I am so sorry you are going through such a rough spot. It is not easy, that is for sure. It sounds to me like your child, much like mine, can be described as "high needs," and also "horrible sleeper." I don't know why evolution did this to us, but it did. You'd think evolution would know parents need more sleep to raise better kids, right? Maybe in another thousand years...!
Meanwhile, though. First of all, please just first... FORGIVE YOURSELF. No one is perfect. Your child doesn't need you to be perfect. He does need to see that when you make a mistake, you apologize, own it, and try to be better... HE isn't perfect, and won't be, so that's something he needs to learn. You are not the only one to throw your kid in the bed. Hello! Me too. That doesn't make it right, and it's not something I'm proud of; I'm always working on my anger issues, which are definitely exacerbated by lack of sleep and high needs kid.
Girl... get a tv, stat. Or even just put a little video on your PC for him to watch occassionally. Give yourself five minutes. Or more. Don't feel guilty. Your kid will still sparkle, I promise.
As for the sleeping; what I have found with my daughter is that when she isn't going to sleep, she just isn't. It sucks, it is horrible, and we go through HORRIBLE phases where she won't go to sleep until 2 or 3 am no matter what we do, and we have tried it ALL. One night last week my husband and I both fell asleep with her in the bed, and she was WIDE AWAKE FOR TWO HOURS. She was just *not* going to sleep, no matter what. (She kept waking me up, and finally I got up with her. What *can* you do, you know?) Of course with a normal child, if they stay up later, they get up later. Not so with mine, nor yours from what you describe.
You are entitled to be angry and furious and go in the bathroom and shut the door and curse under your breath and cry if you need to.
I'm not sure if there is anything to be done other than get through it by whatever means necessary, but...
First if you want to try CIO, maybe try letting him cry with you next to him in bed. That way you don't have to keep putting him back in the bed, at least. That way he isn't alone, at least for a while. It sounds like you have tried that before, and one thing I will say is that from parents who HAVE done CIO with success... most of them have to do it again! Don't let them fool you about how perfect their kids are. Kids are developing so fast and going through so many changes, their sleep patterns go all wonky no matter what parenting style you use.
Second, you mentioned that he fell asleep on your back. Frequently if my daughter won't or can't fall asleep in the bed, I put her on my back and vacuum. It works about 80% of the time. Like I said, if she is not going to sleep, she just isn't... but she is the kind of child who gets herself all wound up and then cannot relax, so actually "swaddling" her in a carrier, holding her close, the motion and sound all together, kind of forces her to and usually within 20 minutes she is asleep. It also gives me a break from the endless trying to get her to lie down and sleep thing... and is frequently less stressful for me to do than just lay there in bed with her. It's really something to try.
Finally I just want to say... you did not do this. It is not your "fault." This is just your child, the way your child is, and no matter what, this is how they would be. Some kids are good sleepers, some aren't, period. Unlucky, but NOT YOUR FAULT.
I just wanted to say that because I know that frequently I want to blame myself, and then I talk to other parents and am like... "OH."
Here's an anecdote to hopefully make you feel... well, a little bit more resolved about what you are choosing to do. A mom at our preschool told me she didn't get any sleep one night because her daughter (then about 23 months old) was screaming in her crib... for THREE HOURS... well three hours before the mom finally fell asleep. She indicated that this was a frequent occurrance but she refused to go in because then her daughter would "win."
Horrible. For some children that just doesn't work, no matter how strong-willed you try to be about it!!!! What's the point of putting a child like that through that agony? No one wins then.
Love yourself, love your child, as best you can, and don't worry if it doesn't look perfect to anyone else.