How old was your child/ren

[Rsmom]

when they first spent the night at someone's house, away from you? Just curious. DD is 4 and she's never spent the night away from us. People look at me strange when I tell them that sometimes. We just haven't had any reason to, and I'm not shipping her off to granny's house just because.

[mytwogirls]

My oldest daughter is 2.5 and she attempted the stay the night at grandma's house (her idea) but I got a phone call at 9 pm saying she changed her mind. I was glad inside because I missed her like hell and was not ready for her to be all grown up yet. She has asked again but then changed her mind saying she loves snuggling with mommy because "mommy smells so good" So I would not pressure them to do so until they want to and making them stay the night could just cause more harm than good in my opinion.

[LynnS6]

Ummm.. my kids are 4 and 7 and they've never spent the night away from one of us. I've spent the night away from THEM, and once dh and I spent a night away from them when MIL and SIL were here to babysit, but otherwise, no.

[thatblondegirl]

my son was 15months when he slept out for the first time. it was our wedding nite and he really needed to sleep out. since then, he sleeps out at least once a month if not more. he is a very early riser so if we go out, we have him sleep out so we can sleep a little. i have NO problem shipping him off to his nanny or grandma's! he loves it, they love and i absolutely LOVE it! lol

[Alison's Mom]

DD was 21 months when DS was born, so she stayed at our house with gma and gpa, while DH and I were at the hospital. That's it so far, and now they are 4 and 2. DD has expressed an interest in sleeping over at gma/gpa's house and I'm totally comfortable with that because my parents are very close to them, and my mom especially is really really good with my kids, and my kids love her to bits.

The only thing I'm slightly worried about is that both kids have severe food allergies, and our house is sort of a safe haven. I know my parents are very diligent, etc, but they would have unsafe food in their kitchen (out of reach, but still. . . ), and I'm not sure how confident they are about using the Epipen.

I wouldn't have DS sleeping over anywhere without me because he's still nursing at night, so we would wait until he's weaned.

[Sonnenwende]

1 month. She stayed at my IL's house. Was asleep when we left, woke up once, ate, fell right back asleep, and was still asleep when we got back around 5am. She was always such a good sleeper.

I didn't feel guilty or bad about it at all. In fact, it was great to do something 'normal' again after all the stress from the birth and terrible pp period. I trust my mother or my IL's with my daughter no question though.

[jeteaa]

OP, same w/ us. dd1 is 4, dd2 is 2. We do have relatives close by, but we don't NEED them to have the girls overnight, so we don't ask. Honestly, I doubt we will ever have them spend the night away from us. When they are MUCH older and they ask to spend the night as someones house, we'll think about it then, but we did not have children to ask other people to take care of them.

[thatblondegirl]

Originally Posted by jeteaa

OP, same w/ us. dd1 is 4, dd2 is 2. We do have relatives close by, but we don't NEED them to have the girls overnight, so we don't ask. Honestly, I doubt we will ever have them spend the night away from us. When they are MUCH older and they ask to spend the night as someones house, we'll think about it then, but we did not have children to ask other people to take care of them.

bolding mine.

totally uncalled for.

[Peony]

DD1 was 4 the first time she asked to stay with my sister and mom. It took me by surprise because I wasn't ready yet, but I guess she was!

[ProtoLawyer]

My 6-year-old stepdaughter has never spent the night without at least one natural parent. She has a hard time falling asleep without parental help. The one sleepover she had (here) was a disaster--she couldn't sleep with her friend there, and she freaked out from being so tired.

She could probably spend the night with me (sans Dad, in our house) and not freak out (as she'll fall asleep with me)--and she's fallen asleep at my parents' (step-maternal grandparents?) house while my partner and I have gone out and stayed asleep until morning so she's probably ready to spend a night in an otherwise familiar setting with familiar people.

Her maternal grandparents (who she sees once a year) want to take her on a two-week car trip over the summer. No way is she ready for that.

[azmomtoone]

DS has never stayed overnight anywhere, he's way too young & not ready for it yet.....still nursing at night & to sleep....G-ma has been asking/offering though.....but she has no place for him to sleep anyway (studio apt, no couch or anything, or room for another bed, and tiled floors that are cold this time of year) (we do co-sleep but I don't think it'd be safe w/ someone else who wasn't used to him being in bed....we also have bed rails and had our mattress on the floor before we got them, which she doesn't)

In any case, the few times we've slept in a hotel w/ no safe options for cosleeping DH and I both had a hard time sleeping without DS in bed, can't even imagine if he was somewhere else altogether.

[haleyelianasmom]

Originally Posted by Rsmom

when they first spent the night at someone's house, away from you? Just curious. DD is 4 and she's never spent the night away from us. People look at me strange when I tell them that sometimes. We just haven't had any reason to, and I'm not shipping her off to granny's house just because.

DD is 3 and she's never spent the night away from us, but we have family members watch and then we come back late at night. We had a wedding so she went to play with my cousins (they're just a bit older than dd) and my aunt put her to bed then we came to get her around midnight? not sure, but she was asleep on the couch and we took her back after that. The grandparents have done that once or twice, too.

[noah's mom]

DS1 is 3 1/2 and DS2 just turned 1, and neither of them have spent the night away from us. But DS1 has recently started asking to have a "sleepover" at his cousin's house (she's 5 mos older than he is and they are very close). We've been talking to him about what a sleepover is and that Mommy and Daddy won't be there all night...and he still wants to do it, so we'll probably give it a try sometime soon and see how he does. If he changes his mind once bedtime rolls around, we'll be at the ready to pick him up - but I guess my point is that he's initiating it.

As far as DH and I having the kids spend the night out so we can have some time (or a short vacation or something like that), I doubt we'd do anything before DS1 is at least 3 - old enough to understand what's going on. I think it's a very individual thing and every child and parent is different in their approach.

If you feel comfortable doing it, then go ahead - and if you don't feel the need to, don't! I wouldn't worry about what other ppl think about your choices in that area.

[mom2tristan04]

DS will be five next month, and he spent his first night away from us in September (at my parents'). MIL and FIL begged for him to spend the night the month after that, so he did. He also spent the night with my parents Thanksgiving night so dh and I could hit the early Black Friday sales and Christmas shop.

It was all really on ds' time table. Even six months ago, he would have been a wreck spending the night away from us. Now he gets excited about it, so I have no problems allowing it on occasion.

[tubulidentata2]

I am probably on the paranoid side, but I don't want DD spending the night anywhere until she is fully verbal and emotionally strong enough to tell me what happens if anything bothers her. There are too many stories, in my family and those of my friends, of "loving" relatives being less than loving.

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by jeteaa

OP, same w/ us. dd1 is 4, dd2 is 2. We do have relatives close by, but we don't NEED them to have the girls overnight, so we don't ask. Honestly, I doubt we will ever have them spend the night away from us. When they are MUCH older and they ask to spend the night as someones house, we'll think about it then, but we did not have children to ask other people to take care of them.

Oh this I agree with 100 percent. IF my child ASKS to, then yes I will let her, but ONLY if she wants too. I am a parent, and I labored, pushed for over three hours with two posterior babies NOT to "ship" them out somewhere else : That irritates me when people tell me they have "free time" and they MAKE their kids stay the night. Poor things.

[njbeachgirl]

My daughter spent the night at my parents' house once, because DH and I were so sick with a stomach virus that we couldn't get out of bed, well except to go to the bathroom

So, that was a dire situation but otherwise I can't imagine they will for a long time.

[Llyra]

I think that I live in a different reality again. Don't get me wrong, I very much respect that some of you aren't comfortable with your kids being away overnight, and I think it's fine. It's different for us-- my family is just like that. We're all so close and we've always just passed our kids around. I remember being a kid and feeling like I had nine or ten moms, with all my aunts and older cousins and great-aunts and stuff. It's just part of our family culture.

Anyway, DD1 first spent the night with my mom at about 5 months old. We didn't try it with DH's family until later, because I just don't trust MIL as much as I do my own family. DD first spent the night with MIL at around 20 months, when I'd had a chance to feel more comfortable with MIL and know that I could trust her. But my own mom and I see eye-to-eye on almost everything, and I was perfectly comfortable leaving DD there. Now, at 4, she'll often spend the night at a cousin's house or at my mom's, or a cousin will come stay here.

It took us longer to leave the twins overnight, because my mother is convinced that it's "wrong" for them to be separated from each other (like this "twin mystique" thing), but didn't feel able to handle both at once while they still woke often at night. Plus, DS was very dependent on nursing to get to sleep, in a way that my girls weren't, so I wasn't able to leave him. DD2 would have been fine, but my mom said she thought they should be together, which I think is kind of crazy-- I think DD2 would have LOVED the attention of being the only one.

Anyway, they just recently started staying over at my mom's and it went great. They were 21 months when we tried it. They haven't stayed anywhere else yet.

I think it's been good for all of them. I can see that DD1 is incredibly close to my mother, trusts her implicitly, and calls her a few times a DAY sometimes and BEGS her to come take her for a visit.

I wouldn't leave them for a second if I thought they were unhappy or unwilling, and I certainly wouldn't leave them if I wasn't 100% sure I could trust my family to care for them. And I think they're too young to be left with anyone outside the family.

[Aufilia]

DD spent a night at with Grandma & Grandpa at about 26 mo.

[queenjane]

When my son was about two yrs old, he stayed overnight with my mom while i went out of state for a wedding. She coslept with him. He also spent alot of time over there during the day too. I trusted her completely. He was fully breastfed (no bottles), and it was totally fine. He tried to spend the night at a neighbor's house when he was about 6, but came home instead. Other than spending the night very very occasionally at his cousin's, he chooses not to sleep elsewhere. He spent the night at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago, for a sleepover bday party, and it was fine. He is 12. But he doesnt really like to sleep away from home.

But....i would have had no problem with him sleeping over with my mom, as a baby/toddler, if he was fine with it (the only reason he didnt stay more with her is because it was too much for her)...i dont really "get" this idea that "i didnt have children so others could care for them"...i'm really close with my family. I mean....we're FAMILY. They love my son as much as i do, yknow?

In fact, when my son use to sleep at my mom's, she would lay with him and he would pat her chest and say "grandma grandma"....we moved away, and awhile later she had a stroke. The next time he saw her, after her stroke (he was about 3), he went up to her, patted her, and said "grandma grandma"...even though a year had passed, he remembered those special moments he had spent with her.

Now that i have a new baby, who wears me out, i would probably LOVE if one of my sisters offered to keep him overnight at some point. I would LOVE the break. I would love to be able to go to sleep, stretch out, have the whole bed to myself. I spent 11 YEARS cosleeping (well, older son wasnt doing it fulltime at 11, but still it was quite often), now i've started over, and am probably facing another many years of cosleeping and having responsibility for a child 24/7. I dont think it makes one a bad parent for wanting a break, as long as the child is with people he knows and trusts and is comfortable with. My baby (10 months old) ADORES my sister, more than me in fact (well, i'm just mom, but she is fun good time aunt)...he lights up and crawls at top speed to her when she walks in the door. He would be fine with her overnight. Her, not so much!

I dont get how on the one hand we can spout "it takes a village" but then god forbid we actually rely on our "village" to help us with our kids.


Katherine