For those of you who have made a major shift in spiritual beliefs

[Suzukimom]

How did this impact your friendships and community life? Our family has not attended our mega-evangelical church for almost 4 months. It just hasn't been worth our time as we aren't getting fellowship, learning or in depth teaching. I have issues with a church who wants to spend $40,000 on a mural for the children's wing. I also did not appreciate our pastor letting his political preferences known during services.

For years, our church has been the main source of friendships and our social life. Recently however, our small group disbanded, Sunday School for adults has been discontinued, and the type of fellowship events seem rather shallow. Chocolate Boutiques and Spa nights just don't work for me when I volunteer with inner city teen mothers.

Where do I go from here? How can I find community and friendships? I'm not sure I want to go church hunting as I'm a bit disillusioned with the institutional church.

I find my community with the other leaders in the ministry to teen moms. My family isn't involved though. I'd love to have them part of a community.

I'd like to have a home gathering but I'm not sure how to go about having folks (generally friends from church) over without having to explain my shift in beliefs (conservative to liberal). I used to think those who didn't attend church were lacking spiritually so I know how they will think.

[Tradd]

Your post seems to go in a different direction from the post title.

Are you talking about folks who've simply switched congregations, maybe going to a very different one, or about folks who've switched denominations, or folks who've gone from say, Christianity to Islam?

[Suzukimom]

On other threads I've read of women who were Catholic and became agnostic or atheist, fundamental Christian to liberal Christian, Catholic to Budhist. They had an awakening of sorts which led to a new spiritual practice.

I'm asking how their shift in beliefs impacted their friendship and community. How did they adapt?
Does that make sense?

[Arduinna]

Well, I went the other way. I was a self described far left wing liberal socialist progressive that spent time as an atheist, pagan and had a huge chip on my shoulder about Christianity and have become a Catholic that is pretty traditional in her beliefs. I support the teachings of the Church, even the ones that cause the most controversy and dissention.

Community? yes I've basically lost most of my previous community. And I haven't grown one IRL yet. I still have my core friends and family. My dh supports me and so does my BFF. That is about it IRL local people. I have support online. I'd never have gotten where I am without the people online that answered my questions, suggested books, and were living examples and models of Catholicism.

All my old friends, I think they basically think I lost my mind. I haven't tried to explain my world view because I know what it's like to be on that side. Nothing I say will make sense to them and it just ends being the same old rhetoric I used to do myself. I wish them well but we no longer look at the world in the same way.

[3jays]

I know that it can be stressful but so satisfying at the same time. When I made the transition I felt a bit isolated at times. However in my heart I knew it was the right decision to make. I am still working my way through this but overall it has been smooth

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by Suzukimom

How did this impact your friendships and community life? Our family has not attended our mega-evangelical church for almost 4 months. It just hasn't been worth our time as we aren't getting fellowship, learning or in depth teaching. I have issues with a church who wants to spend $40,000 on a mural for the children's wing. I also did not appreciate our pastor letting his political preferences known during services.

For years, our church has been the main source of friendships and our social life. Recently however, our small group disbanded, Sunday School for adults has been discontinued, and the type of fellowship events seem rather shallow. Chocolate Boutiques and Spa nights just don't work for me when I volunteer with inner city teen mothers.

Where do I go from here? How can I find community and friendships? I'm not sure I want to go church hunting as I'm a bit disillusioned with the institutional church.

I find my community with the other leaders in the ministry to teen moms. My family isn't involved though. I'd love to have them part of a community.

I'd like to have a home gathering but I'm not sure how to go about having folks (generally friends from church) over without having to explain my shift in beliefs (conservative to liberal). I used to think those who didn't attend church were lacking spiritually so I know how they will think.

I was a bible thumping Southern Baptist from birth through my spiritual revolution/liberation, which occurred about 8 years ago, so I totally identify with what you are saying. At the time, I taught sunday school, AWANAS, the whole 9 yards and was the pinnacle of a "God Fearing Proverbs 31 Woman". When I finally woke up and realized the extent of hypocrisy going on within the evangelical/fundamentalist world (through a life altering personal event, long story), I had to make a choice. The people who stand by those beliefs, I knew, would not accept me once I changed perspectives, even though they claimed to be my friends as long as I followed the status quo. I knew how this worked, it was always preached that those who "turn their backs on the life saving blood of The Lamb" are doomed to eternal hellfire, and that even the prayers of the righteous cannot save their souls (so much for their merciful god, but whatever...). That's what we were taught, it's what they firmly believe, and it is that fear that keeps them in step with the intense dogma. Once I was seen as 'fallen away from the word' they would (and did) ignore my existence (although I hear they still pray for my soul ). At first I was devastated and lonely, as they and the church defined my world, but slowly I realized just how limiting that was and began branching out.

So in short, you will likely lose your current 'friends', but if they don't accept you for who you are, INCLUDING your own personal and spiritual growth, than they aren't really your friends anyways. I'd encourage you to tell them the truth about your spiritual shift, and give them the opportunity to stick with you on this journey. Maybe you will even show them a little light for their path

As for where to find more friends/social groups...you mentioned you volunteer? I'd bet there's a TON of people who have similar passions for the underprivileged, and there are lots of social activism entities that would be a great avenue for meeting new and more like minded folk while including the family. Offhand Habitat for Humanity comes to mind, as does the annual Paint a Thon that is held by many liberal churches and community orgs.

Incidentally, I'm not sure where you are, but there are lots of liberal churches out there. If you still identify as a christian, but are looking for something more mainstream and less evangelical, google 'your town', liberal and christian and see what pops up. I always recommend Unitarians too, as they are extremely welcoming of all beliefs (however shifting) and overall pretty neat folk

Good luck on your spiritual journey...hope I was able to help a little!
Bellevuemama

[AprilDaisy]

We didn't all hang out before my shifts so there isn't much to "show" of a shift. I now simply choose my words carefully alot. Nothing much different as far as they think.

My dearest friends know of my shift and are still my dearest friends.

[RomanGoddess]

I know you said you don't feel like church hunting but may I recommend trying a Mennonite church (not old order, obviously, but a modern one). They are very hands on when it comes to social issues and would definitely appreciate the reasoning behind not spending large sums on money on things like a mural. You should immediately find a community of like-minded people there.

[umsami]

I can tell you that from my switch from Christianity to Islam, I lost some friends... but many more stayed by with me regardless of my spiritual path. I guess what I'm saying is that don't discount your friends just yet... give them a chance.

I think you just need to invite people over and see what happens. Perhaps you might be interested in starting a spiritual book club or something else where you and some friends could meet regularly for fellowship. I don't think you need to explain anything... unless asked. And you never know, you may not be the only one who feels that $40k on a mural is not good stewardship.

[mammal_mama]

Hi! I know you from the Liberal Christians thead! :

We still haven't found a church home, and I still haven't talked about this in-real-life with anyone but my dh, who is kinda shifting right along with me.

I am hoping soon to start volunteering 5 hours a week in our neighborhood battered women's shelter. I have an opportunity to help out caring for the children, which works out good with me being a SAHM, as I can bring my girls with me, and they can stay with me the whole time.

I've been a little bummed as we were supposed to start this week, but my little one's been running a fever off and on and I had to cancel. Hopefully we can get started soon!

I'm just really hopeful that this will be a place where I can make friends with other liberal-minded people and their families.

[mammal_mama]

Oh, and my shift is away from fundamentalism toward liberalism, both spiritually and politically. But Jesus Christ is still the center of my faith!

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

Oh, and my shift is away from fundamentalism toward liberalism, both spiritually and politically. But Jesus Christ is still the center of my faith!

This sounds like me, I used to attend Baptist and more evangelical churches, but started attending a UCC Church. I am still friends with folks I went to more fundamentalist churches with but I admit at times the relationships are strained and I am sure folks are praying for me.

Like Mammal Mama though Jesus is still at the center of my faith its just that I have issues with churches that are not following the word of God and are judgemental and insular.

Shay

[Suzukimom]

I remember you too!:
I always relate with what you write. I think we are like minded and have had a similar spiritual journey. We are having "church" at home with the kids. I'd love to invite others in but I'm enjoying this time alone with my family. My son will be off to college next fall so I want to expose him to different perspectives than the ones he was raised with while attending a Christian shool.

The volunteer work sounds good. I hope it works out for you.
BTW, I just finished a book you might be interested in. Read the Amazon review:

http://www.amazon.com/Quitting-Churc...9302296&sr=8-1

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

Hi! I know you from the Liberal Christians thead! :

We still haven't found a church home, and I still haven't talked about this in-real-life with anyone but my dh, who is kinda shifting right along with me.

I am hoping soon to start volunteering 5 hours a week in our neighborhood battered women's shelter. I have an opportunity to help out caring for the children, which works out good with me being a SAHM, as I can bring my girls with me, and they can stay with me the whole time.

I've been a little bummed as we were supposed to start this week, but my little one's been running a fever off and on and I had to cancel. Hopefully we can get started soon!

I'm just really hopeful that this will be a place where I can make friends with other liberal-minded people and their families.

[Suzukimom]

Originally Posted by umsami

I can tell you that from my switch from Christianity to Islam, I lost some friends... but many more stayed by with me regardless of my spiritual path. I guess what I'm saying is that don't discount your friends just yet... give them a chance.

I think you just need to invite people over and see what happens. Perhaps you might be interested in starting a spiritual book club or something else where you and some friends could meet regularly for fellowship. I don't think you need to explain anything... unless asked. And you never know, you may not be the only one who feels that $40k on a mural is not good stewardship.

I would like to invite people over at some point. I'm not sure this is the right time yet. I'm conflicted.

I did question the mural with church leadership. Only one other person questioned the expense. I was told that the church serves an upper income community and they are use to quality and special touches. I guess they figure it's an investment to attract wealthy parishioners who will give more to the kingdom (or the next building fund)

[NinaMerton]

Originally Posted by Suzukimom

I would like to invite people over at some point. I'm not sure this is the right time yet. I'm conflicted.

I did question the mural with church leadership. Only one other person questioned the expense. I was told that the church serves an upper income community and they are use to quality and special touches. I guess they figure it's an investment to attract wealthy parishioners who will give more to the kingdom (or the next building fund)

yikes. that's very off-putting.

I think the little voice you hear telling you that this isn't right is God's voice. I was also going to suggest United Church of Christ. Or perhaps a non-denom. Ecumenical Christian group. Hugs to you, Suzuki. You are a clear example of true spirituality and love for all people (like Jesus)! :

[I am UU, raised Catholic and my family rolls their eyes about it but I think I am "truer" to my beliefs and to God, the Life of Life than I was as a doubtful, reluctant Catholic.]

[JamieCatheryn]

My major shift in beliefs was closely followed by somewhat of a break with my family of origin, a move 1500 miles away, making new friends when before I basically had none, and beginning my own family.

And I'm really confused as to why you call your ex-church conservative now. Mine is and it seems the exact opposite of what you saw in yours.

[Vespertina]

Friends? It created a rift in friendships. Since religion and politics were what connected me to a lot of my friends the huge shift in my worldviews kind of put a strain on the relationships. These were ladies that I became friends with during my fundamentalist (IFBaptist) Christian days. All of us shared very similar or the same views on doctrine, theology and all that jazz.

Becoming a skeptic didn't really help the friendships. Some were really dumbfounded, many very shocked and just plain ole dismayed. I felt bad they felt hurt.

Lets just say that while we still communicate we're not exactly close. As far as community, we left our previous church over two years ago over doctrinal matters. Never did attempt to find a new church. DH is atheist and I'm a nontheist with tendencies to Eastern philosophies. The only church that would "fit" is UU.

[zoebird]

i think that, for me, it wasn't that big of a deal.

but there are a lot of reasons for that.

first, we moved around a lot when i was a kid, so i was used to leaving old friends and making new. with this, i was also accustomed to being rejected by some kids and accepted by others, and in some cases, not accepted at all. so, i also learned how to 'go it alone.' and it's not bad.

second, in general, if my friends can tolerate me, then i can tolerate them while we are growing and changing. so, i do have friends of 'old religions' or groups where i've practiced. it's not too hard to maintain those friendships outside of church/religious activities UNLESS that person is negative towards me for leaving such as telling me i need jesus or that i'm going to hell or something.

and finally, i just never made a big deal of it and it all turned out well anyway.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn

And I'm really confused as to why you call your ex-church conservative now. Mine is and it seems the exact opposite of what you saw in yours.

When I hear a church described as "conservative," I tend to think it more or less mirrors the views of the Religious Right. I don't think "all" conservative churches would spend buku bucks on a Sunday School mural. What they have in common, though, is that they tend to feel they are taking the whole of Scripture at face-value, and to think that that's how God wants us to read it, and that anyone more liberal is simply not right with God.

I was raised in a conservative background, and I've realized that conservatives actually do "pick and choose" among the Scriptures just the same as most other branches -- but, again, the main difference is they literally interpret the Scriptures that are important to the Religious Right.

Feel free to let me know if I've got it all wrong ... and, no, I don't hate conservatives, I got saved in a conservative church, and I know there are some really loving people there. I just think the Religious Right agenda gets in the way of total compassion and open-mindedness being able to flow between people in these congregations, and people in the world.

[Suzukimom]

You got it right. My church is a wealthy conservative church. The majority of people there are politically to the right. There are no gays in attendance because althoug we love the sinner and hate the sin, truthfully, you wouldn't feel very accepted and welcomed. They use verses from the Bible to support their agendas. There are some very kind, loving and generous people who attend but I need something deeper and more relevant to my life and my understanding of how to live as a Christian.

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

When I hear a church described as "conservative," I tend to think it more or less mirrors the views of the Religious Right. I don't think "all" conservative churches would spend buku bucks on a Sunday School mural. What they have in common, though, is that they tend to feel they are taking the whole of Scripture at face-value, and to think that that's how God wants us to read it, and that anyone more liberal is simply not right with God.

I was raised in a conservative background, and I've realized that conservatives actually do "pick and choose" among the Scriptures just the same as most other branches -- but, again, the main difference is they literally interpret the Scriptures that are important to the Religious Right.

Feel free to let me know if I've got it all wrong ... and, no, I don't hate conservatives, I got saved in a conservative church, and I know there are some really loving people there. I just think the Religious Right agenda gets in the way of total compassion and open-mindedness being able to flow between people in these congregations, and people in the world.