Race/skin color and the older toddler - funny story, but I could use some advice!

[Vortexing]

DD (a little over 2.5, but very very sensitive and talkative) and I went to the pool the other day at the gym. Afterwards I couldn't resist, so we sat and dunked our feet in the hot tub for a few minutes after we were done swimming.

Well a few people came and left while they waited for the lap lanes, and then this suuuuuper dark black guy came and got in. After a few minutes DD pointed to him and said, "Look a guy!"... and of course I agreed, but sort of wondered what she was up to. Then she says, "chocolate guy!"

I had such good intentions to be a great mom and say something really meaningful and perfect for the situation... but I ended up laughing and said yes, his skin IS the color of chocolate! All the while laughing b/c I kept thinking what would happen if a man made of chocolate got into a hot tub.... (sorry, I must be evil).

She's so little and after she said chocolate guy, I did notice that he was REALLY REALLY REALLY dark, which is probably why she noticed him. He was too far away to hear, but I wonder if he would've thought it was funny too... or if he would've assumed that me laughing was somehow racist.

So I started thinking about what I'm going to say when we really have this conversation and I could really use some insight. DH is brown (1/2 Filipino), I'm 1/2 Italian so fairly white but tan easily, and DD is fairly light but gets tan super fast too, so who knows how she'll end up. I guess I'm surprised she hasn't asked about her dad. I'm guessing with our family makeup, she won't ever think it's weird to have different skin, but still, I'd like to have some awesome, insightful things to say if it comes up. Anyone have any doozies???

[lifeguard]

When I was quite young we were in a waiting room & a lady who was a little person sat across from us. Apparently I watched her very intently for a bit & then said "Mommy, it's a little lady!"

The lady laughed & said 'it's ok - she's being observant & learning about the world."

I think that's a great attitude - kids don't say these things to be mean or rude - they're learning.

[sunnmama]

I always respond with "Isn't it wonderful how people come in so many different colors! (shapes, sizes)"

I don't think most adults would be offended by a small child making observations. Most have either had kids or been a kid , and know that kids say this kind of stuff.

[tanyalynn]

I don't have anything fancy or profound to say to my kids, I just talk about different skin pigments and melanin and stuff like that. My husband is Hispanic, of Mexican descent, and I'd say medium brown, I'm very pale Caucasian, and the kids are in-between, with my older being a bit darker than my younger. We talk about skin color in the normal course of events, with a bit thrown in about how I have freckles, so I have different amounts of pigment in different places, and link it to practical things that we already discuss like how I burn in the sun but they don't, and making vitamin D in the sun (as a health topic that actually just comes up naturally for us ) like that.

I don't remember how old my kids were when they started noticing that people have different skin colors--I'm sure my younger noticed sooner because it sometimes comes up talking with my older, but I can't even remember what year it was (my older just turned 5, for reference).

[j924]

My dd (who is biracial but very light skinned) used to refer to one of her friends as her little chocolate friend. He was twice her size which made it all the cuter. His parents also thought it was very sweet otherwise we would have stopped it. There was a book of photographs that my kids loved when they were young. It had a whole array of kids of color and a sweet poem that went along with it. It was by Sandra Pickney. Shades of Black. It's a really good way to introduce young kids to differences in skin color.

[jenners26]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to let you know you're not alone. DS and I have conversations all the time about "even if people look different on the outside, we're all the same on the inside," etc. etc.

BUT....we live in a verrrrrry small town with pretty much zero diversity. A few weeks ago we were at the supermarket, and a very elderly black woman walked past us and DS said VERY.LOUDLY, "I didn't know black people were allowed to shop here!" Oh.good.lord. I nearly died of embarassment, and stammered something about, "Of course. Everyone can shop here." It was hard to hear myself think over the roaring laughter of everyone else in the aisle with us.

When he was about four, he refused to say that he was white, and would always refer to himself as yellow. Once when we were at the playground and there was another couple there (white mother, black father) with their 1 year old daughter. He was playing with her and they were having a great time, and he asked the other mother, "Is your baby black or yellow?
Luckily, she thought it was hilarious, but I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

[milkybean]

My son has said some very literal things about skin colors, and no one has EVER been offended. They laugh, they talk more about it, they are fine. It's embarrassing for me, but the people he's said things like that about have never been offended.

So I've tried to reduce my reactions to it.