Feeling Guilty -- What Would You Do? - Page 2

[AllisonR]

Replace your guilt with gratitude. Tell your mom how much you appreciate her putting your DD to bed for naps, so that you can concentrate on the baby. Thank her for getting DD breakfast and mention how you know she is happy to do it, but that it also make you happy to see she and dd have such a close, wonderful child-grandmother relationship.

Then send your mom over here so I can have a day off.

[LindyLou]

I think it sounds like you have a supportive, loving mother! I would let her know how much you love and appreciate her too.

[Engineering_Mama]

Don't feel guilty, just be grateful. I totally agree with everyone who said that going it alone is NOT normal. My brother lives with us and my mom just moved in with us so that she can take care of DD while I'm at work. Honestly I don't know what I'd do without BOTH of them.

I know it means a lot to my mom to be able to help me out like this. She's done a lot for my sister and other brother (not the one that lives with me), but because I'm so independent she feels like she hasn't been able to do as much for me. So I just let her know how much I appreciate her.

[ginadc]

If your mom likes doing it and she's not making you feel guilty, why should you? I agree, don't be guilty, be grateful. I remember what it was like having a newborn and a 2-year-old--exhausting! When DH went back to work after his 2-week paternity leave, I was tearing my hair out. I would have killed to have my mom there to help.

Sadly, my mom had late-stage dementia at the time (9 months ago) and has since passed away. When I read your description of your mom getting your DD up in the morning and putting her down for her nap, I think how wonderful those little grandma-granddaughter moments must be and how much your DD will cherish those memories, and I yearn for my children to have had something like that with my mom--for their sake and for hers. Oh, how she would have loved it! (And oh, how I would have loved the break!)

As you said, you do pretty much everything else for your daughter, and it's not like you're ceding her care to your mom. You're getting a lovely break here and there, they are sharing time together and building a relationship. It's great for everyone!

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by Rivka5

IMO, this is what it's supposed to be like. If you look over the long course of recorded history and human cultures, the "nuclear family" - a father and mother living on their own and raising children in isolation - is a pretty unusual structure. It's been much more common, more "normal" if you will, across times and cultures for people to raise children in extended families or tribes, with lots of help from relatives.

And that's because parenting is freaking HARD.

Who is your situation hurting? It sounds like it's enriching the lives of everyone involved. Your mother is happy to help. Your daughter has the benefit of an additional close relationship with a loving, caring adult. Your newborn is getting plenty of time with you and benefits from a more-rested mother. You have help and support through the ordeal of parenting a newborn - which I'm sure is even harder after you've been debilitated by months of bedrest. Everybody wins.

ITA. Everyone is happy, so don't feel guilty. I had no help with mine, and someone had to cry when I was tending to the other. It really sucked to have 2 tired or hungry kids who needed parented to sleep and I could only attend to one at a time. I was an exhausted mess. And still am even though they are now 3 and 1. I dont think that is what parenting is supposed to be like. It is great that your dd has someone who loves her other than her parents. You, your dd, your mom, and your baby are all benefiting from your arrangement.