"Educational" movies?

[BarnMomma]

I feel very strongly about NO TV for little kids. Heck, I have a hard enough time pulling DH away from the TV on the weekends that I don't want my son to start that nonesense. And so ever since ds was born we kept the TV off when he was awake.

Well, I heard it everywhere that I should get him a dvd to watch so I could have a moment to myself (sounded good) and so he would learn things. For example a woman at my barn said her kid knew all about egypt at 18 months becasue of some kiddie DVD.

So I caved and bought a left brain logical thinking dvd from Brainy Baby. And poof suddenly I have 45 minutes to myself and my son can half recognize some words and letters now at 17 mo and can say water in 2 languages. Fabulous. But now all he wants to do is watch the stupid dvd. This was my EXACT fear and I'm so mad. But then again, if he wasn't watching them he wouldn't know his alphabet yet as well and he can count now. But he's a zombie staring at the TV.

Should I be this upset? I don't cave and he can only watch twice a day but he begs all the time. Isn't it only going to get worse?

And on the flip side, are there other better dvds for him to watch if he insists on sitting there?

[earthmama369]

DD was largely TV-free until ds was born. Best laid plans and all that.

She did obsess about it in the beginning, and I freaked out, but then I realized she obsesses about EVERY new thing that catches her interest for a while. And then it becomes normal, and a little boring, and the infatuation wanes. At this point, it's something fun to do when we're home sick, and as a special treat on Sunday mornings with Dadoo, but we can easily turn the TV off for a solid week without a fuss most of the time.


ETA: I really enjoy using videos and DVDs rather than subscribing to TV service because you can control the content so much, and there are no ads. I didn't think about it that way until dd (then 3.5) watched part of a cartoon at my sister's and got completely and totally offended when a commercial came on. She'd never seen one before! It interrupted the show and she had no use for it, no matter how shiny the toy it was selling was.

[beebalmmama]

TV for me and what I would like for DS (3.5 yrs) is moderation and quality shows. We kept it pretty much to a minimum in the beginning. But always end up watching more than I'd like in the winter months when we can't get outside in the evening. DS's favorite videos are the Wiggles. I don't mind too much because he ends up dancing and singing to most of it and then starts to play and listens to the music. We also used to turn on the Lawrence Welk show on PBS , he loved the singing and dancing! He really has a love of music which I think somewhat was fostered by TV. Recently DH (a kindergarten teacher) brought home these scholastic videos. They are video of pretty well know scholastic books. DS loves them!

[Embee]

For us, it was about timing and context. When I broke a bone in my foot when DS was 18 months, we put in a video twice a day so I could get off my feet. We had the same idea as you OP, where we just didn't watch tv in front of DS and hadn't planned to introduce to him for years. *sigh* After I was healed, we somehow just didn't stop the video thing. I guess I felt that on some level it was unfair to introduce it and then take it away... and yes, I liked that 60 minutes to close my eyes during the day.

A couple of months in however, something started to feel very "off." DS was becoming a bit obsessive about "watching." However, I would put something in for him and he'd be watching whilst seeming VERY restless. He would be in and out, his attention span seemed to be waning, just something not right, yk? My gut told me that this was just not a good fit for us, at least not right now. DS wasn't even talking well yet and somehow, this bothered me as well. So, we put the tv away and told DS that we put it away because DH and I wanted to spend more time with him and as a family. In short, the truth. I was worried there would be fall out, but amazingly he was totally even keel about it (he was not quite two I believe). He asked to watch a few times that day and I reminded him why we'd put the tv away. No problems. I also made more time to spend just playing with him for a day or two, to make a smooth transition and it became very clear that DS would rather spend time with MOM anyday, over watching tv. Yes, I missed the ability to slip away a couple of times a day, but without the tv, DS almost overnight became more thoughtfully busy, channeling his energy and building his attention span in a way I didn't think possible in a small child. Our household felt calmer, the equilibrium restored. I thought I would miss him watching and me getting that time but like DS, I didn't miss it at all. I was so glad I listened to my gut.

When DS was nearly three, we brought the tv back. I think we'd moved it into our room (armoir) and DS found it and asked. Somehow, this time it felt ok. DS didn't have that same obsessive/restless thing happening, he was talking beautifully by then, and to date, we have had few if any issues with tv. Like earthmama, we don't subscribe to cable and don't get reception otherwise. DS chooses a few videos from the library each week. I really like this approach not only because it limits commercials and controls content from the standpoint of not being fed whatever is available on tv, but because it puts DS totally in control of what he watches. He (with my supervision--lighter these days then when he was younger ) is his own broadcaster. What I've found is, that he likes to keep his viewing "on topic." He choose videos very much in the same way that he go about choosing books or any other media. When he's into something, he wants whatever he can get his hands on to support that subject. Hence, we watch far more non-fiction than fiction, although he also likes his share of movies and special and situational programming as well.

Lastly, we decided not to "limit" tv viewing. I use the quotes because I believe that people get the idea that if you're not limiting viewing, that your child watches incessantly. However, our experience is just the opposite. By not limiting, we've given DS the ability to limit himself. And he is very self limiting in the area of tv. Admittedly, the other reason for not limiting is that I had no desire to become the "tv police." I find the less I control DS in any fashion, the more he tends to find his own limits. It's the things I've controlled too closely that we run into issues with. So with that, when DS is watching, it's because he has something he wants to watch and because he feels like watching. He won't just watch for the sake of watching and he won't watch just anything that's on, only what he's truly interested in. Additionally, we hold a "don't offer, don't refuse" policy about tv. I think one of the things that felt strange before we pulled the plug is that initially, we were offering up the tv. We changed this when we reintroduced it as in, tv is fine if you wish to watch, but it's not something I would offer up to you. I believe this has been an important factor in how DS approaches his viewing. He may watch a few hours a day for a few days time if we've brought something home that he's taken with. He just as likely to ignore the tv for days at a time, sometimes weeks. He definitely favors DOING over watching but even in watching, he rarely keeps anything passive. If he likes something he's watched (and this happens often because he careful to choose items that truly appeal to him), he recreates it for himself; draws pictures, sets up a scene, plays it. I like his need to turn an otherwise passive activity into something active. In this way, it now comes from within DS, and from there, the idea has a chance to evolve and grow.

That said, DS has just finished watching "Walking with Dinosaurs" (a fav around here) and so I'm off to play "dominant predator." I really hope I get to be the carnivore this time because DS is getting seriously good at hunting me down and attacking me. He's getting bigger now (nearly 8) and it's starting to hurt when I'm ambushed.

Hope there is something in there that helps, mama. Just my .02 for whatever thats worth. Sorry, it turned into a bit of a ramble.

The best,
Em

[siobhang]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

She did obsess about it in the beginning, and I freaked out, but then I realized she obsesses about EVERY new thing that catches her interest for a while. And then it becomes normal, and a little boring, and the infatuation wanes.

yup.

All it takes is one day when you are sick as a dog and let him watch 4 dvds in a row (because you can't get off the sofa without puking) to get him over the TV obsession. ; ) at least, that is what happened to us! ; )

We don't limit strictly the amount of TV, but we do restrict what they watch, and we have TV watching rules. And we have found that our kids have learned a lot from TV (I actually have evidence of this - my youngest took part in a media study on toddlers on their ability to learn via video vs face to face - he did equally well in both situations, interestingly enough. That may just be my kid, and not broadly applicable to all children).

Our rules, however - which are applied to everyone in the family - are:

1. if TV is on, but no one is watching it (b/c they are playing etc), TV goes off. We have TiVo and recorded a lot of kids movies onto our Media PC so there is never any worry about missing the end of the show.

2. no live tv, period (I hate commercials, especially those targeted at kids - they are E.V.I.L.). I will intentionally not watch my TV shows on the night they are on, or if I find out they are on, I will intentionally turn off the TV and do something else for at least 30 minutes so I get my TiVO lag. With TIVO, we either only record commercial free TV or fast forward through the commercials. If a program has commercials, an adult must be in the room to fast forward.

3. TV tends to be restricted to certain times during the day (the 6-8pm period when we are all very tired, getting dinner ready, etc.) My kids do not get more wound up by TV, though others do. I watch TV after the kids go to bed when my brain is fried but it is too early to go to bed. DH rarely watches TV, though he does watch movies with me or plays video games.

4. over all, how much TV any of us watch in a day depends more on context (rainy days/sick will see more TV, good weather or lots of other activities will see less).

Honestly, I find that if I try to rely on TV too much as a babysitter, my kids get bored with it, wander off, and will start playing another game (hence our "if you aren't watching it, we turn it off" rule - I hate TV on as background and I despise channel surfing).

I want my kids to see TV the same way as snacky foods/sweets - great when high quality and in moderation, and part of a varied diet, but should not be used as a boredom crutch or seen as some amazing taboo object that makes it all the more desirable. Hard to create that perfect balance, but so far so good. I had to unlearn some bad habits I picked up as a child, so I am very aware of the power of TV.

Good luck!

[cotopaxi]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

IShould I be this upset? I don't cave and he can only watch twice a day but he begs all the time. Isn't it only going to get worse?

And on the flip side, are there other better dvds for him to watch if he insists on sitting there?

You "should" be that upset only if it really bothers you. If it's going to eat at you that he's watching tv twice a day, then stop putting it on. He will stop asking after a few days. If it's not really having a bad effect on him that you can see and you are REALLY enjoying and benefitting from some time to yourself, and only feel guilty because you think you should, then stop worrying about it.

Will it get worse - maybe, maybe not. If it does, you can always stop later if you don't want to stop now.

I don't think there are any good-for-you dvds, only not-too-bad ones, i.e. I would absolutely avoid anything violent, frenetic, etc. but if he likes this one
and it seems benign, I'm sure it's as good as anything else.

[BarnMomma]

HI and thanks to all who replied. I don't let him watch live TV just his dvd's and it does bother me. Luckily with some handy distraction, I can get him to do other things when he begs.

I hate commercials too. They grate at me. They actually make me angry and sick inside. Not good. So I try not to let him see those ever...even when hubby has the game on I try to take ds elsewhere or dh has to mute the game.