Girls Only Birthday Party...? - Page 3

[woodchick]

One thought that I have is that although these two girls are some of your DS's best friends, maybe he is lower on their list than they are on his. y'know? I know I've had friends that I felt were very close to me that had other friends that were closer to them.

[mamazee]

My daughter would love a karate party, but if it were a boy party she wouldn't get invited, and she's never gotten bent out of shape over not getting invited to a party either.

There's a real sense of entitlement here. No one is entitled to go to any party.

[Tracy]

We have had all boy parties. Not that we were doing anything that special but sometimes the energy of the boys just needs to be with boys. the zooming is so strong....sigh.

we have some girl twins at our school and they had a girl party that just was the talk of the whole class. DS didn't give two shakes about it.

I think it really is all about the kid. Some care some don't...and mothering those differences is tricky. hugs!

[fireant]

Originally Posted by amcal

This is such a stretch I don't even know where to begin.

No one is saying a boy can't enjoy a tea party or that a girl should not do karate. Where in the world did you get that? I said my DD would not enjoy a karate party. And, that's her right.

All that was said is that for this one 2 hour time period there is going to be a party for just girls. That's it. No huge societal implications. Just one little party.

The little boy in question is certainly welcome to invite anyone he wants over for a tea party. But, to have such a sense of entitlement to be outraged and assume that he should be invited to the party, no matter what, is what my issue is. This little girl and her family have the right to have whatever party they want, to invite who ever they want. It has nothing to do with equality.

Agreed.

Even if it was a trucks and monsters party it could still be girl only. Regardless of theme it can be one sex only.

I go to the Michigan Womyn Music Festival in August. It's a women only space. I also support equal rights. Defining a space doesn't have anything to do with equal rights.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by soso-lynn

Not as a rule. It may happen that way out of pure randomness but never on purpose.

You've never gone on a girls night out? While I might not do it often there is something wonderfully relaxing to hang out for an afternoon/evening with just my sisters or girlfriends - has nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with wanting to share some special time with the women I am closest to in my life. Last night my sisters, mom, cousin and I went to see Wicked. On the car ride home we laughed and talked about stuff that we would have never talked about in front of our spouses. Doesn't mean that we don't love them, just that we wanted a night with just the girls and we had a fabulous time!

Honestly, I don't understand what is wrong with inviting just boys or just girls to a party - in many cases the host does not have the ability to invite unlimited guests and choosing only boys/girls seems to be a safe way to hurt as few of feelings as possible.

[ZanZansMommy]

Originally Posted by soso-lynn

You are completely missing the point.

No I believe you are.

Segregation is never equal

.
This is NOT segregation. It's a flippin' child b-day party where they had a theme.

The very fact that you want to see certain activities as for girls and others for boys is discrimination.

She didn't say that. Maybe your DS would LOVE the activities at a tea party but the fact is, MOST, at least the ones we know, would not. Doesn't mean these ARE girl crafts, but most girls like to do them & of course some do not.

The only reason a 4 year old boy would not want to do a tea party would be because his parents have been working hard to engrain masculinity and the gender binary in them

.

Excuse my french but that's Bull crap. Have you ever heard of innate? Someoething someone is just naturally born with. My DS has been given a baby doll, crafts, a tea set, dress up clothes & whatnot & he wants NOTHING to do with them. All he wants are trucks & cars. This is not because we have tried to engrain him with masculinity. On the contrary, we have surrounded him with many different things that would be considered feminine & he also has an older sister who has dolls & such. He wants trucks. It's his own doing.

If you are not living in a world bent on upholding gender differences, there is no need to make any special arrangements for kids of any gender.

But the thing is there are gender differences. Like them or not; they exist. Knowing my DD's male friends, I am sure none of them would've been happy to go home with a purse, pearls & lacy gloves.

How can a 4 year old even have a concept of gender if it does not come from his parents and society's enforcement of gender roles?

Kids aren't stupid. My DS3 knows he's a boy & his sister is a girl. We don't enforce any gender roles in our home, but my DS is very adamant about the things he does want (trucks) & the things he doesn't (dolls).

Seriously, how do you not see that telling a boy that he would not like a tea party because he is not a girl is the exact same thing as telling a girl that she should not do karate because it is for boys or that she should try to make herself attractive to boys.
In this day and age, I find such opinions very scary

Who said to tell the boy he wouldn't like a tea party? And Why is it that having a birthday party has had to become socially acceptable/inclusive to all? Talk about entitlement

My DD has varying levels of friendship with kids. We didn't invite everyone she's ever been or is currently friends with. That's life. Doesn't mean we don't like you; doesn't mean you're a boy & oh can't come. Just means it's our party we can do what we want. It turned out to be all girls. My DD is closer with her girl friends.

And the comment that girls should make themselves attractive to boys doesn't even deserve a response. Whatever.

[eclipse]

I'm really suprised that so many people at MDC would be so nonchalant about segregation based on gender. What if someone decided to cut their guest list by inviting only those of a specific ethnicity or religion? And why would gender be any different?

[Mama Shifra]

I am sorry that your son felt excluded.

I happened to have thrown my 8 year old daughter an all girls party this year, but it had more to do with finances than a theme. It was just a regular birthday party with pin the tail on the donkey, ring toss, and concentration as the games and crafts for the other activities. The school rule in her school is that you have to invite everyone in the class for a party, unless you only invite one gender. Since we could not afford to make a party for her whole class (plus we have no room for all of them either--we live in a townhoue), we had to cut the list somewhere.

[amcal]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I'm really suprised that so many people at MDC would be so nonchalant about segregation based on gender. What if someone decided to cut their guest list by inviting only those of a specific ethnicity or religion? And why would gender be any different?

It would depend upon the intent. If my husband was having a superbowl party with beer and chips and only invited his male friends, that would be fine. If I was having an afternoon tea and only invited my girlfriends, again, fine. But, if we were having a bbq at our house and made the conscious decision to exclude our neighbors because they were hispanic or gay or whatever - it would be completely different.

There are times when it is completely appropriate to tailor your guest list to the type of event you are having and there is nothing segregationist about it.

If I was having a pig roast in my back yard, would it be segregationist to not invite my vegetarian friends? If I was having a religious Christmas celebration, would it be segregationist to not invite my atheist friends?

[riverscout]

Originally Posted by boatbaby

I guess I have never heard of a same sex only party before except when kids are MUCH older. So this hit me as a surprise and I found it kind of stupid. But it seems from the responses here I guess it's normal.

who knew?

I didn't know either. And I too find it really strange that kids would start segregating themselves by sex at such a young age or that their parents would make a guest list based on the sex of the children.

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter went to the birthday party of a her four year old friend who is a boy. I can't imagine if it had been boy only and I had to tell her she wasn't invited because she's a girl. Yuck! I'm sorry your little boy is confused by this. It stinks!

[karemore]

It's just as common around here for kids to have all girl/boy parties or mixed.

We recently went to a Barbie Princess Bday party which was all girls, and next weekend we're going to a Scooby Doo party which is mixed (birthday child is girl).

While DD has both boy and girl friends, we have only ever been invited to girl's parties.

We have another princess BDay party coming up in January.

Sorry your DS's feeling were hurt! It really would have been kinder to take down the decorations before having him over.

[ZanZansMommy]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I'm really suprised that so many people at MDC would be so nonchalant about segregation based on gender. What if someone decided to cut their guest list by inviting only those of a specific ethnicity or religion? And why would gender be any different?

It's their party. They can do what they'd like.

I socialize mainly with homeschooling families. We have some public schooled friends that we socialize with but not as frequently as out HD friends. My DD is friendly with her public schooled friends, but closer with her HS friends. So naturally her party would consist of those friends she's closer to: her HS friends. Are we segregating ourselves from PS kids? No. We just happen to spend more time with our HS friends & we like them better. So what.

My DH & I are both physicians. Most of our friends are physicians. When we go to an adult party, guess who's there? Mostly physicians. We have commonality, so we associate with one another. How is this any different?

I hoenstly think some of you are looking at this as black or white with no in between.

[ZanZansMommy]

Originally Posted by amcal

It would depend upon the intent. If my husband was having a superbowl party with beer and chips and only invited his male friends, that would be fine. If I was having an afternoon tea and only invited my girlfriends, again, fine. But, if we were having a bbq at our house and made the conscious decision to exclude our neighbors because they were hispanic or gay or whatever - it would be completely different.

There are times when it is completely appropriate to tailor your guest list to the type of event you are having and there is nothing segregationist about it.

If I was having a pig roast in my back yard, would it be segregationist to not invite my vegetarian friends? If I was having a religious Christmas celebration, would it be segregationist to not invite my atheist friends?

Exactly!

[fireant]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I'm really suprised that so many people at MDC would be so nonchalant about segregation based on gender. What if someone decided to cut their guest list by inviting only those of a specific ethnicity or religion? And why would gender be any different?

I support the women of color and the jewish women tent at the Womyn's Fests too. I see nothing wrong in wanting to spend an intimate time with people who share an experience.

[TCMoulton]

My daughter was free to invite anyone she wanted to her birthday party - while one of her closest friends at school is a boy she chose to invite only girls as she is having a dress up party and she said that her boy friend doesn't like dress up! Her decision, her birthday - why would I force her to include people at her party just to make sure that no one can accuse me of discrimination.

Calling an all boy or all girl birthday party segregation is ridiculous in comparison to true examples of segregation in our country's history - a little boy not being invited to a princess tea party is not even a blip on the segregation radar in my opinion.

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by eclipse

I'm really suprised that so many people at MDC would be so nonchalant about segregation based on gender. What if someone decided to cut their guest list by inviting only those of a specific ethnicity or religion? And why would gender be any different?

It's just a child's birthday party. It will last a couple of hours and then it's over.

Originally Posted by ZanZansMommy

It's their party. They can do what they'd like.

I agree.

[octobermom]

The only reason a 4 year old boy would not want to do a tea party would be because his parents have been working hard to engrain masculinity and the gender binary in them

not at all true. My mother runs a licenced preschool (not day care) out of our home it started when my older brother was 4 and she still does it today. thats at least 30 years of 4 year old boys comming through. While I'm sure some were told at home boys don't play tea or such I guartentee not all did and while yes some loved the dolls and dishes the vast majority did all the preconcieved BOY stuff, they used the ovens as space ships and when playing house wanted to play the role of the dog and, baby strollers turn into race cars ect.

Deanna

[octobermom]

I'm honestly suprised that people here consider a boy or girl only party as that strange. I know I've seen quite a few posts where a few common suggestions for limiting party sizes concerning entire classrooms is to eaither invite as many guest per age (thats what we did) or eaither all boys or all girls and no one seemed to think those were weird suggestions.

[l_olive]

Originally Posted by kamilla626

I agree with Ruthla & amcal. It's not that big of a deal to me.

As adults, there are often parties that are just for women or just for guys. Jewelery parties, or "drink beer and watch the game" gatherings - that kind of thing. I think it's reasonable for kids to want the same kind of thing sometimes.

I'm beginning to see why I never go to parties. I would hate a jewelry party, but the guys do the "boys only " thing and don't invite me to drink beer and watch the game - which I would love!

My son is going to face the same difficulty, I guess. He doesn't enjoy most rough and tumble stuff, so many of his best friends are girls. So, if they all do girls only parties, he'll be excluded by both genders.

[Kushali]

Here's another thought, maybe the birthday girl wanted to invite your son but didn't want to invite any other boys. It sounds like your son would be okay with that but a lot of other kids wouldn't and perhaps the family chose not to invite him so he wouldn't be the only boy.

In my mind I don't see this as any different than having a sleep over and only inviting the girls. People may limit the guest list in seemingly arbitrary ways for reasons that have nothing to do with what boys or girls shouldn't do. And that isn't necessarily discrimination.