For those who don't celebrate Christmas

[AutumnSunshine]

Here's a question for anyone of any faith who does not celebrate Christmas.

If you have family members and close friends who celebrate Christmas, how do you handle the presents thing? I have a new baby nephew. They don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, but nevertheless I want to be careful about what I do because I strongly disagree with the implications of Christmas (for the record, we Muslims do believe in the "Christmas story" of Jesus' virgin birth but we don't believe he is God or part of God) so I don't want to be necessarily endorsing Christmas. This is also why my family members givemy kids presents on our holidays and not on Christmas.

But I also know that my nephew, especially when he is younger, is only going to know Christmas as the great fun time of year when they put up decorations and eat good food and get presents. This is how I grew up with Christmas myself and this is something I have translated into our own Eid celebrations for my kids. I'm obviously not going to hurt him with something he doesn't understand yet. I don't want him to be sad on Christmas and say "why didn't Auntie give me anything?" KWIM?

I'm leaning towards giving my nephew presents on Christmas until he's old enough to understand that we don't celebrate Christmas, and then maybe let him have presents on Eid when my kids are getting presents. My mom thought also that maybe this way he wouldn't feel left out when all the other kids in the family are getting presents on Eid and he isn't. Although, then again, this is how most kids have to learn to handle birthdays and how my kids are going to be handling Christmas since they don't get presents on Christmas.

I don't know, I'm so confused and either way it seems like there's a disadvantage.

Also, I guess if you're Jewish, you can do Haunkkah presents at that time of year, but our two holidays rotate throughout the calendar and are not going to be falling near Christmas again for a long, long time.

So what do you all do?

[EviesMom]

Hmmm... good question. The kids and I celebrate Yule/Solstice as a more religious holiday. We gather with friends, sing, decorate, craft, have circle, and exchange handmade trinkets. We also do the Santa thing on Christmas though. DH is atheist, but secular Christmas is his thing. And two years ago, DD was at a Jewish-run preschool, and they did Hanukah at the school. So I guess we just celebrate all the holidays we can with family/friends that celebrate that holiday.

I think you might ideally give your nephew an acknowledgement of a holiday that's important to his family, and something on your holiday as well. More of a trinket on his and something bigger on yours if you like? He might notice negatively if you give him nothing on Christmas, but it's such a gift giving holiday for most families that I don't think he'd necessarily notice a big versus small gift? Like stickers and candy at Christmas and a real gift on Eid?

Although, unless you'll see him on both holidays, his parents might just let him open any gift on Christmas. I think that's fine too. If I were doing only Yule, we'd just open anything that arrived before then on Yule, and others as they arrived.

[NicaG]

Originally Posted by UmmZaynab

I don't want to be necessarily endorsing Christmas. This is also why my family members givemy kids presents on our holidays and not on Christmas.

Using this logic, maybe it makes the most sense to just give your nephew his presents on Christmas. If you expect family members to give your kids gifts on "your" holidays, don't they expect the same thing? You could still give him gifts for Eid as well.

[gillibean]

I don't know if this makes sense at all but could you make it a more neutral thing. When my dad was growing up is family celebrated Christmas with his mom's family. They celebrated New Years with his dad's family. New Years is when they received any presents from relatives on his dad's side. Something like that could be a more religiously neutral idea.

TBH I wouldn't have noticed (or really cared) if I hadn't gotten a gift from a relative. It wouldn't have occured to me that anyone other than my parents (and Santa) *should* give me gifts.

[Sailor]

We celebrate secularly. By ourselves, we just do the solstice, more as a celebration of the past year and of one another. We give gifts in the spirit of celebrating each other. It's a good time because New Year comes, so we just make solstice the celebration of the past year, and looking forward to the new.

When around family we do the same thing, except our families are Catholics so they celebrate on the 24/25th. The date doesn't really matter to us, and we still celebrate in a secular spirit, i.e. celebrating their lives, the past year, etc.

We've pretty much let go of all religious connotations with it.

[Beakybird]

We are no longer celebrating christmas and therefore will not be giving gifts to those that do as we don't want to endore something we disagree with. We have all year to give gifts for a number of reasons.

[Pyrodjm]

Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, my immediate family never celebrated holidays or birthdays. My extended family on both sides did. It was understood that we did not expect and would not accept holiday and birthday gifts. We also did not give them. It was really pretty simple.

We gave and received gifts at other times of the year. Our families didn't seem to have a problem with it. My grandmother would give us gifts when she had a little extra money and we would make cards and little gifts for her whenever we thought about it. I still send her things when I see something she would like.

[angelpie545]

Oh, that's a tough one. I personally would learn toward giving your nephew a small gift until he's old enough to understand the religious differences, and after that I would probably give him gifts for Eid.

[KaraBoo]

Originally Posted by Pyrodjm

Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, my immediate family never celebrated holidays or birthdays. My extended family on both sides did. It was understood that we did not expect and would not accept holiday and birthday gifts. We also did not give them. It was really pretty simple.

I grew up in a similar religion. It wasn't a big deal, very simple as you said here. If you don't celebrate Christmas, you don't celebrate it.

[wytchywoman]

First off I want to sy that I am having my own non-christian holiday angst so iIcompletely understand where you are coming from. Having said that.... your family gives you presents on Eid even though ( and I am assuming this so correct me if I'm wrong) they don't celebrate Eid, they celebrate christmas. How would it seem to you if your family said " we don't celebrate Eid, we celebrate christmas, so you can have your presents on the holiday WE celebrate, not the one you do." SWIM? I don't think you are unnecessarily honoring christmas so much as you are gifting your nephew during his holiday season, but not necessarily yours. Just my 2 cents but it seems like if you would want your holiday respected then perhaps you should respect your nephews???

[xekomaya]

I would ask the parents and just be candid. Many kids get way too many gifts on Christmas and moving the gift to another time of year may be just fine.

Although we're devoutly Catholic, I would have no problem with my children receiving a gift on Eid from family. It is easy to explain by the time they're old enough to notice, and eventually they will notice that a part of their family has different beliefs and traditions.

I do think, as it was mentioned, that if your family is kind enough to give your children gifts during your holidays, it would make sense that you would do the same. If you really can't due to your beliefs, however, then I wouldn't do any holiday gifts and do a little more for a birthday or or non-religious event. It will really be fine -- I have family that are Jehovah's Witness and my mom gives a small gift practically every time she sees them to try and make up for all the birthdays and Christmases she can't give gifts on.(Which is obviously not the same but I'm just trying to say it will be fine and family can work it out)