my bosses baby died

[motherearthdancer]

I just found out that my bosses baby died. He was a 27 week preemie. My boss & I were not close but I really like her. She's a sweet lady & my heart aches for her loss. Does anyone have any pointers on what to say or do for condolences? I also made her a baby sling for her shower which is the day she had the baby. What is the protocol on gift giving now? Thanks for your suggestions!

[NullSet]

There's a sticky in the Pregnancy and Birth Loss area of the forum that has a lot of good ideas. As far as gifts go, I know I really appreciated quilts that were made especially for my dd and given to me after she didn't live.

[melissabb]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say how terrible that must be for her. My heart goes out to her.

[Marysmama]

I have never personally dealt with this type of loss. But I have read many threads about it. And many moms express wanting people to acknowledge their loss and the life of their child. That a person lived and meant something.

You lovingly made that sling for her baby. Maybe you could embroider the baby's name on the sling. It would be something I would treasure forever.

It not like you bought a pack of diapers or bottles or crib sheets and are not sure what to do with them now. This was a handmade gift from your heart made specifically for her baby.

[Tracy]

i don't have anything to add..but I just wanted to send you a hugs for being so caring.

hugs to baby too.

[GuildJenn]

I lost my first baby... I think the thing is that it will be really different for each person.

I treasured a lot of things that we received both before and after my daughter's birth and death, but it was really hard to pack up the shower gifts. The memorial stuff that people gave us was beautiful. The things that were designed for a living baby were also beautiful but sometimes really difficult. I wouldn't want to make a blanket statement for anyone else.

I think the best thing to do really is to send her a condolence card and the sling with a note that you were not sure she would want it, but that you wanted to let her know that her baby won't be forgotten, or something similar. That way you are kind of quietly giving her permission to pass it on if she can't handle it, and acknowledging the very real and human complexity of the moment. I recommend sending it not to "hide her grief" or anything but just to give her the space to react however she's going to react. When she's back in the office I'd also just check in that she's ok (not about the sling) to let her know it's not a secret.

Well that was book-load of advice. Really the fact is that whatever you do that is caring is a-ok. There is no perfect response.

[kristoff]

My brother had lost his first born 10 days after the birth and it was sad for all of us to watch. He and his wife found a beautiful cremation urn to memorialize the child. A good site I found for such things is http://www.primaurns.com/ , nice selections.

Just a thought.

[motherearthdancer]

Thank you everyone. Such wonderful suggestions. I think what I will do is wait until she comes back to work & let her know that I want her to have the sling & suggest she have his name embroidered on it. Then one idea would be to frame it in one of those shadow box type frames as a memorial. Is that a good suggestion or no? I wonder if it will be difficult for her to come back to work. We work in a church nursery & she leads the older kids childrens church. I wish I could make it easier for her.