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Play park etiquette - Page 4  

post #61 of 71
12/15/08 at 12:16am
My main thing with DD is "if you're not using it, and you don't want someone else to use it, you MUST put it away in the stroller." I don't require her to share, and I do tell other children that she brought her special blah-blah and doesn't feel like sharing it today.

(That sometimes happens with special toys like dolls that do try to avoid taking to the playground at all, but they're also rarely left anywhere randomly. I don't feel that she has to "share" her special belongings at the playground.)

Mostly though we take shareable sand toys and playground toys. She forgets them and goes off to do something else. Those I tell her other kids can play with too. But we take extras, and there are always some there anyway. So no problem.
post #62 of 71
12/15/08 at 12:21am
Quote:
Originally Posted by EviesMom View Post
My main thing with DD is "if you're not using it, and you don't want someone else to use it, you MUST put it away in the stroller." I don't require her to share, and I do tell other children that she brought her special blah-blah and doesn't feel like sharing it today.

.
Yeah. In our house, it's "if you don't wanna share said toy, it's not coming. periodfullstoptheend". If kids come over to play, DD has to put the special non-shareable toys away somewhere safe until kids leave. I wish I could say that worked all the time but sometimes once the kid is here, DD suddenly decides whatever the kid is playing with is her "special toy" Heh, we've had some battles over that one.
post #63 of 71
12/15/08 at 12:32am
I just remembered something that happened when DD was about 18 mos old. We were at an indoor playground that was publicly run. I must have been distracted by something else cos when i turned around, there was DD clinging onto another child's baby doll. The child must have been around 4. And her mother, clearly really mad at DD, was telling her that she had to let go of said doll because it was her daughter's special doll, in a cold tone of voice. And DD, being 18 months, wasn't having a bar of it. I doubt she even understood what the woman was saying.

I swooped in, extracted doll, gave it back (daggers from the mom) and I remember thinking "I am never letting DD bring special toys to playgrounds". My back was up. HER back was up. And all of it could have been avoided if the special toy had been left home.

Now, in most family drop ins/playgrounds here there is a rule that toys can't be brought from home. I understand why. I really do think it causes more problems than it's worth.

JMO.
post #64 of 71
12/15/08 at 12:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tapioca View Post
Yeah. In our house, it's "if you don't wanna share said toy, it's not coming. periodfullstoptheend". If kids come over to play, DD has to put the special non-shareable toys away somewhere safe until kids leave. I wish I could say that worked all the time but sometimes once the kid is here, DD suddenly decides whatever the kid is playing with is her "special toy" Heh, we've had some battles over that one.
Yup, I get that one too, suddenly the random little figurine is her most important thing ever. Generally we just take shareable, losable toys to the playground. And generally she'll share even "special" dolls with friends who want to help push the doll on the swing or whatever. Something about turns with a toy one child brings rubs me the wrong way though; whereas playing with something a child brings AND the child seems great.
post #65 of 71
12/15/08 at 12:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tapioca View Post
I just remembered something that happened when DD was about 18 mos old. We were at an indoor playground that was publicly run. I must have been distracted by something else cos when i turned around, there was DD clinging onto another child's baby doll. The child must have been around 4. And her mother, clearly really mad at DD, was telling her that she had to let go of said doll because it was her daughter's special doll, in a cold tone of voice. And DD, being 18 months, wasn't having a bar of it. I doubt she even understood what the woman was saying.

I swooped in, extracted doll, gave it back (daggers from the mom) and I remember thinking "I am never letting DD bring special toys to playgrounds". My back was up. HER back was up. And all of it could have been avoided if the special toy had been left home.

Now, in most family drop ins/playgrounds here there is a rule that toys can't be brought from home. I understand why. I really do think it causes more problems than it's worth.

JMO.
I guess my question there, though, would be, how did your child get the doll? I mean, if she snatched it from the girl who was holding it, it could have been something that belonged to the playspace and the situation could have been nearly identical (I'm not saying it's horrible for 18 month olds to snatch toys from others BTW; they all do it; it's part of the age). Maybe the 4 yo wouldn't have been as upset, but it would still be a social learning moment, and something you would have to handle returning to the child who was in the middle of using it. If it was lying around, then I think the older child needs to know that other kids will play with whatever is left lying around.
post #66 of 71
12/15/08 at 3:18am
No, it wasn't part of the playspace. The mother made it very clear it was her child's special doll. I have no idea how she got hold of it; I didn't see her take it, unfortunately.
post #67 of 71
12/15/08 at 4:56am
It is no doubt just easier not to take special belongings at all, but once in a while I give in because DD really desperately wants to take "big sister doll" or "baby" to the playground.

We haven't had any incidents with them though, she's very definite about putting them away and out of sight when she's not actively holding them. And she's had other kids help her push them on the swing when we've done it. I think it's been maybe 6 times in 2 years though. Sand/chalk/sharing toys we take probably 2-3 times a week.
post #68 of 71
12/15/08 at 2:07pm
Thread Starter 
I think sometimes parents can be too keen to make their kids share. I had an experience where a mum was encouraging her son to share his special car with my ds. He would give ds the car willingly but then get totally upset once ds had it. I kept giving it back and the mum kept making him give it up again. Poor little guy. He couldn't handle the feelings of loss although you could tell he liked giving it to ds. I eventually told the mum quite firmly that he didn't have to share his special car with ds.
post #69 of 71
12/15/08 at 2:32pm
We don't usually bring toys to the park, unless they're outdoor toys like sandbox toys or bubbles or a ball. Those I expect them to share (although I wouldn't *make* them). If they bring their special doll or stuffed animal, I would never expect them to share. I think when a kid sees another kid with a doll or stuffed animal, they know not to ask to share it or demand a turn.

I think making kids share is kind of weird. And I really can't stand it when another child just assumes that they get a turn with something that doesn't belong to them. My DD shouldn't have to beg for her doll back. Ever. My DDs never ever ever assume that they get to play with everyone else's toys and never throw a fit because they don't get a "turn" with something that is not theirs or was not offered to them.
post #70 of 71
12/15/08 at 3:01pm
Sharing is not expected but i expect my kids to share what we bring. for my little kids (toddler/preschool) i keep a close eye on them when they are interacting with people I don't know (as opposed to friends and such) i really feel the only way kids will learn proper social skills is from adults, not from other toddlers. I try not to touch other kids (unless of course its for their saftey) or tell them what to do but help my child handle the situation. if some little kids won't give my child their toy back or something I do the "lets find your mommy" thing and then explain that we are going or that that toy seems to be causing a problem and we are going to put it away could she please get it back from her child.

the one thing we never share is bikes and scooters (Except with very close friends). Our neighborhood has a high theft rate with these things so everyone takes care of their own stuff.

I mean lets face it, there is a big difference between a plastic pail or a matchbox car and a $200 bike . and its not just a price thing. its a saftety thing. If someone hurts themself on my dd scooter they can sue me. no thanks.
post #71 of 71
12/15/08 at 3:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ramama View Post
If they bring their special doll or stuffed animal, I would never expect them to share.
See, I don't think it's reasonable to expect everyone else at the park to have the same beliefs as I/you do. You don't expect your kids to share, and that's fine in your world, but other kids are expected to share and then there's confusion when those expectations run up against your kids' expectations. I'm not saying anyone should change their opinion, but I also don't think you can assume that other children are brought up the way your DDs are and judge them for it re: (I can't stand it when another child assumes they get a turn). They're just kids. And, I believe, in a public space everyone has to give a little to get along.

But reading this thread is sure making me glad that the indoor playgrounds around here have the no-toys-from-home rule.
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