preschool and friends for a to be homeschooled 3yr old

[Margarita26]

hi everyone i wanted to get some opinions on something--

i have a 3 yr old and an 10 month old, live in london uk. we are definitely planning on unschooling them.

but, and maybe this sounds totally contradictory, im wondering if my son should go to preschool/nursery a few days a week.

as it is, i take them to the park usually once a day, which includes sometimes the local playgroup where there are lots of other kids. also he goes to swimming lessons at the community center and goes to a football/soccer club once a week. so he does interact with other kids and its fine but he doesnt have any friends, like that he sees regularly or meets up with. i dont see this as such a concern, most of the time but sometimes i worry and my husband does think we need to do something.

in england we get free nursery/preschool places for 3 year olds for 12 hours a week. everyone i know seems to think that their toddlers just love going and that its a great way for them to make friends, socialize etc.

i kinda feel like maybe i am just buying into the same old ideas that kids need school or school like institutions to be "socialized" properly and to have friends. but other times i worry that maybe he should have more friends and this would be a way to do it. and also he does enjoy doing activities with lots of kids and the nurseries i've heard about dont seem to have the same problems that schools for older kids do.

any one have any opinions or experience on this?

[lacysmommy]

I know my 4 year old loves getting out and playing with other kids her age. I've found it really difficult to find community activities that involve kids that age. I've signed the kiddos up for music & movement and kindergym through the city, but it seems as though there are very few 4 year olds, but lots and lots of 2 year olds (my younger DD is 2, so it's great for her, if she were to actually play with other kids that is!). It's frustrating for me because all she wants to do is play with someone else besides her sister once in a while. There is one other 4 year old that comes to the kindergym class, and when we were in gymnastics her class was all 3 and 4 year olds. Unfortunately we can't afford gymnastics right now, but we'll probably do that again when we have the money. Now we're involved in a one day a week co-op preschool which seems to be the perfect solution for us. I am actually considering having her go to kindergarten next year because of how social she is.

[Bird Girl]

My older child, DD, attended a play-based nursery school three days per week during her three-year-old and four-year-old years. We love our little school, and my son, who's now three, has been doing the same thing for four months. The teachers are nearly always "fresher" than I am, have loads of new ideas, and run some wonderful art and cooking activities. In addition, they have many more toys and materials than we do at home, so there's always something new to play with and explore.

I don't think that children require school for "socialization"--far from it, as we homeschool my older daughter full time. But she did make two very good friends at her preschool, with whom we still stay in touch. And my son is starting to make some good friends at school, too. Like any other activity, it can be very fun and interesting.

[Milakais]

OK, a few thoughts...

If you'd be sending him to preschool for the sake of making some long-term friends, what happens next year when his preschool friends all go on to "real" school? Are you going to feel okay with him not going with them? Do you think he'll feel okay with it? How's it going to feel when his friends are unavailable to play with during the day, 5 days a week?

Perhaps a better solution for him to make some consistent friends might be to start going out to some homeschooling groups. Then he'll have the chance to make friends with some other children who will continue to be homeschooled, won't pressure him to go to school next year or make him feel like he's missing out by not doing so, and will be available for play dates and social calls during the week in the years to come as well.

FTR, I certainly don't have any problem with my kids being friends with schooled children as well, but if I was going to be going out of my way to help him meet children to build friendships with, it'd make more sense, for the reasons above, for me to seek out some homeschooling peers. And, either way, personally I wouldn't put them into a school environment for the sake of meeting kids, any more than I would put them into kindergarten or grade school in later years for that purpose.

Also, is your son actively asking for friends or seeming unhappy with his current social situation, or is it just that you feel that he "should" have some consistent friends? If he's currently happy with things the way they are, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Three years old is still rather young; not all kids form long-term, consistent friendships at that age, nor feel the need to. As long as he's got other kids to play with sometimes, that may be enough, even if they're not "friends". So I'd take your own son's wishes into account when considering this.

[boigrrrlwonder]

[SagMom]

I completely agree with Milakais.

And, at 3, he's still a baby--it's not at all unusual for his family to be his playmates at this age. True friendship is very different from simply being in a group of other people and having playmates--he'll let you know when he needs more.

[marimara]

I've been following this thread since I have a 2 year old who will be homeschooled and have been thinking about this same thing. I found a local homeschool resource center who also has a one day a week preschool for ages 2-5. I think I will enroll her when she no longer uses diapers, somewhere around 3 (I hope!). Then when she is 5-ish she will switch over to the homeschool classes (also one day a week, or other days for special activities like karate, piano, etc.).

We do other weekly activities where the same kids are usually there, plus some new ones she hasn't met, like Library storytime (1x a week), Kindermusik (1x a week, seasonally), and a playgroup (1x a week). So she does get to play with the same children over and over. I, too, have wondered if she would be better off getting to know how to build a friendship. She has one friend that will be homeschooled and we meet with them often. The problem is that she actually doesn't get along that well with that particular girl So I'm cutting that down to occaisionally. Plus the mom is iffy as well (for me ). Other than that we don't know any other homeschoolers yet but I'm hoping the resource center will help us out in that department.

After I said all that, as long as your kid does some regular things there will probably be some of the same kids there week after week that your child can get to know better. HTH!

[birdie22]

My 4yo's friends are mostly the children of MY friends. We get together often, because we (the adults) want to meet up, and the children play together by default. We've been lucky that the children's personalities are compatible, and they have come to have a little friendship of their own. We all originally met at a mommy-and-me Weight Watchers meeting when the kids were 1-2 years old. Now we meet regularly at the library, the coffee shop or each others' homes for playdates.

We also go to several organized activities per week, but playtime is really when ds1 gets to explore social interaction.

It seems like it's good for him to have these little friends, if only so that I can point to them when people worry about his "socialization." Truthfully though, the playdates are more for my benefit.

[harmonyhobbit]

I don't see anything wrong with nursery if you *want* to take him. I know, for me, I'd feel tied down by the school schedule and commitment of getting him there and back everyday. And I'd miss him. But I know other parents enjoy a little kid-free time each day, and that's fine too.

I agree with PP that the friendships he makes will not be lasting ones. My 6 yr old lost his friends who went to school last year. We had friends in the homeschool group as well, and we are still close with some of them (we've moved) and we've made more. We're all on similar schedules, and that works better for us. I think there's a very different approach to life when you homeschool. Days are for getting out and doing things with peers (mine and theirs) and evenings/weekends are for family time.

[boigrrrlwonder]

I guess my question is: if you can't afford classes and the like to send your kid, where does your kid make friends? We go to story time, but it's not really structured in a way that's conducive to starting friendships - or maybe we just haven't clicked with anyone? I'm already stressing out about the not-sending-her-to-preschool thing (especially since there's free preschool where we live) because I worry we just can't afford the kind of social opportunities other homeschooling families have.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by boigrrrlwonder

I guess my question is: if you can't afford classes and the like to send your kid, where does your kid make friends?

The neighborhood, the park, joining a homeschool group or scouts, starting a playgroup...

And your financial situation 5 or 10 years down the road might not be the same as it is now.

We go to story time, but it's not really structured in a way that's conducive to starting friendships - or maybe we just haven't clicked with anyone?

Your child's not yet 2, right? There's loads of time for her to make friends. When she's older, it'll be clear which kids she gets along with and which are not a good fit and you can make plans to meet up with the kids she's interested in playing with. I promise, it will look different a few years down the road when she's able to talk and get to know other kids, have a desire to play with them cooperatively and express that to you.

I don't think babies need a peer-based social life.

[SamGroom]

I didn't get to read all the replies, but wanted to say we do a Homeschool co-op with 6 other moms and LOVE it.

Here is the ciriculum we use but you could make your own. We plan on unschooling so we like this one. No 123 or ABC it is all about teaching values...honesty, candor,charity,service....

http://www.valuesparenting.com/joysc...sjoyschool.php


all seven kids attend twice a week at a moms home, so we eack teach once every 6 weeks.