What is happening?

[emarie030509]

i don't know where to begin, or even where to post this, but i am absolutely terrified and at a loss. some background: dd is 5, ds is 3, #3 is due in 12 weeks or so. i try to maintain gd, generally pretty good at it, but not perfect, we all cosleep together in a huge pile, etc.

dd has always been challenging, endless cup to fill, her brother's arrival was extremely difficult for her, and she seems to need constant attention. easily upset is a euphemism. she cannot stand physical discomfort, failure, setbacks, and her general reaction is anger (example--she had a sore throat and screamed for an hour in pure fury at the pain when she was 4). we go through many stretches in which she panics if separated from me, no matter how confident she might have been a week prior, and i have always attributed this to a developmental 'leap' of some sort or another. (ds is a lot more mellow, thank goodness.)

so, i am used to her reacting strongly, being clingy, "needy," a perfectionist, intense, extremely serious, and frankly, exhausting. but lately things have been really escalating. she went through a period of constant colds/coughs/illness this fall, in which she seemed to never kick one thing before catching the next one, and then started getting terrible headaches. the headaches have stopped, and she seems to be healthy again, but in the last few weeks her anger has become unbearable. out of the blue she has started to turn on me when she gets frustrated, hitting, pinching, kicking (at the baby belly, hmmmm), calling me incredible names, and just vicious--if i try to get away, she follows. and she is SO angry when this happens, it is pretty unnerving. and then suddenly, it is over. and she is loving and kind again. when i talk to her about it, she either gets mad again (she is not keen on others pointing out her transgressions), or she insists that it did not happen.

now, all this is fine--i could attribute it to a lot of things (baby, stress, pressure at school--which is largely self imposed--her school is pretty laid back, winter, whatever), except for the fact that the past 2 night have been utterly bizarre. she usually wakes up sometime around 3 am to go potty, comes back and goes back to sleep. last night, i came in the bedroom to go to bed, and found her completely on the other side of the bed, and she had wet the bed (my favorite part of cosleeping). so i set about changing her, hoping i could do it without totally waking her up. the minute i touched her, she flew into a rage. she did not want me to change her, to move her, to help her dry off, warm up, and she was doing all of the mean stuff that i had seen during the day when she was upset, but this time she was clearly not awake/coherent. at one point she bolted out of the room and started yelling that she needed to see the "other girl" -- this lasted 10 minutes or so, then she collapsed back into sleep. later in the night, she wet the bed again. that time it was uneventful. the oddest part is that prior to bed, she had visited the bathroom 2ce in 20 minutes, then wet the bed within 2 hours.

and even all that is fine--that could be attributed to just being in a very deep sleep, and she definitely did not remember it in the am. but then tonight, i was in the living room and she bolted out of her bedroom through the living room and on into the dining room where she started yelling and crying, slipped and fell on the floor, then when i scooped her up she started hitting and pinching me, growling at me, and saying incoherent but not nice things to me. she was wriggling and struggling, but i was so afraid to let her go--i had no idea what she might do. then suddenly, as i was holding her, she lost control of her bladder. this made her even more upset, and i managed to get her clothes off, but never could get new dry jammies on. i wrapped her in blankets and put her in the bed where she made some more faces at me then shut her eyes and was asleep in less than 10 seconds. it appeared that she did not know where she was, but she knew it was me. the only thing i could do was agree with her--that seemed to deflate her and she calmed down a bit. (the only other very random piece of information is that her friend pushed her in rough play 2 days ago and she fell on the corner of a piece of furniture, bruising her coccyx. i can't help wodering if the peeing is related to that. but that does not explain the behavior.)

i don't know what to do. what is happening? is this something that happens? or is this a sign of something really wrong? i was up all night last night worrying about it. it is so scary. what would you do? i was seriously afraid that she would hurt herself, me, her brother--and she is strong--restraining (awful word) is not exactly something i can do easily, but there was almost no option--i would not have been surprised if she had climbed out a window, given the way she was acting.

thanks for reading through all that...

[LynnS6]

Honestly, I'd take her to the doctor (if notyhing to have her urinary tract checked out)

It could be night terrors or sleep walking.

could it be something in her diet?

It also sounds to me like regulation is difficult for her (physical discomfort, emotional) -- have you read about sensory processing disorder? (OK, I'll admit, it's my "hammer" because our ds has it, so I tend to see it in a lot of kids, and hit them with my hammer, whether or not it's appropriate).
http://www.spdfoundation.net/
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

[sungodis]

I second the take her to a doctor. Granted, I do not have a 5 year old, but I have worked with many over the years and I do not believe this to be normal behaviour. Maybe night terrors or something, but it sounds like she is miserable and could really use some help. Hang in there mama!

[angelandmisha]

I agree, see a doctor. It sounds like unusual behavior for her. I also agree about reading about sensory issues and would like to throw out the idea of a food intolerance. I read in another thread about a food intolerance causing similar types of behavior, even bladder control issues. I think it was gluten in the other instance that was a problem but also people have said food coloring has caused things like what you're describing. Obviously, something more than what's normal for her is going on. I hope it gets better.

[Magella]

I agree that a visit to the doctor is a good idea. Beyond the sleep thing, it's a good idea to rule out things that may be behind her difficult behavior beyond her temperament. For instance, my oldest has major anxiety which leads to very difficult behavior. Beyond the anxiety, regulating emotions has been challenging for her. She has sensory issues that are noticeably different from her peers but did not quite meet clinical criteria for sensory processing disorder when we had her evaluated. And so on. As we addressed these issues, we saw improvement in her behavior. And we found it helpful to seek the advice of her pediatrician, an occupational therapist, and a psychologist in our journey.

With the waking and screaming, my oldest has done this almost all her life. She isn't really awake, but she may have open eyes and she will react to our attempts to speak to her or to our touching her (though she reacts in strange or aggressive ways). Usually, it sounds exactly like her daytime anger. It's odd. We've found no real reason for it (like seizures or something else medically identifiable), and she comes from a family of sleepwalkers and sleeptalkers so we've assumed it's just on the spectrum of sleep disorders/oddities. It has gotten better as she's gotten older. Things that help (taken from lists of advice for dealing with night terrors): a set bedtime and wake time that does not change (ever), plenty of exercise, good nutrition, stress reduction (a tough day=a loud night) and *never talking to her or touching her while she's screaming/yelling/etc.* because that makes an episode worse.

[justice'smom]

I know she's five, but have you tried talking to her? I'm sure you have, I'm just throwing it out there.

[InchByInch]

Originally Posted by emarie030509

at one point she bolted out of the room and started yelling that she needed to see the "other girl"

I would follow up on this, and casually ask her (tomorrow, at some point when things don't seem so volatile) what girl she's recently seen, and what this girl has said to her. It sounds like an important clue.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

My son does something similar at night. He will seem to be awake -- his eyes are open, he is walking and talking -- but he's actually asleep. Sometimes the only clue is that after 2-3 normal sentences he starts saying things that make no sense. We can usually guide him back to bed and he quiets down after a few minutes. Its very unnerving at the time. He has occassionally done this when he was angry or really scared, judging by his comments. He has sometimes wet the bed while coming in or out of this state. We've always treated it as sleep walking and gone one.

I wouldn't automatically assume that the nighttime incidents and daytime incidents are related.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I would take her to the doctor or a neurologist to rule out anything physical first. The headaches might be concerning or they might not, even though they have passed. Something sounds off and it sounds like it might be medical to me.