If something were to happen... - Page 2

[MrsAprilMay]

This is something we've been working on for years, but DH and I just can't agree. I don't have family (except for my elderly grandpa) and his family is out of the question. But DH would rather see the kids to go family than friends. It's rough rough rough.

I would talk to them about it, though. I would make sure they were on board before making a will.

[grniys]

I just wanted to add onto my earlier post. One of the big things on making sure that my dh disinherits his mom in his will is so she can't go after me for grandparent's rights or try to find me unfit or anything. Because she's that manipulative and totally would. So we're wanting to make sure I'm protected if he dies.

Of course, his mom is very toxic and we're now cutting her out of our lives, so that's an extreme, but it's just another base we're making sure to cover.

[Dandy]

Elliott would go to my parents and I'm more than okay with them being his guardians! We want him to be raised with the beliefs that we have.

[prescottchels]

From the other side... When I was a nanny one of my families named me in their will as guardian of their 2 young children since I knew the kids so well and loved on 'em and cared for them as if they were my own, and all their immediate family was aging, far away and or not in line w/their parenting beliefs.
I was so honored!

[MusicianDad]

Babymomma is the one who is DD and DS's guardian if something happened to DH and I. We discussed with her, and both my parents. The reason we chose her is because my mom and dad don't get along to well and Babymomma is friend with both so we can have the piece of mind knowing that our kids will still get to spend time with both grandparents (Dh's parents were originally an option way back in the day, but they refused to accept a comprimized because it would have ment they couldn't teach DD about the evils of homosexuality. We worked on it for a good while too, but ended up having to limit contact.)

[Aubergine68]

Yes, we did the whole will/insurance/personal directive etc. after dd was born and updated it all after our youngest was born.

Huge load off our minds, having it done and squared away.

[Belia]

We are planning on asking my cousin and his wife- they have a son very close in age to our LO and live nearby, unlike my out-of-state sister. I would guess that our parenting styles differ in the details, but I know our boy would be well-loved, so that's all that matters to us. Heck- they're probably better about the TV and diet than I will be!

I will ask them if they will take on that responsibility, but I won't tell anyone else. I just don't want to take on any drama if I don't need to for something that's probably never going to happen... if there even would be any drama. It's nobody's business but ours and my cousin's.

I'm surprised that so many of you are choosing your parents as guardians- in my family, that's just "not done." You'd never leave your kids to someone of an older generation due to age and "who's gonna kick the bucket first" concerns.

[nolonger]

dd would raise her brothers the best she could. She isn't me, but she wouldn't feed ds2 meat or CIO.

[bluey]

My sister and her husband will get the kids if the unthinkable happened. They don't currently have any kids - maybe in the future - but we've also taken care to make sure that taking on 3 kids (maybe 4 who knows) would not be a financial burden.

Having it done and filed away means I don't have to think about it.

[Pernillep]

We are really struggling with this. I don't want our babies to go to DHs parents. They are getting old and really can't handle a newborn.
Our second choice was DH oldest younger sister. But she married a man who's child rearing philosophy includes "smacking" so that ruled them out.
The other 2 inlaw siblings are no where near mature enough to handle children.

So that leaves my family who are in europe. THe best choice really is my brother and his wife. She works with severly handicapped children and is wonderful. But they are in europe and i know DHs family will fight it.

So we are stuck. We need to make a decision and get this done before #2 is born and we know it. I like the idea of making it a new years resolution.

[AlpineMama]

I have no idea what I would do.

Our only family who could feasibly take care of the kids is my mother. I do NOT want her raising them because she is... well... nice, but crazy. Not in a good way crazy. Crazy-emotionally-manipulative-obsessive-etc. When I was very ill with DD and said to her that I might not make it, and who would raise DS, she cheerfully replied, "I would, of course, don't worry!" And nothing scared me more than that. She is authoritarian, extremist in religion and politics, (literally, like freedom fighter stuff), extreme guilt tripping and shaming... Anyway.

I wouldn't want DH to raise them and he has said himself he wouldn't consider raising them. He doesn't want to parent them and couldn't handle it.

MIL would not be able to raise them due to health issues. (She's in the last stages of MS.)

We have no other family.

We have no friends, either.

I was even half considering asking someone from MDC to be "godparents" of sorts but that's crazy too. But I'd rather have them go to people who believe in AP than have them go to random strangers in the case of my death.

Any takers? Heh.

[AlpineMama]

I have no idea what I would do.

Our only family who could feasibly take care of the kids is my mother. I do NOT want her raising them because she is... well... nice, but crazy. Not in a good way crazy. Crazy-emotionally-manipulative-obsessive-etc. When I was very ill with DD and said to her that I might not make it, and who would raise DS, she cheerfully replied, "I would, of course, don't worry!" And nothing scared me more than that. She is authoritarian, extremist in religion and politics, (literally, like freedom fighter stuff), extreme guilt tripping and shaming... Anyway.

I wouldn't want DH to raise them and he has said himself he wouldn't consider raising them. He doesn't want to parent them and couldn't handle it.

MIL would not be able to raise them due to health issues. (She's in the last stages of MS.) We'll leave it at that because there are certainly other reasons she wouldn't make a great parent to them, but let's just leave it at the MS.

We have no other family.

We have no friends, either.

I was even half considering asking someone from MDC to be "godparents" of sorts but that's crazy too. But I'd rather have them go to people who believe in AP than have them go to random strangers in the case of my death.

Any takers? Heh.

[AutumnAir]

This is something we really need to do too. Though it'll probably have to wait til we're back in Ireland, as we're living abroad now, and I don't fancy the legal complications of having to make a will here. I'd rather wait a month or two til I can talk to a lawyer at home.

The other reason for waiting is that we haven't really decided what to do about this yet. As DH and I are married, my understanding is that we would each automatically inherit what the other has/owns (which isn't much) and obviously we would have custody of DD. And there have only been 2 times so far in DD's life when neither DH nor I were with her, for a couple of hours, so I'm not terribly concerned about something happening to both of us but not her (does that even make sense?). Basically, right now, there is almost no chance of some freak accident taking out DH and myself, leaving DD an orphan, so I feel that I have a little more time to think about this.

DH and I have talked about this a few times, but we still don't know who we want to name as guardians. Either my mom or MIL would be great, as they both have similar parenting styles/beliefs to us and would definitely respect our wishes. But MIL lives in England and mom in Ireland, so it wouldn't be easy on either of them if we gave guardianship to the other. I guess we could split it, so that DD spent half her time in one country and half in the other, but that wouldn't really be fair on her either... We also don't feel that it's entirely fair to ask them to take on responsibility for such a young child at their stage of life. We definitely don't want to leave her with either of our fathers, and my brother's just too immature and totally unsuitable for that kind of responsibility. We have thought about asking BIL if he would take her, but he lives in Germany, so that's even worse for the poor grandparents. Also he's never been in a very long-term relationship, and at 40 is still single (I don't think that's a bad thing but it would make his life much more difficult if he were stuck with the responsibility of a young child.)

I just don't know what to do...

But I do believe that it's very important to have this kind of thing properly stated and clear in the event of something awful happening.

[Everrgreen]

We have our first due in February and I have thought about this. I have no idea who to choose. There is nobody who is right. DH and I figure my mom would take him, but she's basically been chosen by default.

[soccermama]

Yes, H and I formed a will earlier this year. My IL's would be the first to obtain guardianship of our son and then my parents, then the godparents (who will be living in San Diego shortly), then a close friend of my H.

The only tough decision that we had was if we were going to put my parents first on the list or H's parents - but it boiled down to the fact that my IL's are both doctors, to some degree. FIL is a Dentist and MIL is an RN.