I really need to talk

[Theia]

to someone, like a hotline of the anonymous type. I'm looking for a resource of the spiritual type, not so much religious. I'm fine, as in I'm not going to do anything crazy or harmful. But I really need to talk to someone because it's way more than I could ever tell publicly in any manner. I just had a realization and my heart won't stop racing. Does anyone know of any 24hr type hotlines like that? Please post or PM me if you do. Thank you.

[FondestBianca]

I don't know of any such hotlines (wish I did) but I wanted to reply because I'm having similiar feelings and desires to share but, unable to find a place to share without judgement or missunderstanding. it's very difficult to find like mind and it's hard feeling alone on any spiritual path.

So if you don't find your prefered place to dish you are always welcome to PM me and I will certainly read every word and provide you with my thoughts or comfort (which ever you'd like). I don't think theres anything thats going to sound nutty or out-there to me.

You'll find what you need in perfect timing .

[Theia]

Thank you for the kind offer Tracy.

I tried googling but only came up with religious or see a local spiritual counselor. I may have to do that anyway.... but it would be nice to have someone in the moments that take your breath away and pierce your heart.

[gun]

Check under crisis hotline. Something should pop up.

[TzippityDoulah]

I'm sorry I don't know of anything at all... but my heart goes out to you!! I hope you find what you need. I'm sorry we can't be of more assistance here =(

[kdabbler]

You can always look in your local phone directory for churches and temples in your area if the crisis hotlines don't seem to be right. Block your phone ID if you want to remain completely anonymous and then call the rectory or office and tell them you need to speak to someone regarding a spirtual matter.

[Adele_Mommy]

If you are a member of a church, then this sort of assistance could be provided by a priest/minister of the church. If not (or if you don't want to talk to someone at your church for any reason), then I agree with kdabbler and you can just find a local church/temple in line with your belief system and call. Religion and spirituality is so individual and varied that I think it is important to select a contact who is likely to give you the kind of conversation and support you need. I'm sure the local JW or Buddhist groups would have someone happy to talk to me, but I would not find that very helpful KWIM?

Good luck and feel free to PM me if I can help in any way.

[umsami]

Try silentunity.org or your local UU church.

If you just want somebody to talk to and listen, I'd be glad to call or help via email. Just PM me your number. I've been associated with many different faiths, if that helps.

[gigi07]

Yes, I have something you can check out.

http://www.hopefortheheart.org/site/...hlp_one_on_one

They have people available to talk to you, from I think 7 AM- 1:30 AM, to "talk, pray, or just listen."

Definitely check out this site. I have often wanted to talk to one of their representatives myself. That's how I knew to pass this info on to you!

[Theia]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and suggestions. I called Unity Village just cuz I used to live in the Kansas City area and was already familiar with what they do, but had forgotten of them. It wasn't what I wanted necessarily, but I figured having myself (and DD) included in prayer for the next 30 days would be a good thing.

The Hope For the Heart site sounds good..... but I'm afraid to call them because all the info on the site says they are Christian and Biblical..... and after the judgement I experienced with that in my childhood, I don't know how comfortable I'd be. And some of what I have to discuss is something I KNOW is against the religion and I've seen it judged harshly before. I am already so alone and isolated with all of this, that I wouldn't be able to take judgement or rejection from a stranger.

I'm not a member of any church or particular religion.

I want to reach out to you kind mama's who have so kindly offered to just listen. But I'm so afraid. It's not anything about you. It's my own fears, my own guilt and judgement that holds me back. There have been 2 deaths in my immediate family, and they are so completely interconnected it's not funny. I know, we can not foretell the future, and what if's are about as useful as a single bucket of sand is against a raging flood. Yet, here I am. I have this knowledge and insight into my life and am having a very difficult time processing it and accepting that it is what it is now and will always be these 2 deep wounds upon my soul.

I gotta go, DD needs me. I know, focus on the living. But still..... I need to process this to move on.

[lolar2]

Our UU minister says that sometimes people who are not involved with the church, call him and ask for spiritual counsel. So you could try calling a UU church.

Also, um... if your actions clearly, though accidentally, led to two deaths, and if this causal relationship would be clear to other people, may I suggest also calling a lawyer in case someone sues you or tries to press some sort of charges against you. So you're prepared. From what you say it was obviously unintentional, but people do strange things when they are grieving. Even to their own families.

[Theia]

Lolar, Thanks, but there wouldn't be any legal repercussions in this case. It is hard to explain without further information on a public forum..... but thanks anyway. It is very spiritual in nature and nothing illegal was done. But still, I know.

But I may call a local-ish UU minister, if there is more than one UU in the area...... I've considered joining UU, but have not taken the steps yet.

[Adele_Mommy]

You may recall mention of the Church of the Larger Fellowship, the online UU Community, in some of the UU threads in this forum. Apparently members of that community can:

Be in touch with our minister by phone (toll-free 800#), email, or correspondence for personal support, crisis counseling, professional referral, religious and theological dialogue, and practical help. She often suggests books and tapes from the pastoral library for members with pressing life issues.

The above quote is from the CLF Join page.

[lolar2]

Even if nothing illegal was done, I still might be a little concerned about lawsuits. Just to be on the safe side. I just had jury duty so this is on my mind lately.

[umsami]

I don't know if now is the time, but I think that eventually you're going to need to do some sort of forgiveness ritual.

What about writing a letter to each of the people whose death you feel you contributed to... and asking for forgiveness?

Then perhaps you could burn the letter.... and take the ashes and put them in a moving body of water... or bury them someplace beautiful in nature. Take time to meditate where you are... ask for forgiveness in your soul... and then feel forgiveness. I actually think you also may benefit from reading about some near death experiences to know that death isn't a bad thing.

I would return... and do some sort of ritual bath... with candles... maybe some special oils/bath salts... etc. Smudge yourself... and then know that you are OK.

You could also consider donating time to a cause they believed in... or would somehow do good work on their behalf.

I hope you find peace. :

[CheapPearls]

I'm also willing to be an ear if you need it.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

[theretohere]

Call a local church from the phone book. My DH is a pastor and people who aren't members do this all the time.