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Homemade gifts and people who don't like receiving them - Page 2

post #21 of 43
yeah, too bad you can't buy class. That would be the perfect gift.
post #22 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the replies about the gifts I made. I was really quite proud of the way they turned out and DD enjoyed painting the geode rock for her 2nd cousin.

DH is still annoyed with me for spending money on more gifts because his sister didn't like the things I made. It wasn't much money and it isn't the money, really. He's upset that she'd even say that to me.

He isn't giving her a gift this year. Partly because of this. And now I feel icky about possibly adding to some problems they have in their relationship. Ugh.

But thanks for all the perspectives. I'm still giving the handmade gifts and giving the store-bought ones along with them. However, I think I'll let DH handle gifts for his sister and her family next year.
post #23 of 43
I think those are really really sweet gifts and my child would be thrilled if someone gave her a rock in a bag (her joy in life is finding rocks. A special rock would put her over the edge. Actually, you've given me a very good idea for her stocking) to carry around.

I am really really trying to turn the tide in my home with my own daughter. She's only three with a huge love of special little "finds" like rocks, pine cones, odds and ends of thread, and acorns. She will carry around, collect and play with her little treasures from the yard for days and days. I'm hoping to encourage this and get my husband to back off the plastic, disposable, throw away stuff he tends to buy.

Also, in my extended family, we are moving more towards making things for each other and I hope that she will grow up with an idea that it's exciting and fun to make something for someone and that the treasures they make for you are special. She sees me doing things for my sibs and parents, and for their kids. She helps where she can (this we are making a few kinds of ornaments for her to give to everyone in our family) and she seems to like it. I hope things can keep going in this direction.

At the same time, I don't make things for people if I know they won't enjoy them. I'm not terribly crafty so every project is a real LABOR of love and if I thought it would end up in the trash or cast aside, I'd keep it or give it to someone else and just buy that person a gift. I have four really lovely nieces and nephews who would not on any level enjoy anything hand made but they DO enjoy craft kits, colored pencils, sketch books, paint, etc. So I feel like I'm giving them the bones to make some things themselves. They always seem excited over those things.
post #24 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraBoo View Post
My SIL made it very clear she was very unhappy that I was making her grandchildren gifts instead of buying them. I showed her the gifts and she just couldn't believe that was what I was really giving them. DH got really po'd about the whole thing and ranted a while but I started feeling bad about it. So today, I bought some things to go with the homemade items. DH is now annoyed with me because I "caved," in his opinion.

We didn't have to get them gifts, is his thinking. I spent time deciding what would be a nice gift and made them myself. And he's angry that this wasn't "enough."

(For the record, I made the little toddler boy a sewing card and a big felt toy both in the shape of the whale. For the 9yr old girl, I made a little drawstring tote bag out of holiday-themed fabric and put in a little worry doll inside a sleeping pouch. DD painted a geode rock for the little girl and I made a gift bag for it to match the tote.)

Next year, DH says we shouldn't get them anything but I dunno. That seems so :

What do you do about people who don't like your homemade presents?
I'd give the ones I made, and find another use or return the purchased stuff. I agree with your dh about buying additional stuff just because SIL complained. On the other hand I wouldn't refuse to give the gifts I made, because it's not the kids fault SIL is a UA violation.
post #25 of 43
Your gifts sound wonderful and I would treasure them if someone gave them to my kids! But not everyone is like me. I'm not sure what I would have done (buy some gifts to go along with the ones you made) or not, but it really isn't worth creating a family feud over. So, definitely don't stop giving them gifts.
post #26 of 43
Wow, you guys are really diplomatic and kind

I would have looked at SIL like she had 19 heads if she said that to me and probably said something like, "wow, too bad things like tact can't be purchased at Macy's, because I'd have no trouble shopping for you!" and left it at that.

Oh, and I would give the kids the homemade gifts. I agree with your hubby here (on his feelings about it, not necessarily not getting them anything -- it isn't the children's fault their mother is a rude ___ ) What ovaries (on SIL).
post #27 of 43
I've only read the OP.

It's hard when someone doesn't like the handmade gifts you make for them. However, it doesn't apply in this case. The gifts you made aren't for your SIL. They're for her children. My nephew asked my mom for a sweater and hat set a couple years ago, after seeing the one she was making for my dd. My sister hates it. She was really upset that he got a handmade outfit (mom always gets them clothes)...but my nephew loved it. He put it on as soon as he opened it, and kept it on the whole time we were opening gifts...with a fire going, and 20 people in the room!

Give the kids what you made them. I get gifts for the kids sometimes that I don't like, and if they enjoy them, I just swallow it. I don't have to like gifts that are for someone else.
post #28 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraBoo View Post
He isn't giving her a gift this year. Partly because of this. And now I feel icky about possibly adding to some problems they have in their relationship. Ugh.
You didn't. He's annoyed with her, because she's acting in a really unpleasant way. That has NOTHING to do with you.
post #29 of 43

agree with your DH

Nothing next year!
post #30 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraBoo View Post
My SIL made it very clear she was very unhappy that I was making her grandchildren gifts instead of buying them. I showed her the gifts and she just couldn't believe that was what I was really giving them. DH got really po'd about the whole thing and ranted a while but I started feeling bad about it. So today, I bought some things to go with the homemade items. DH is now annoyed with me because I "caved," in his opinion.

We didn't have to get them gifts, is his thinking. I spent time deciding what would be a nice gift and made them myself. And he's angry that this wasn't "enough."

(For the record, I made the little toddler boy a sewing card and a big felt toy both in the shape of the whale. For the 9yr old girl, I made a little drawstring tote bag out of holiday-themed fabric and put in a little worry doll inside a sleeping pouch. DD painted a geode rock for the little girl and I made a gift bag for it to match the tote.)

Next year, DH says we shouldn't get them anything but I dunno. That seems so :

What do you do about people who don't like your homemade presents?

My neighbor was having a bday for her daughter (3). I really could not think of anything, I didn't know them well. I bought a couple of stuffed animals and stained glass colouring books from Dover, I also made them some beanbags from different coloured microfiber/microsuede fabric and filled with dry lentils. These have an amazing 'feel' that even I love.Anyway the kids ended up playing with these most of all, they felt nice , they tossed well and had nice colours, yet they cost pennies to make and just my time.

Mom said it was so funny, though that everybody ends up spending money money money and the things that the kids walk away loving and playing w/ for long were the bean bags!

I remember when I was 5 my Grandmother made for me a scrapbook filled with pictures that she must have been collecting for months from nature magazines etc. Every page was a themed collage in this big lap scrap book. I STILL have it, and took great care of it for 21 yrs and now my son enjoys this very same book. IMO handmade gifts are fabulous things, even my grown -up friends and I when we have a lot of time during the season we will do home-made sporadically. Nothing says 'I care' then putting actual labor into a gift.

I am sorry that your SIL feels this way...the thing is her kids most likely won't and they will love and treasure the gifts.If someone openly didn't appreciate or said something negative about my or my son's homemade gift I don't know how I would react. I would probably feel very hurt, and would probably take them off my list entirely the next year lol
post #31 of 43
I wouldn't waste those lovely handmade gifts on her grandkids. Buy them dollar store junk and save the good stuff for someone who appreciates it.

Goodness, she's rude : We cherish handmade gifts here; my girls are thrilled with the gifts they've made for family members- more than the ones I took them to buy to give away.

I'm sorry your efforts weren't appreciated
post #32 of 43
I can't believe she said that to you.
Your homemade gifts sound lovely. Why doesn't she think they are good enough for her grandchildren? Are they Royalty or something?
I would just give them the handmade gifts and remember for next year. Show her what unhappy really means.
post #33 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post
I wouldn't waste those lovely handmade gifts on her grandkids. Buy them dollar store junk and save the good stuff for someone who appreciates it.

Goodness, she's rude : We cherish handmade gifts here; my girls are thrilled with the gifts they've made for family members- more than the ones I took them to buy to give away.

I'm sorry your efforts weren't appreciated
yeah she is a UA violation but why should the grandkids pay? It's not their fault.
post #34 of 43
That was really mean and insensitive what your SIL said. I know DD would *love* the handpainted rock in a bag. Rocks are one of her favorite things, along with anything else she can find in the yard. Having a special one with a bag to go with would thrill her. (and I think you gave me an idea for a gift )

This kind of reminds me of a gift exchange I went to at a friend's church. They were having a gift exchange, the limit was $5. I bought a spoon or spatula (can't remember), an oven mitt, a really pretty glass jar, and made a "Holiday Muffin" mix, so like a baking gift bag. It was a ladies' party, so I wasn't worried too much about it being an unwelcome gift. A woman in her 20s got it, and she *openly* said what a horrible gift it was. We were in the fellowship hall, and *everyone* heard her, and told her how sorry they were that she got "stuck" with such a bad gift. My friend, who invited me, was family with the woman (it was basically a family church, everyone save for 2 or 3 people were related) took me over to the woman who received the gift I had taken, and said "Oh, Beth, you like to cook, and she hates her present. She loves your present, so it's perfect for you two to change gifts." Granted it wasn't *completely* homemade, but I was only made aware of the party 1 1/2 hours beforehand, so to go out and buy the things I needed, find a nice, fitting mix recipe, make it, get DD ready, and bake a batch before I decided it would be a good recipe, I worked really hard and had thought really hard to decide what would be a "good" gift, just to have everyone openly criticize it and say how horrible it was. As soon as I found DD and got everything together, I left. I cried the whole way home, and it still upsets me how rude they were.

OP, I don't think you should feel the need to add on to the gifts you have already made. Gifts are just that, gifts. They are not obligatory, no one has the right to tell you what you *have* to give them/their families, and if they don't like it, tough cookies. Gifts come from the heart, be they homemade, store bought, or otherwise. I would give the children the homemade gifts, and either find another use for the gifts you bought, or return them. You shouldn't feel obligated to give them *anything.* That takes away from the meaning of giving gifts, IMHO.
post #35 of 43
bmcneal, how very Christian of them all. :

We used to make homemade gifts for MIL and FIL. But they left the beautiful bookmarks behind at our house. They openly were disappointed at the homemade puzzles.

So I said f them, and now they are dh's gifting problem. I certainly won't suggest to my kids that they ever make anything for them again. Who are these people, who don't want a cute crafty thing from their grandkids?!
post #36 of 43
I don't agree with NOT giving the kids anything.....they kids didn't tell you they never liked the gifts...the SIL did.

I'd give the SIL a swift kick in the arse and keep making the homemade gifts. I bet the kids will LOVE them!!!!
post #37 of 43
I can not ever even imagine even hinting that I was disappointed in a gift someone gave me (or my kids) What in the world did this woman's parents teach her? When someone gives you a gift you smile and say thank you. If it's homemade then you thank them twice, once for the gift, and once for taking extra time and making it. To ever openly say your were disapointed in a gift is beyond rude and in the worst possible taste, plus it is amazingly selfish.::

All that said, don't punish the kids because the grandma is a UAV. Hopefully they will enjoy your lovely gifts. Wouldn't it be funny if they absolutely loved the gifts your SIL was so rude as to tell you were unwelcome?
post #38 of 43
Okay, I must admit when I read the thread title, my first thought was, "Well, it depends on the homemade gifts." But, seriously, those sound like lovely, thoughtful gifts.

I totally understand the idea of wanting to get something more. DH and I had a similar discussion this year, only it was my sister who had the issue. We (my sister and I) worked it out, though, and I will be crocheting her girls some small items, but she and BIL aren't getting anything--they don't know they're missing out on a great gift card that DH and I will be using now!

Anyway, as PPs have said, pay attention to what the kids say, not their grandmother. If they like what you're giving them, keep it up. If they aren't liking the gifts, by all means make changes next year. Meanwhile, don't worry about DH and his sister--your choosing or not choosing to buy additional gift items didn't make it worse, they chose to make it worse.
post #39 of 43
bmcneal: That's vile. They had to know that the person giving the gift was in the group. I'm far from being up on or into etiquette or manners, but that's just beyond rude. Your gift was way better than I would expect from one of those "$5 and under" exchanges (probably some cheap "novelty" item). People need to think before they speak.

You know...I wouldn't necessarily like all homemade gifts, just as I don't necessarily like all storebought gifts. I'd still appreciate the thought and effort (be it making it or shopping for it) that went into getting it for me. I certainly don't like or dislike gifts based on where they were made, or by whom!
post #40 of 43
Your handmade gifts sound perfectly lovely and appropriate. Of course it is your choice, but I personally would not give the store bought gifts. It makes it at least appear that SIL has power over you that she has no right to yield. Just something to consider.

So sorry you were suggested to rudeness!
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