary. I sat down with him immediately and apologized, but you are right. I need to get some help. I have no idea where to find it, or even what to look for, but this is so not working. I actually called a child abuse prevention hotline tonight to see if they had any tips on getting a toddler to sleep, and they didn't. They actually pretty much said, that they couldn't help me, and that I just had to hang in there. I was sobbing on the phone to them, and they were absolutely not help at all. The woman was sympathetic, but she could only say that I should try rocking him or patting his back. Yep, tried that. Didn't help.

I need to get back up there to go to sleep myself. I am sure he will be awake in a few minutes anyway.

[tankgirl73]

try letting go of all expectations. Sometimes when my dd won't sleep, I will just take her out and pop in a movie to watch (she doesn't usually watch tv) and relax. Don't try to get him to sleep. Just hang out, lights dimmed, listening to music, reading, even going online. Whatever relaxes you and he will tolerate. Two nights ago dd and I watched Sesame street and had a snack at 3 a.m. b/c I was so frustrated with putting her back to sleep every 2 mintues or having her scream bloody murder everytime I sat down. A lot of the time, when I stop trying to get her to sleep and manage to relax myself, she relaxes too. Your ds might be picking up on your frustration and getting frustrated himself, kwim?

:

If he screams when you leave, then don't leave -- or, in other words, take him with you. We do the same with DD sometimes, we just let her stay up. Yeah, she might be tired the next day, and there are other problems to deal with... but it's still easier than the alternative.

Especially if you're getting this worked up about it (and believe me, I think we've all been there at one time or another), it's time to take a step back and find a way to relax... not to "make him" do what you're wanting him to do (sleep, which is of course an understandable wish...) but a way for *you* to make peace with the situation and flow with it rather than fight against it... make lemonade out of the lemons, etc etc. KWIM?

I know it's tough when you don't get any alone time, but if you see this as a chance for positive together time rather than the screaming negatives, it's at least a step in the right direction.