Struggling to decide when to TTC

[SuzyLee]

Nods, please move this if you need to. It touches on mulitple topics so I wasn't sure where to put it.

I have a 15 month old son who bf's all the time (including all night and who doesn't eat much table food yet. We would like to start TTC another baby, but I am really scared about how it might effect my DS.

I would ideally like to CLW DS, but I also would really like a full nights sleep before a new babe comes.

I also am not really sure if I want to tandem. I think I would be ok with DS nursing a few times a day, but the nursing to sleep and the all night boobie bar would have to end.

Also, what if my milk dries up in the 1st trimester and DS has to suddenly adjust to not getting most of his calories from me?

Does anyone else struggle with these things? Any advice for me? I am having my Mirena removed tomorrow but we are going to use condoms until we decide for sure. I am also not sure if I am even ovulating... thus removing the Mirena so I can start to chart.

[Lovenest]

If I was looking at spacing my kids close in age I would at least give my first child 2 years of breast milk. I would then TTC after there 2nd birthday. Then at least they get that 2 years and it will be easier as most kiddos are nursing less around 2. Then if your milk does dry up you can cross that bridge when it comes.

Just my 2 cents.

[My*Scorpio]

I would wait just a little longer until your ds is eating more table food. For me, I was not able to conceive w/o full night weaning.

My milk dried up almost immediately when I got pregnant.

[readytobedone]

for me, i really don't want to get pregnant before DD is at least 2. if she weren't a great solids eater, i'd probably delay even longer.

the only situation i could imagine TTC earlier in would be if i wanted lots of kids (i don't; we're probably going for just one more) OR if i were feeling like i needed to go ahead and have another due to age. but i'm 29 and so feel like we don't need to rush.

my reasons for waiting till 2 are that, 1) i really think kids need 2 years of milk if possible. and 2) i also think it will be easier to talk to/reason with an older kid about why the milkies have dried up, when they'll come back, why mommy needs to limit nursing now, or sharing the milkies with the new sib, etc., etc.

basically i would want my DD to be more verbal before there was a (preventable) threat to her milkies so we could talk about things and i could be reassured she was okay

for this and other reasons, we are probably going to TTC about a year from now. DD will be 2.5.

[ElliesMomma]

my DD is 2 years, 9 months and we're TTC. i'm a few days from AF (if' i'm not pg) and tonight DD surprised me by stating "empty" in reference to my breasts while nursing to sleep. she then suggested that i "pump" which is pretty sophisticated logic, i think, being that i've only briefly explained the purpose of the breast pump. i ate a bunch of oatmeal, after she fell asleep. by the way, i told her to just keep nursing anyway and the milk will come back, and she did keep nursing, nursed to sleep.

to be honest, i'm now afraid what if i *am* pregnant? i really don't want my nursing relationship with her to end. i *want* to tandem nurse.

am i weird to be suddenly having angst over this?

this is a complicated question you raised, OP. at least in my opinion. by the way, i'm 40, so i guess for me, time is of the essence if i'm going to have another, which i do want...

[Tari Mithrandir]

My DH recently made this a topic for us momentarily as well. He wanted to TTC -now-, and DD is 9 months old. I flat out said no Baby fever is catching I think
We had originally planned TTC when she is about 2 years old, and that is when I am comfortable with still. I figure that by that point, if she has not self-weaned, at least she won't be completely dependant on me anymore if I do happen to dry up (though I hope that isn't an issue for us).

[SereneBabe]

didn't dry up over here... in fact, I'm 22 weeks pregnant and only stopped nursing on Dec 20. I'm still hurting a *lot* because I'm so full... waiting for it to pass... owwwwieeeee...

[rparker]

My daughter was born October 2007, nurses all the time (day/night), and has been very slow to take to table foods. I just had my first postpartum period last month and we're ttc #2 at the moment. We're not waiting partially because we want them to be close in age, but mostly because my husband just turned 49 so we don't want to wait *too* long...

I do feel ambivalent, however, because I strongly believe in child led weaning and I fear that my choice to become pregnant will cause her to wean on a different time table than she would otherwise. I also really, really want her to bf until she's two. I think the statistic is that around 26% of children "self-wean" during pregnancy and about the same percent are deliberately weaned by their mothers... I vacillate between finding those statistics encouraging and depressing.

Lately I've been thinking that I may begin somewhat regular pumping sessions and build up a freezer stash for her while ttc in case my milk goes away during pregnancy so that she can at least have some of the benefits of bf-ing slightly longer than she would otherwise. This is probably paranoia/overkill but I think that it will help me to worry less and if nothing else I can use it to mix with cereal later.

So yeah... you aren't the only one with mixed feelings.

[KnitLady]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

my DD is 2 years, 9 months and we're TTC. i'm a few days from AF (if' i'm not pg) and tonight DD surprised me by stating "empty" in reference to my breasts while nursing to sleep. she then suggested that i "pump" which is pretty sophisticated logic, i think, being that i've only briefly explained the purpose of the breast pump. i ate a bunch of oatmeal, after she fell asleep. by the way, i told her to just keep nursing anyway and the milk will come back, and she did keep nursing, nursed to sleep.

to be honest, i'm now afraid what if i *am* pregnant? i really don't want my nursing relationship with her to end. i *want* to tandem nurse.

am i weird to be suddenly having angst over this?

this is a complicated question you raised, OP. at least in my opinion. by the way, i'm 40, so i guess for me, time is of the essence if i'm going to have another, which i do want...

Yes! Yes! Yes! That is exactly how I felt. DS was just slightly younger than your DD when we conceived this belly bean. He was nursing a lot and I was really worried about how it would effect him and our relationship and nursing in general. I know that my supply dropped way, way down. At one point I wasn't able to express any milk by hand, although DS insisted that I had milk. I did find that eating oatmeal helped up to a certain point.

DS did very gradually stop nursing as much. In fact one day I realized that he was only nursing at night or when he got hurt. I have colostrum now and he is nursing slightly more, but no much. The transition has been very gradual and child-led. It hasn't been nearly as hard on him as I thought it might be. DS does say that it tastes different but that he likes it. He says it tastes like ice cream.

I do believe that he will pick back up and start nursing a lot more after this baby is born and I have milk again. I'm very happy that he has continued to nurse throughout pregnancy and will tandem. However, at some point during this pregnancy, I decided that if he did wean, I would be okay with it. Not thrilled, but okay.

If you are pregnant, I would suggest that you not tell her that your milk is gone because you are pregnant. You don't want to suggest that it's because of the baby. I think this can foster jealously and anger even before the baby is born. I would probably just be vague and tell her that sometimes milk goes away after awhile, but maybe it will come back.

To the OP: I don't know what to tell you. I did a lot of soul-searching and talking to AP moms with many children and came to the conclusion that a 3 year spacing was perfect for us. That is what we decided to do and very happily, and luckily, that is what the spacing will be. A three year space gave my DS a good 2.5 years of breastmilk, and now he's getting colostrum.

My DS was slow to eat solids as well. Waiting is what felt right to me. It's such a personal decision though. I have heard of moms who pumped like mad and stored up a huge, huge supply to help through times like this. I even heard of a mom that wanted her baby to get 12 months of breastmilk, but she only wanted to breastfeed for 6 months. She pumped like a mad-woman, and was able to have a full 6 month supply in her freezer and stopped nursing at 6 months. I don't know much about that, but just throwing out the idea in case it is helpful to you.

[Carita]

I plan to wait until after DS's second bday for the reasons described by the PPs. GL with your decision!

[Staciemao]

My two are twenty-five months apart, and I really kinda wish that they were spaced a little farther. So my hubby and I have also been talking about TTC number 3 and have decided to wait. That way Faith will get in her full two years of nursing (and more if she wants it) and I may get a good night's sleep before adding another child to our family bed.

Good luck, OP! It's a tough decision!