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Desperate. My sweet boy is crying alone in his room right now. *Update* Everything is even worse... - Page 3

post #41 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post


I totally understand that place of total frustration. Is there anyone to give you a break during the day?

I agree with the advice to try to not fight it. Find a way that you can sleep or have your time and he can be safe even if he's not sleeping. Videos can be very helpful...

wishing you peaceful sleep.

-Angela
I don't get many breaks. Maybe an hour or two a month if it is a good month. It really is so freaking hard.

As much as I hate the idea, I think I may start looking for a tv and a dvd player to break out for times like this. I am so anti-tv/plugging kids in, but I can't be this mama. I can't be the mama who looks down at her child and feel absolutely no love in the moment. I have to stop screaming at this poor little boy. He does not deserve to be treated like this. He just couldn't sleep and his mama freaked out on him. It so isn't his fault, but I totally took it out on him. I am hating myself right now. So sorry for such a downer post or three, but I just have about ten tons of mama guilt right now. I don't even feel like I deserve to go snuggle with him tonight.
post #42 of 82
Oh, mamma, I'm SO sorry! I have had a pretty poor little sleeper myself (not quite like your ds, I must admit, but definitely on the crappy end of the sleep spectrum!) so I know the terrifying level of frustration that you feel. I, too, felt at times like I tried EVERYTHING and would even feel outraged when people would suggest things that I was like, "Duh, you think I didn't think of that or try that???" You are so not alone.

Here are some things that have occurred to me: 1) there is, like, NO WAY that a boy his age needs so few hours of sleep per night especially if he's 2) not napping? I KNOW there are always exceptions to the rule, but MOST 18 month olds still need SOME nap time. So these things make me think that over-exhaustion is your culprit here. You say even when he's had a nap he won't sleep well sometimes, though, but if he's as bad as you say, I believe the effects of all this lack of sleep could be cumulative--in other words, one half-hour nap won't be enough to get him on track.

Of course I realize the awful catch-22 of this if it is indeed the cause: baby won't sleep 'cause he's sleep deprived so he can't sleep...and so on. To start with, get the No Cry Sleep Solution. It helps. Then, can you dedicate yourself to working on his sleep for like a week--just clear your schedule and nap with him, go to bed with him, etc.? Go to bed, turn the lights out and nurse him down. If he cries or fusses, stay in bed with the lights out. You can snuggle him, rub his back, but DON'T GET UP, DON'T turn on the lights, just lay there for as long as it takes for him to get back to sleep. Tell him, "Mr. Sun is sleeping. Mommy sleep. Baby sleep." Eventually, he should get it.

My dd will be sleeping great and then something will happen to throw the whole thing off and I have to start the battle all over again to get her to sleep: teething, sick (it's the worst--when she's sick she totally can't sleep!), or, as with the holidays, a lot of late nights and busy-ness and she's totally off-track. After the craziness of the holidays, I've had to spend the last week hunkered in at home to get her back on track--she was soooo tired and fussy that she couldn't sleep!

Most of all, mamma, I wish you all the patience, support, hope, faith and GOOD SLEEP that you deserve. I'm sorry that you have to do this alone but YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. Everyone says this but it's sure proven true so far: it passes very quickly. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it for you after 18 months! But one day soon, this will all be done, and you'll wonder what the fuss was!

PS-I don't necessarily agree that your son isn't ready to night wean. Or rather, I think it's difficult anytime a parent decides to night wean before their children has begun the process on their own. I suppose in a sense this does mean they're "not ready." I respect that point of view. On the other hand, he's at an age where you can safely night wean and not worry about his health or any of that. And, moreover, nursing is a two-way street: if it is causing you worry and pain and too many sleepless nights, then it's NOT WORKING. I believe that there are ways to night wean that are gentle and kind and although they do take time and effort, they work and they might be worth it to you. Dr. Jay Gordon might help.
post #43 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tankgirl73 View Post
:

If he screams when you leave, then don't leave -- or, in other words, take him with you. We do the same with DD sometimes, we just let her stay up. Yeah, she might be tired the next day, and there are other problems to deal with... but it's still easier than the alternative.

Especially if you're getting this worked up about it (and believe me, I think we've all been there at one time or another), it's time to take a step back and find a way to relax... not to "make him" do what you're wanting him to do (sleep, which is of course an understandable wish...) but a way for *you* to make peace with the situation and flow with it rather than fight against it... make lemonade out of the lemons, etc etc. KWIM?

I know it's tough when you don't get any alone time, but if you see this as a chance for positive together time rather than the screaming negatives, it's at least a step in the right direction.
See, that is sort of just the thing though. We got into a habit of him nursing nearly to sleep, and then popping back up and saying, "Downstairs?" I would just give in and bring him back down with me, and he would play and nurse and have me read him another dozen books or so, and then we would go back upstairs when he said he was getting sleepy only to pop back up and say, "Downstairs?" again and we would come back down. It was driving me over the edge, and that was pretty much becoming our nighttime routine, so I had to stop it. I sat with him while he cried, begging to go downstairs until he finally fell asleep. I did that for a few nights, and he had started to get a bit better about it. I am so scared of repeating the same sort of downstairs, back up, downstairs, back up sort of thing that I really am terrified to bring him back down with me when he really can't sleep. I am not sure if that makes sense. I am so exhausted.
post #44 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie View Post
I don't get many breaks. Maybe an hour or two a month if it is a good month. It really is so freaking hard.

As much as I hate the idea, I think I may start looking for a tv and a dvd player to break out for times like this. I am so anti-tv/plugging kids in, but I can't be this mama. I can't be the mama who looks down at her child and feel absolutely no love in the moment. I have to stop screaming at this poor little boy. He does not deserve to be treated like this. He just couldn't sleep and his mama freaked out on him. It so isn't his fault, but I totally took it out on him. I am hating myself right now. So sorry for such a downer post or three, but I just have about ten tons of mama guilt right now. I don't even feel like I deserve to go snuggle with him tonight.
Oh, mamma! Me again. OF COURSE you deserve to snuggle with your son! We have ALL felt that horrible nagging mamma guilt when we get frustrated with our lo. You are remarkable for realizing that your son is struggling, too, that he's not just doing this this to, you know, mess with your head!
Doing what you are doing with virtually no help is REALLY REALLY HARD. I hope that that changes for you someday. But you are a mamma bear and super brave and strong and loving. You are my hero!

Hang in there, it's gonna be okay!!!!!!
post #45 of 82
From one single mama to another, TV rules.
post #46 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie View Post
I don't get many breaks. Maybe an hour or two a month if it is a good month. It really is so freaking hard.

As much as I hate the idea, I think I may start looking for a tv and a dvd player to break out for times like this. I am so anti-tv/plugging kids in, but I can't be this mama. I can't be the mama who looks down at her child and feel absolutely no love in the moment. I have to stop screaming at this poor little boy. He does not deserve to be treated like this. He just couldn't sleep and his mama freaked out on him. It so isn't his fault, but I totally took it out on him. I am hating myself right now. So sorry for such a downer post or three, but I just have about ten tons of mama guilt right now. I don't even feel like I deserve to go snuggle with him tonight.
Oh hun, a tv and some videos are not the end of the world

You NEED sleep. You BOTH need you to be sane. Get a tv. Get some videos that you can be okay with. Use them.

Hang in there. Go snuggle your precious little boy while he's all sleepy and angelic looking. It makes the morning easier.

-Angela
post #47 of 82
I am so sorry. I have a three year old who has never been a great sleeper and I've spent many many nights just sobbing because I was SO TIRED. It made me SO ANGRY that I couldn't sleep at all till she would sleep and then she wouldn't sleep long enough for me to get any. I didn't feel human. I understand. Sleep deprevation is used as torture for a reason.

I think you have to decide what you can live with. Advice comes in two kinds - do whatever your child wants, his wants are clearly needs and you just have to suck it up. Or pick a method and stick to it. I think that there is something in between...decide what you can live with, stick to it as much as possible, be ready to abandon ship if necessary, even if only temporarily.

For my daughter, I could not go the CIO route, nor could I let her drive us all to exhaustion. I picked a kind of schedule/routine based on how her good days went and tried to plan around that. Bedtime and the lead up to it are golden and no one gets in the way. Sometimes it just isn't working and I give up, let her play on the floor. I do NOT play with her, turn up the lights, or make it exciting. If she wants to be awake, she can be awake while I pretend to read, because goodness knows I can't actually focus my eyes and read for real. In the beginning, she could not sleep with us in the room and had to have loud white noise. At nearly three, she's back in the bed with us part of the night. I am flexable. If something off the wall our unexcpeted presents itself and works, I am happy to go with it.

She always needs good food, plenty of my time during the day (not ALL day, but a good amount of time where I am focused on just her), and plenty of time outside being wild with no "nos." Those help tremendously.

She always needs a boring evening. After playing outside and dinner, she gets a bath. A snack is offered, a drink is offered (that way I know she's not hungry or thirsty if she tries to stall), teeth are brushed, diaper is changed. The lights are low, the tv is boring (she always watches one Little Bear. It is the MOST BORING SHOW in the world and it works for her, go figure), mom and dad sit around being boring and quiet. Boring, boring, boring. When Little Bear is over, it is bedtime. I rock, sing three songs, and she's usually out by the third. No doubt now that I think I have it all figured out, it will all come to a screetching halt tomorrow and I'll have to figure something else out. You have to find what works for you. I picked the LB show as the very last thing because it's just so low key and it has a definite end. Also, from dinner time on I repeat, "remember, it's bath, snack, Little Bear" and then bed, then I tell her "remember, snack, Little Bear, bed" over and over. Little Bear has three segments. After each one I say, two more, one more, last one, etc.

For about a week I was just hardcore. LB was over, I rocked, I did songs, I put her in her bed (she still can not go to sleep in our bed, she just won't). If she popped up, I said nothing, rocked again, sang again, put her in her bed asleep. I probably sang those three songs a lot more, but I put her down sleeping. Now if I put her down and she wakes up, she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She gets it. She knows it's bedtime. When she wakes in the night, I put her in bed with me and she's out.

Every now and then she'll have a night where she just will NOT settle down and I get just beside myself because I'm thinking...are we going backwards? Am I going to have to start all over and go back to two broken hours a night? I can't do that! And then I freak out! So I put her back in front of Little Bear, start telling her it's almost bedtime, and start over. As many times as it takes.

The hard part is not looking upset, not interacting but not being cold, and not encouraging her. Suddenly Ms. Personality wants to tell jokes and sing songs and as much as it's cute, it'll be a whole lot cuter tomorrow after I've had some sleep, y'know?

So all this, if you've read it, to say I know it sucks. I know you're tired. I know that being told to suck it up, he's not ready, whatever is just hard to hear. You do count too, you do have needs and sleep is a NEED, make no mistake. Figure out what you can live with, work on a routine, and give it at least a week. Promise yourself you'll stay calm, give yourself a break. Hope for the best. And if you have ANYONE who can "babysit" while you nap, make that happen.

Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!

ETA about the tv thing? Yeah, I was so never letting my daughter watch tv till she was at least five. Where that came from, I don't know. But I'm thinking a little commercial free tv is a price I'm willing to pay for some sleep. Also, the wonder of a toddler is that you can find even one thing you don't mind them watching, they'll watch it over and over (for boring, might I suggest my good friend Little Bear or perhaps Oswald? Which is even MORE boring than LB?). Just after Christmas you should be able to find a portable DVD player super cheap.

Also, I don't know where you live but I hope you can find some support soon. Try a Mom's group, a church group, the Tribes section of MDC, SOMETHING. Everyone needs a break.
post #48 of 82
s mama. It is so hard when you are sleep deprived yourself. I agree with a pp.... it sounds like he is over tired and that is the reason he isn't going down smoothly. He sounds like he needs more naps and perhaps an earlier bed time. Do you know his queues for being tired? When my girls start getting over excited and jumping all over the place (more then what they usually do) I know it is time for a nap or bedtime. I'm flexible with both and go with their queues. It does end up that for dd1 she has a nap around 12 or 1 for a couple hrs and then goes to sleep at night at around 7. DD2 varies between 1 and 2 naps. The first one is usually at 9 or 10 and the second one between 1-2. She goes to bed at night at around 6:30. They both sleep till 6.
I had problems with sleeping with dd1 before she was one. I bought the No Cry Sleep Solution... started putting her to bed really early. And honestly within a month she was sleeping through the night without me having to night wean. It was heaven! I started using the techniques early with dd2 and haven't had a problem with her.
Over Christmas dd1 was not getting her naps and going to bed "late" (ie 9pm and sometimes 10pm). After a week of that, she then stayed awake until 4 pm. Her little legs couldn't stop moving, she was bouncing all over the place, loud, but very happy. Finally after her 3rd feeding and gentle persuasion that it really was time to sleep, and the billionith song, she fell asleep. She has been trying to catch up on the sleep ever since. Long 3 hr naps and asleep by 6.
Anyways that is my long two cents worth, basically telling you what you probably already know... your ds needs to get more sleep. Buy No Cry Sleep Solution and try it before buying any stimulation like a TV.
post #49 of 82
I'm a single mom of a 4 yo terrible sleeper.

I have given up on trying to put her to sleep as of late. I sleep horrible as it is (sleep disorder) and some nights it takes 2 minutes to put her to bed, sometimes it takes 3+ HOURS. Lately, I just let her fall asleep on her own. As in, she stays up with me watching tv, etc until she conks out and then I carry her in to bed.

Two nights ago, she was up until 1 AM and didn't wake up the next day until nearly 11 AM. Last night, she didn't go to bed until 11 PM and was up this morning around 930 AM. It's currently 10:20 and she's wide awake. She has not had a nap the last two days. (OOO! She just yawned!!)

I'm at my wits end with bed time, so this is the least frustrating to deal with.

I hear ya on the "alone time" after they go to bed. I NEED it to function!
post #50 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie View Post
I don't get many breaks. Maybe an hour or two a month if it is a good month. It really is so freaking hard.

As much as I hate the idea, I think I may start looking for a tv and a dvd player to break out for times like this. I am so anti-tv/plugging kids in, but I can't be this mama. I can't be the mama who looks down at her child and feel absolutely no love in the moment. I have to stop screaming at this poor little boy. He does not deserve to be treated like this. He just couldn't sleep and his mama freaked out on him. It so isn't his fault, but I totally took it out on him. I am hating myself right now. So sorry for such a downer post or three, but I just have about ten tons of mama guilt right now. I don't even feel like I deserve to go snuggle with him tonight.
Oh man. I am not a single mama, so I won't pretend to know how difficult this is for you. I did/do have one of the worst sleepers ever. Maybe almost as bad as yours. I think I have some PTSD from almost 2 years of what you are describing. I can relate to that rage.

At any rate, I went ahead and night weaned him. I want to echo another poster that there are ways to do it gently and kindly. It seems many kids have a period in the second half of their second year where its easier. For us, it was 18 months. Nights got better after nightweaning - much better. I won't lie and say they were suddenly great - we are still no where near sleeping through the night and he's 3 - but I was able to get better sleep and regain some sanity. We saw immediate improvements in the hours between like 8 and 10. So I was able to be alone, finally.


And I use the TV sometimes too when DP is out of town or unavailable. Alone time is so important, and the TV is okay sometimes. Do what you need to do to keep yourself sane and get rest.
post #51 of 82
I read through most of the posts but not all but one thing jumps out at me - do you think possibly your DS is anemic? I get HORRIBLE restless legs when I am anemic. I have for as long as I can remember (all through childhood) and it always hits me right as I am almost asleep. It's really frustrating - I'll be so close to sleep and then I just have to move. Anyway, it kind of sounds like the same thing with your DS. Thought I would throw it out there just in case.
post #52 of 82
Our toddlers are the same age and one thing I have noticed about mine is that the less amount of sleep she gets, the harder it becomes for her to go to sleep at night and stay asleep. For example, she missed her 2 hour afternoon nap on Christmas Day because of the excitement and traveling that day. I thought she would conch out for the evening pretty early but she was so overtired she had a hard time getting to sleep and was very restless all night long. Crying out and thrashing around. So maybe that is what is going on?? I nightweaned a few months ago for the very same reason you are trying and it was tough at first but now she sleeps about 12 hours straight which is so wonderful compared to the nursing every hour or two all night long that she was doing. That was habit for her but now that we have stopped she is a new child- sleep does so much for us and them! I hope you can find something that works for both of you! I am thinking of you!
post #53 of 82
wow that was a lot to get through i sure feel for you mama. my son who is now eleven was very similar to yours. i found when i kept a journal of what was going on that on days where we had been really busy or out and seen a lot of stuff were the nights that he had the hardest time to get to, or stay asleep. we used rescue remedy, for me and for him and it helped... not a lot but some nights it was enough. i also used to lay with him and shea his back and head and think soft peaceful thoughts about good sleep and staying asleep and feeling no fear or stress or anxiety and sent him those thoughts and energy as we lay together till he slept every night. kind of like yoga relaxation techniques but i never said anything aloud just sent him the thoughts from my head nto my hands as they stroked him. i also noticed that when i was stressed or upset or had had a particularly eventful day he really picked up on that and sort of vibed out on my energy.. even if it had been good stress or happy times it caused him to have a real hard night or two as a result. he just seemed to be a real sensitive boy and picked up on energies right out of the air and it always, without fail affected his sleeping.
cio was not an option and he was weaned long before the trouble ended, but it did end : another mama here said exactly what i was thinking when she said that sometimes they need to learn to manage it for themselves and it is sooooo true, but holy moly hard on a mama. dont beat yourself up about tv or dvd's for nightime soothing, or anything else that you can think of as you try to get it down to something that works for both of you.
try to remember that there are no real rules to being a mama, except to love them and hope for the best so you try anything you need to and when they work be thankful : and when they dont the next night... remember to breathe and try something else. sleep dep is the hardest thing when dealing with lo's... it seems to just suck it out of you, your joy in being a mama, the pleasure you feel when you look at your lo... just everything seems grey and dead when you arent rested. and two or three years will do that to anyone even the most loving devoted mama out there. and there is so much pressure to do this or do that or your child should be doing this or that... try to let go of the should be's and the 'your ds should be' or 'shouldnt be's' and do what you need to do in the here and now.
can you sleep if he isnt sleeping? like in his room where he is safe? just shut the door and let him be up doing his thing while you get the rest you need. i had to do that a lot with my son, he just toddled about and played and sang etc and i got a least a bit of rest, even if it wasnt sleep sleep, it was something.
ap is a great thing, but not always the easiest when it comes to being a gentle patient mama...especially on no sleep and having no one there to lean on but yourself. hang in there, you are really doing a great job even if it doesnt feel like it right now. and things will settle eventually, truly they will.
i'll hunt down those journals and see if i can find anything else that worked for us, i hope you had a better night tonight and that things smooth out soon for you :

v
post #54 of 82
Not sure if this is helpful - but my Mum said the key to my brother and I sleeping well was to make us totally physically exhausted each day.

We were in daycare 3 days a week so that helped - as it's non-stop go all day long there, but on the other days it was walks in the park, swimming, running around the garden, constantly outside and using up the energy inside our little bodies.

My nephew is 16 months and he goes to the park, once in the morning, again in the afternoon. By the end of each visit, he is so tired his arms and legs are trembling and he is panting with exhaustion. He sleeps 7 to 7.

Just thought I'd mention it, in case more physical exercise might be the key to a good night's sleep.

My DD is 8 months now and wakes endlessly through the night for boob, but I have high hopes for when she is walking and able to get really tired physically, here's hoping!
post #55 of 82
Oh yes, and the TV, dont' feel so bad. Studies have shown 20 minutes a day is even good for a baby.

I now have one programme DD watches every day, it is 30 minutes long! Oops! But it is part of the bedtime routine and now she knows the characters, the music and it's a different little story every day. I pop her down in front of it and some days I'll get 10 minutes alone, other days the full 30 minutes. This is great, so I can eat my dinner before starting to put her to bed and read a newspaper and switch off, just for a few minutes after what often feels like a very long day. It also reinforces the routine and she enjoys the programme so much I can't think it's doing anything bad for her.

I had to spend a few weeks with her infront of the tele, laughing and enjoying the programme with her too, then I had my dinner infront of the tele with her and now I can put her down and have dinner in the kitchen next door and read the paper. It kind of works for us....

Anyway, you could choose anytime of the day to use the tele, but I think it's nice and more likely to give you time-out if it's a programme he sees every day at the same time and starts to learn to love it.
post #56 of 82
Are you anywhere near Baltimore?
post #57 of 82
Thread Starter 
Thank-You so much for all of the responses. It definitely wasn't an easy night after he finally conked out, but we did sleep in until 9am, which is the latest he has ever slept. I just feel like I have an emotional hangover today. He is his usually happy self, and seems no worse for the wear, thankfully. Not that that is an excuse for my behavior, but he seems fine today, and for that, I am thankful.

I am really not entirely sure what my plan is going to be, but I have to get the sleep deprivation under control. I also need to get more breaks. I hate the idea of a tv as a babysitter, but I think I am going to try to find one for when I am as desperate as I was last night.

I do have a copy of the no cry sleep solution, I will have to dig that out again. I am not sure if it will work or not with him. He is such a strong willed kid. (Takes after mama ) I have to try something though. Freaking out on him regularly is not an option.

*sigh* Tell me someday I will miss these days...

ETA: Selasai, I am not near Baltimore. I am up in Vermont.
post #58 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlicesMama View Post
Not sure if this is helpful - but my Mum said the key to my brother and I sleeping well was to make us totally physically exhausted each day.

We were in daycare 3 days a week so that helped - as it's non-stop go all day long there, but on the other days it was walks in the park, swimming, running around the garden, constantly outside and using up the energy inside our little bodies.

My nephew is 16 months and he goes to the park, once in the morning, again in the afternoon. By the end of each visit, he is so tired his arms and legs are trembling and he is panting with exhaustion. He sleeps 7 to 7.

Just thought I'd mention it, in case more physical exercise might be the key to a good night's sleep.

My DD is 8 months now and wakes endlessly through the night for boob, but I have high hopes for when she is walking and able to get really tired physically, here's hoping!
I do try to tire him out, but even that doesn't always work. Sometimes he can be on the go all day, and conk out at night, and sometimes he can have a very low key day and again fall asleep at a reasonable hour and sleep well all night. He can also have either of those type of days and be wired all day long. There just doesn't seem to be any pattern to it at all.

To the poster who suggested that he may be anemic, his iron levels have always bean great, and I have never been anemic in my life, so I am assuming that he is ok, but I can't be positive. He doesn't have a ped appointment until March, and I am not really wanting to make one, but I will keep that in mind if this keeps up.

AlicesMama, I have read exactly the opposite that tv before the age of two can actually harm them, so I have been very militant with him not watching any that I can help. He does see it occasionally at my parent's house, but that is about once every few months for an afternoon. I am definitely at the point that I am willing to toss that out the window though. If i could get me a half hour in the evening where I don't have to be having him crawling all over me screaming in my face, hitting me and begging me to read another hundred books, I would definitely do it. I just hate that I am not enjoying being his mama right now. I just need a break.

Ok, so sorry about all of the crazy posts. Off to take this little man down to our town's First Night Celebration. I have no idea if it will tire him out or wire him back up, lets hope for the first...
post #59 of 82
oh mama hang i there. my ds was EXACTY ike that. he still wakes at night and he is amost 4. it does get better. night weaning my son was really really hepful. i was also a single mom and had no help with this so basicaly, you just suffer through alot of crying for a while. i made sure to wear a shirt or 2 so he couldnt claw his way in at night. when he woke, i offered him a cup of milk which of course was not good enough at first but then he just accepted it. he cried furiously at first but i just tried to lay there and comfort him and i tried to sleep. sometimes he cried for a few hours but i felt ok about it because my sleep deprivation was ruining our relationship. i felt very much like you do. i felt like i wanted to push him away if he even looked at my breasts. in the end it was better for us. stick to it. perhaps try giving him a little watered down milk or something at night instead of water and try snuggling up and feeding it to him~ similar to nursing. this time will pass, i promise.
post #60 of 82
Kim... wow. I am so sorry you are going through such a rough spot. It is not easy, that is for sure. It sounds to me like your child, much like mine, can be described as "high needs," and also "horrible sleeper." I don't know why evolution did this to us, but it did. You'd think evolution would know parents need more sleep to raise better kids, right? Maybe in another thousand years...!

Meanwhile, though. First of all, please just first... FORGIVE YOURSELF. No one is perfect. Your child doesn't need you to be perfect. He does need to see that when you make a mistake, you apologize, own it, and try to be better... HE isn't perfect, and won't be, so that's something he needs to learn. You are not the only one to throw your kid in the bed. Hello! Me too. That doesn't make it right, and it's not something I'm proud of; I'm always working on my anger issues, which are definitely exacerbated by lack of sleep and high needs kid.

Girl... get a tv, stat. Or even just put a little video on your PC for him to watch occassionally. Give yourself five minutes. Or more. Don't feel guilty. Your kid will still sparkle, I promise.

As for the sleeping; what I have found with my daughter is that when she isn't going to sleep, she just isn't. It sucks, it is horrible, and we go through HORRIBLE phases where she won't go to sleep until 2 or 3 am no matter what we do, and we have tried it ALL. One night last week my husband and I both fell asleep with her in the bed, and she was WIDE AWAKE FOR TWO HOURS. She was just *not* going to sleep, no matter what. (She kept waking me up, and finally I got up with her. What *can* you do, you know?) Of course with a normal child, if they stay up later, they get up later. Not so with mine, nor yours from what you describe.

It's horrible.

It sucks.

You are entitled to be angry and furious and go in the bathroom and shut the door and curse under your breath and cry if you need to.

I'm not sure if there is anything to be done other than get through it by whatever means necessary, but...

First if you want to try CIO, maybe try letting him cry with you next to him in bed. That way you don't have to keep putting him back in the bed, at least. That way he isn't alone, at least for a while. It sounds like you have tried that before, and one thing I will say is that from parents who HAVE done CIO with success... most of them have to do it again! Don't let them fool you about how perfect their kids are. Kids are developing so fast and going through so many changes, their sleep patterns go all wonky no matter what parenting style you use.

Second, you mentioned that he fell asleep on your back. Frequently if my daughter won't or can't fall asleep in the bed, I put her on my back and vacuum. It works about 80% of the time. Like I said, if she is not going to sleep, she just isn't... but she is the kind of child who gets herself all wound up and then cannot relax, so actually "swaddling" her in a carrier, holding her close, the motion and sound all together, kind of forces her to and usually within 20 minutes she is asleep. It also gives me a break from the endless trying to get her to lie down and sleep thing... and is frequently less stressful for me to do than just lay there in bed with her. It's really something to try.

Finally I just want to say... you did not do this. It is not your "fault." This is just your child, the way your child is, and no matter what, this is how they would be. Some kids are good sleepers, some aren't, period. Unlucky, but NOT YOUR FAULT.

I just wanted to say that because I know that frequently I want to blame myself, and then I talk to other parents and am like... "OH."

Here's an anecdote to hopefully make you feel... well, a little bit more resolved about what you are choosing to do. A mom at our preschool told me she didn't get any sleep one night because her daughter (then about 23 months old) was screaming in her crib... for THREE HOURS... well three hours before the mom finally fell asleep. She indicated that this was a frequent occurrance but she refused to go in because then her daughter would "win." Horrible. For some children that just doesn't work, no matter how strong-willed you try to be about it!!!! What's the point of putting a child like that through that agony? No one wins then.

Love yourself, love your child, as best you can, and don't worry if it doesn't look perfect to anyone else.

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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Desperate. My sweet boy is crying alone in his room right now. *Update* Everything is even worse...