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No baby...

post #1 of 39
Thread Starter 
So I went to get an ultrasound yesterday and no baby was detected. The sonographer tried a few times just to make sure. I was in total shock and yet, not, given all the weird circumstances surrounding this "pregnancy". I just can't quite put my head around what has been going on inside of me, though. My intuition has been so strong about being pregnant, coupled with all the usual symptoms, plus weight gain, feeling the "baby" kick on a regular basis (I've been pregnant before, so I know the difference between gas, muscle twitches, my imagination, and a baby kicking), I've had a number of signs in the outer world that I am, in fact, carrying a baby, my abdomen is the only part of me that gained inches, which is an indicator that I'm not simply getting fat, but I never got a positive hpt, I've still been bleeding regularly, and now the ultrasound shows that there is no baby. What the?!?! I looked up pseudocyesis (false pregnancy) but it really doesn't sound like that's what's going on...I never had a strong desire or aversion to being pregnant (I was always neutral about it), I didn't try to make up the symptoms, I simply relaxed and allowed my body and intuition to show me what was going on. For a good chunk of the time, I was thoroughly convinced that I WASN'T pregnant but then there was always something that happened soon after that made me doubt that.

I feel like I'm going crazy and yet, not, since I didn't create all of this in my mind. My mind shunned it, but my body and intuition kept on poking at me (no pun intended) This is further exasperated by the fact that about 3 years ago (before I had my son) I believed I was pregnant for awhile. Like now, I didn't get any positive hpts, I kept bleeding regularly, but my abdomen seemed to be swelling and I thought I kept feeling the baby kick. That seems to prove even more that I've made all of this up in my head, doesn't it? Actually, the fact that I had been through a false pregnancy helps me see that that was a very different experience than now. I had no idea what a fetus kicking felt like...after I got pregnant with my son it was obvious to me that those were simply muscle twitches and gas bubbles that I had been experiencing during the false pregnancy. I very, very much wanted to be pregnant at that time, which is what fueled the fire. Also, my abdomen had simply been going through normal bloating phases, but since I had been so fixated on being pregnant I assumed that my uterus was stretching. Most importantly, the belief that I was pregnant died after I was about 18 weeks "along" since it became obvious to me that my belly wasn't getting steadily larger nor were the kicks getting stronger or more frequent. None of those circumstances applies this time around...I know what it feels like to have a fetus kick inside of me, I know what it's like for my abdomen to expand beyond normal bloating and I know when it's not because my bladder is simply really full or I'm full of gas or whatever, I don't have a strong desire nor aversion to being pregnant and I'm still feeling the kicks on a regular basis...AND they have been getting stronger over time. This is just very, very weird. I'm not concerned about my health at all since I know I'm super healthy. I could go to the doctor but I have a feeling they won't know what's going on with me, either. I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
post #2 of 39
That is an odd situation to be in, to be sure. This is where I'd be looking into other possibilities, just to be careful. There are some health issues (fibroids, etc.) that can mimic pregnancy symptoms, and some of them aren't benign. I'd want a full checkup just to be sure I was doing everything I could be to around for my son for a long, long time. :
post #3 of 39
Aww,

I'm sorry you're not pregnant. This must be hard to go through - and really confusing. Maybe you were pregnant early on and had a miscarriage, but your body was still going through the feelings of being pregnant? On another board I used togo to before mdc, there was a whole thread about women who could still feel kicks long after they'd had their babies. One woman said her mom felt kicks regularly until she hit menopause. Isn't that strange? It's not really something people talk about but I think it's fairly "common" - at least it's normal.

Again, I'm sorry there's no baby - it sounds like you were really looking forward to a baby.
post #4 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthmama369 View Post
That is an odd situation to be in, to be sure. This is where I'd be looking into other possibilities, just to be careful. There are some health issues (fibroids, etc.) that can mimic pregnancy symptoms, and some of them aren't benign. I'd want a full checkup just to be sure I was doing everything I could be to around for my son for a long, long time. :
I hear what you're saying...I just looked up fibroids on google, though, and I don't get the sense that's what going on, either. Also, they would have showed up on the ultrasound, right?
post #5 of 39
Yes, I would consider getting a full check-up as well. Clearly something is not right.
post #6 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuantumMama View Post
I hear what you're saying...I just looked up fibroids on google, though, and I don't get the sense that's what going on, either. Also, they would have showed up on the ultrasound, right?
They might not if they are outside the uterus. I think a pregnancy scan will only focus on one small area. They probably are not trained to diagnose other medical issues during a scan. My MIL had an abdominal scan and the tech was trained to find certain spots and take pictures, but they sent those pictures on to the doctor and the doctor diagnosed the problem areas. Even if the tech spotted something it would be a liability issue to discuss it with you without a dr.
post #7 of 39
I went through this very same thing a couple years ago. Every PG symptom in the book including missed PG. I was convinced I was PG and when I was "20 weeks" I went in for an U/S and there was no baby. A full work up provided no clues as to why I had been having all these symptoms or anything. It was quite a let down for me. Eventually everything went back to normal though.
post #8 of 39
I really hope you get this all settled out. How is your DH taking the news?
post #9 of 39
Really hope you are ok, QMama.
post #10 of 39
post #11 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WatermelonSnow View Post
I really hope you get this all settled out. How is your DH taking the news?
He's doing alright with it...neither of us were really ready for another baby. Our son will be 2 in January...we were hoping to wait at least another year or two before trying again. So it's bittersweet for both of us...we would have accepted the baby wholeheartedly, but we're not terribly upset that he/she doesn't exist, either.
post #12 of 39
:definitley a weird situation all around. I bet as you accept the non pregnancy your body goes back to normal and the symptoms dissappear.
post #13 of 39
Quote:
I'm very curious as to what will happen, if anything, come February...
what do you think could happen?
post #14 of 39
:

I know this is confusing. But obviously there is something going on in there. Is there a HCP you'd trust, like a naturopath or DO, who could help or guide you on this journey, as you discover your body's truth?

:
post #15 of 39
I'm sorry. I know you've said all along that you weren't attached to the idea of another baby, but pregnancy and birth and new babies are something special.

If I can be serious, because there is a strong possibility that you were pregnant and miscarried, be aware that you could have some mood swings as February approaches. That seems ot happen to a lot of people, and it is normal.
post #16 of 39
I'm so sorry QuantumMama.

Could it be that somewhere deep down you were hoping and wishing for a baby, even without fully knowing it?

post #17 of 39
post #18 of 39
You aren't nuts, and it's not all in your head, although it might be all in your hormones.

These "false pregnancy" or "phantom pregnancy" cases are well-known in medicine, but not at all understood. It can last the full 9 months, can include stopping menstrual periods and beginning lactation, and even end with realistic (but obviously unproductive) labor. All those are under control of the woman's hormones. I have never heard of a false pregnancy producing a positive HCG test, which tests for a hormone made by the developing embryo and placenta.

Queen Mary I (Mary Tudor) of England had more than one false pregnancy, the famous Greek doctor Hippocrates mentions several cases, and if I had the time to dredge through my really old medical book, I could probably come up with quite a few more. They used to be as common as 1 in 200 to 300 pregnancies, but the rate is considerably lower now.

Keep us posted, please.
post #19 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazy Gardens View Post
You aren't nuts, and it's not all in your head, although it might be all in your hormones.

These "false pregnancy" or "phantom pregnancy" cases are well-known in medicine, but not at all understood. It can last the full 9 months, can include stopping menstrual periods and beginning lactation, and even end with realistic (but obviously unproductive) labor. All those are under control of the woman's hormones. I have never heard of a false pregnancy producing a positive HCG test, which tests for a hormone made by the developing embryo and placenta.

Queen Mary I (Mary Tudor) of England had more than one false pregnancy, the famous Greek doctor Hippocrates mentions several cases, and if I had the time to dredge through my really old medical book, I could probably come up with quite a few more. They used to be as common as 1 in 200 to 300 pregnancies, but the rate is considerably lower now.

Keep us posted, please.
That's so bizarre...thank you for sharing
post #20 of 39
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bri276 View Post
what do you think could happen?
That was a tongue-in-cheek comment...there's been all this buildup to something happening in February...maybe a little alien will come out of me, who knows
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