Is it normal to feel this way?

[jjawm]

Today I've been so angry at dd (2 yo) today. Non-stop whining and crying, pushing and hair pulling, screaming, for hours. I feel myself going over the edge, wanting to yell, wanting to hit, to slam doors, lock her in the closet, to do anything to make it stop.

I manged to stay calm, to not yell or hit or do any of the things my fuming brain was screaming at me to do. I've never put my hand on any of my kids in anger, but I have yelled, pretty infrequently, and not today.

Is it normal to want to hit or strike out? I grew up with a very angry, spanking and hitting and throwing-things-at-me mother. I feel awful that I have these urges. It's been getting easier to get a hold of myself as I parent longer - I haven't yelled in months, and I manage to hold and soothe my daughter to get her calmer. I know yelling and hitting doesn't work. So why do I get these primal urges? Will they ever go away? I'm feeling really sad and bad-parentish.

My dd is napping now, and as I nursed her to sleep I was crying, feeling so horribly guilty over wanting to hit. I'm glad I have control over it, but still feel awful.

[Suzmama]

Yes it is normal to feel this way...and good for you being able to control your own behavior even when you can't control hers. I remember one day when my older DD was about that age and younger DD had come home. DD1 was miserable and so was I...Gramma came and got her and took her to the mall and got ice cream...we both felt so much better when she got home. Sometimes all it takes is a little change of pace. Be gentle with yourself...this too shall pass!

[elizawill]

heck yes it's normal. i've wanted to run away before and abandon my family, lol. honestly, my list of abnormal thoughts regarding my children could stretch to china. *thinking* and *doing* are not the same, ykwim? hugs!

[soybeansmama]

I hope its normal because I have days like this...especially 2 days or so before my period. The rage I feel at times is not just related to what my kids are up to but other things that I am dealing with personally. I find that I don't have a lot of tolerance or a clear head when I am contending with a lot of other stresses. I also understand the guilt. I commiserate...

[jjawm]

Originally Posted by soybeansmama

I hope its normal because I have days like this...especially 2 days or so before my period. The rage I feel at times is not just related to what my kids are up to but other things that I am dealing with personally. I find that I don't have a lot of tolerance or a clear head when I am contending with a lot of other stresses. I also understand the guilt. I commiserate...

You know, I'm due for my period in 3 days. That's probably a major factor, especially with the crying. Realizing this helps.

I'm so glad others have the same feelings. It's the sort of thing I don't really want to bring up in my mom's group "hey, anyone feel like locking their toddler in the bathroom today?"

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Well, I'm not an expert on normal, but I can absolutely say that I've felt that way on many, many occasions. I think especially for those of us raised in more violent households really struggle with this. Good for you for recognizing it and controlling it!

Having now passed the stage where I struggled with this almost daily, I can assure you that it gets easier as they get older. When mine were toddlers, these were the days that we packed up and went OUT. Didn't so much matter what or where, just not at home. Ideally somewhere the kids could run around and be loud without making me cray and I could sit and have a cup of coffee. If that just wasn't possible, I have been known to decide that "Its 5 PM somewhere in the world" and plunk child down with a video and me with a glass of wine. IMHO, wine and videos are better than screaming and hitting any day!

[jennert]

Originally Posted by jjawm

I'm so glad others have the same feelings. It's the sort of thing I don't really want to bring up in my mom's group "hey, anyone feel like locking their toddler in the bathroom today?"

:

isn't it nice to have somewhere to come with these questions and get honest answers and sympathy!

[Lazy Gardens]

Go ahead and throw a classic all-out screaming, kicking, pounding fists on the floor tantrum.

You'll feel better, and the child will probably be so astonished they'll be quiet for a few minutes.

When you are feeling this way, take a time out. Tell the child that you are "feeling grumpy" (pick an uncommon word like grumpy, frazzled, etc. to avoid mixing it up with anything) and need to have 10 minutes alone in your room to be grumpy.

Go in and shut the door.

I've seen it work with children as young as 2.5 years.

[WuWei]

There are a lot of BTDT stories (and suggestions) in the "Parenting and Rage" thread. It is a process of self-care, self-awareness, and self-control. I had to learn them in that order. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...parenting+rage


Pat

[clintonhillmama]

i, too, think it's normal. my frustrations tend to get the better of me - my go-to thing is yelling when:
-i need more sleep
-i'm hungry/dehydrated
-i literally have not had any time when i'm physically alone in a couple days

i was reading the rage thread that wuwei posted, and really related to this (italics mine, it's a quote from that thread):

With a two year old its a daily battle to not do to her what was done to me - the little abuses like name calling and smaking on the bottom. Its so hard.

it's hard when someone's mean to you. especially when it's all day long! but i try to remember that my kids are action appropriately for their age, and i owe it to myself and to them to act mine!

i think taking a time out for myself is a good idea, i'm going to try that one the next time i feel like i'm losing control!

[jjawm]

Wow, that rage thread really hits home. Thanks for linking to it