I have a 4.5 year old son and a 9 month old daughter. My son is very smart, very verbal, very cool and very high spirited. He can be hilarious and cuddly and wonderful. My husband and I take being parents very seriously & joyfully and we try to use 'gentle discipline' with him.
When he was younger, it was easier to just talk things out with him. We would get down on his level, look him in the eye, rub his back while we talked or hug him. We would do 'breaks' where he needed to think about his actions and what he needed to do differently. etc.
We went through at least 2 years of him being a hitter & biter and I had to be careful where I took him.
Now it seems like no matter what we do or say- he doesn't care. I feel like we already have a teenager in our house. We have always taught him to be empathetic to other people and to care aboit how our actions affect others.
When we ask him to do something or try to correct a behaviour (like hitting hi baby sister) he will get really angry and not want to listen. I'll try to talk it out with him and that doesn't help. I tell him to go to his room to cool down & think about it and he will refuse. My husband & I's expectations have never changed- he knows we want him to be sweet, kind, thoughtful and loving.
I grew up with 3 younger brothers and I certainly don't mind a little boy behaviour. We like to wrestle around here!
It's tough to be a toddler and figure out your world- I never minded when he had tantrums when he was younger.
Now he will refuse to listen and tell me to "shut up." I don't even know where he heard that- we don't say things like that in our house, we don't swear, we don't even say words like "stupid" or "hate." We don't let our kids watch TV and are very selective about movies. My son only plays with people we know and he never watches TV at their homes. I'm a stay at home mom so I'm always with him.
I feel like he is testing our boundaries and I don't mind that- what I am at a loss about is how to convey to him, he needs to listen to us.
We could be at a store and he will walk away from me- he'll always finish what he is doing before he comes. I just think he can be so incredibly hurtful & rude. I'm afriad for this behaviour to spiral. He will still hit me sometimes (and hits his father a lot when he is mad) and over and over we will say to him, "we don't hit you, we love you, you cannot hit."
I try not to raise my voice after the 50th time asking him to do it ... I was spanked as a child and although I think its abusive (I know my parents lovd us & meant well)- we do not spank in our household. I still feel this little vice inside my head saying "see you should spank him." When I was little we always listened to my parents and I don't want my relationship with my kids to be based on whether they will fearfully obey us.
I want a joyful relationship with my son, where we get along and work together.
We have tried: "breaks" (to think about the action), naps, discussion, responsibility/reward chart, taking cherished toys away, canceling playdates or outings based on behaviour, earlier bedtimes, etc.
He doesn't care. Whatever we do- it doesn't hit home. I feel like I need a key and once I found the key, it would unlock this empathetic side of my child.
He takes everything out of me and as we have more children, I really don't want him to be the center of the family.
Anybody have a similar experiencewith a high spirited child?
When he was younger, it was easier to just talk things out with him. We would get down on his level, look him in the eye, rub his back while we talked or hug him. We would do 'breaks' where he needed to think about his actions and what he needed to do differently. etc.
We went through at least 2 years of him being a hitter & biter and I had to be careful where I took him.
Now it seems like no matter what we do or say- he doesn't care. I feel like we already have a teenager in our house. We have always taught him to be empathetic to other people and to care aboit how our actions affect others.
When we ask him to do something or try to correct a behaviour (like hitting hi baby sister) he will get really angry and not want to listen. I'll try to talk it out with him and that doesn't help. I tell him to go to his room to cool down & think about it and he will refuse. My husband & I's expectations have never changed- he knows we want him to be sweet, kind, thoughtful and loving.
I grew up with 3 younger brothers and I certainly don't mind a little boy behaviour. We like to wrestle around here!
It's tough to be a toddler and figure out your world- I never minded when he had tantrums when he was younger.Now he will refuse to listen and tell me to "shut up." I don't even know where he heard that- we don't say things like that in our house, we don't swear, we don't even say words like "stupid" or "hate." We don't let our kids watch TV and are very selective about movies. My son only plays with people we know and he never watches TV at their homes. I'm a stay at home mom so I'm always with him.
I feel like he is testing our boundaries and I don't mind that- what I am at a loss about is how to convey to him, he needs to listen to us.
We could be at a store and he will walk away from me- he'll always finish what he is doing before he comes. I just think he can be so incredibly hurtful & rude. I'm afriad for this behaviour to spiral. He will still hit me sometimes (and hits his father a lot when he is mad) and over and over we will say to him, "we don't hit you, we love you, you cannot hit."
I try not to raise my voice after the 50th time asking him to do it ... I was spanked as a child and although I think its abusive (I know my parents lovd us & meant well)- we do not spank in our household. I still feel this little vice inside my head saying "see you should spank him." When I was little we always listened to my parents and I don't want my relationship with my kids to be based on whether they will fearfully obey us.
I want a joyful relationship with my son, where we get along and work together.
We have tried: "breaks" (to think about the action), naps, discussion, responsibility/reward chart, taking cherished toys away, canceling playdates or outings based on behaviour, earlier bedtimes, etc.
He doesn't care. Whatever we do- it doesn't hit home. I feel like I need a key and once I found the key, it would unlock this empathetic side of my child.
He takes everything out of me and as we have more children, I really don't want him to be the center of the family.
Anybody have a similar experiencewith a high spirited child?
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