Non- first time mamas: What did you learn from your first birth?

[amrijane128]

I thought this might be helpful for first time mamas as well as those who have given birth before.

I think my biggest thing was just to let go and let my body take over. I had spent so much time hearing how you're supposed to breathe and lie down and whatnot, but it really came down to pure and simple instincts. I think I would have trusted myself more in labor and birth had I known instincts would take over, and there's no "right" way to do it.

Oh, and I learned not to be afraid of peeing or anything else while giving birth. It does not matter when you're pushing out a baby. REALLY. You don't care.

[Lacrymosa]

Haha, that's actually been one of my biggest fears. That.. and tearing. I'm terrified of that happening.

Actually, I'm scared to death of the whole thing.

[Smokering]

Oh, and I learned not to be afraid of peeing or anything else while giving birth. It does not matter when you're pushing out a baby. REALLY. You don't care.

I cared... :

Not to be a downer, but I learned that it hurts, a lot. And that trying not to push when the pushing urge comes is SO hard--kinda like trying not to vomit when you're in the middle of vomiting (sorry, charming I know!). I learned that while it's no doubt a good thing for human rights to be allowed to eat during labour, you might feel like the last thing you want is food. And I learned that hot wheatie bags and hot water bottles are GOOD during labour! As is massage.

[amydidit]

I also learned that it hurts a LOT. But, I also learned I won't die from the pain, and it will end. So just power through it.

[ledzepplon]

I'm with Smokering on the pain. I really thought that if I was relaxed and not afraid I'd be able to manage the pain just fine. Lets just say that I was a little naive. That took me by surprise.

Sorry!

[iowaorganic]

ok- so my DD and DS were born before I was an MDC convert. I was still kinda crunchy like CD and BF- but I didn't take an active interest in the birth process. So I followed blindly what my OB recommended. I went to the hospital way too early- should really stay home until things are getting serious- now if you are a first time mom- you probably don't know what that is- but really hang out at home as long as you can possibly stand it. Labor is so much harder when you are laying in a hospital bed connected to an IV and fetal moniter.

yah know what- I could go on and on- but just get yourself a good birth plan and go with that- stress how important it is to you and plan to compromise. That is my best advice. And hang out at home longer than you think you need to.

[Murihiku]

I learned that it really helped to think "Yay another contraction--this is great dilating work my body is doing" rather than "Oh no, here comes another one." Surprisingly, it worked!

And I learned that immediately after the birth my first emotion wasn't ecstatic love for the baby but delicious peace and relief and a calm interest in the baby.

[zinemama]

If you get to the point when you decide to go for drugs, do not get the nubain as a way of avoiding the more "hard core" epidural. Nubain puts you to sleep between the contractions and wakes you up for them. What the heck is the point of that? It would have been better to go directly to the epidural. I sure wish I had.

[candynut]

I definitely didn't and still don't care about going to the bathroom in the middle of labor. There's a lot of mess anyway. (Dh says I didn't, but a nurse told him to deny it no matter what happened and now I don't know if he's just trying to be nice, which I think is silly anyway because I really *don't* care either way).

I learned that it takes time to heal after birth! I knew this, but I didn't understand it. I was bleeding and hurt and I just wanted to crawl into bed and heal, but I had a very needy newborn who wanted constant care (not abnormally needy, just newborn needy, but that's something you need to live through to understand as well). And I was taking it easy.

But that's after the labor, did I cheat? I mentioned in my other thread that labor felt like I needed to go to the bathroom the whole time, and that took me by surprise.

[Devaskyla]

Trust your instincts & your education. You're so suggestible in labour or near it & it's easy to just do what you're told. I planned to stay home until I started getting contractions after my water broke. I stupidly called the hospital to see if I needed to stop there before going to the hospital in the next town that handles births. When the nurse found out my water was broken, she *flipped* & told me to get on the road. Instead of trusting in my plan, I listened to her. And wound up with a cesarean for "ftp" because even with a max dose of pit for hours, I still didn't get contractions. I should've stayed home. Labour with ds2 started 88 hours after my water broke.

[Sadie Lake]

Oh my gosh, whoever said above that "I just thought if I let go of the fear and relaxed enough it wouldn't hurt..." That was sooo me!

So, I would have to say that's what I learned: that labor hurts, really bad... but not to be a victim to it. During my labor with dd I had this "oh my Gosh, I can't believe this is happening TO ME" but after she came out, it was over! I felt like I could conquer the world and the pain was totally gone.

But, I've come to realize that part of the amazing thing about birth (especially natural birth) is that the pain is almost like one of those space age transporters of sorts, the medium through which you're transformed from being a maiden into a mother. I wouldn't take away the intensity of the experience even if I could, because I think it was like "walking through the fire" for me. I believe it helped me take more of a "mother bear" type of role as a parent, rather than turn my power over to my doctor (and drugs) and what "they" say and expect someone else to tell me what's right for my kid. Its like, once I went through the experience of giving birth, it struck me so deeply that it unlocked this place buried deep inside, the place of my true mother instinct and intuition. I really don't think I would have woken that part of myself up had I not experienced the intensity of a natural birth.

Which is not to say that natural birth is for everyone! The next day when my best friend came over to see me, she was like "so, how was it?" and all I could say was "Wow, soooo intense. Natural birth is certainly not for everyone!" And I believe that, because it IS such an intense experience that I felt like if someone weren't spiritually ready for that transformation, it could really rock their world!

Sadie

[thismama]

I learned:

- That yes it's overwhelming, the feeling, and best thing is to just ride with it.

- That pain and intensity does not mean anything bad, it means good, that your cervix is opening!

- That labour with unbroken waters is a lot gentler

- That prodromal labour really *does* do something

- That it hurt a lot less if I sort of opened my bottom, if that makes sense, like relax all the muscles down there during contractions

- Counterpressure is a lifesaver

- You really do get incredibly, unbelievably high right after natural labour, and it truly is the most amazing space from which to first lay eyes on a brand new child. It is the most awesomest feeling in the world.

[nuwavemomma]

Originally Posted by thismama

- You really do get incredibly, unbelievably high right after natural labour, and it truly is the most amazing space from which to first lay eyes on a brand new child. It is the most awesomest feeling in the world.

Yes. Couldn't have said that any better.



I also learned that thinking about it as being painful makes it harder. Once I got retuned towards thinking, "This is hard work!" it didn't seem unbearable at all.

Pee. A lot. Pushing on a not-empty bladder will cause you problems you don't want.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Do whatever you can to get baby into a favorable position before labor starts, because trying to turn a baby in labor sucks.

[amicamom]

With my first birth...

I learned that I don't like hospitals.

I learned that I don't like episiotomies.

I learned that pregnancy/birth is natural and pretty much happens on its own whether you do anything about it or not. I agree with the first post, that I learned that relaxing and "chilling" is a lot better than being all uptight and worried about breathing right, etc.

With my second birth...

I learned that home birth with a midwife is far better! :

I learned that recovery is so much faster and easier without an episiotomy.

I learned that false labor is common and to ignore early contractions. I will know when its the real thing!

I learned that relaxing and letting the pain come is much better than fighting it.

[Marysmama]

Wait until you feel the urge to push. You'll know.

With my first birth, I got to 10 cm and was desparate to start the process of pushing. So I did, and it felt like I was pushing against a brick wall. It took 20 min to push my first out. I had a 2nd degree tear.

With my second, I had gotten to 10 cm and was waiting for the doctor to finish with another delivery. The nurses weren't telling me not to push, they were just not encouraging me to. Well, because of that wait, I was able to feel the wonderful bearing down sensation. It's an unconrollable sensation that your body is doing for you. I felt every inch of him come out of me. My second child came out in 7 min. And he was 2.5 lbs bigger and I had no tearing at all.

So, try and WAIT to push!

[Vortexing]

Originally Posted by Sadie Lake

But, I've come to realize that part of the amazing thing about birth (especially natural birth) is that the pain is almost like one of those space age transporters of sorts, the medium through which you're transformed from being a maiden into a mother. I wouldn't take away the intensity of the experience even if I could, because I think it was like "walking through the fire" for me. I believe it helped me take more of a "mother bear" type of role as a parent, rather than turn my power over to my doctor (and drugs) and what "they" say and expect someone else to tell me what's right for my kid. Its like, once I went through the experience of giving birth, it struck me so deeply that it unlocked this place buried deep inside, the place of my true mother instinct and intuition. I really don't think I would have woken that part of myself up had I not experienced the intensity of a natural birth.

....And I believe that, because it IS such an intense experience that I felt like if someone weren't spiritually ready for that transformation, it could really rock their world!

Yes, yes, and yes. I guarantee you I would've been a different (and worse) mother than I am if I had gotten an epidural or had a c/s. It's amazing how much I personally NEEDED to go through it to get to the point where I became a "mother." No one ever "gets" it though, I'm glad though that someone does.

(and this is not to say if you didn't go through labor naturally, you're a bad mom, it's just what I personally needed).

-Oh, and yeah, only push with contractions, and you'll know when you need to.

-Also, trust your body until there's reason not to - we don't all fit into that model of laboring women, with distinct phases, an average "length", or whatever. I just about had an unplanned UC b/c my labor just did not "fit" what the midwives had discussed with us. It freaked me out at the time, but in hindsight I should've trusted my body.

-There is a difference between pain and suffering. You can feel and accept pain and work with it to get something done, but suffering gets you no where.

-The last thing is... sometimes you really don't know you're in labor. Everyone always laughs at 1st timers when you ask, "how will I know if I'm in labor?"... well, if you're weird, like me, you won't, but that is ok too, you just have to be flexible, b/c you never know what's coming.

[monkeymommy]

Originally Posted by amrijane128

Oh, and I learned not to be afraid of peeing or anything else while giving birth. It does not matter when you're pushing out a baby. REALLY. You don't care.

HA! I peed all over the nurse, was kind of embarrassed but at the time it really didn't matter.....I was pushing for 2.5 hours (DS was born face-up & they had induced me against my wishes, BAD thing to do!), so I was secretly a little bit smug about it. :

What I learned:

- Trust your instincts, NOT your OB or hospital staff (within reason, of course).

- Don't go to an OB or hospital if you can help it, unless you're lucky enough to find one who will respect your wishes.

- Write a birth plan well in advance, and discuss with your caregivers.

- "Giving birth" is not the same as "being delivered"...all I wanted was to give birth, I didn't realize I had to specify what "natural birth" meant when I got to the hospital. Birth is a beautiful, natural process...not a medical procedure.

- Regardless of what happens, try to relax, be as comfortable and positive as you can, and remember the most important thing is birthing a healthy, gorgeous little angel, whom you get to take home and love for the rest of your life. :

[amydidit]

Oh, another thing I learned. Birth is not a spiritual process to everyone. It certainly wasn't to me. I never felt like a high, or felt like I was transforming, etc. But that was okay.

[flowers]

I had a really eye-opening experience with my first birth. I was in the camp of "I can transcend the pain" and I think by denying it I made it so much worse. I was also very whiny and got too into it too early.

I learned a lot though because I was really able to look back when pregnant again and see what I wanted and what I didn't want. I prepared a lot emotionally for my 2nd birth and it ended up being the *BEST* and now I get why people say it doesn't hurt as much as you give in.

My first birth I kept saying, "No, no, no, stop, stop" and my second birth I said, "YES! YES! YES!" the whole time. I think there was only 10 minutes or so of that out of control scary feeling. The other 4 hours were fun time spent with my family getting excited about the baby coming.

[dogmom327]

--As soon as you think you might be in labor...sleep if you can! Don't worry about staying up to time anything...you won't sleep through giving birth

--Before hand, spend some time thinking about what labor might be like AND what pushing might be like. For some reason I'd done the former but didn't even consider the latter. Of course you often hear of people who push for 2 hours, etc. but I never considered what that might be like and consequently got frustrated after a few pushes. Also, consider what it might feel like to have a baby moving down, etc. I think this is my biggest regret. I got to the pushing part and just wasn't prepared for the sensations. Totally scared me (not like a fear of dying or anything, just more that I didn't know how to handle what I was experiencing).

--Have everything ready to go (particularly for a homebirth) earlier than you think you might need it. Once you go into labor, set up the camcorder, camera, etc. Don't wait. DS came 15 days early (first baby) and the last part of my 24 hour labor went very quickly so we thought we still had plenty of time to get stuff ready to go. It caused more chaos than was necessary right when I could no longer think clearly enough to say anything beyond "someone better be taping this".

--Plan to stay in bed for a week...I'm totally serious. It's easy to think you're fine and can be up doing anything and everything. It's not worth it though. Have a plan to allow you to get the maximum amount of rest possible. If you are one of those rare people who feel fantastic right away--good for you but odds are good you'll need your rest.

--Do not have anyone over whom you 1.) don't absolutely love and adore, 2.) won't be helpful while they are there. For example...not fond of DH's friend's wife. Having them over was a very bad idea. My best friend though came over and brought dinner, cleaned out my fridge (I had planned to do it the next day but baby came early), cleaned my bathroom, etc.