I REALLY want to have another (biological) baby. I REALLY don't want to give birth again.

[Romana]

Just putting that out there. I think it makes me feel a bit better just to "say it out loud," as it were.

There are no easy answers. At some point, the urge to be pregnant/have a baby again will be stronger than the fear/anxiety/anger/reluctance surrounding birthing again. And then WTH do I do? :

[Smokering]

Right there with you! Although it's the pregnancy and post-partum bits that have me freaked out too, not just the birth.

Here's hoping we get through it.

[kitkat5505]

That's how I'm feeling right now too. We are definitely planning to have more kids but with what I just went through this last one I get really anxious even thinking of going through labor again (enough that I think of just scheduling c/s for future kids, even though I know that's not what I really want). I'm hoping that by the time we are ready to ttc again that I will feel better about it.

[bobandjess99]

Right there with you......and the scary thing is that even though ds turns 1 this month, I am already having STRONG urges to have another.....WTH?? I'm not sure at all what to do...I've even started planning/looking into local hospitals so I can get drugs.....but then I think of the negatives associated with that....nto to mention my daughter in law just had a baby and got an apidural that DIDN'T work...and I start freaking out thinking about what if I give up everything and go to the hospital ( which would be awful for me..just driving by it makes me ill...I HATE hospitals) and then still don't get the pain relief I need.....it's just an awful, awful choice and I don't know why on earth giving birth has to be so horrible.

[maotmsmi]

Yep me too. My lo is only 7 months old but I feel really strongly that we will soon be expecting again. I DONT want to pregnant and I really DONT want to give birth. I know that if I ever get pregnant again it will be nine months of worry and "what ifs" followed by years of anger, guilt, and sadness.

[Romana]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

Right there with you......and the scary thing is that even though ds turns 1 this month, I am already having STRONG urges to have another.....WTH?? I'm not sure at all what to do...I've even started planning/looking into local hospitals so I can get drugs.....but then I think of the negatives associated with that....nto to mention my daughter in law just had a baby and got an apidural that DIDN'T work...and I start freaking out thinking about what if I give up everything and go to the hospital ( which would be awful for me..just driving by it makes me ill...I HATE hospitals) and then still don't get the pain relief I need.....it's just an awful, awful choice and I don't know why on earth giving birth has to be so horrible.

In so many ways, you and I are completely on the same page (exception being that I'm okay with hospitals). My ds is 9 mos. Still no PPAF but in the last month I've started really thinking about that #3. And we want 4-8 children . . . ><panic><. I can feel the blood draining out of my face just thinking about it.

I go back and forth. Hospital, w/midwives, epidural optional. What if I choose the epi and it doesn't work? That's one of the worst outcomes IMO. Homebirth. But what if it's like birth #2? No, no no no no. Can I accept the risks of the epidural, for me and for the baby? Can I really sign myself up for hours of physical torture? I look at my beautiful baby boy and I know he was worth it. But would it be worth it to do it again? It's a different question.

And I'm still worried about hospital policies and unnecessary intervention. I don't want to be messed with in birth. I know I can't handle myself. I thought maybe I could after birth #2, but really, I get very suggestible. I was good with just my dh, but once a medical person comes into it, I am just a bowl of jello. Which is why I need good support, a good doula and a supportive HCP who will respect my birth plan and desires to the extent possible. I do think my midwives are those people. But both times I've been in labor, I've become so insular. The first birth I arrived at the hospital ready to push, and the second time I called too late for my midwife to get there on time. I know I want a HCP there during transition, because both births that's when I've really needed someone medical/professional to reassure me and help me get through it. But I also have to figure out how to get through my mental block of, "I'm doing fine, let's wait another hour to call."

I got pregnant with #2 when #1 was 14/15 mos. Nice, 2 year gap between them. I'd like either 2 or 3 years between #2 and #3. I did want a little bit bigger gap this time, but OTOH I really like the 2 year difference. Eh, who can plan these things anyway. With how many months TTC it takes, I don't feel like I actually have any control.

I love my babies so much and can't imagine not having more. But I also just dread, dread, dread the thought of giving birth again. How could I possibly have a relaxed birth if I'm hugely anxious going into it? Ugh.

[bobandjess99]

I hear you ramona....and for me, it isn't just the awful birth..I've had hyperemesis both times, along with a number of otehr complications which make ythe entire 9 months awful hellish torture....so I am literally sacrificing 3/4 of a year of my life if I want another kid....and during those 9 months, I can not be a good mother AT ALL to the kids I already have....I do nothing but vomit and feel like death the whole entire time, i can't clean ro cook or eat or in any way interact with/play with my kids, or even care for basic needs. I certainly couldn't change diapers. Water makes me vomit for gosh sake.

so...it this awful decision.....it isn't just the mind blowingly awful birth experience potential..its the pottential of a third nightmarish pregnancy, and a full 3/4 of a year out of my and my children's lives where I can do nothing except try not to die. It's a HUGE price to pay..a REALLY huge price......and i look at my great kids, and of course i love them and think they are worth any price, but exactly like you said...signing up to do it AGAIN? that seems....just laughably ludicrous....a sure sign of mental illness.....straight up crazy.