Yep, I had a baby.

[Down2Earth]

Well, better late than never...

Evelyn Grace was born on Oct 24th at 7:16 PM. She was 8 lb 9 oz and 20 inches. Her apgar was 8/9.

I guess I haven't posted because my labor was very disappointing. My water broke on th 23rd at 11 am. It wasn't a gush so I wasn't sure it really happened. Plus I wasn't contracting. I went to my midwives at 2 PM and they confirmed it. But I was only 1 cm dilated. They said I had to have 20 mins of efm before going back home. After that they said I couldn't go home but go straight to the hospital. That was the first heartbreaking thing. I really wanted to go home and get my bags and final items myself. And I don't understand why I couldn't do that since I live 10 mins from the hospital.

Anyway, I walked the halls trying to get my labor to go. After a couple hours they put me on pitocin. Every hour they upped the dosage since I was progressing very slowly. At about midnight my contractions were becoming unbearable. My baby was posterior so I was having back labor and it was horrible. And I was stuck at 7/8 cm for forever! (I don't really remember all the details. I won't them down shortly afterwards but my journal is at home and I'm away at the moment.)

I don't know how I got through the night. I thought my contractions were one on top of the other, but I guess they were about 3 mins apart but I was sleeping in between them. I was also vomiting and shaking uncontrollably most of the night. I got a shot of fentanyl because I thought I could get a tiny break and be able to finish dilating. I think it lasted 30 mins and everything was still very painful, so it was pretty pointless.

At some point in the morning my midwife wanted to put in some kind of monitor in my uterus. I'm not sure what it was, but it wasn't the kind that attaches to the baby's scalp. With the monitor they could determine how much pitocin I needed? I don't know for sure. But I couldn't handle the pain and I couldn't stand the thought of contractions that were stronger. Plus, I had been in "transition" for 8 hours. (Is it still called transition when it lasts that long?) So I got an epidural. My DH tried to argue against it. At one point he kicked everyone out of the room so he could talk to me alone. He thought the nurses and midwife were bullying me into it. He didn't understand how much pain I was in. I never cried or screamed. The only time I made any noise was when I would have this uncontrollable urge to push during a contraction but I knew I shouldn't since I was only 8 cm so I was fighting it. Anyway, I got the epidural and then spent the next half hour bawling because I had disappointed myself and my DH. I thought he hated me because I was so weak.

That was at 10:30 AM. I then slept for a few hours. They continued upping the pitocin and I continued to not progress. Finally, I was complete at 4:30 PM. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. My baby would not come down! They told me she needed to come out soon. I agreed to the vacuum in order to avoid a c-section. That was probably the most painful part. The doctor kept jamming his fingers into my vagina while I was having contractions. After three contractions he finally ripped my baby out of me.

I wanted to delay the cord cutting and even went over that again with the nurse and midwife before the pushing. But the doctor didn't do that. And I think he extracted the cord blood which is not something I wanted done.

I had a 2nd degree tear and needed 6 stitches. I guess if you need stitches you might as well have a doctor who is use to stitching up women. :

So now Evelyn is 7 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe it has taken me this long to post.

I can't think about what else I wanted to write, I have a baby that dad can't soothe.

[Amber Lion]

Congrats on your little girl Momma! Sorry your labor was so rough, many

As for the monitor - sounds like an internal pressure monitor that can tell them how strong your contractions are. The little machine that goes ping (that shows when you're having a contraction) only tells them how long, not really how strongly your uterus is contracting. If they're wanting to up the pit more, at some point they need to be able to tell how strong the contrx really are to safely do that.

[Baby_Cakes]

mama!

I'm so sorry your labor and birth did not go the way you planned. You have every right to feel disappointed. But, please, do not feel weak. You are not weak, and you did not let your DH down. You are here, and your precious baby girl is here, and you are incredibly strong and brave to go through what you went through.

Your labor sounds so similar to mine. My ctx were 3 min apart, but some piggybacked and I had no breaks. I didn't think I could do it. After 4 hours of the same, I didn't even want to do it anymore. If I had been in a hospital, I would have taken the epidural. Nora's 10 weeks old and I still haven't come to terms with my labor and how traumatic it was for me. You are so definitely NOT ALONE in how you feel or how you felt.

Now, we need to see some pictures of your beautiful girl!

[mother culture]

I think that over time your birth will anger you then fade into wisdom and you will know yourself better for the experience. You birthed your baby and sounds like being in the hospital did not allow you to fully get down to the whole birthing process and have privacy that all women need.
I hope your baby grows closer to your heart and she to yours and her dady's. Look for ways for them to have skin to skin contact when she is happy or just sleeping. Scent is a incredible sence in babies. Bath time can also be wonderful to bond.

[lovemysunshine]

First off, congratulations and welcome to sweet Evelyn! : My DS2 was born on the 24th also.

I'm so sorry you had a disappointing birth. I did as well with my first and I mourned my DD's birth for years. I am still not completely over it, but it is easier to think about now, 5.5 years later. But her birth made me do things differently the next 2 times (had homebirths) and has given me personal experience that has helped me help others as well. So while I still wish it had gone differently, it is what it is.

My DD's birth sounds pretty similar to yours: Water trickle broke, dr. said to come to hospital in a couple hours even though no contractions to speak of yet. Walked halls for hours, refusing pitocin. Finally gave in after many threats of c/s. Horrible pain from pit, gave in to some narcotic "to take the edge off" (didn't do anything for me except make me sick). Finally gave in to epidural. Told not to push at 9.5cm and given more epi so I wouldn't keep pushing. Then time to push and had no feeling to help me do it, vacuum extraction by dr.

I'm sorry it happened to you too. And if anyone tries to tell you to get over it, at least you have a healthy baby, you have my permission to tell them to shove it.

[mamanurse]

Congratulations: and Evelyn! My Hazel was also born on that day about an hour and a half after your's.

I'm sorry you had such a traumatic labor and birth! I hope writing about it has helped you deal with it. Enjoy the rest of your babymoon!

[Mamja]

Originally Posted by Down2Earth

Well, better late than never...

Evelyn Grace was born on Oct 24th at 7:16 PM. She was 8 lb 9 oz and 20 inches. Her apgar was 8/9.

I guess I haven't posted because my labor was very disappointing. My water broke on th 23rd at 11 am. It wasn't a gush so I wasn't sure it really happened. Plus I wasn't contracting. I went to my midwives at 2 PM and they confirmed it. But I was only 1 cm dilated. They said I had to have 20 mins of efm before going back home. After that they said I couldn't go home but go straight to the hospital. That was the first heartbreaking thing. I really wanted to go home and get my bags and final items myself. And I don't understand why I couldn't do that since I live 10 mins from the hospital.

Anyway, I walked the halls trying to get my labor to go. After a couple hours they put me on pitocin. Every hour they upped the dosage since I was progressing very slowly. At about midnight my contractions were becoming unbearable. My baby was posterior so I was having back labor and it was horrible. And I was stuck at 7/8 cm for forever! (I don't really remember all the details. I won't them down shortly afterwards but my journal is at home and I'm away at the moment.)

I don't know how I got through the night. I thought my contractions were one on top of the other, but I guess they were about 3 mins apart but I was sleeping in between them. I was also vomiting and shaking uncontrollably most of the night. I got a shot of fentanyl because I thought I could get a tiny break and be able to finish dilating. I think it lasted 30 mins and everything was still very painful, so it was pretty pointless.

At some point in the morning my midwife wanted to put in some kind of monitor in my uterus. I'm not sure what it was, but it wasn't the kind that attaches to the baby's scalp. With the monitor they could determine how much pitocin I needed? I don't know for sure. But I couldn't handle the pain and I couldn't stand the thought of contractions that were stronger. Plus, I had been in "transition" for 8 hours. (Is it still called transition when it lasts that long?) So I got an epidural. My DH tried to argue against it. At one point he kicked everyone out of the room so he could talk to me alone. He thought the nurses and midwife were bullying me into it. He didn't understand how much pain I was in. I never cried or screamed. The only time I made any noise was when I would have this uncontrollable urge to push during a contraction but I knew I shouldn't since I was only 8 cm so I was fighting it. Anyway, I got the epidural and then spent the next half hour bawling because I had disappointed myself and my DH. I thought he hated me because I was so weak.

That was at 10:30 AM. I then slept for a few hours. They continued upping the pitocin and I continued to not progress. Finally, I was complete at 4:30 PM. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. My baby would not come down! They told me she needed to come out soon. I agreed to the vacuum in order to avoid a c-section. That was probably the most painful part. The doctor kept jamming his fingers into my vagina while I was having contractions. After three contractions he finally ripped my baby out of me.

I wanted to delay the cord cutting and even went over that again with the nurse and midwife before the pushing. But the doctor didn't do that. And I think he extracted the cord blood which is not something I wanted done.

I had a 2nd degree tear and needed 6 stitches. I guess if you need stitches you might as well have a doctor who is use to stitching up women. :

So now Evelyn is 7 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe it has taken me this long to post.

I can't think about what else I wanted to write, I have a baby that dad can't soothe.

I'm so sorry your birth wasn't what you wanted. But at least with unsatisfying birth experiences you still end up with a precious baby! So congratulations! And I love the name Evelyn! :

[farmerjess]

Welcome baby Evelyn! Thanks for coming back on to share with us. I am so sorry about your birth experience. It sounds like you did an incredible job coping with transition contractions for that long. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it all night. You are definitely not weak. You did everything you could to get your little girl here safely...it was those midwives and doc interfering that messed with it.

Post some pics of Evelyn!

[jlbaby]

Originally Posted by lovemysunshine

I'm so sorry you had a disappointing birth. I did as well with my first and I mourned my DD's birth for years. I am still not completely over it............And if anyone tries to tell you to get over it, at least you have a healthy baby, you have my permission to tell them to shove it.

i echo this sentiment completely. i had a less-than-ideal birth with DS, replete with pitocin, and he ended up in the NICU. i'm so sorry your birth was not the experience you wanted. i also had many people pulling the "healthy baby" card on me, but you have every right to grieve the birth experience that you lost. i wish you lots of healing and your sweet DD will become latched to daddy in no time! (i think it only took my DS 2 years to allow daddy to put him to bed instead of me......)

[jencat]

Congratulations, Down2Earth! Yes - we want pictures!

I did not have the birth I planned either. What I've learned is, you can't plan your birth. You can have ideas about what you want but when it comes down to it, things may go very differently. They did for me - I also had pitocin, an epidural, an episiotomy, a vacuum for one of my twins... and they were only 3 lbs! I can understand how you feel disappointed and sad about it - I do too about mine. You have every right to mourn. But try not to feel guilty. You didn't let anyone down! And you aren't weak! Look at everything you went through! You had a very trying experience and you made it through! You should be proud that you gave birth to your daughter... no matter how it went. It's an accomplishment!

People don't often tell you that birth is not always a beautiful experience. It can be hard with a lot of feelings - both negative and positive - associated with it. And taking your baby home and getting adjusted to a completely new life together can be hard too. I went to a new baby social a few weeks ago and the gal putting it on was a family/marriage counselor. She advised that partners do a lot of small, nice things for each other. "Small things, often." For instance, a quick foot rub, a hug for no reason, bringing each other a bowl of ice cream! Also, with regards to daddy not being able to soothe baby, that is a common thing too, I think. We have struggled with that too. I've found that I have to let daddy keep trying til he finds something that works. He has to be challenged. I can give him ideas and whatnot but he has to find his own style with baby. It won't take long - if he keeps at it, he'll be able to soothe Evelyn. Tell him that Evelyn loves him just as much as she loves mommy and that it will just take some time for them to find a harmony together. Don't let him give up and have you do all the comforting! Give him as many opportunities as possible to bond with her - holding, talking, singing, bathing...

I better go, I think the twins are ready to eat!

[heidirk]

I'm angry with you, and for you. but I will still say congratulations, because you have still accomplished something enormous! I was hugely dissapointed and angry about my birth too, and mine was not even close to yours. It's your body, and you have a right to be angry until you have a chance to process this.


and I LOVE her name!

[TaraRae82]

Congrats on the birth of your precious girl mama! : I'm so sorry to hear it wasn't at all what you wanted. I hope you can work through the anger, frustrations, and disappointment. I'm sure it's a hard thing. Welcome Evelyn Grace! (gorgeous name BTW)