help! picky eating almost toddler and GD (long)

[Solose]

Please please help me, I am so frustrated. my son eats nothing but blueberries and once in a while a bite of another fruit or a spoonful of yogurt, and thats it. When I change his diaper (sorry if this is tmi) his poop is indigo-colored from all the berries. He still drinks quite a bit of formula and is still waking up 2-3 times a night for a bottle. He is very skinny and in the 3-5% for weight even though he is 25-50% for height.

I am just not sure what to do and his pedi told me to get rid of the bottle shortly after his 1st birthday and that will get him to eat more food. She told me it isn't good for children to continue on a bottle after a year because it makes them take in more milk and exacerbates the pickiness because they know that if they don't eat any food they will still get a bottle afterward. She said she is worried about him getting iron deficiency and bottle mouth after a year if I don't wean him off the bottle and he continues to barely eat anything.

I do understand where she is coming from, but I hesitate to do as she says. First, he has always been fed bottles on-demand. When I couldn't breastfeed, it seemed only natural to me to try to mimmick what I would be doing if I had continued breastfeeding. It would break my heart for him to cry for his bottle and for me to refuse it. I know that all advice for picky eating in children goes along the lines of "don't give snacks, don't give the food a child wants just because they refuse dinner, limit milk,etc..." But this advice is very
difficult to implement with a child who still takes bottles because bottles aren't just food, they are source of comfort. He started out as a good eater, he would even eat spinach and roasted garlic and other things you wouldn't think a baby would eat. But in the last month, after his first 2 teeth came in, he refuses to eat anything. He will put it in his mouth, chew it, and then spit it out (unless it's blueberries.) Then he proceeds to smush all teh food and get it all over his placemat and the table and throw it on the floor. He was not even like this while teething, so I don't know what it could be.

So what should I do? Should I try to at least nightwean him near his 12th birthday? I was thinking of trying to slowly mix in less and less of the formula with water until it is all water (only at night). I have heard that this works for some babies and it is a good way to wean with no crying. Do you think this would help? Should I try to limit the bottle when eh turns one? Should I just go cold turkey and give him nothing but the sippy at 1?

Thanks for reading through all this, any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am exasperated. I wish I was breastfeeding as I wouldn't be so worried about him not eating solids but I can't turn back time so I'm just trying to find a solution for the current situation.

[frontierpsych]

Could you continue to give him formula in a big-boy cup while you look to other means as far as comfort goes? At least for a little while. Maybe if the bottle is out of the equation he'll drink less formula and maybe want more solids? It seems like a reasonable way to transition without worrying about the effects of having a bottle past age 1. Does he use a sippy cup at all? You could give him the sippy cup while he sits on your lap, that way he's still comforted, but off the bottle.

[Ruthla]

Honestly, if I had a child who couldn't BF I'd treat the bottles of formula the same as breastfeeding. Offer them in the comfort of my arms, never let the child toddle off with them, and introduce foods as the child is ready. I'd keep the baby on formula as long as needed (ie, until the baby is consistently eating a reasonable variety of foods) rather than switch to whole cow's milk at 12mo. Maybe even do a formula/whole milk mix at some point if the baby is eating SOME solids consistently, but not quite enough.

I honestly don't understand how your baby is at risk of iron-deficiency anemia if he's drinking formula. Sure, it's a risk if he's filling up on cow's milk, but there's iron in the formula! Maybe your pediatrician assumed you'd be switching to whole milk in those bottles after a year?

I similarly don't see a risk of tooth decay if he's only getting bottles while snuggled in your arms- he's NOT walking around with a bottle all day, he's got periods of "nothing in his mouth" as he plays, etc. I would brush his teeth before bed and then only offer water after toothbrushing time (or, if that's not practical, be sure to offer water after formula to rinse out his mouth.) Nightweaning him to bottles of water is a good idea, just from the dental perspective alone.

I am honestly and truly baffled at the number of people who are concerned about weaning from bottles to sippy cups. It just makes no sense to me- sippy cups are equally implicated in dental caries (if the child walks around sipping a sugary liquid all day) and ear infections (if the child drinks while prone and fluid flows down the ears.) IMO, sippy cups are just glorified bottles. If your baby is happy with bottles, why switch? Offer water and other beverages in regular cups at mealtime, and keep the bottles for "nursing" time.

I strongly disagree with your doctor about offering bottles and toddler pickiness. Lots of toddlers are very picky eaters, and IMO it could be dangerous to limit milk/formula consumption if the baby isn't ready for more solid foods yet. Certainly keep on offering a variety of foods in a variety of textures, but take the pressure off. You could do a lot more damage in terms of his long-term eating habits if you cut out the formula too soon and make food into a battleground.

[WhaleinGaloshes]

I don't agree with your ped. My advice is of course worth what you paid for it, but I would encourage you to proceed with doing your own research, getting advice from other parents (like us), following your gut and/or getting a second opinion, in what ever combination makes you most comfortable.

I do not understand why your ped. considers the formula incomplete nutrition and wants to see a baby not even one yet eating more table food, especially a picky one year old. The formula is the most complete food you can give him right now. Her comment about anemia makes me more suspect of her advice because formula is packed with it. You could ask for an anemia test with his 1 year bloodwork, if everything else is otherwise typical I'm fairly confident an exclusively formula-fed baby isn't going to be iron deficient.

I personally have no issues with bottles past a year. You can mitigate any risk to his teeth by brushing them after he eats, and he shouldn't go to bed with it in his mouth, but beyond that the arguments to take the bottle away cold-turkey from a 12 month old don't stand up, IMO. From what I've seen many who follow this advice go from a bottle to a soft-spouted valved sippy cup which is really a bottle in a different shape.

Personally, I would keep offering him solids and he will eat them when he's ready. He's still only 10 months old, no? Some kids take their time getting used to eating real food.

I don't know what kind of schedule you have for the formula but I would keep giving it to him as your comfortable with. I would probably have his solids before the bottle so he's hungry, but I wouldn't worry about the "he'll never eat if he knows he's going to get a bottle..." That sounds like "he'll never walk if you carry him" or "he'll never potty train if you put a diaper on him" or "he'll never talk if you keep responding to his cries." (Barring some specific developmental need which it would be to young to tell anyway) he'll eat food; we all do sooner or later.

The night-feeding feels to me like a whole other topic. You might want to take it to the night-time board. So much of that depends on how you're all sleeping. If it's manageable I would encourage you not to feel guilty about feeding him at night, he will come to the end of that road on his own, too, in his own time. If your nighttimes are causing undo stress and fatigue there are other strategies you can try.

So much pressure on bottle-fed babies, like all babies. Try not to feel there is only one right, urgent answer. Your baby is small but if he's otherwise healthy I think there is plenty of room for finding your own way.

[jennert]

this doesn't deal with the formula, but with food. Mr. Pants (who got his first teeth at 4 months and had 10 by the time he was 7 months) had NO interest WHATSOEVER in ANY food until he was almost a year. he'd play with it and maybe put it in his mouth occasionally, but he didn't really care. if we were eating, he'd ask for a bite, then make horrible faces and usually end up with most of it on his shirt. but once he started eating, he gobbled things up! like the others have said, your son WILL eat. but if he's anything like my son, it probably won't be on your timetable.

i'm so sorry you're getting such confusing advice from your pedi. it's hard enough to be a mommy without people in "authority" telling you you're doing it wrong!

[azmomtoone]

At 10 mos (if I'm reading your sigg right) my son didn't really eat either, one cube of food would last us 3 days, your LO is very young yet to worry about picky eating IMO. So I wouldn't worry about it yet, and probably wouldn't start any weaning before 1.
At 1, I would probably switch to toddler formula in a cup (still healthier than straight cow's milk), and give a water bottle for comfort if needed..... but I know there are plenty of mom's who "bottle nurse" past 1, I'm not sure how that works really, but like PP said if they aren't running around with a bottle all day, esp juice bottles (I shudder when I see those mini-gerber juices with a nipple attached, talk about diabetes, obesity, and tooth decay in one neat package). Of course, whether or not your kid will take to those changes is a whole 'nother thing.
There is evidence that drinking from a bottle produces a different mouth-shape then breastfeeding - although some say that has more to do with nutrition and less with the actual bottle.

Let him be, don't worry too much, and he may well start eating a ton by the time he's one. (I also wouldn't view that birthday as such a huge monumental date, if he does something a few weeks one way or the other fine). Nothing magical changes the exact day they turn 1.

[beingmommy]

My DS is 18 months old and only just started eating small amounts of food. I really felt it was important to let him decide when he was ready. I have never tried to force food on him or trick him into eating and everyday he is getting more and more interested in more and more food.

Read the book My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez. It put my fears to rest.

[simplehome]

Dude. He's only 10 months old! So many babies don't really eat much until well over a year. They just play around with it. I'd just keep doing what you're doing, offer other foods, and he'll start eating them one day.

The bottle is so much more than a delivery device---it is also comfort for him. I would probably let him keep it when snuggled up with you, but offer an open cup or sippy cup of water at mealtimes or if he's just walking around.

As for nighttime, I feel like my 11-month-old still really needs to EAT at night, not just comfort nurse. While switching to water at night sounds like a good idea for dental reasons, I probably wouldn't really push it if he resisted. He might really need the food. I'd also keep night nursings in a bottle, because it is also about comfort.

Good luck with the decisions! I think number one is to take a step back and not worry about it too much---it will all come with time! :

[USAmma]

I bottlefed my dd until she was 15 months old when she self-weaned. Then she weaned to sippy cups of Instant Breakfast and still enjoys those for breakfast at 8 years old. Formula/breastmilk is important for a long time!

[umsami]

Continue to offer blueberries. They're one of the healthiest foods out there, so perhaps your son's inner-wisdom is showing.

I would also continue to offer formula on demand... although I would try and switch to a sippy cup as a PP mentioned...but for me, it's only an issue at night. If a bottle offers comfort to a 10 month old, so what? He's a BABY. He needs comfort. As for nighttime, I'd continue to offer formula...but only if he's awake...and drinking out of a sippy cup because of the teeth issues. You want to get away from the falling asleep with a bottle thing as it can cause teeth problems. If you can get him to switch to water...fine... but I know all of my kids have gotten a good portion of their calories from nighttime eating... up until 18 months or later. If you can't stop that, can you maybe use a finger toothbrush on his teeth when he's sleeping or a wet washcloth?

I would continue to put little tastes of different foods on a feeding tray for your child...and let him take the lead as to what he likes does not like. Continue offering as much formula as he wants. Many kids rely on breastmilk or formula for a majority of their calories well past their first year... yet I've yet to meet a nursing or formula-feeding teenager. Don't worry.

I'd also look for a new pediatrician. You might want to ask in the Finding Your Tribe area for some other MDC-Mama recommendations in your area.

[LynnS6]

He's 10 months. 2 months is a LONG time in baby eating years. .

The feeding tips you're reading apply to MUCH MUCH older children. My kids are 4 and 7 and they still get snacks. they NEED them because they can't take in that much food at one time.

Here's what I know:
1. WHO recommends that babies are breastfed for at least 2 years. So why are you pushed to wean from a bottle at 12 months? I think most peds push for this because they're used to babies self-feeding and walking around with the darn things. If you're "bottle nursing", i.e. he's on your lap when he has a bottle, what's the harm? In fact, there's a great deal of GOOD that can come from it. Ds was bottle fed this way when I was at work, and then he self-weaned to a bottle at 16 months. We continued to bottle feed him this way until after he was 2 when he self-weaned completely (At 2 he got a cold, the milk made him throw up, and we switched to water in the evenings, and he never asked for another bottle.)

2. Formula is more nutritionally dense than table food. I'm always a bit confused when peds suggest ditching formula for underweight kids. If you're worried about his weight, see a nutritionist.

3. Nightweaning is probably a good idea when he's 12 months, but ONLY night weaning.

4. The numbers of the percentiles are pretty much useless for individual children. What they DO tell you is whether your child is maintaining his/her own growth curve. So, if your ds' weight is falling down the curves (say from 25% to 5%) then it's a cause for concern (but not panic). But if he just happens to be at 25-50% for height and 5% for weight, maybe that's just his body type. Our ds is at the 90% for height and the 50% for weight. He's skinny. He's been skinny his whole life.

5. if he's developing well, who cares?

6. Family history needs to be taken into account. Any small, petite people in your family? We've got tall skinny people in our family. Our ds has my brother's body type. My brother is 6'4" and I don't know if he's cracked 200 lbs. EVER. (I alas, am considerably shorter and HAVE cracked 200lbs.)

[Britishmum]

I"m equating this in my mind to my breastfed babies. None of mine ate any amount of solids at ten months, and they breastfed on demand, and grew up healthy.

It sounds crazy to me to start weaning your babe from the bottle. I wouldn't wean from the breast, so it stands to reason that you should not wean from the bottle. Just relax, and gradually offer foods, until he is interested.

I also cannot equate the word 'picky' with a ten month old baby. He's supposed to be picky. (ie selective). He's supposed to rely on mama's milk for most of his nutrition. If he can't have that, formula is the next best thing.

The only thing I would not do is wean onto cows milk. I'd treat formula as if it's breastmilk, and I"d treat him like a normal baby starting to experiment with food.

And I'd most definitely look for a new pediatrician.

[nugget's mommy]

Solose - I agree with what everyone has said, and I just wanted to add that I thought I read somewhere (maybe even somewhere on MDC?) that many peds wish they could keep babies on formula until they are 2 years old, but they know most parents would freak out because of the cost. hth.

[LionTigerBear]

I agree with everyone else. Keep bottle-nursing him-- he's so little!!! FWIW, my first son wasn't interested in food besides breastmilk until he was 14 months, at least. And he wasn't really eating much of it until like 18 months old. My second son was completely different, and I had to hold him back from solid food-- he started on solids when he was 6 months because he was just so eager and it was hard to stop him. Follow your baby's cues. He's fine!!!

BTW, if it were me, if there were any true nutritional deficiency, I would mix an infant-safe supplement into his formula, not stop with the formula.

[Solose]

I just want to say thanks for all teh encouragement. I want to keep him on formula, it's convinving his ped to write me a perscription for it for WIC that is the hard part. He is on Nutramagen right now, not because he has any severe allergies but because when I gave up pumping for him and switched totally to formula he became very constipated and my former ped reccomended the Nutramagen. She was totally awesome and very AP-friendly and said she would write me a formula perscription for 1-2 yrs if thats what my son needed. Oh how i miss her Unfortunately I ahve very restrictive insurance right now and it is hard switching docs.

One of the main reasons I fear giving him milk is because of his reaction to regular formula as a young baby.I will try to switch him to regular formula when he turns 1 and that isn't so expensive so I think I'll be able to keep him on teh formula until I feel he is ready to go off it.

I am so not looking forward to nightweaning though. I know it is best for him because of the dental issue, but I will really really miss cuddling with him in bed as he drifts off to sleep sucking on that bottle. He definately ahs a very strong association between bottles and sleep, so that will be ahrd to change.

I tried being a bit more relaxed yesterday at dinnertime and not offering him food so much. I just put some of what we were eating on his tray and let it be. it actually worked! He tried zuchinni fritters and a little bit of beans. The amount was pretty small,but at leas it's something.

[Llyra]

I bottlefed my first, and I saw your thread and came on here to comment, and then realized that everybody else had already said everything I had wanted to say. You're doing exactly right. Keep it up! FWIW, my oldest wasn't interested in solid food for a long, long time, drank several bottles a day until she was almost 2, and has never been anemic. She still is a bit of a picky eater, and has a small appetite, and is slim for her height, but she's healthy as can be. I remember one phase, around 10 months, when the only solid food she ate was baked yams, for like a month. Then around 15 months it was yogurt and peaches, for maybe three weeks solid. Toddlers are like that, and it sounds like he's getting close to toddlerhood. And blueberries are full of healthy antioxidants. Not a bad choice, if you're going to choose one food to fixate on! Trust your inner wisdom, and your son's, and make sure you restrict access to genuine junk food. If his choices are all healthy ones, you can be assured he'll eat just exactly what he needs.

[JoyLoveandLearning]

My son is also on the slender side. At 1 year he was in the 95th percentile for height and around the 30th for weight. This meant he was in the 7th percentile for "skinniness" (height/weight proportionality). I breastfed him on demand, and his eating habits were very similar to your son's. When I first counted how many times he was nursing (at 1 year), it was 15 times in 24 hours. And hardly any table foods to speak of. I knew that he didn't love food in the way some children do, so I decided to proceed slowly. I took away one nursing/feeding at a time. Then, after removing that feeding, I would wait for him to start eating the equivalent number of calories worth of table food. Sometimes it would take up to 3 weeks for his body to notice that he was getting one fewer nursing, and respond by making him hungry enough to eat that much more food. He was also a slow eater, so he would get bored way sooner than he would get full. I'm not proud to say that we often ate in front of the TV just so I could keep him focussed. At age 18 months, he was down to perhaps 4 nursings a day. So you can see it was a slow process.

Keep offering the foods he loves, plus allowing him tastes of other foods. But don't force him to "try" anything. Perhaps branch out slowly from blueberries to blackberries, cut-up grapes, canned peaches or other similar foods. Allow him to eat just the amount he wants.

As for the night feedings. As the mother of a slender child, I know that your mother's intuition can be exactly right when it tells you that your child is not ready to go 8 or 12 hours between feedings (even if the chubby babies are ready!). Let him have his calories at night if he needs it. If it isn't too much trouble for you, then keep right on doing it!

As a word of encouragement, my DS is now 3 1/2. He is still slender, but he eats a wide variety of foods. Your child will be there one day too. Don't feel like you have to force him before he is ready.