well, i just had a difficult conversation with my mom tonight. She's always been negative to me/us about everything we do, specifically parenting - and MOST specifically home birth. So, I just don't discuss it with her.
She lives in Wisconsin, and they were planning to come on Dec 28 - EDD is tomorrow. Last baby was born at 42w5d, so who knows. Lately, I've been dreaming that maybe the baby would wait til they're here, and i could invite my mom to the birth.
So, imagine this. Mom's best friend is dying of cancer - she's been in hospice for 4 weeks, and nobody expected her to last past Thanksgiving. She called to tell me that they're coming later than planned. I surprised myself by being so sad about it. We don't have an awesome relationship - mostly because we're too much alike - but this surprised me.
When I told my mom that I was upset by this, she questioned why I'd want her here when the baby is born since I didn't want her here for the other two? I told her that was because she didn't support home birth, so I didn't want her negativity around me. She said she was just "scared" by it, but she would have loved to feel welcome. Surprised the heck out of me. So, I told her with complete sincerity that I would absolutely LOVE to have her be here and would totally welcome her into my home for the birth.
But, now it doesn't look like it will matter. I completely understand her situation, and I don't expect her to come here until her friend has died. I really don't. But that doesn't change how it makes me feel. I don't know if we'll have another baby in the future, so this is "it" for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
She's a doctor, a very medicalized doctor - who specializes in geriatric care. Witnessing the BIRTH of her grandchild would be so unbelievably awesome. I would treasure her being there, I truly would. But the only way that's gonna happen is if this baby wills it. The pregnancy has been a blessing for our family in so many ways. It seems logical that it could also be a starting point for a new relationship with my mother?
So, send us all the
: you can muster! But whatever will be, will be. 
thanks
--janis
She lives in Wisconsin, and they were planning to come on Dec 28 - EDD is tomorrow. Last baby was born at 42w5d, so who knows. Lately, I've been dreaming that maybe the baby would wait til they're here, and i could invite my mom to the birth.
So, imagine this. Mom's best friend is dying of cancer - she's been in hospice for 4 weeks, and nobody expected her to last past Thanksgiving. She called to tell me that they're coming later than planned. I surprised myself by being so sad about it. We don't have an awesome relationship - mostly because we're too much alike - but this surprised me.
When I told my mom that I was upset by this, she questioned why I'd want her here when the baby is born since I didn't want her here for the other two? I told her that was because she didn't support home birth, so I didn't want her negativity around me. She said she was just "scared" by it, but she would have loved to feel welcome. Surprised the heck out of me. So, I told her with complete sincerity that I would absolutely LOVE to have her be here and would totally welcome her into my home for the birth.
But, now it doesn't look like it will matter. I completely understand her situation, and I don't expect her to come here until her friend has died. I really don't. But that doesn't change how it makes me feel. I don't know if we'll have another baby in the future, so this is "it" for that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
She's a doctor, a very medicalized doctor - who specializes in geriatric care. Witnessing the BIRTH of her grandchild would be so unbelievably awesome. I would treasure her being there, I truly would. But the only way that's gonna happen is if this baby wills it. The pregnancy has been a blessing for our family in so many ways. It seems logical that it could also be a starting point for a new relationship with my mother?
So, send us all the
: you can muster! But whatever will be, will be. thanks
--janis
:
I so admire you for having that conversation. I'm sorry about the bittersweet results. I will DEFINITELY be pulling for your little one to wait.
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