So I went to get an ultrasound yesterday and no baby was detected. The sonographer tried a few times just to make sure. I was in total shock and yet, not, given all the weird circumstances surrounding this "pregnancy". I just can't quite put my head around what has been going on inside of me, though. My intuition has been so strong about being pregnant, coupled with all the usual symptoms, plus weight gain, feeling the "baby" kick on a regular basis (I've been pregnant before, so I know the difference between gas, muscle twitches, my imagination, and a baby kicking), I've had a number of signs in the outer world that I am, in fact, carrying a baby, my abdomen is the only part of me that gained inches, which is an indicator that I'm not simply getting fat, but I never got a positive hpt, I've still been bleeding regularly, and now the ultrasound shows that there is no baby. What the?!?! I looked up pseudocyesis (false pregnancy) but it really doesn't sound like that's what's going on...I never had a strong desire or aversion to being pregnant (I was always neutral about it), I didn't try to make up the symptoms, I simply relaxed and allowed my body and intuition to show me what was going on. For a good chunk of the time, I was thoroughly convinced that I WASN'T pregnant but then there was always something that happened soon after that made me doubt that.
I feel like I'm going crazy and yet, not, since I didn't create all of this in my mind. My mind shunned it, but my body and intuition kept on poking at me (no pun intended)
This is further exasperated by the fact that about 3 years ago (before I had my son) I believed I was pregnant for awhile. Like now, I didn't get any positive hpts, I kept bleeding regularly, but my abdomen seemed to be swelling and I thought I kept feeling the baby kick. That seems to prove even more that I've made all of this up in my head, doesn't it? Actually, the fact that I had been through a false pregnancy helps me see that that was a very different experience than now. I had no idea what a fetus kicking felt like...after I got pregnant with my son it was obvious to me that those were simply muscle twitches and gas bubbles that I had been experiencing during the false pregnancy. I very, very much wanted to be pregnant at that time, which is what fueled the fire. Also, my abdomen had simply been going through normal bloating phases, but since I had been so fixated on being pregnant I assumed that my uterus was stretching. Most importantly, the belief that I was pregnant died after I was about 18 weeks "along" since it became obvious to me that my belly wasn't getting steadily larger nor were the kicks getting stronger or more frequent. None of those circumstances applies this time around...I know what it feels like to have a fetus kick inside of me, I know what it's like for my abdomen to expand beyond normal bloating and I know when it's not because my bladder is simply really full or I'm full of gas or whatever, I don't have a strong desire nor aversion to being pregnant and I'm still feeling the kicks on a regular basis...AND they have been getting stronger over time. This is just very, very weird. I'm not concerned about my health at all since I know I'm super healthy. I could go to the doctor but I have a feeling they won't know what's going on with me, either. I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
I feel like I'm going crazy and yet, not, since I didn't create all of this in my mind. My mind shunned it, but my body and intuition kept on poking at me (no pun intended)
This is further exasperated by the fact that about 3 years ago (before I had my son) I believed I was pregnant for awhile. Like now, I didn't get any positive hpts, I kept bleeding regularly, but my abdomen seemed to be swelling and I thought I kept feeling the baby kick. That seems to prove even more that I've made all of this up in my head, doesn't it? Actually, the fact that I had been through a false pregnancy helps me see that that was a very different experience than now. I had no idea what a fetus kicking felt like...after I got pregnant with my son it was obvious to me that those were simply muscle twitches and gas bubbles that I had been experiencing during the false pregnancy. I very, very much wanted to be pregnant at that time, which is what fueled the fire. Also, my abdomen had simply been going through normal bloating phases, but since I had been so fixated on being pregnant I assumed that my uterus was stretching. Most importantly, the belief that I was pregnant died after I was about 18 weeks "along" since it became obvious to me that my belly wasn't getting steadily larger nor were the kicks getting stronger or more frequent. None of those circumstances applies this time around...I know what it feels like to have a fetus kick inside of me, I know what it's like for my abdomen to expand beyond normal bloating and I know when it's not because my bladder is simply really full or I'm full of gas or whatever, I don't have a strong desire nor aversion to being pregnant and I'm still feeling the kicks on a regular basis...AND they have been getting stronger over time. This is just very, very weird. I'm not concerned about my health at all since I know I'm super healthy. I could go to the doctor but I have a feeling they won't know what's going on with me, either. I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
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:definitley a weird situation all around. I bet as you accept the non pregnancy your body goes back to normal and the symptoms dissappear.
That was a tongue-in-cheek comment...there's been all this buildup to something happening in February...maybe a little alien will come out of me, who knows 
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