Support for those who don't "do" Santa?

[Mama Poot]

For a million reasons, I do not want to "do" the whole Santa thing with my kids. I'd rather teach them about St. Nicholas and about the ways other cultures and traditions celebrate the winter holidays, and avoid all the consumerist nonsense.

How do you present this to family members without looking like a total freak? I really need some good resources so that I can give everyone an educated explanation (as well as one they will understand and accept).

Help!

[captain crunchy]

We don't "do" santa for about a bazillion reasons. I don't know how to present it without sounding like a freak because I am sure our family members think we are freaks -- but I don't care as long as they respect our wishes

I think it becomes easier for them to deal with when they see that we do, in fact, go out of our way to create fun, meaningful traditions surrounding Christmas and during the holiday season.

When you tell people you don't do santa, I feel as though it conjoures negative associations relating to you not being fun or of the holidays not meaning something or you not wanting to show your child "magic" or whatever other nonsense

People typically relax about it when they see all the kick butt things we do with our daughter and for her around this time of year (and other times, but specifically relating to Christmas). Barring that, we are Christians so we can usually say something along that line without people saying too much (respecting religion and all, you see). I mean, no one wants to look like the chump that implies to a Christian that santa is more important than baby Jesus.

Even if they don't relax, we still aren't doing santa so no amount of family members pouting about it is going to un-ring that bell.

[birdie22]

This year I haven't told anyone that we don't do santa, and it's been fine.

I told ds (age 4) that santa is a character people like to talk about and pretend about at Christmas. If someone asks him about santa, they are saying they want to play a pretend game about it. He can pretend if he wants, but he knows his Christmas presents come from mom and dad.

So even our family doesn't know that we don't do santa. If anybody tells them, it will be ds.

We are the family freaks, though, so no one would be surprised.

[angie7]

Ugh! If you find a way, can you share? I don't want to do the whole santa thing. Honestly, I don't really see the point. My dh and everyone else in my family on the other hand thinks I'm crazy and that it's sad that I don't want my kids believing in santa. I guess since it's everyone against one, we will do it but I won't be happy about it. And santa certainly will not be giving my kids the "good" gifts

[marlee]

I told ds (age 4) that santa is a character people like to talk about and pretend about at Christmas. If someone asks him about santa, they are saying they want to play a pretend game about it. He can pretend if he wants, but he knows his Christmas presents come from mom and dad.

This is pretty much what I just told dd (3 1/2) this week. I didn't say the part about her pretending though. We are celebrating the holidays all month and presents are really a small part of that in our household.

[Devaya]

We've decided we dont want to do Santa, so I'm pleased to see this thread. It will be hard with the fact that DS's cousins' parents DO do Santa, how do we not spoil it for them? I want to focus on Winter solstice celebrations and do intend to have 'magic'.

[*LoveBugMama*]

We don`t do Santa. Never have.

My son knew from when he was a toddler that Santa is pretend, but that Santa represents some of the good things about Christmas, like giving to those we love, helping people who have less etc. He is now 7,5 YO and has decided he wants to believe in Santa. And that`s totally ok with me. He is a stubborn little guy, and decided that if he believes, it is real.

We never give gifts from Santa, and Santa has only visited our house twice on Christmaseve. (Here in Norway we celebrate/open gifts in the evening of the 24th. And someone in the family usually dress up like Santa, and come to the door with gifst for the kids. Santa is welcomed in, and give a gift to each of the kids before he leaves again, to go to "everyone elses house".)

This year we are celebrating with my whole family. I am pretty sure there will be a Santa. LoveBug knows that some people believe for real, and that it`s better for them if we don`t destroy their fun by telling the children that Santa isn`t real.

[Luckiestgirl]

Our immediate families know we don't do Santa, and we presented this just as we presented our decisions to breastfeed, co-sleep, homeschool, etc.: Here is what we are doing, and why, and we're not interested in arguing about it.

We don't tell everyone else, because frankly I won't be able to convince most people that our position might be valid. We live in a small community where I don't know a single family that doesn't do Santa. When people say to the kids, "Are you ready for Santa?" the kids usually smile at me, and afterwards say something like, "Mommy, that guy thinks Santa is real!"

Edited to say I don't think it is my kids' responsibility to "protect" other kids who are taught to believe in Santa, any more than it is other people's responsibility to "protect" my kids from the notion that Santa is real. That said, my kids have never told another kid Santa is not real. My babysitter recently told my ds "that he shouldn't spoil things for other children." He is a sensitive guy and was very upset, as if he was being accused of doing something wrong. If parents are teaching their child to believe in something that requires the conspiracy of EVERYONE in the world, I say good luck to them. If a child doesn't believe in Santa because another child suggests it might not be real, maybe the concept is a stretch for that child to believe anyway.

[captain crunchy]

I agree luckiestgirl. I don't think it is my child's responsibility to participate in what we believe is a lie you've (collective, not you lol) told your children. I won't encourage dd to just scream it from the rooftops but I am not going to place the responsibility on her shoulders of containing the lie either.

[tarahsolazy]

Originally Posted by captain crunchy

I agree luckiestgirl. I don't think it is my child's responsibility to participate in what we believe is a lie you've (collective, not you lol) told your children. I won't encourage dd to just scream it from the rooftops but I am not going to place the responsibility on her shoulders of containing the lie either.

This is my belief exactly. I have no interest in doing Santa. It feels uncomfortable to me to tell my son that Santa is real when I myself do not believe that he is. So if he wants to 'pretend' about Santa, fine, but all the presents in our house come from Mom and Dad.

I was worried a little about the 'spoiling it for other kids thing', but had a bit of an epiphany. I'm a Christian, but say I was an atheist. If my son asked me if God were real, I'd say no. I would not tell him God was real if I did not believe that were true. Then he would perhaps tell other kids that God wasn't real. In my opinion, its up to those kids' parents to reinforce their beliefs for their children, if they want the beliefs to be a part of the kids' lives. Same with Santa.

[DevaMajka]

We don't do Santa. I just told my family that I wasn't telling ds that Santa was REAL, but that I would tell him about Santa (the truth), and do some of the fun stuff associated with Santa/Christmas (which is left up to ds).

I did get some arguing. But I'm pretty stubborn, and like some pp's in this thread, I'm kinda known as the wierd one. So it wasn't too bad.

Honestly, the reasons that were most compelling to me (that Santa is, uh, NOT REAL, and the commercialism, etc) didn't sway anyone. I do think it's important to NOT put down your (general you) family if they DID do Christmas. More of a "Santa is fine, but we're choosing not to celebrate him as real" type thing.

Originally Posted by captain crunchy

I agree luckiestgirl. I don't think it is my child's responsibility to participate in what we believe is a lie you've (collective, not you lol) told your children. I won't encourage dd to just scream it from the rooftops but I am not going to place the responsibility on her shoulders of containing the lie either.

Yeah. Plus, kids are going to believe what they are going to believe anyway.
Ds told me last night (after watching some Christmas movies) that he believes that Santa is real. This is the kid that I've talked to a LOT about Santa being pretend, and also about how cartoons and movies are pretend, how the special effects work, etc etc.

He's pretty sure that Santa just has never come to our house (so he thinks I'm telling the truth as far as I know- I just don't *really* know). He said: maybe he doesn't know that Canada exists.

So, yeah, telling a kid that Santa isn't real doesn't mean they are going to stop believing that Santa is real!!!!

[Mama Poot]

Originally Posted by tarahsolazy

This is my belief exactly. I have no interest in doing Santa. It feels uncomfortable to me to tell my son that Santa is real when I myself do not believe that he is. So if he wants to 'pretend' about Santa, fine, but all the presents in our house come from Mom and Dad.

I was worried a little about the 'spoiling it for other kids thing', but had a bit of an epiphany. I'm a Christian, but say I was an atheist. If my son asked me if God were real, I'd say no. I would not tell him God was real if I did not believe that were true. Then he would perhaps tell other kids that God wasn't real. In my opinion, its up to those kids' parents to reinforce their beliefs for their children, if they want the beliefs to be a part of the kids' lives. Same with Santa.

THAT is exactly how I feel about this. Now, the 3yo has mentioned santa (probably b/c he heard about it at school-I've never even brought it up) and if he wants to believe in Santa I can't stop him, but I think its a good idea he knows where the presents come from.

The religion part? Well, I've taken the stance of everyone finds their own path on their own. I believe in higher powers, but if my kids don't then they just don't. so I guess this fits with my santa approach (darn shift key! sorry about no caps!)

[east carolina]

I'm a very spiritual person and DS and I talk alot about how every living thing has a soul. I also talked to him a little about Jesus. I'm a religious mutt. But Christmas to me and my family is all about generosity and love. We celebrate it because it's the day when some of our material wishes can come true (presents) and when we share a special family meal and give thanks to what the year has brought. And eat, drink and be merry.

DS will hear from my MIL about the little baby Jesus bringing the presents (in my culture, it's Jesus, not Santa, who brings the gifts and in some families also the tree), but we include him in all the preparations including taking him Christmas shopping with us and asking his input, letting him help decorate the tree. I would never tell him what to believe or not to believe, bit I believe in telling him my truth, and that is that Santa is not real.

[Mama Poot]

Originally Posted by east carolina

I'm a very spiritual person and DS and I talk alot about how every living thing has a soul. I also talked to him a little about Jesus. I'm a religious mutt. But Christmas to me and my family is all about generosity and love. We celebrate it because it's the day when some of our material wishes can come true (presents) and when we share a special family meal and give thanks to what the year has brought. And eat, drink and be merry.

DS will hear from my MIL about the little baby Jesus bringing the presents (in my culture, it's Jesus, not Santa, who brings the gifts and in some families also the tree), but we include him in all the preparations including taking him Christmas shopping with us and asking his input, letting him help decorate the tree. I would never tell him what to believe or not to believe, bit I believe in telling him my truth, and that is that Santa is not real.

I LOVE that idea....in fact you just inspired me. Awesome :

[east carolina]

Your welcome, on behalf of the entire Czech culture

[operamommy]

No santa here, either. We did it for my oldest two and decided not to for the younger two children for many reasons.

We got a few "sad" looks and comments from one or two relatives last year, but other than that it's been smooth sailing. Surprisingly, the majority of my friends don't really do the santa thing either - maybe it's the new trend?

[BohoMama]

Originally Posted by east carolina

Your welcome, on behalf of the entire Czech culture

Just a word of warning on Baby Jesus: it is a much more demanding production for the parents. BJ is said to fly through the window on Xmas Eve while the children are still awake, but distracted somewhere else. As East Carolina mentioned, many families manage to not only whip out all the presents but also a fully-trimmed tree with burning candles! The organizational skills of Czech women can be impressive, to say the least.

I was all for ditching BJ but my Czech husband won't hear of it. He thinks the kids would grow up feeling deprived and resentful if they missed out on what all their friends are getting. Among other reasons I wanted to eliminate BJ is that I don't want our kids bragging that they got "double" gifts from him and from Santa. Santa is hard to cut out because they have spent several holidays with their U.S. grandparents and "met" him there, and they hear a lot of Xmas music, read books, etc. I think what we will do this year is tell them on the morning of Dec. 25 that both BJ and SC came during the night while they were sleeping.

My heart is increasingly with not "doing" any of these characters. I want to focus on Solstice and on the secular joys of getting together with friends and family, doing some seasonal crafts, sharing a special meal, and, yes, giving a few thoughtfully selected gifts. But I do not yet have the ruthlessness, integrity, moxie or whatever to impose this on the rest of the family.

p.s. A different Czech tradition that we cherish is going outside on Xmas Eve and offering crumbs of bread or cookies to animals and also our orchard trees. We will have to come up with something better for the bees, though!

[belchers1]

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[Mama Poot]

Originally Posted by BohoMama

Just a word of warning on Baby Jesus: it is a much more demanding production for the parents. BJ is said to fly through the window on Xmas Eve while the children are still awake, but distracted somewhere else. As East Carolina mentioned, many families manage to not only whip out all the presents but also a fully-trimmed tree with burning candles! The organizational skills of Czech women can be impressive, to say the least.

I was all for ditching BJ but my Czech husband won't hear of it. He thinks the kids would grow up feeling deprived and resentful if they missed out on what all their friends are getting. Among other reasons I wanted to eliminate BJ is that I don't want our kids bragging that they got "double" gifts from him and from Santa. Santa is hard to cut out because they have spent several holidays with their U.S. grandparents and "met" him there, and they hear a lot of Xmas music, read books, etc. I think what we will do this year is tell them on the morning of Dec. 25 that both BJ and SC came during the night while they were sleeping.

My heart is increasingly with not "doing" any of these characters. I want to focus on Solstice and on the secular joys of getting together with friends and family, doing some seasonal crafts, sharing a special meal, and, yes, giving a few thoughtfully selected gifts. But I do not yet have the ruthlessness, integrity, moxie or whatever to impose this on the rest of the family.

p.s. A different Czech tradition that we cherish is going outside on Xmas Eve and offering crumbs of bread or cookies to animals and also our orchard trees. We will have to come up with something better for the bees, though!

I totally hear you on the first part here. Only...I DO have the moxie to "impose" it (I think so anyway...)

Another great idea! We are surrounded by ancient oaks here that are inhabited by countless squirrels. Little Henri talks to these squirrels (and birds, and passing cats, and every other animal he finds) all the time. I think we just might do this too!

Maybe get a big bouquet of flowers for the bees? I don't know how cold it gets where you are around xmas time.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

We decided not to do the whole santa thing with DS either. It won't matter much this year as he is 4 months old but we've already spoken to our families about it a bit.

We decided to just tell the kiddos that santa is a character in a very popular story about Chritmas and that some people think he's real but that he is just a story. We can't avoid his existance altogether due to my father's serious love of Christmas and extensive santa mug collection (almost 200!)