Originally Posted by mags
I think my mom is mad at me, b/c to her, it's all about the chinese medicine herbs. She wanted to feed me all kinds of horrible chinese herbs and I refused to do so. I asked her what they were and she said she didn't know the, "american" name, I told her to find out and I would research it and if it was ok for breastfeeding, I would take it. She kept saying, "it's all natural, it's safe." I said, "no, you don't even know what that BAG of random ingredients is and you're telling me that it's safe????" She got really angry with me, told me she spent good $ to get the quality label japanese brand and I was being unappreciative. She still keeps trying to push the herbs on me, my brother was in a very serious car accident several months ago, my mom is trying to give him the SAME herbs, he refused (he's a doctor, so even more suspicious), so instead she gave it to one of her friends' dd who just had her baby a month ago as a baby gift (wouldn't listen to me when I told her just to give a gift card, now she looks like a lunatic for her, "gift"), and that new mom is a doctor herself, who own Taiwanese mother would probably not push chinese herbs on her. I guarantee she will NOT some weird herbs. What really makes me mad is that I told her I would take it if she could tell me what was in the concoction, BUT she didn't want to be bothered with it. Plus, she was annoyed that I chose to BF my babies and seemed to feel that if I did not BF, that I wouldn't have thrown such a fit about wanting to know what the herbs were. Funny how someone who touts how, "natural" and "safe" these herbs are, seems to be so gung ho about baby formula (she would show up with cans of formula every time she showed up for a visit).
She seemed totally insulted. So, I guess she feels that if I don't blindly take some chiense herbs that *may* harm my baby (who knows?), that it means I am rejecting her, "help?"
I haven't read the other responses yet, but I think she may feel that you're rejecting HER and HER ways. (I've btdt too.)
You know how we mothers can be sensitive about our own decisions to the point that sometimes we may feel that we need to justify our choices to other mothers who do differently than we do?
Since you're questioning the use of Chinese herbs and formula (which is your prerogative of course), she may feel you're judging her and that you think that your choices are superior to hers.
Now, sometimes parents can be extremely pushy and don't accept their kids being assertive, no matter how gently it's done. So, it's a tight rope to walk. But maybe there's something you can find that she recommends to you where you can make her feel important and wise. Ex- asking her for advice about something or inviting her to go shop for the baby and joyfully accepting HER choice.
And no doubt, my suggestion may be difficult to you because of the hurt and rejection you've felt for so long.
However, if you don't want to live in a state of perpetual hurt........ I think you can either try to make amends with your mom OR limit your exposure to her and try to not let what she does affect you (I know easier said than done, but possible). Sometimes when we feel rejected, we raise our expectations of others really high- wanting them to compensate/suffer for our mistreatment. If we keep these unrealistic expectations, we're usually highly disappointed since they rarely meet them. So perhaps find another outlet that allows you to express your pain that doesn't involve expecting them to apologize or to change.
I hope that you didn't find that advice too outrageous.