Originally Posted by AngelBee
See.....I get all this and we do this too.
But what happens when he CAN'T control the impulse to be loud? Or will not get ready to get in the car? Or freaks out because there is no ice cream?
That is where I am having an issue. You do not consent to the behavior, but what can you do about it?
If you do not have a consequence, what do you do? Deal repeatedly with a sleepy baby who has been woke? Be late for work everyday?
That is where I am just
It is like they feel no insentive or responsibility to do what I am asking. Or they do not think about how it will effect others.
Then I become the fix it lady by default and they have no reprocussion but me feeling sorry for myself.
If he CAN'T control the impulse to be loud....then punishing him for it probably won't help either. How old is he? I think I missed that somewhere along the line. Maybe you could make the baby's naptime a special time for the two of you. Find an activity....a QUIET activity....to do just with him while the baby sleeps. Or...since you recognize that he cannot control the impulse to be quiet, what can be done to insure that the baby sleeps? Can you get a white noise machine in the baby's room? Or even just a fan, or a quiet cd? Or could you take DS to a different part of the house to play where being loud is okay?
If he throws a fit because he wants ice cream and you don't have it....so what? He's expressing disappointment/frustration/anger about not having something he wants. But he doesn't have the adult ability to say, "Crap! I really wanted ice cream," and then remedy it by either going to the store to get some, or adding it to your food shopping list for next time. YOU are totally in control of whether or not there is ice cream in the house, and he probably feels powerless, which leads to the tantrum. (Clearly, this is a bit of a dramatic example!) So, how to handle it? Give him a hug, tell him when specifically he can expect you to get him some ice cream, and then make him some other special treat. If he doesn't want it...fine. If he still tantrums...so what? Empathize with him, console him, offer to help him, and then move on. No punishment needed.
It seems, from your posts, the main issue seems to be with leaving the house. Again, I'm not sure how old your LO is, and that has to be taken into account. If he is too young to control his urge to be loud, he is probably too young to understand the ramifications of you being late, and in that case, I think you need to realize it is okay to gently help him get ready. Or? Take him in his pajamas, take an "on the go" breakfast with you, tell him you're sorry he doesn't want to go, but Mommy cannot be late to work, and pick him up and head out the door. If it's cold where you live, take a blanket with you if he won't put on a jacket.
I realize that might not sound completely CL, but the fact is, he has no concept of "Mommy could lose her job, we could lose our income, etc," consequences to this action. He's most likely not trying to be flippant or insensitive to you. He just doesn't get it. You don't expect a baby to understand what "be gentle" means, and you can't expect a small child to expect what "Mommy might get fired if we're late" means. My 23 month old doesn't always want to go to bed at 7:00 either, but she is EXHAUSTED and miserable the next day if she doesn't. And since she doesn't understand the consequences, or her own limits when it comes to bedtime, I have set a bedtime for her. I put her to bed gently, and kindly, but I still put her to bed. And, I still consider us to be a CL family.
The same can go for leaving for work. Just because he doesn't want to, and just because he doesn't understand the consequences, doesn't mean that you can't gently, and kindly, and non-threateningly, find a way to get him out the door so you aren't late for work.