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Rude comments from a family member. How do you deal with them?  

post #1 of 27
12/15/08 at 11:24pm
Thread Starter 
I overheard my oldest sister telling her 6 year old daughter that I think I'm better than everyone else. The reason she said that in the first place was because I commented that I'd rather wait to change the baby in the car because I think public restrooms are kind of gross.

I feel kind of hurt by that comment. I think it was uncalled for and I just don't understand why she would have said it.

The problem is that it's not the first time she has said something like that to me and I just don't know how to handle it.

How do you handle rude family members?
post #2 of 27
12/15/08 at 11:27pm
That is rude. I usually just tell myself that it's mostly the other person's issues. Why does she care if you change your baby inside or outside and why is it worth such a comment? (Answer--because she has other issues!!!)

It's not really about you, is my point. Unless you feel like your sister is singling you out for abuse--she probably has a negative opinion about everyone.
post #3 of 27
12/15/08 at 11:29pm
Wow, how inappropriate of her to say that to her six-year-old child! Talk about blurred boundaries...

Honestly? If you're not close to her, you might want to limit contact from now on. I doubt your overhearing it was an accident, and an adult who would say something like that to a child that age sounds toxic to me.

But then again I'm like the queen of boundaries, so take this with a huge grain of salt.
post #4 of 27
12/15/08 at 11:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Honestly? If you're not close to her, you might want to limit contact from now on. I doubt your overhearing it was an accident, and an adult who would say something like that to a child that age sounds toxic to me.

To me, too.
post #5 of 27
12/15/08 at 11:35pm
I agree with madskye. My mother is one of those people. They're always putting other people down to make themselves feel better. Issues much?

I do think the worst part is that she said it to her child. She's going to pass down those hang-ups to her DD and, most likely, hurt her daughter's own self-esteem in the process.
post #6 of 27
12/16/08 at 12:59am
Wow, I can't believe she said that to a child. That's just......wow.

She sounds extremely rude and I probably would keep my contact with her to a minimum.

(FWIW, I prefer changing the baby in the car too. Because you are concerned with cleanliness you have a superiority complex, obviously )
post #7 of 27
12/16/08 at 5:22am
Goodness - if that was my sister I'd give her a good piece of my mind - and in fact have done so a couple of times, however saying this sort of thing to a 6 year old IS really toxic - I'd say to her that if she continues to speak about you in this sort of manner that you'll be limiting contact and leave it at that - hopefully she'll come around and if she doesn't well - maybe her having no contact with you will wake her up a little.

PS I used to change my babies on my lap or in the car - I hate public toilets too!
post #8 of 27
12/16/08 at 6:45am
Sis sounds toxic and sounds like she has some definite boundary issues. I simply don't put up w/ comments. I don't have the personality for it.
post #9 of 27
12/16/08 at 10:56am
Why anyone would say that to a child is beyond me I guess I am "better then everyone else" too b/c I refuse to change my twins in a public restroom. I have always changed them in the car. I would probably say something to her about it and limit contact with her.
post #10 of 27
12/16/08 at 11:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by angie7 View Post
Why anyone would say that to a child is beyond me I guess I am "better then everyone else" too b/c I refuse to change my twins in a public restroom. I have always changed them in the car. I would probably say something to her about it and limit contact with her.
Count me in as a car changer!

I agree, its not about you, OP, she is the one with a problem.

It really saddens me to think about a parent saying such a thing to a young child. Even if it was true, a mature adult would not rely it to a child.

Why would you want to taint a child's mind over something so minor? Says something about the sister's character and level of maturity.

The wife half of one of our close-friend couples does the same thing. Even since their girls were little, mom would talk about people and say stuff similar things to her girls. It always bothered me and I did say something. She gave me a blank stare, she has no clue.
post #11 of 27
12/16/08 at 11:30am
Huh. I'm very lax about most things but I'd never change my baby in a public bathroom unless it was absolute dire need or it was the Prettiest Cleanest Bathroom Ever With Fairy Dust.

How was your relationship growing up? Perhaps it's a throwback to some jealousy issues?
post #12 of 27
12/16/08 at 12:56pm
So just a voice of dissention here (although i TOTALLY agree that your sis was rude and it was uncalled for) I am a public bathroom user, and IF her daughter has to use the bathroom in public (which most 6 years do) telling her that it is "gross and unclean" is ALSO rude, if you ask me.

Because now here's a 6 year old who has to go to the bathroom and is thinking "man Auntie said the bathroom is gross and unclean and she won't take my cousin in there, but I have to go, should I try to hold it? I don't want to be gross!!!"

So you have absoultely every right to change your baby anywhere you want, I don't care, and yes sometimes bathrooms are gross, but sometimes you do HAVE to use them.
post #13 of 27
12/16/08 at 1:33pm
Wow, I'm so sorry

I don't have any sage advice, but just wanted to show support and validate how inappropriate that was. As for other people (i.e. six year old) having to use the bathroom, I think that is completely different. Six year olds don't have to LAY somewhere in the bathroom where I would worry about them touching anythihng and putting their fingers right into their mouth. I'm not a germophobe, in fact I don't use any hand sanitizers, harsh cleaners etc. (and my 9 month old has never been sick). But having said that I have always changed him in the car, and would only use a public bathroom (or really any bathroom) in an emergency. It just seems like common sense to me
post #14 of 27
12/16/08 at 1:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber View Post
So you have absoultely every right to change your baby anywhere you want, I don't care, and yes sometimes bathrooms are gross, but sometimes you do HAVE to use them.
It's not about whether public bathrooms are gross, but whether it's appropriate to make such a nasty, catty, divisive comment to a six-year-old child, and within earshot of the target. That is not healthy or normal behavior.
post #15 of 27
12/16/08 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber View Post
So just a voice of dissention here (although i TOTALLY agree that your sis was rude and it was uncalled for) I am a public bathroom user, and IF her daughter has to use the bathroom in public (which most 6 years do) telling her that it is "gross and unclean" is ALSO rude, if you ask me.
I think that if I had just said that out loud when my sister was taking her daughter to the bathroom, then yes, it would have been rude.

The conversation didn't go that way though. It started out with a thorough questioning on why I had decided to leave my diaper bag in the car when we were heading into the store. (there was some questioning before this on why I'd decided to put dd in the sling vs lugging the car seat in.)

While I do see your point, and I would have agreed with you that I'd been rude had I just said that public restrooms are gross out of nowhere, I think that the person who was rude in this situation was my sister.
post #16 of 27
12/16/08 at 3:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Una View Post
The conversation didn't go that way though. It started out with a thorough questioning on why I had decided to leave my diaper bag in the car when we were heading into the store. (there was some questioning before this on why I'd decided to put dd in the sling vs lugging the car seat in.)
Wow, after hearing this description, I think it sounds like your sister was actually rooting around for a reason to get offended! She sounds very, very toxic. And I know that I have to use public restooms sometimes -- but I still prefer changing babies in the car.
post #17 of 27
12/16/08 at 3:59pm
If she has something to say to you, she needs to say it to you and not involve a little kid. I'd be very upset and limit contact if necessary. You don't bring little kids into arguments like that. Not right.
post #18 of 27
12/16/08 at 4:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
If she has something to say to you, she needs to say it to you and not involve a little kid. I'd be very upset and limit contact if necessary. You don't bring little kids into arguments like that. Not right.

I really want to limit contact, but I flew in from NJ just to be with my family for the holiday and I'm very stuck right now. I'm a little afraid to confront her about her behavior because I'm worried that she will blow things out of proportion and make my time here an unhappy experience.
post #19 of 27
12/16/08 at 4:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Una View Post
I really want to limit contact, but I flew in from NJ just to be with my family for the holiday and I'm very stuck right now. I'm a little afraid to confront her about her behavior because I'm worried that she will blow things out of proportion and make my time here an unhappy experience.
Aaah well if it's just temporary, it isn't such a big deal, really. My mantra would be, "I"ll be gone in a couple of weeks!"
post #20 of 27
12/16/08 at 4:27pm
Personally, I stay away from toxic family members, but that's just me. I tend to be a bit anti-social so it's not that difficult
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Mothering › Forums › Parenting › Rude comments from a family member. How do you deal with them?